Edit My Life
by djoneal
Summary: Bella, after having her life ripped apart, moves to Portland in an attempt to escape her shattered dreams and stalker of an ex. Broken and disillusioned, will she be able to pick up the pieces and start anew? Will she ever trust enough to love again?
1. The Arrival

**AN: So this is my very first attempt at a fanfic. Please bear with me while I get into the rhythm of it. Feel free to leave any comments or reviews. I love feedback, negative or positive. But I do have to say for all those who don't like my work—tough noogies. I'm having fun and I ain't stopping till I'm done! And for all those who do like it…well, I can't fault your taste! Remember this is all for fun, so enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns these characters. I'm just taking them out for a spin.**

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**BPOV**

I unlocked the door of my new apartment, dropping my bag just inside with a loud thud. I took a moment just to stand and absorb my surroundings. It was a nice open space. The furniture was sparse, but I wasn't too concerned about that. I didn't need much, and I could (just barely) afford a few extra items if I needed to. But there was quiet. Wonderful, peaceful quiet. That was what I needed.

"Bells!"

I barely had time to turn between the bellowing of my name and my sudden enclosure in the biggest, warmest bear hug I'd ever received. I smiled, wrapping my arms around the solid body. Jake had been so wonderful to me these past months—the pillar of strength I'd so desperately needed to hold myself together. And now here I was, having finally made the move from Phoenix to Portland, and he was so graciously letting me share his apartment with him. The low rent fee was certainly going to help with my suddenly tight budget.

"Jake, it's so good to see you."

"Too long, Bells. You were away too long this time."

"Ah, but I'm here for good now."

He grinned and released me. I dragged in the large gulp of breath I hadn't been able to manage during his rib-crushing embrace.

"Yeah, you are, and you're all mine now. I can keep you locked up in here as long as I want."

I smacked his arm playfully. "You know this is simply a living arrangement that currently suits us both. I'll come and go as I please, buster. Once I find a job that is…."

"You'll find one, no worries. And it's not like there's any rush. I told you I'd help you out, and this place is paid up for the next couple months anyway."

"I appreciate it, Jake, but I told you I'd pay my own way. I don't want charity."

His face fell into that adorable crushed little boy look that I could never resist. "It's not charity, Bells. You've had a rough time recently. I just want to be here for you."

I sighed. "I know, Jake. Let's just get all this stuff unpacked and we can argue over the finer details later."

His grin returned. He gave me another quick squeeze then rushed down to retrieve the rest of my luggage. I shook my head. He always managed to get around me and he was much too aware of his ability. From below came the muted sounds of wrenches clanging, drill bits spinning, and motors revving up. Okay, so maybe living above an auto repair garage wasn't the most quiet place in the world, but compared to downtown Phoenix it was like a vacuum tube of silence. I reveled in it.

I turned as Jake clomped back up the stairs with the rest of my luggage. My eyes widened and I rushed to relieve him of some of it.

"Jesus, Jake, you didn't have to bring it all up at once!"

"Why make two trips when you can make one?"

I tugged at one of the cases. "You can't carry four suitcases up a flight of stairs by yourself, for Christ's sake. What if you'd fallen?"

"Stop pulling at it, Bella. I got it."

I dropped my hands uselessly and watched him dump my belongings in a heap next to the bag I'd left by the door. For the first time I noticed how large his muscles had gotten. They were practically bulging out of his shirt.

"Holy fuck, Jake! What have you been doing the past three years? Sucking down steroids?"

He shrugged, actually blushing a little. "I've taken on a lot more work in the shop, Bells. It's not exactly lightweight stuff."

Jake's dad owned the repair shop. He rented out the apartment above to his son, which was why the rent was so cheap. After Billy's accident Jake had been forced to take on most of the work himself. He practically ran the place now, as well as doing most of the mechanic work himself. And he was a hell of a mechanic.

"You don't get all that just from fixing cars, sweetpea."

He lifted another shoulder. "I've been working out a little, too."

Ah. So that was it. He was still trying to impress Nessie. I didn't say anything. We both knew that Jake had been hopelessly in love with my oblivious cousin ever since I could remember. She'd never seemed to notice his existence. Poor Jake. God knew why he was so in love with her. Nessie seemed too involved with her hair and fancy men to make time for a poor mechanic on the other side of town. He always insisted that there was more to her than I thought. Well, if there was then she hid it well. I'd known her all my life and never believed her to be more than a superficial twit. But I guess we can't help who we fall in love with. I knew that all too well.

"Come on. Let me show you your room so we can get you all settled in."

I smiled, allowing him to change the subject. "Lead on, hot cheeks."

He grinned, remembering the reference from our younger years. It was nothing sexual, of course. It derived from one summer when we were thirteen and I'd dared him to see how long he could hold a mouthful of hot sauce in his mouth without swallowing or spitting it out. He'd lasted all of five seconds and spent the rest of the day complaining that his cheeks were on fire. I'd called him hot cheeks ever since. In the same manner he had a tendency to call me Legs. I used to be all arms and legs and clumsy as hell with it. Well, I may have grown nicely into my appendages but I was still clumsy as hell.

It took us most of the rest of the day to get all my stuff situated, but by evening my sheets and comforters were stretched across my new bed, my toiletries were stored in the bathroom, and most of my bags were unpacked. I still had one bag of clothes to unload and a few boxes of books and things that were still in the process of being shipped up, but all in all I felt nicely settled in. And hungry.

I stretched my back. "You've been a great help, Jake. Let me treat you to dinner. I'm starved."

He grabbed up our jackets. "I could eat a mountain lion. Come on, I know this great little place."

Within minutes we were seated in a quaint little diner. I smiled as I took in the charm of the place. It was one of those places you rarely expected to see in the 21st century. Wooden tables and checkered table cloths. Norman Rockwell copies on the walls. Glass ketchup bottles. There was even a working jukebox in the corner. I loved it.

We sat there a while after we'd finished eating, just chatting and catching up. We'd kept up correspondence over the years but it wasn't the same thing as face to face. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed my ball of sunshine. He was such a warming presence to be in. It almost made me forget the pains of this past year.

"I still can't believe you practically run your own business, Jake. You're only twenty two!"

"It's not all that much really. Dad still does most of the paperwork and stuff. I just do the work and deal with the customers."

"And schedule the appointments, talk to insurance companies, haggle with the parts dealers…"

He shrugged it off. "How bout you? Think you might start writing again since you're kinda at loose ends?"

I grew quiet, not wanting to think about it just yet. I was just trying to take things one day at time. At the moment I'd be happy with any old job that would bring in an income and take my mind off things for a short while. As for writing, well, that part of my life might very well be over. Jacob leaned forward and grabbed my hand.

"Jesus, Bells, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to bring all that up."

"It's ok, Jake, I understand. But, no, I don't think I'll be writing for a while. Who knows? Maybe this place could use a new waitress. I really like it here."

"Right. I can just see you stumbling through the aisle ways, tripping over chair legs, and spilling trays of food all over the customers."

My watery smile turned into a real laugh at the imagery. God love Jake. "Ouch, man! I'm not that bad anymore."

"Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it."

And that's how we were sitting, both laughing, Jake's hand on mine, when he walked in. He had to have been the most gorgeous specimen of male perfection I had ever laid my eyes on. Tall and lean with just that hint of strength that made you want to rip his clothes off just to see how defined those muscles were. Sensuous lips, a chiseled jaw, a straight and arrogant nose, and eyes that made me think of a wild jungle. A hot and steamy wild jungle. Then there was that shock of copper hair that topped his head in a total disarray—the kind that said he'd just rolled out of bed and not alone. I'd never seen a shade quite like it.

And I could not believe the direction my thoughts had taken. What was wrong with me? After the experience I had been through I hadn't thought I would ever want a man again, let alone so soon after the near collapse of my sanity. It made no sense that in my condition I should react so strongly to a complete stranger. But then I wasn't thinking with the logical part of my brain, was I? I was thinking with my girl bits. And they were loud and insistent. Well, they could just shut the fuck up because I wasn't interested and that was that. And still my eyes tracked the man until he sat in a corner booth to apparently await his dinner company.

"Bella? Bells? Bella!"

Jake was snapping his fingers at me. I snapped my attention back to him.

"Huh? What'd you say?"

"I asked if you were ready to get of here?"

"Huh? Oh. Yeah. Sure. Let me just get the bill quick."

"I already got it while you dazed out into your twilight zone coma."

"Jake, you bum, I said dinner was on me!"

"Don't sweat it. I know you're a little hard up right now and things have been good at the shop. You can make it up to me sometime by making that kick-ass chicken stuff you make."

"The roasted chicken with garlic sauce?"

"Yeah, that's it! And those little red potato things would be great with it!"

I laughed. "Okay, hot cheeks, you got it."

"And how bout some of that French silk pie you make?"

"You were doing well for a minute there, cowboy, but now you're pushing your luck."

"You know you'll make it for me. You love me too much."

He was right. I would end up making it for him eventually. Partly because I loved him and partly because it was the least I owed him after all he'd done for me. But damned if I was going to tell him I would. His ego didn't need any more stroking. Jake moved to hold the door open for me and I nearly bumped into the woman coming in. I stepped back, trying to keep my jaw from falling slack. She was drop-dead gorgeous. Tall and curvy in all the right places, she walked into the restaurant in her four-inch heeled boots as if she owned the place. Blond shampoo-ad hair fell in soft curls around the kind of face you only ever saw in magazines. I felt like Cinderella's ugly sisters standing next to her. Not that it took much to make me feel that way these days, but I thought even Aphrodite herself would feel insignificant standing next to this chick. She looked around for a moment before clicking her way over to the man in the corner. My girly parts were saying that figures even as my brain was telling them I didn't give a damn. Jake let out a soft whistle beside me.

"Pick your jaw up off the floor, hot cheeks. She's not only taken but completely out of your league. I think even a mechanic with your skills would have trouble servicing that one. She's got high maintenance written all over her."

He tossed me a saucy grin. "Oh, I think I could service her just fine."

I shook my head. "You're a sick man, my friend. Let's get you home before the drool starts running down your chin."

Even as I ridiculed Jake I couldn't seem to help throwing one last look over my shoulder. Mr. Perfect was rising to meet the girl, taking her hands and leaning in to kiss her cheek. They looked like Aphrodite and Adonis. And it didn't make one bit of difference to me right? I didn't even have an interest in finding Mr. Right. Mr. Perfect was definitely out of the question.


	2. Calamity Jane

**AN: Since this is my story's big debut I've decided to post the first two chapters together. From here on out I hope to keep up a steady schedule of posting a new chapter every week. I can't guarantee that'll happen since I suck with sticking to timetables, but I'll do my best. For all those who've taken a liking to my story I hope you stick with me. I've got big plans for it!**

**BPOV**

I pulled my beat up little Honda beside the garage after a long, disparaging day of job searching. I pulled out the little bag of groceries and walked around the building to tell Jake not to make plans for dinner. I had all the fixings for the chicken and potatoes he had wanted. I stopped short when I reached the front. No. Fucking. Way. There stood Jake, lovingly caressing a silver Aston Martin convertible. Handing him the keys was the blond bombshell.

"I'm dropping this off for my fiancé. I'm told you're the best mechanic around. How long do you suppose it will take?"

Jake scratched his head, never taking his eyes off the car. "Well, I'll have to run an initial inspection, but it should take no longer than a day for me to get you an estimate on time and expense."

"And you'll be doing all the work yourself? They said _you_ were the best. I don't want any other mechanics touching this car."

"Oh, you have my guarantee I'll be taking care of this baby personally."

"Excellent. You have my number. I'll expect your call before five tomorrow."

"Sure thing, Miss Hale. Count on it."

I stood transfixed as I watched her sashay away on her killer heels and slide into a black BMW driven by another sexy as hell stud with blond ringlets that did absolutely nothing to take away from the male ruggedness of his features. What the hell? Was there a Beautiful People R Us somewhere around here that I was totally oblivious to? The BMW sped away shooting gravel into the air. I turned to find Jake still making love to the car. I had to laugh. Only Jake would be too distracted by a car to watch the swaying hips of that woman walking away.

"Hey, lover-boy! I got the fixings for your fantasy meal tonight. Got any plans?"

"Bella, come check out this car. You just have to touch it. It's unbelievable."

I laughed. "Not until it buys me dinner first. So how bout it? Chicken and redskins tonight?"

He finally looked up. "Yeah, that sounds awesome. How was the job hunting today?"

I groaned. "Don't remind me."

"That bad?"

"I was this close to putting in my app for a salesperson at a shoe store."

Jake burst out laughing. "A shoe store? What a horrible waste of a master's degree in publishing. Besides, you wouldn't know a stiletto from a skimmer."

"To be honest I'm a little frightened that you do. All right, hot cheeks, I'ma head up to get started on this feast. Careful that you don't wear out your new lady too much."

"Oh, I'll be real careful with this beauty. Go ahead up, Legs. I shouldn't be more than another half hour or so."

I climbed the stairs humming, despite the current hopelessness of my career options. It had been much too long since I had felt this content, this relaxed, this normal. Moving here had definitely been the best decision for me.

Two hours and nearly a whole chicken later Jake and I reclined on the futon that served both as our living room couch and a guest bed should we ever have company over. Jake placed his hands over his bloated stomach and let out a groan of pure, over-glutted satisfaction.

"I can't believe you ate over half a chicken, Jake!"

"What can I say, Bells? I've missed your cooking." He flexed his arm. "Besides, it takes a lot of protein to fuel these guns."

I smacked his arm away. "All right, enough with the artillery already. Put it away, muscles."

Jake dropped his arm and turned his attention back to our little twenty four inch screen. I knew I was in trouble when he tried to adopt his indifferent, just-flapping-the-gums attitude. Jake really sucked at trying to make a serious concern sound like idle interest.

"So…you talked to Charlie yet? You know, let him know you're back and all?"

I sighed. "No, I haven't contacted him yet. I'll get around to it eventually."

Jake jerked his shoulder. "Yeah, sure, I know you will. I just thought he'd like to know you're here, that's all."

"I bet. I'm just not ready to talk to him yet, Jake. I'm still reeling from all this, you know? I don't need the added stress."

Jake finally turned to me in all seriousness. "He's your dad, Bella. You two might have your issues, but I know if you just let him in he'd want to do everything he could to be there for you. He cares about you, Bells. I hear him talking to Billy about you all the time. Have you even told him about any of this shit that's been going on?"

"No," I mumbled. "I didn't want him getting all upset and police chief over it. There's nothing he could have done."

"Yeah, I get it. I just think you should give him a chance is all."

"I will, Jake. I'm just not there yet. I need some time."

Jake wrapped his arm around my shoulders and squeezed. "Take all the time you need, sweetie. You know I'm not going anywhere."

I leaned my head against his shoulder and let the soothing effects of his presence seep into me. I couldn't even begin to say where I would be right now without Jake. A mess undoubtedly. Letting him comfort me like this, unloading all the weight of my baggage on him when I knew he already had a load of his own and was pretending for my sake like he didn't made me feel like a shitpot of a friend. I was entirely too screwed up to offer any kind of consolation to him. It was almost enough to make me want to walk away and unburden him of all my emotional turmoil. Almost, but not quite. I needed him too much. We'd both been royally fucked over when it came to relationships, but mine was so much more recent and traumatic. Sometimes I wondered why Jake and I had never hooked up. I knew he'd be the best boyfriend a woman could ever ask for, but somehow I couldn't get past the idea that kissing him would be like kissing my brother. We'd basically grown up together. Played and pranked and bickered together. It would just be gross. I was pretty certain Jake felt the same way. We were just too close to be…well, close. But it was good just to have each other, whatever the capacity.

I awoke early the next morning, ready to start my job hunt anew. Jake's comment the other day had gotten to me, and I had decided I wasn't going to settle for a run-of-the-mill, just get me a paycheck job after all. I had worked too hard for my masters, filling my schedules with way too many courses so I could graduate a year early and start my career, to let it go to waste. I wasn't going to let _Him_ take that away from me too. I was a damned good editor and would find myself a position in a publishing if it killed me. Even if I had to settle for some small local deal.

I put on my best suit, the only one I'd ever allowed myself to purchase for more than $100. (Five years of high quality education racked up some serious debts.) It was modest and well tailored, designed to complement the figure without over-stating it. The pencil skirt fell halfway down my thighs with a side slit just shy of being scandalous. The silk blouse draped perfectly over my chest and felt like sensuous butter against my skin. The single button jacket emphasized the narrowness of my waist. There had been a time when putting on this suit made me feel both sexy and powerful, feminine but professional. It irked me that now I could only look in the mirror and pick out the flaws. My hips were too narrow, my legs were too thin. The weight that I'd lost brought a bony fragility to my shoulders. I wondered if I would ever gain my self-confidence back. It was something which I had allowed _Him_ to take from me, and it seemed I was completely incapable of reclaiming it. Ah, well. It was no longer about my physical appeal. I reminded myself that I no longer cared about that. Today was about my professional appeal.

I coiled my hair into a low bun, slipped into a pair of sensible pumps, and dabbed on the bare minimum of make-up—a touch of mascara and a bit of lip gloss. Blusher was a lost cause on me. With the paleness of my complexion it would only serve to make me look like one of those hobo clowns. I grabbed an energy bar and a bottle of orange juice and headed down to let Jake know I was leaving. He was already hard at work in the garage. I swear that boy got up with the birds just to play with his cars. It worried me that he worked too hard, but I was glad he found so much enjoyment in it.

"Hey, hot cheeks!" I shouted over the noise of the stereo and the sounds of the engines. Jake pulled his head out from under the hood of the Aston Martin.

"Wow, Legs, are you looking hot! If you don't get hired today then all the men out there must have gone gay."

I laughed. "Thanks, but I'd rather get hired on the assets of my brain than those inside my bra. Besides, employers are not entirely men these days. We're living in the 21st century, sweetpea. Women hold positions of power too."

"Well, in that suit I'm sure you'll find plenty of men willing to let you hold a position of power."

"Whatever. Put your caveman head back inside that engine where it belongs. I'm out of here!"

"Good luck, sweetcakes!"

I waved my hand in the air and walked off towards my car. I began a mantra inside my head. _I am a brilliant, qualified editor. Anyone would be a fool not to hire me. I will find a job today. _Positive attitudes reap positive results, right? I just hoped my potential employers were more fooled by my positive attitude than I was. I was a bundle of self-deprecating nerves underneath that upbeat facade.

By the end of the day I was a little surprised, and a lot discouraged, by how few editing positions there were in a city the size of Portland. I'd even forced myself to apply to a few local newspapers despite the fact that I'd graduated with a major in editing and writing and a minor in business and marketing and had experience in a large publishing firm whose clientele had entailed several popular novelists and magazines.

My chest ached a bit as I thought of my previous employment. I'd been so excited to land a position in such a lucrative company. It was rare for a fresh graduate with so little experience to be placed so well so quickly. I knew the glowing reference from my professor and the influence from my chief-of-police father had been a major factor, but my credentials had stood on their own and my quick progression through the company had been achieved on my own merit. I could never have dreamed to ascend to the role of Creative Director in the span of two years. But the bubble of my dream had all too quickly been popped. Someone definitely had it right in that old adage: he who sits highest topples easiest.

I stood on the sidewalk, gazing up at my last stop for the day and also my dimmest hope. Cullen Publishing. It was an even larger, more prestigious firm than the one I had last worked. From all rumors they were extremely selective and had a grueling interviewing process. Several of my coworkers had applied for Cullen Publishing. They'd told horror stories of the inquisitions they'd faced here. Cullen Publishing only ever chose the best. I was good, damned good, but I didn't know if I could consider myself the best. Again, there was that damn self-doubt creeping in. But even if I was good enough for Cullen Publishing, there were definitely some major black marks in my work history if they looked hard enough. And they seemed the type to look hard. I figured there was no harm in putting my app in, but I was in no way holding my breath on this one.

Well, it was now or never. Never sounded pretty good to me, but I'd promised myself not to back down today. I hated to break a promise, especially to myself. I uselessly tried to tuck back in some of the loose strands of hair that had fallen from my coil throughout the day. Then with a bracing breath I retrieved my "positive mindset", raised my chin, set my shoulders, and strode through the double glass doors. A lovely young lady with a nameplate that ready Angela smiled at me from the front desk. Her kind approachability was like a life boat among my sea of nausea.

"Hi! How may I help you?"

"Um, who do I talk to about putting in an application?"

"What position are you looking for?"

I laughed. "Editing primarily but I'll take just about anything."

She smiled. "Well, I don't recommend the printing floor. Those guys can be real poachers."

"Thanks for the advice. I'll take all I can get. So do I meet with someone, or should I just give my application to you?"

"I'll take it for you and ensure that it reaches the right person. If you don't hear anything within the week feel free to call in an inquiry. The top guys really appreciate perseverance."

I pulled a slim folder out of my brief case and handed it to her, my racing heart finally slowing to a trot. Her open friendliness had gone a long way to relieve some of the butterflies in my stomach. I only hoped that the owners of this company were as kind and thoughtful as the people they employed. Perhaps the horror stories I'd heard weren't so true after all.

"Thanks," I said. "I have to tell you you're really great with the front desk here. It's been such a long day, and I was so nervous when I came in here, and you completely blew all those nerves away. Even if I don't get a job here I'm going to remember you for a long time. I can't tell you what a relief it is to meet someone so nice after some of the hard-asses I've dealt with today."

She grinned. "Thanks, that's so nice! You won't believe how many people just overlook the secretary. It's like I'm just a piece of office furniture around here. Especially those best-selling writers! It's like they expect you to bow down and kiss their shoes. Oh, God, you're not a writer are you?"

I laughed. "No, not really. But I know exactly what you mean. I've dealt with my share of temperamental artists. They can be so high maintenance."

"I know, right! Well, I hope you get the job. It'll be so nice to have another down-to-earth person among this field of snobs." She patted the folder and winked at me. "I'll be rooting for you!"

"Thanks. It's been really nice meeting you. But I better get out of here before someone overhears us bad-mouthing the clientele."

Angela chuckled. "Yes, go. It's been a pleasure to meet you too. I'll look forward to seeing you again."

"Bye!"

I turned to go, suddenly uplifted after a very long and trying day. I heard the soft ping of the elevator as I passed it, but I paid it no heed. I was too busy wallowing in the encouraging feeling of having made a friend inside this media giant to be distracted by the commonalities around me. Unfortunately the commonalities did not overlook me. I bumped a table with my briefcase on my way out. The table wobbled, but luckily the vase of flowers did not topple off. My malfunctioning briefcase, however, decided to take that as an opportunity to pop open and throw my papers all across the floor.

"Shit, shit, damn, double damn," I muttered.

Mortified, and completely unmindful of the skirt slit that would ride dangerously high up my thigh, I stooped to quickly shove the papers in any haphazard way back into the case. Several page corners still stuck out as I snapped it shut and rose to rush out of the building—only to smack into the door that very obviously said **PULL** on it.

"Fuck me…"

It was too much to hope that I had gone unnoticed, but I prayed that no one had been close enough to overhear the whispered profanities spewing from the cesspool of my mouth. I did not look back to see what onlookers may have been privileged to the whole embarrassing escapade.

All the way home I tried desperately, and rather futilely, to put the whole fiasco from my mind. I told myself to focus on the progress I'd made having already made a good impression with one member of the staff, but it was difficult not to dwell on the possible impression I had left for whoever might have caught my quite undignified exit from the building. I walked into the garage in dire need of some Jacob love. I found him on the phone in the office.

"…Yes, ma'am, it'll be ready for pickup anytime on Friday….Yes, ma'am it was the manifold. Got a new one on order, should be here in the next day or so….Yup, it'll be installed and ready to go by Friday. I'll call you if any problems arise….Sure thing, good day to you too."

Jacob dropped the phone in the receiver and looked up to catch me smirking at him.

"What?"

"Nothing. It's just so weird to hear you ma'aming someone. Acting like you actually know what good manners are."

He picked up a fat pencil eraser and heaved it at me. "You're just not used to hearing such sentiments since you wouldn't know what a lady was if one walked up to you and smacked you in the face."

I ducked the eraser, laughing freely now. "I'm pretty sure a _lady_ would never smack someone in the face. She'd just scrunch up her nose and stick it high in the air like she'd just caught a whiff of a fart."

"Nice, Bells."

"Come on. You know my elegant speech is what you love about me."

He walked around and threw me into a headlock. "Yeah, all those lovely words constantly falling from your lips are the only reason I keep you around. I need someone to balance out all my gentlemanly refinement."

I snorted—loudly and with lots of phlegm. "Right. Fuck being proper. Ladies never have any fun."

Jake laughed, easily switching from a headlock to a rib-cracking bear hug that lifted me off the floor. Yeah, this was exactly what I needed to take my mind off that terrible Calamity Jane moment.

"So how did your job search go today? Did you totally work the suit?"

"I worked something."

I outlined the events of my day, telling Jake all about the wonderful secretary at Cullen Publishing and capping it off with the disastrous finale of my day. Jake doubled over laughing to the point that his breaths began coming in wheezing gasps. I waited it out with arms crossed, trying to pretend I was hurt and offended by his reaction.

"I'm—I'm sorry, Bells. That's just—just so you!"

"Nice, Jake, laugh it up. I'm so glad I can amuse you."

He stood, still laughing, and wrapped his arms around me. "Come on, you know it's fucking hilarious."

My lips crept into a slight smile as I pictured myself scrambling around the lobby floor, picking up my scattered papers, and then crashing into a door. It was a little funny. I mean, seriously, who walks into a door? I pulled out of Jake's arms feeling dramatically better about the whole situation.

"Hurry it up down here, hot cheeks. We have a bottle of champagne to crack open."

"What?" he shouted to my retreating back. "Are we celebrating? You got a job?!"

I turned around, still walking backwards (I know, a dangerous feat for me, right?). "Nope."

"You got an interview?"

"Nope."

"So what are we celebrating?"

"I'm on a positive thinking kick. We're celebrating the interview I will be getting!"

**Thanks for reading! Stayed tuned for next week's chapter. I'll be posting Color Me Mortified where Edward will catch a true eyefull of Bella. It should be good.**


	3. Color Me Mortified

**AN: Okay, so I know I'm a little ahead of schedule on this one, but I got a lot of writing done recently (thanks to a current lack of social life) and I was too excited to hold back on this one. **

**I want to thank Tayci for reading through my work in progress, catching some of my mistakes and offering some awesome feedback. I'd probably never have started this if it weren't for her, so if you're enjoying the story be sure to thank her for the nudging!**

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Color Me Mortified

**BPOV**

Three days later I still had not received a call for an interview from any of the nine companies I had handed in an application. I sighed and slapped some more paint on the wall. Since Jake had refused to allow me to pay him any rent yet I still had a little cash for the minor luxuries and had decided I could no longer live with the horrendous rusty brown color of my bedroom walls. I'd gone out and picked up a few gallons of a soft lilac color that I thought would be much more soothing to me and would go well with my bed covers and the little bit of art that was still in the shipping process. How long did it take to deliver a few boxes, anyway? With no job and little to do around here I was getting impatient for my reading material.

I had to admit to myself I was kind of a sloppy painter, but the garage had had plenty of plastic to lay over the floor and Jake had lent me one of his old shirts to paint in. It was the button down kind with the flannel so old and worn that the softness of it actually felt really nice against my skin. I could only begin to imagine how ridiculous I looked in it, though. It was huge on me. The shirt tails fell far past the bottoms of my cut-offs and no matter how many times I tried to roll the sleeves up past my elbows they just kept falling back down. I had my hair all bundled up on top of my head but there were several stubborn pieces that refused to stay pinned inside the clip. No matter. I was getting more paint on the floor than on myself, and at least it was going smoothly onto the walls. It wouldn't have that lumpy, runny, amateur look to it.

I stepped back for a moment to survey my handiwork. Not bad, if I do say so myself. If all else falls through I might even have some potential as a wall painter. Bella the Wall Painter. Not a bad ring to it. I laughed myself out of my musings when I heard the ringing of my cell phone. I picked up a towel to wipe some of the paint flecks off my hands only to find that most of them were already dried and raced to grab the phone.

"Hello?"

"Isabella Marie Higginbotham! How dare you move to Portland and not tell me about it? I've been bugging you for years to move up here and I have to hear from Jake's cousin, Leah, that you've been living in sin with him for weeks? What the hell?! When did all this happen? I thought you guys were just friends? Why didn't you call me?!"

"Hi, Alice. It's good to hear from you too."

Alice had been one of my very best friends during my childhood summers in Phoenix. She and Jake and I had had far too many adventures to count. We'd been an inseparable trio and oftentimes when I'd gone back to Phoenix she'd come to visit me. We'd never lost touch in our adult years, talking on the phone and emailing each other all the time, and even squeezing in a visit when we could manage. Saying goodbye to Alice had always been one of the hardest parts about leaving Portland.

"Don't you try to soften me up. You got some splainin' to do!"

"Okay, okay, cool it down, pixie. I'm not living in sin with Jake, we're just roommates, and it's barely been a week. I've just been trying to get settled in here. And it's not Isabella Higginbotham anymore. It's Bella Swan."

"What?!"

I held the phone away from my ear to let it recover from the near dog-whistle screech she'd just let out. Alice was the only person I knew whose voice was capable of reaching a decibel level that could actually puncture the human ear drum.

"I changed my name. It's legally Bella Swan now."

"You moved to Portland and took your dad's last name? That's so sudden, so unlike you! Is this all because of….?"

"Yeah. Things were getting bad, worse than I was telling you about. I just had to get out. I'll explain everything to you. Honestly, I was planning to. I just can't do it over the phone and I hadn't worked up the nerve to contact anyone here yet."

"Bella, I completely understand. Whenever you want to talk, anytime, you just call me. I'm so here for you."

"I know, Alice. It means a lot to me that I have you, and Jake's just been wonderful. You guys have always been the best. Listen, why don't we do lunch tomorrow? We can go somewhere, get something good to eat, catch up a little, and maybe being somewhere public will keep me from falling completely apart when I explain everything."

I laughed a little to play off that last part as a joke, but I was actually dead serious. I didn't think I could get through the whole story without a total melt down but I always managed to hold myself together in public. I hated to make scenes. Alice was silent for a moment. She wasn't fooled by my fake laugh for a minute.

"I'm free all day tomorrow, actually. You can count on me. And I mean that. You can count on me, Bella."

I swallowed and wiped away the tear that was threatening to spill from my eye. "I know, Alice. So Jake showed me this cute little diner not far from here. Will that work for you?"

"Esme's? That place has fantastic food! I'm so there. Meet me there around noon?"

"Sounds great. I'll see you then. And Alice? I love you."

Her beautiful little laugh chimed through the phone. "Of course you do, Bella. What's not to love? I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Bye."

I hung up the phone laughing. It was literally impossible to be in a bad mood around Alice. I'd been putting off calling her, knowing I would have to tell her everything and dreading having to relive it all, but it no longer seemed so daunting. Alice had a way of making things bearable, of making you see the silver lining even through all the storm clouds. I couldn't believe I'd let myself forget that. I was suddenly very much looking forward to seeing her.

Feeling my mood improved by Alice's call and inspired by the prospect of finally having a chance to put things in perspective I decided that while I waited for the last layer of paint to dry I would bake Jake that pie he wanted. He'd been dropping hints all week which I had pretended not to pick up on. I felt like surprising him today. If I could find the sugar, that was. What the fuck? I knew we had some, I'd used it just the other day. I searched all over the kitchen, the living room, even in Jake's bedroom, but the entire container of sugar was missing. So much for the surprise. I would have to ask him where it was.

I trotted down the back stairs which led into the garage in my bare feet, not in the least concerned about my appearance. It was Friday. Jake was the only mechanic on Fridays and customers were never allowed into the work area. There was no one there to see me but him, and he'd seen me in worse states before.

"Hey, Jake! Do you—"

Halfway down the stairs I froze, the shirt sleeves falling down again to hang past my fingertips. Jake was not alone. He was bending over the Aston Martin and standing next to him, listening to him rattle off all the details of his repairs and the slight adjustments he'd made to the engine, was Mr. Perfect. _I'm dropping this off for my fiancé._ Of course. With the man's jungle green eyes now boring into me and the image of his fiancé's gorgeous perfection in my mind I tugged self-consciously at the hem of my shirt. Several moments of tension-filled silence passed as I found myself unable to tear my eyes away from his. Jake finally looked up and noticed my presence.

"Oh, hey, Legs. Watch you don't come the rest of the way down without any shoes on. Don't want you cutting yourself on whatever might be lying around this floor. Did you need something?"

I finally freed my eyes from the power of those green orbs. "Um, yeah, I, uh, can't find the sugar."

"Oh, yeah, we were out down here and you know I can't take my coffee without any sugar in it."

I propped my hands on my hips. "So you decided you needed the whole container? What happened to just scooping some into a jar? I've been looking all over for that!"

"Sorry, Bells. Here, I'll go grab it for you."

Jake took off in the direction of his office to grab the sugar, leaving me alone with the copper haired Adonis. His eyes dropped down the length of my bare legs and back up to my face with an odd glint, and I could only guess at what he was thinking. My face burned and I tugged again at the shirt. A thick silence filled the garage. It felt like a near eternity in purgatory before Jake finally returned with the sugar. I took it from him, mumbled "Thanks", and ran back up the stairs. Walking into the kitchen I leaned against the counter and banged my head against the overhead cabinet. _Nice, Bella. _Note to self: never EVER again enter garage without a full state of attire.

The rest of Friday passed uneventfully, thank God. I finished painting my room and cleaning up the mess I'd made. Jake raved over the pie and finished off three slices throughout the course of the evening, which I found amazing considering that pie was so rich I could only ever manage half a piece at a time. Late Saturday morning had me pulling on a pair of jeans and a sweater and preparing to head over to the diner to meet up with Alice. I was surprised to find Jake vegging on the couch rather than down in the garage.

"Jake, you're not working?"

"Nah. It's my day off. Dad insists I don't put in more than fifty hours a week."

"Remind me to hug him sometime. Although, he should insist on forty. You work too hard."

Jake shrugged. "I don't mind the work."

"Well, I'm heading over to the diner to meet with Alice. I'd ask you along but it's kind of a girl's day out sort of thing."

"That's okay, there's an _Underworld_ marathon running today I wanted to catch anyway. Have fun. Tell Alice I said. And her Porsche is overdue for an oil change."

I laugh. "Will do. Don't wait up for me."

Jake just grunted and kept his eyes glued to the TV.

The diner was slightly crowded with the Saturday lunch crowd but I could easily tell that I had beat Alice there. That little ball of energy was hard to miss. The waitress seated me near the back, and I only had to wait a few minutes before Alice floated though the door. I noticed that she'd cut her dark hair short so that it stuck out in spikes around that pointy, heart shaped face which was currently dwarfed by the black sunglasses she was wearing. Her tiny dancer's frame was adorned with a white dress shirt and black tights which she'd paired with a pin stripe vest and flat ballet shoes. It was a look only Alice could pull off. She caught sight of me, ripped the glasses off with a squeal, and before I knew it I had my arms full of pixie.

"Oh, Bella, I've missed you so much!"

"I've missed you too, Alice. I can't even begin to tell you how much."

"Damn right you did! Sit, sit! We have so much to talk about."

I sat, my entire world suddenly brightened by the light that was Alice. "You first."

"Well, as you know, a few months ago I got that job in the advertising company I was shooting for."

"I know. I'm so proud of you."

My dear, contradictory Alice. She had let her rich, eccentric grandmother buy her all sorts of cloths and that flashy Porsche she drove, but she'd insisted on working her own way through college as a part-time jazz instructor. It was so like Alice to be simultaneously independent and shamelessly mercenary. She could have made a career out of dancing but her passion lay in graphic design. And in the end she had paid for her education all on her own and now worked for a very well known advertising company.

"How is it going?"

"Oh, Bella, it's everything I dreamed it would be! I absolutely love it! You can't even imagine. Well, of course you can, you—" she cut herself off from what she was about to say, which I had pretty good idea of what it would have been, and continued on with barely a hitch. "Anyway, aside from some of the asshole execs, it's absolutely perfect and I haven't even got to the best part yet."

"What's the best part?"

"There's this man, I think he's a client or something. I've seen him meeting with the executives a few times. I haven't met him personally, obviously, I'm just a little designer, only seen him in passing, but, Bella, he is soooo dreamy. I've caught him looking at me too. I know he's interested. I'm going to make him mine."

I laughed. "And how's that? You just said yourself you haven't really even met him. You don't even know for sure what his affiliation is with your company."

"I'm going to make him come to me, of course! He's doing some sort of business with our company, and I know it hasn't been sealed yet because the top guys still just fawn all over him, so I'm confident he'll be back. I'm going to make sure I'm always nearby when he does. He won't be able to get me out of his mind to the point that he finds he just _has_ to introduce himself to me."

I grinned. If anyone could do it, it was Alice. She had a mystifying power over the male gender. I'd never known her to be turned down before. And despite that outward show of arrogant confidence one could not deny that she deserved it. She was beautiful on the inside and out. I'd never known anyone so open and caring and giving as Alice. She truly did have the power to brighten a person's life.

"Now you. Tell me what's been going on in your life that brought on this rash change."

I swallowed, feeling my mood dim despite the brilliant glow of the woman across from me. Was I really ready to share this story? Would I ever be? At least with Alice I knew there would be no judging, no suspicions, no second guessing. She would support me all the way. I definitely could use some help supporting the shaky edge that my life was teetering on.

"Well, you remember James…."

"That sneaky, dirty, low down, good for nothing, two timing—make that three timing—bastard you worked with?"

"That would be the one."

God love her. Leave it to Alice to so succinctly summarize a person in one sentence. I had told her the basics of my relationship with James before. Of how I had fallen headlong in love with him and how he had just been using me and how he had ultimately broken my heart and shattered my dreams. I'd never told her all the details or the extreme depth of my feelings for him, but I guessed that she already knew to some extent. There was little I could hide from Alice and she knew I would never have given to James as much as I had without being in love with him. Suddenly I found myself being sucked back through time until I was reliving it all over again, the whole deplorable story falling from my lips in words that were both vivid and brutal.

I'd been twenty-two when I began my career at Brodwick Ink, Inc (cute, right?). I had been so excited and full of aspirations at the time. By the end of my first year I'd received my first promotion. It was clear that I was going to go places with that company. With my new office came a whole new world—new associates and new friends. That was when I met James. He'd been another editor on the same floor. I handled dramatic fiction while his specialty was thrillers and slashers. Our offices were right next to each other and we quickly developed a close working relationship.

It wasn't long before James's interest in me began to transcend the work environment. I'd been reluctant at first, not wanting to shit where I ate as people liked to put it, but he'd been so persuasive. There was no denying he was extremely attractive and his attentions had been flattering. He'd also been sweet. Every day I would find a note on my desk. Sometimes it would be a small compliment, sometimes a line from poetry, sometimes it just said that he was thinking of me. My resistance was crumbling.

I'd begun to see him outside of work and everything had rapidly spiraled from there. He'd wined and dined me, charmed and disarmed me. Within weeks and despite what Alice always called my prudish sense of female honor I had been in his bed. He was the first man I'd ever been with. It wasn't like I was holding out for marriage or anything like that, but I'd always been too focused on my education and then on my career to make much time for dating. And I had always wanted to wait until I felt a strong connection with a man—until I felt it would be something more than just a physical act. Until James I had never felt that connection.

For a while it was wonderful. He'd made me feel special. He'd made me finally discover myself as a woman. He made me blissfully happy. I was hopelessly in love with him. And in his bed I thought that I had discovered everything they wrote about in those books I published. He made me feel like I was the only woman in the universe for him. What I didn't realize was that I was just a part of a rotating schedule among those sheets.

We'd kept our relationship secret at work. Interoffice dating wasn't forbidden, but it was discouraged. A couple could not legally be fired for pursuing a relationship, but you could basically give up any dreams of ever advancing inside the company. Dating a coworker was tantamount to committing career suicide. James and I both decided it was in our best interests to keep things on the down-low.

A few months later the position of Creative Director opened up. I knew it would come down to James, myself, or another woman on our floor—Victoria. When I received the promotion I worried that it might things weird between us. I would, after all, be his superior in a way. But James had been so happy for me. He'd taken me out for a special dinner to celebrate and then given me an even better celebration when we got back to his apartment. I could still remember the cold feeling I'd gotten that night when—after—he'd commented on how I was now in a great position to put some good words in for him. I pushed it away at the time, certain that he was just caught up in the excitement. I should have seen it then, how James's only concern was for James. But I was blinded by love.

It was only a week later that I discovered a tube of lipstick in his apartment that was not my own. I called him on it. He admitted to an affair, but claimed that it was only the one time. He'd been feeling low—emasculated by my higher position—and he'd immediately regretted the act. He begged my forgiveness. Like a fool I'd given it. I was hurt and angry but I still loved him. I didn't want to lose this new happiness I'd found. And he promised that it would never happen again. We kissed and made up and that night had been the wildest passion he'd ever shown me. I forgot about the other woman.

Two weeks after that Victoria came storming into my office, slamming the door shut behind her.

"Do you think I don't know you've been fucking him?" she demanded.

I looked up at her, stunned. "I have no idea what you're talking about, and besides that what I do in my personal time has nothing to do with you."

"He's just using you, you know. Riding your coattails to the top. He told me so himself when we were in bed last night."

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Last night? He'd told me he was going to visit his sick mother last night. Victoria laughed at my expression.

"Did you actually think that you were woman enough to satisfy him? Whose lipstick did you think that was you found? I left it there on purpose. James and I had a good laugh over that one. How easily you crawled back into his bed. Are you so desperate for a good fuck you'll overlook anything? I was with him long before you ever came along. I've been with him the whole time. And I'm not the only one, you know. He's also nailing Becky in Marketing."

I stared, unwilling to believe but unable to deny the signs. All the nights he was busy or unable to see me. The fast that he didn't like surprise visits. The phone calls he ended when I walked into the room. It all made sense to me now. I'd turned a blind eye to it because I didn't want to see, pretended that he truly meant all those whispered endearments and tender looks. I'd been such an idiot. I looked up at Victoria with eyes full of broken pain that I was sure amused her to no end. My voice came out as a whisper.

"What is it you want?"

"I've decided that I want him all to myself. He's latched onto you because he knows you're favored for big promotions around here. I want you to break it off with him and tell him in no uncertain terms that you won't help him weasel his way to the top. Or else I go public with your relationship."

I was done with James, obviously. I couldn't forgive him this time and yet a part of me still insisted that I talk to him first. That I bring all this to him and let him explain his behavior, convince me that none of it was true. Yeah, I was that low I was still willing to give him a chance. But I was also so reeling from the pain of disillusionment and my pride demanding that I not give Victoria the satisfaction of granting her wish that I threw consequences to the wind and rose to my feet to deny her request.

"I will not. You can have him over my dead body."

"You bitch!"

She'd lunged across the desk at me, yelling profanities so loudly that I was shocked that no one rushed in to investigate the commotion. The next thing I knew she had a fistful of my hair and had painfully yanked my head backwards and slapped me across the face. My fist swung instinctively, connecting with flesh, and Victoria fell back with an unholy, blood-curdling scream. That was when the people rushed into the room—to find me still standing over her cowering body, my fist clenched and blood running from her nose.

She made up some story about how she had come into my office to confront me over some jealous phone calls I had made to her and threatening letters I'd left her. She'd claimed that _I_ attacked _her_. There was no evidence. It was my words against hers. I was charged with assault and harassment and forced into an indefinite leave of absence pending the results of the investigation. Throughout it all James never said one word in my defense. He said he couldn't afford to get involved in the scandal. He had his career to think about. And other women to warm his bed.

I hired a lawyer to defend my case. All charges were eventually dropped, Victoria fired, and I was permitted to return to work, but not until after I'd about bankrupted myself paying the astronomical lawyer fees. Sure, my parents might have helped me, but I was too ashamed to call and ask for it. I had been the fool to trust James and to overlook the glaringly obvious signs of his infidelities. I'd brought it on myself.

It didn't take long to realize that I could no longer work for Brodwick Ink. I couldn't tolerate the heavy silence that fell every time I entered a room, the suspicious eyes that followed me, the tension of working with James. I'd put in my resignation and taken a job with a small local magazine at a much lower salary. But that wasn't the end of it. James had decided that since my name had been cleared we would be perfectly all right to pick up where we'd left off. He acted as if I should be flattered by his persisting interest and take him back with open arms. He wouldn't take no for an answer. He called, he dropped by my apartment, he visited me at work. Sometimes he even followed me to the grocery store. He'd crushed my heart, shattered my dreams, ruined my life, and I couldn't get away from him. Finally, I'd just changed my name and moved away.

By the time I got through it I felt somewhat purged. I'd finally released some of the pain, the anger, the disappointment that I had been holding inside of me. The broken walls of my chest no longer felt as if all my bitter sorrows were trying to push out through them. Alice was staring at me with her mouth hanging wide open.

"Bella, how could you go through all that alone without calling me?"

I looked down at my hands. "I couldn't, Alice. I was just so ashamed. I knew better than to get involved with someone at work, especially after my promotion. It was completely unprofessional of me. And then to be so blind to his faults. The signs were all there—the selfishness, the vanity, the broken dates, the excuses. I'd even caught him out for Christ's sake and still taken him back. I was so stupid."

"Don't you pull that one! That man royally fucked you over and you are not to blame! He saw a beautiful, intelligent woman with a kind and trusting heart and he took advantage. God, as hard as you worked for that job, as excited as you were to get it….And to finally open yourself up to love for the first time like that…He ruined everything, didn't he?! I can't even imagine how you feel right now."

I dropped my head into my hands. "I'm a wreck, Alice. I'm second guessing myself all the time, I can't trust my own judgment anymore, I've lost all faith in myself! I could barely even work up an enthusiasm for publishing anymore. I almost signed up for a job with McDonald's."

Alice shuddered. "Oh, God, these are dire circumstances indeed. Come along. I'm taking you on an emergency shopping excursion and then we're going to get rip-roaring drunk. Tomorrow you'll be so hung-over you won't be able to dwell on any of this shit at all and by the time you recover Monday morning everything will look up, you'll see. It's about time for your life to take a turn for the better."

I didn't argue with her. Alice had an irritating way of always being right about these things. And besides, my life couldn't get much worse, could it?

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**Again, feel free to review. I'd love to hear your thoughts on everything so far! I'll probably be posting the next chapter in about a week or so. See ya then!**


	4. The Dawn of a New Debacle

**AN: Again, much thanks to Tayci for being my own personal test reader and editor (I'm overly prone to typos). She's been extremely helpful and supportive and her advice has been much appreciated! So, please, read on and enjoy!!**

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**BPOV**

The ringing of my alarm clock ripped through the fuzzy headache that was still throbbing through my temples after Saturday night's booze fest. I barely even remembered the events of yesterday although I know it involve hugging the porcelain throne for a while at some point while an extremely helpful Jake held my hair and helped me back into bed. I smacked irritably at my alarm, slapping it three times before recalling that I had never set the damn thing in the first place. It was my phone that was ringing. My hand groped wildly across my bedside table before I picked it up, catching it just before it went into voicemail.

"'Lo?"

"Miss Swan? Bella Swan?"

I put a hand to my head. "Yeah, that's me."

"Good morning, this is Angela Weber form Cullen Publishing. Do you remember me?"

I sat up quickly, suddenly wide awake, my heart jumping into my throat. "Angela! Yes, of course I remember you! How are you? Are you calling with good news? Please tell me you're calling with good news!"

She laughed. "Of course I'm calling with good news. Great news, in fact. The executive editor himself would like to set up a personal interview with you."

"What?! That's fantastic! When, where? I'm so there!"

"You'd better be! You won't get another chance like this. I mean, normally applicants have to go through several layers of lower management before being granted an audience with the executive editor, but it was so weird, he just pulled your folder right out of the pile and told me to set up an interview. You must have some résumé!"

I hadn't realized there was anything quite out of the ordinary about my résumé but I praised whatever gods of the business world had brought it to the man's attention. Hot damn, it was about time I got a break. Man, when Alice is right, she's right. She'll get such a kick when she hears about this. Angela was still talking and I quickly wrote down the time for the interview and gladly accepted all the advice she offered me. We chatted for another minute, then she rang off stating she had a lot of work to attend to. I stared at the phone for another full minute, then jumped off the bed and pumped my fists into the air. I couldn't believe it. Cullen Publishing! Maybe my life was taking a turn for the better after all.

In my excitement I rushed down to the garage to tell Jake the good news, completely forgetting my previous vow not to go down there in any state of partial undress. Luckily it was just Jake and one other mechanic this time, and I had known Seth for years. I wasn't bothered to be seen in my sleepwear by him. I flew down the stairs and across the floor.

"Jakey!"

"Bella, what did I tell you about wearing shoes down here? You're going to slice your feet wide open."

I jumped into his arms. "I don't care! I just got the best news! I could bleed half to death right now and I wouldn't care!"

"Whoa, what's going on?"

"I'm getting an interview with Cullen Publishing." I shook him. "Cullen Publishing, Jake!"

He wrapped his arms tight around me. "Wow, Bells, that's awesome. This is huge. They're even bigger than…that other place, aren't they?"

"Hell's yeah, they are. They practically rule the publishing industry. Oh, Jake, I'm so excited. Can you imagine if I get hired there?"

"Well, they damn well better hire you, cause I could get used to seeing this smile on your face again. And they definitely would be idiots not to, anyway. You're a fantastic editor. I guess we're opening another bottle of champagne tonight?"

I groaned. "Not on your life. I think I drank enough alcohol this weekend to last me the rest of my life."

Jake laughed. "Yeah, you and Alice sure did tie one off the other night. I don't know how either of you even managed to walk from the cab to the door."

"Don't ask me. I can't remember anything past the fifth tequila shot."

Jake picked me up and carried me back across the garage, setting me down on the second step up. He swatted me on the butt.

"All right, Legs, back up with you and stop distracting my crew."

"Oh, it's just Seth. I'm no distraction to him."

I playfully blew Seth a kiss. He blushed adorably and chuckled a little.

"I think you could distract any man with blood running through his veins—especially in those PJ's. But congrats on the interview. It sounds awesome."

I laughed, hugging myself even as I bounced slightly on my toes. I felt so keyed up, so suddenly full of energy. Who knew that the best cure for a hangover was the adrenaline rush of unexpected good news?

"Thanks, Seth! How about I bake you guys some chocolate chip cookies? I'm in such a good mood right now I can't help but share the love."

"That would be awesome. You know I have a weakness for your cookies."

I laughed. "I'll be back in an hour." I caught Jake's look. "With shoes on!"

The next day and a half flew by in a hazy blur of anxious excitement. My restless nerves left me in the kitchen throughout most of it, leaving Jake and the guys a wide assortment of baked goods to fuel their energy throughout the workday. They were probably wondering what had gotten into me, but none had staged a complaint. I just needed something to keep my hands busy and my mind off the upcoming interview, and I'd always found baking to be rather soothing. The kitchen was a mess, of course. I was about as neat a cook as I was a painter. There was flour on just about every surface, some remaining residue from the egg I had dropped on the floor, and the sink was overflowing with dishware. It would have to wait until after the interview to be cleaned. At the moment I was too absorbed with trying to make myself look like a competent professional to worry about the massacre of our kitchen.

Taming my hair into the perfect chignon was quickly becoming an effort in futility. After fifteen bobby pins and more hairspray than one person should use I gave up and resigned myself to the fact that those few pieces of hair simply were not going to be tamed. I debated over my outfit for several intense moments before finally deciding to pull the power suit out again. After all, it wasn't as if the executive editor would have glimpsed my earlier visit to the building and decide that my wardrobe was severely lacking. I felt good in the suit and I was going to need all the boosting I could get. I matched it with the same black pair of pumps as before and applied a thin layer of makeup. Again, a small touch of mascara, a thin coat of gloss, and just enough powder to make my face not look like something out of _Night of the Living Dead_. I always kept it light with the makeup. Not only did I not feel comfortable wearing too much of it, but I had not Alice's hand with the brush set. Looking critically in the mirror I decided that was about as good as it would get.

I walked out of my room. Jake was up from the garage on his lunch break. He looked up and gave me a slow appraisal, following it up with a sly wink.

"Damn, Bells, not the sex suit again. You'll knock the poor guy flat."

"It is not a sex suit," I protested. "It's quite modest and professional."

"It's professional, all right. It's got Naughty Secretary written all over it."

"Jake, it does not! It completely covers my chest, the skirt's not even that short, the heels are low….you don't really think it's too sexy? Do I look trampy?"

Jake's hearty laugh filled the room. "Jesus, Bells, stop worrying so much! Of course you don't look trampy, the suit's not too sexy, you just look damn good in it! Any man would have to be half dead not to hire you."

"I don't want to be hired on the merit of my looks." I smiled slowly. "But it doesn't hurt to look good either, does it."

"Hell, no, it doesn't." He got to his feet and wrapped me in a Jake Hug. "You'll be great, Bells. You're smart, sexy, and charming. You're gonna blow 'em out of the water."

"Thanks, Jake. You have no idea how nervous I am right now."

"Well, don't be. Just go and be your usual knock-their-socks off self."

I took a deep breath. "All right. I'm going, and I'm coming back with that job in the bag!"

Fifteen minutes later I was standing on the sidewalk, briefcase in hand, staring at the building in trepidation. Oh, God, I couldn't do this. What if I didn't have enough work experience? What if they thought I was too young? What if my credentials weren't good enough? What if I tripped on the carpet and knocked his coffee into his lap? Get a grip, Bella! You've been through this before. You breezed through your last interview. They loved you! Yeah, but my last interview hadn't been with a company as huge as Cullen Publishing, and I hadn't been coming to it with such a tarnished work history. Nor did I have to tendency to engage in internal multiple personality type debates with myself back then. Fuck, what was I even thinking applying here? I'm such a goddamned fool! Was I such a masochist that I had to put in my résumé just so I could be scorned and rejected by one of the biggest names in publishing? I had to get out of here before I made a complete and utter fool of myself.

And just as I was making the decision to turn and walk away Angela looked up from her post and spotted me standing outside the glass doors. She smiled and waved, removing any chance I'd had for escape. To cover the nerves I plastered a smile on my face—which had to look something akin to the painful, coat hanger grin of the Joker—and strolled through the door.

"Bella, hi! You look great!"

"Thanks, Angela. I'm a little early. Should I sit somewhere and wait?"

"Oh, I'll call up and let him know you're here. I'm sure he'll be ready for you right away. And in the meantime you can just hang out here with me if you like. I so rarely get anyone interesting to talk to down here."

"Thanks. I have to tell you I'm really glad you're working the desk here today. I'm nervous as hell and a friendly face certainly helps."

"Pshht. You'll be fine. I'd be surprised if you don't get the job. Hang on a minute, let me call up there."

I tapped my fingers nervously on the desk as she made the call to announce my arrival. Angela was still smiling at me as she replaced the receiver.

"He said to send you up in five minutes. And relax, will you? Mr. Cullen is extremely nice and completely down to earth. He won't try to grill or intimidate you."

I gaped. "_Mr. Cullen_?!"

"Oh, no, not _the _Cullen. His son, Edward, is the executive editor. He'll be interviewing you. And don't worry that he's only there because of the family name. All the Cullens are highly placed within the company but Mr. Cullen—_the_ Cullen, that is—made them all work really hard for their positions. They know what they're doing."

Angela's well intentioned ramblings were in no way alleviating any of my new fears. I was getting interviewed at Cullen Publishing _by a Cullen_. And not just a chair sitting, free-riding Cullen either. He was by all rights and purposes a skilled, hard-working Cullen sure to be full of precision and discernment. As Angela directed me up to his office on the third floor I wondered if this could get any worse. How short was my foresight….

I stepped off the elevator and turned right, heading to end of the hallway as Angela had instructed. There was a closed door just where she said it would be with a brass nameplate that read Edward Cullen, Executive Editor. I checked to ensure the hallway was clear before shaking out my arms and bouncing on my toes, like a boxer keying up for a fight. _Okay, Bella, man up. You can do this. It's just like any other interview, no biggie. Just relax, and be yourself_._ And not your current wreck of yourself—your old, confident self. You got this!_ I raised my fist and knocked on the door. A soft, velvety voice called out from within telling me to enter. I opened the door and felt the floor drop out from under my feet.

There, behind the desk, sat Mr. Perfect.

"Good afternoon, Miss Swan. Please, have a seat."

Did his voice have to be perfect too?

He waved one of those long fingered hands toward the seat on the other side of his desk. You had to be shitting me. The universe could not possibly hate me this much. It had to be part of some sick practical joke. As I stood there for another moment, my face frozen in shock, I realized that this was really happening. This man, who had seen me in what had to appear to him as nothing but a quickly thrown on man's shirt, was actually going to interview me. And I was standing there staring at him as if horns had just sprouted from his head. _Get with it, Bella! Maybe he won't even realize that was you in the garage._

I pasted another one of those stupid, phony smiles on my face and crossed the room to the chair he'd indicated. He folded his hands together on top of the folder I had handed to Angela the previous week and leaned towards me. It took most of my effort to keep from ringing my hands.

"So, Miss Swan, what brings you to Portland? I saw on your application that you just moved here."

"Oh, I just needed a change of venue. I spent all my childhood summers here with my dad so I feel pretty at home in Portland. I've got plenty of friends and family here, so I figured it was as good a place as any."

"So what got you interested in publishing?"

That was an easy one. "Well, I've always loved to read. Classic fiction in particular, but I enjoy just about any kind of book. I've been an obsessive reader ever since I can remember. I figured what better job is there for me than to spend all day doing what I love? It can't get better than that."

"Doing it for a career doesn't take any of the enjoyment out of it for you? You know, making it seem more like an obligation than a hobby?"

"Of course not. I get to read these books before anyone else, long before they ever hit the market. It only adds to the excitement knowing I'm one step ahead of the crowd."

"Who are some of your favorite authors?"

"Oh, wow, I don't know how to choose. There's so many. Jane Austin, Mark Twain, Shakespeare, Emily Bronte."

He chuckled, a soft musical sound that rolled over my skin. "Anyone modern?"

"Oh! Yes, of course, I could hardly be in this field otherwise, could I? There's Dan Brown, James Patterson, Rebecca Goldstein, Stephen King. And Mary Clement hasn't made much of a name for herself yet, but I absolutely adore her and predict she'll be huge in the next five years or so."

"I've read some of her work myself. We're currently in the process of trying to sign her."

I did a mental fist pump. He agreed with me! That had to be a good sign.

"Well I have to admit your résumé was fairly remarkable. Graduated a year early, top tenth percentile. Went directly from graduation to Brodwick Ink and moved your way up to Creative Director inside of two years. That's quite impressive."

"Thank you."

My voice came out somewhat husky and I swallowed painfully as the memories constricted my throat. With a few deep breaths I pushed the thoughts away.

"There were, however, some things in your record here that raised a few questions."

Oh, shit, here it comes. I ran the speeches through my head that I had rehearsed just for this moment. I would stay calm and collected no matter what his reactions. I had nothing to fear, nothing to be ashamed of. My name had been cleared, after all.

"It says here that you were forced into a temporary leave of absence. Charges of assault and harassment?"

"Those charges were dropped, sir," _God it felt weird saying sir to a man who could only be a few years older than myself,_ "and I was completely reinstated in my position as Creative Director."

"But you left after only three weeks…"

"Yes, but only for personal reasons."

"Perhaps you would like to explain to me the circumstances of the charges that were brought against you?"

I knew I wasn't legally required to inform him of charges which I had not been convicted. He could not use my withholding of those details as a mark against me, but I felt it might go a long way toward redeeming me if I was just honest and upfront about the whole thing. It would show that I had done nothing to be ashamed of and that it was not relevant toward my qualifications as an editor. Besides, I had been prepared for this question and had already worked out an appropriate response to it.

"It was a personal matter, sir. There was another woman in the office who held an unreasonable and unjustifiable grudge against me. She approached me in my own office and proceeded to attack me. I was merely defending myself, but unfortunately for me it was only that latter part of the scene that was witnessed by another. And the harassment charge was completely invented on her part. There was no evidence of my having made any calls to her phone, and she could not produce the letters in question."

"So she hit you first and you were caught hitting her in defense."

"That's correct, sir. She launched a violent attack on me and I merely reacted out of a self-protective instinct. I can hardly be blamed that I was better at it than her."

I closed my eyes. For the love of God what had compelled me to tack on that last sentence? Had I really needed to add that? It made me sound like a common street-fighter bragging about her prowess in the combative arts. What was it about this man that seemed to bring out all my verbal diarrhea? I was usually so much better at containing it than this. Idiot, Bella! Way to make way too light of what had been one of the most serious and life altering moments of your life. And yet when I opened my eyes he did not have a horrified look on his face. The corners of his lips were actually quirking, as if he were holding back his laughter.

"Well, I can't tell you what a relief it is to learn that you are assertive and well capable of standing up for yourself. This can be an intimidating profession to be in. I can't tell you how many young and promising editors I have seen get completely run over in here."

My mouth just about dropped open. The worst black mark in my entire career history was going to work in my favor? How could that be possible? I had to be imagining it. Maybe he was just playing me, or maybe he just wanted to make it appear like he wasn't holding that against me. I mean it was illegal not to hire me because of that, but if I thought he was passing over me for some other reason…and yet he seemed completely serious when he said it. I had no idea how to respond. He continued on without one.

"Your superiors at Brodwick sang your praises, so you must have been very deserving of all those promotions. They seemed quite bereft to have lost you, in fact. I can hardly understand what kind personal reasons might have compelled you to leave such a promising atmosphere."

"The extremely personal kind, sir. The kind that I would rather not discuss but I can assure you are tremendously unlikely ever to be repeated."

"Interesting phrasing," he muttered.

"Sir?"

"I only have one more question, Miss Swan."

"Yes, of course."

"It pains me to admit that I do not have a position to offer quite as lucrative as Creative Director. Would you be willing to take a downgrade back to the level of a common editor?"

"Oh, of course, sir! I'd be willing to take any position with you!" I blushed scarlet as I realized the possible double meaning of that phrase. There's that wonderful verbal diarrhea at work once again. My eyes lowered to my hands, which were clutched painfully in my lap. "What I mean to say is it would be an honor to work for your company in any capacity available."

Edward laughed. "I think I understood the first time. Well, I think that basically concludes this interview. I'm all out of questions for the moment, anyway. I have a few other applications to look over, but you can expect a phone call either way by the end of this week. I can tell you I've been very impressed with your qualifications." He stood and offered his hand. "It's been an extreme pleasure meeting you, Miss Swan."

Feeling a surge of hope that I never expected to come out of this interview, I grabbed my briefcase with my left hand and rose to take his right hand in mine. And of course the faulty latch on said briefcase let loose once again and all my papers cascaded to the floor. I stared at it in utter disbelief. Why in Frosted Fruit Loops hadn't I gone to the expense to get a new one after the last occurrence? What else could go wrong today? And then I heard it. Edward's musical chuckle followed by a soft, "Shit, shit, damn, double damn?"

My eyes flew up to his in horror. He'd been the one to come off the elevator that day? He'd not only witnessed my complete mortification but overheard my trucker's mouth to boot! And he was looking at me with that smirk that should have come across as arrogant and condescending but just looked sexy as hell on him, and the glint in his eyes indicated that he remembered me from Jake's shop as well. All my hopes flew out the window. I had to seem like a trash-mouthed, bumbling half-wit to him. He'd probably only ever brought me here for the amusement I offered. I dropped my eyes to the floor and weakly shook his hand.

"Thank you for the opportunity, sir," I mumbled.

I stooped to pick my things up off the floor and walked out with them still clutched against my chest. I didn't bother to turn and look back as I left. I couldn't bear to see the amusement on his face. I was only glad that Angela was away from the desk when I reached the first floor so that I could make a quick and easy getaway.


	5. One Tequila Two Tequila

**AN: First of all, I want to thank everyone for the great reviews. It's so awesome to know people are reading and enjoying my story. Now I have even more motivation to keep up with my timetable! **

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**BPOV**

For two days I moped around the apartment mentally berating myself for blowing what may have been the only real opportunity I'd receive. No other calls came through from the various places I had applied. I must have spent hours analyzing and reanalyzing the interview from start to finish, inventing for each question he'd ask at least three alternate responses which would have been a million times more eloquent than what had actually spilled from my mouth. And in my mind's eye I continued to see that sculpted face of perfection looking out at me with what had to be an expression of _What substandard planet did this stuttering freak job come from?_ Where once I had prided myself on my superior composure, elocution and quick wit, I now had to wonder what mischievous sprite of absurdity had possessed my body during that disastrous interview.

And I needed to stop dwelling on this. I needed to get out. I needed to take my mind off of the whole debacle. Obsessing over it was not going to change the fact that I had made a complete fool of myself and was not likely to receive the job. I just needed to forget it and move on. I needed to call Alice.

Three hours and half my wardrobe later we were at Marcy's Pub knocking back Alice's cure-all: tequila shots. She'd insisted that the only solution to my self-deprecating concerns was to do something to make me feel good about myself. So she'd rushed over, torn through my closet like a tornado on speed, tortured my hair into a mass of curls and applied her artistic hand to my makeup. I had to admit the results were fairly fantastic. I only wish I hadn't let her talk me into the ankle breaking heels. I had enough trouble walking in flats as it was, but at least the tequila was beginning to numb my feet from the pain.

The club she had chosen was quite a bit larger than its name implied. To me a pub was a small place where people gathered after work to have a few drinks, watch some sports and shoot some pool. This place was huge with dim, multi colored lighting and music that literally throbbed. The dance floor, as large as it was, was crowded with bodies. Alice was feeling a little blue herself over the fact that her fabulous new hunk had visited her work place twice more and had as yet to acknowledge her, and she had decided that the only way for us to feel better was to strut our stuff, break a few hearts, and drink ourselves into oblivion. With all the free drinks we had already received I could not deny that my ego had taken a little boost. Alice definitely knew how to take a girl's mind off her problems. I only prayed that the speed bumps of my life began spreading themselves out a bit before I ended up turning into a roaring alcoholic. Getting trashed twice within two weeks was not a norm for me.

"Bella! You hafta meet theez two guyz I uz juss talkin to. They are sooo cute!"

Oh boy. Alice was heading into slutty drunk. I myself was slipping quickly from giggly buzz and well into hiccupping drunk. Hiccups were always my sign that I'd crossed the line from feeling it to not feeling much of anything. My lips stretched into what had I hoped was not too dopey of a grin as she approached with one arm slung around each guy.

"This iz….an this iz….wha were your names again?"

The men introduced themselves as Mike and Eric. They were, in fact, cute in a boy-next-door sort of way and they seemed nice enough. I shook their hands somewhat wobbily but was still not quite drunk enough to not be a little irked by how long Mike held onto mine. I tried to refuse allowing him to buy me a drink sensing that he was going to be a good deal more persistent than the other men we had talked to thus far, but it had done me no good. So I stood there sipping on another Tequila Sunrise as Alice and Eric abandoned me to the dance floor and Mike attempted to cajole me into joining them. I tried to explain to him that I wasn't a dancer, and not simply because I had no interest in dancing with him (or anyone else for that matter). It was true. I didn't dance. Sober Bella was frightening enough on a dance floor. Drunk Bella wearing death heels had potentially fatal consequences.

As Mike tugged relentlessly on my hand I found myself grateful to feel the vibration of my phone in my purse. I held a finger up asking him to give me a second, then pulled away from him to yank the phone out of my bag.

"Hello?" I shouted over the sound of the music. There was a faint hum of a response, but I couldn't make it out over the blaring speakers. "What?!" Again, I heard a voice but the words were lost among the noise. "Hold on!"

I carefully weaved my way through the crowd toward the doors, stumbling a bit in the shoes. Somehow I managed to make it all the way out into the relative silence of the evening without landing on my ass. I noticed irritably that Mike followed me out, my jacket slung over his arm. I turned away from him, putting my hand over my free ear as I spoke into the phone.

"I'm sorry, what now?"

"I asked if this was Miss Swan."

That soft, buttery voice was indistinguishable.

"Oh, fu—"

I clapped a hand over my mouth. "Um…for sure it is."

_For sure it is?_ Was that really my best cover up? I literally could have died right there. I closed my eyes for a moment as the sudden burst of adrenaline viciously struggled to push the alcohol haze from my brain, miserably failing to win the battle. I thought perhaps there was a soft chuckle in my ear, but it may have been wishful thinking on my part.

"Have I rung you at a bad time?"

"Well, that depends. If you're calling with good news," hiccup, "then there's no such thing as a bad time. But if you're calling with bad news…well, actually there couldn't be a better time."

And there goes my mouth again, running off before my head can catch up with it. I put my hand over it again to contain the giggle that was trying to escape. And had I hiccupped? Oh, shit, this couldn't bode well for me. This man had the odd effect of stripping me of all my filters even without the added uninhibitor of alcohol.

"Then I suppose that makes this a good time."

"Hey, Bella, it's a little cold out here. Did you want your jacket?"

I spun around to face Mike, having totally forgotten he was there behind me. Unfortunately my foot did not turn in sync with my ankle and the shoe went out from under me. I fell ungracefully towards the ground with a particularly undignified yelp. Mike caught me just before my face hit the concrete and he helped me back upright, slipping the jacket over my shoulders in the process.

"Miss Swan? …Bella?"

I had no idea how the phone was still in my hand, but I brought it quickly back to my ear.

"Yes, sir. Still here, sir."

"Are you all right?"

"Oh, yeah, sure. Just a little disagreement with gravity for a second there. Happens all the time. No biggie."

I closed my eyes and smacked myself in the head. _Happens all the time? _I could have told him I dropped the phone or that someone had bumped into me, but no. I basically admitted to having difficulty remaining in an upright position. Good one, Bells. That makes you sound like a competent adult.

"Ooo-kay. Well, I wanted to talk you about that position," he informed me.

And did that sound dirty, or was it just the tequila thinking? The giddiness was bringing out the pre-broken Bella in me, and it took all my willpower not to respond with a sexual innuendo. Somehow I managed an appropriate response without slurring the words. Much.

"I would love to hear your decision on the matter, sir."

"As previously mentioned it is a general editing position. If you still don't feel it would be too petty a station for you I would like to offer it to you. The first four weeks would be a trial period on both our parts, with either of us permitted to terminate the relationship should we feel for any reason that it was not working out. Are you still interested in working for our company?"

"Am I ever!" I blurted out. Be cool, Bella! "That is, yes, of course I am."

"Excellent. Would you be willing to meet me at 8:00 am in my office on Monday morning to discuss hours, salary, and the terms of the probationary period?"

"Yes, of course. Monday's perfect. Absolutely fine. I'll be there!"

Okay, that time he definitely chuckled. Whether he was laughing with me or at me no longer mattered. I was getting the job!

"Good evening, Miss Swan. Enjoy the rest of your night."

"Yes, sir, I will. Thank you."

I hung up the phone, threw my hands into the air, and let out a loud whoop. And then, because he was there, I grabbed both sides of Mike's face and pressed a hard, smacking kiss on his lips. When I let go of him his face split into a dazed grin.

"That was a good call, I guess?"

"Come on!" I grabbed his hand and dragged him back into the building. "We have some celebrating to do!"

Two more drinks and I was on the dance floor with Alice dancing to Buckcherry's _Crazy Bitch_. Although, I wouldn't exactly call it dancing. It was more like a lot of jumping and hair shaking coinciding with some very loud lyric shouting. Eric and Mike held our drinks and watched us from the much safer distance of the bar. It continued through Breaking Benjamin's _I Will Not Bow_ and on through Nickelback's _Burn It To the Ground._ As an unfamiliar song came through the speakers we finally made our way back over to the bar. My face was flushed and my hair was probably all over the place, but I was feeling much too high to care. Mike handed me my drink.

"Wow, you really are a 'crazy bitch' out there," he joked. "I thought you said you didn't dance."

"With enough liquid stupidity I do, but trying it with another person is just plain dangerous."

"Well, I'd be willing to take the risk to try just about anything with you."

Right about here normal Bella would have turned to hide her eye rolling. Drunk Bella found it absolutely hysterical and stumbled against him as she let out an unnaturally high pitched giggle. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders to help stabilize me while I instinctively placed a bracing hand on his chest. As he looked down at me and his head began to descend a forceful hiccup rose out of me and I dropped into another fit of giggles. Glancing up through the tears I could see the chagrined look on his face.

"I'm sorry!" Hiccup. "I just," hiccup, "get a bad case of the," hiccup, "when I drink too much!"

He smiled. "That's okay. It's kind of cute, actually."

"Uh-oh!" Alice squealed. "Belwa's into the hiccups. Maybe we sood slow down. Oh! _Psycho_!"

And with that she pulled me back onto the dance floor. The rest of the night passed in a hazy blur. I think at some point I did end up dancing with Mike, but it was probably a blessing that I did not remember the event too well. As the bar began its last calls the four of us decided to call it a night and split a cab. I sent Jake a scrambled text that I hoped he would be able to interpret as informing him that we were on our way back and Alice would be staying over. The cab dropped us off first and as I stumbled out of the car Mike leaned out to grab my hand.

"I'd really like to get your number before I possibly never see you again."

I smiled dreamily at him before reaching over to pet his face. "Thas so sweet."

"Jeez, Bella! You girls can't keep doing this to yourselves! You'll make yourselves sick!"

Next thing I knew Jake's warm arms were wrapping around me and sweeping me off the ground. Mike had fallen back into the cab with a crestfallen expression. I winked and pointed my finger at him.

"Herez lookin achoo, kid."

I don't know how Jake managed to loop an arm through Alice's with me still bundled against his chest, but he got us both safely into the apartment. He dropped me fully clothed onto my bed where I immediately passed out.

I slept through most of Saturday and Sunday passed by in a fog of misery in which I vowed never to touch tequila again. Alice had made a full recovery by Saturday afternoon, completely bypassing the hangover blues as usual. I would have slowly strangled the perkiness out of her if I could have worked up the energy.

By Monday morning I had finally recovered and once again stood in front of my mirror fretting over my appearance. I kept alternating between putting my hair up and leaving it down. I finally decided that putting it up was more professional and coiled it into a low bun with a fancy little clip to hold it in place. Next came the outfit. With as many times as I had made a fool of myself in front of this man I was sorely tempted to put The Suit on again, but I didn't think it would help my case any to make it look like that was the only decent outfit I owned. I settled on a pair of gray slacks and matched it with a white blouse that tied at the throat. I used a thin red belt overtop the blouse to cinch my waist and add a touch of color. A matching red gloss went across my lips and I figured that was as good as it would get.

It was the same gloss as Alice had chosen for me to wear to the club, and I groaned at the blurry memories it evoked. I could not believe how shamelessly I had thrown myself at that man, practically hanging on him all night. He wouldn't have been my type even if I were in the market. Cute as he was he had that desperate, clingy air to him that I generally shied away from. I was a girl who needed her space sometimes. James had known that. I shook my head and pushed the thought away. I could only be grateful that Jacob had interrupted before I had given the guy my number, and I would not have to worry about having to face him again.

I poured myself a small glass of orange juice for breakfast. The nerves in my stomach left it much too unsettled for anything more solid. With a deep calming breath, a quick little pep talk, and one last cursory glance in the mirror, I picked up my briefcase and left. At 7:50 I walked through the doors of Cullen Publishing for the first time as an employee. Angela smiled at me from behind the desk.

"Bella, I heard the good news. I can't tell you what a relief it was. All the other candidates seemed like such pompous snobs."

"Thanks, Ang. I can still barely believe it myself. I feel like if I pinch myself I'll wake up to find it was all just a dream."

"Well, then, don't pinch yourself."

I smiled. "Sound advice."

"The boss is upstairs waiting for you. I believe you know the way?"

"Yes, thank you."

I used the journey up to brace myself for the coming meeting. I lifted my head, squared my shoulders, and began a new mantra in my head. _I am an intelligent woman. I will not fall. I will not stutter. I will not say anything stupid. _I tried to convince myself that the previous Bella was just some calamity-ridden stranger who had temporarily inhabited my body and I was once more the suave, ambitious professional I had once known myself to be. Mr. Likes-to-Laugh-at-My-Clumsiness would be both stunned and impressed by the change.

The door was open this time and the copper-haired Adonis sat with his head bowed over the desk reading over some papers. He glanced up at the sound of my approach. If there was a hitch in my step as the power of those eyes slammed into me I assured myself it was too small to be noticed. His lips curved slowly into a smile and my stomach clenched. I told myself it was from nerves. What else could it be?

"Miss Swan. Please, have a seat. Did you have a pleasant weekend?"

A night I wished I didn't remember followed by a blinding headache and nauseating hangover.

I smiled. "Yes, sir, it was absolutely divine."

His lips remained in that mysterious little smile that implied he was laughing at some private joke. I was already beginning to hate that smile.

"Excellent. I have some papers here I would like you to look over and sign, then we can discuss any questions you might have, after which I will give you a tour of the building."

I accepted the folder he slid across the desk. Taking it, I crossed my legs and leaned back in my chair, determined to read through it all quite thoroughly before signing my name to anything. I did not want to get trapped by any clauses or legalities that I might overlook. I'd had a life's worth of legal conflicts. I read carefully through the company's rules and policies, trying to commit as many to memory as possible. Next was a detailed description of my position with a list of all the responsibilities it entailed. It was pretty much what was to be expected. The starting salary was decently higher than standard. From there it went into an explanation of the qualifications for raises and the opportunity for advancement. Like most companies they preferred to promote from within before seeking outside candidates. The list of employee benefits nearly floored me. It was more than generous. I'd be a fool not to take this job.

I skimmed through once more, paying special attention to the more confusing legalese. I was sure there had to be a catch somewhere. As I did so I found myself struggling not to squirm under the intensity of Edward's gaze. He'd been silently watching me the entire time. Didn't he have any other work to occupy himself while I read this? He could at least pull up a computer game or something and pretend to be working. It was a very distracting and uncomfortable feeling to have him staring at me that way.

I finally gave up and decided that if there was a catch it was too well hidden for me to find it. I signed and dated all the appropriate places, sliding the folder back to Edward. He took out the pages I had signed, slipped them into another folder, then handed the original one back to me.

"This one is yours for your own personal files."

"Thank you."

"Do you have any questions?"

"I noticed there was no outline of a schedule in these forms. I was wondering what kind of hours I will be working?"

"Of course. You'll be full time, with your position being the typical eight to four workweek Monday through Friday. There will be the occasional Saturday morning conference and the company does have two weekend retreats a year, one of which is mandatory, but you'll be informed of all such occasions well in advance. And, of course, there are certain clientele that will expect to be treated to dinner or some such outing, as I'm sure you've dealt with before. These may be set up at your discretion and at the company's expense. Does this suit you?"

"Perfectly, sir."

"You make me feel like an old man with all these 'sirs'. Please, call me Edward. Or Mr. Cullen if you must."

"Certainly, Mr. Cullen."

That secret smile graced his lips again, and I found myself wondering what he was laughing at this time. The shocking thought that it was a very lickable smile popped into my head, and I blushed as I ruthlessly squashed it back down. I wasn't currently interested in licking his or anyone else's lips at the moment. I had learned the hard way that men were not worth the heartache they brought.

"May I have your permission to call you Bella?"

"Of course, si—Mr. Cullen."

My name should not sound so sensuous coming from his lips. I told myself it was just the relief of not being called Izzy. Most of my life I had been Izzy. Portland had always been the only place people called me Bella—our friends and family adopting the nickname that my father had given to me. In Phoenix I had been Izzy. I somehow felt that it would be so much easier returning to my career in publishing as Bella rather than as Izzy. Izzy held too many painful memories.

"Do you have any further questions before we begin the tour?"

"Not that I can think of. I'll let you know if any occur to me."

"Right then. We'll work our way from bottom to top then, before returning here to have you fill out the rest of the paperwork. Just some W-2's and insurance forms. You'll have to pick out the health package that suits you best. Then we'll get you situated into your new office."

I smiled, trying not to feel overwhelmed. "Sounds fair. Shall we begin?"

He stood and indicated that I should precede him out of his office. He closed the door and led me over to the elevators. I tried not to notice how pleasant his cologne smelled as we were closed into the small space together. I focused instead on observing the elaborate design of the cabin and congratulated myself of having acting suitably composed today and sounding much more articulate. My chances of getting through this day without embarrassing myself were improving by the minute. The doors pinged open and I followed Edward out into the lobby. Angela winked at me as we passed and I gave her a small little thumbs up when I was sure he wasn't looking. He opened a door labeled Printing: Authorized Personnel Only and held it open for me.

"The entire first floor and level beneath it are devoted to printing," he explained. "The heavier equipment is downstairs, which we won't be visiting today. This floor is for layout, design and polishing. We do almost all of our printing in-house. It saves on expense."

"Very wise. Do you also do the cover-art and graphic designs here?"

"No, we contract out for that. Our Marketing Manager oversees that aspect of the business. He's out of the office today, but you'll meet him eventually."

I hummed, wondering whether I was supposed to be more enthusiastic over the prospect. I'd worked with marketing personnel before, it was hard to operate in the business without bumping into any, but mostly my job did not interlace much with theirs. I didn't see what the big deal would be on my meeting the Marketing Manager. He led me around the floor, explaining stations and introducing me to people along the way. I was impressed that in a company so large he seemed to remember the names of all the employees. I followed easily without tripping, stumbling, or bumping into anything. I even made several intelligent observations and witty remarks, evoking a smile from him that was nearly intoxicating in its brilliance. I was truly beginning to believe that today I would make restoration for all the ridiculous impressions I had left before. Then another door opened and a man stepped into our pathway.

"Bella!" Mike exclaimed. "What a surprise! Wow, are you going to be working here? And here I thought I'd have to comb through all the Bellas in Portland before finding you again. What a coincidence, huh?"

Coincidence? I was beginning to think it was just another phase of the cruel joke Fate was playing on me.


	6. To Lunch or Not to Lunch?

**AN: Wow, I've been getting a great response to this story. Thank you everybody who's been reading and adding me to their favs. And thank you for the awesome reviews. What a great ego boost! I can't wait to see how you like the rest of the story. I'm definitely going to try to keep up with my postings!!**

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**BPOV**

After two weeks of employment with Cullen Publishing I had, almost, recovered from the misfortunes with which I had begun. I was easing comfortably into a routine with only the annoying hindrance of Mike's near daily visit to my office. I was becoming remarkably adept at making myself appear much too busy for more than a moment or two of conversation. At least twice he had attempted to ask me out, but I had thus far succeeded in either completely circumventing the request or pretending to misunderstand it entirely. Today had been particularly difficult. He'd stopped up during his lunch break and offered to take me out to Luigi's, an upscale Italian joint just down the street. I'd lied and told him I just got back from lunch, and then been forced to sneak a sandwich and bag of chips in the privacy of my office so as not to get caught in the lie. I was afraid if he did not get the message soon I would have to be more direct in my dismissal. I was not looking forward to alienating a coworker so soon after my employment.

I had to admit, though, that the moment of that horrendous shock could have gone worse. At least none of my idiotic drunken performances had been exposed—particularly the dancing or the flirting. Edward had inquired how we already knew each other and Mike had simply explained, rather graciously, that he and his friend had bumped into Alice and myself at a night club and shared some drinks together. There was no mention of the bottomless tequilas or the outrageous behavior, but I was sure that Edward, having spoken to me that very evening, was already aware that I'd imbibed more than my share. Drunk as a skunk who can't smell its own funk, if I was being honest with myself. I'd been too embarrassed to sneak a look at the expression on his face.

Since then I had managed to avoid any further awkward situations or clumsy catastrophes. I'd even bought myself a new briefcase. I was determined that there would be no more flying folder scenes.

I had not seen much of Edward since my first day, for which I was actually a little grateful. For some reason most of my Inspector Gadget moments seemed to happen around him. The few glimpses I had caught of him he had either been running from one meeting to another or closing himself up in that office of his with a mountain of paperwork. Angela hadn't been kidding when she said the Cullens had earned their positions. He seemed to work twice as hard as anyone in the office. As much as I tried not to think of him I couldn't help but wonder what demon was driving him to push himself so hard. Nor could I help admiring him just a little for it. Ambition and drive were certainly something I could relate to.

As to my own work I had thrown myself into it with a passion I'd long thought lost. After the excruciatingly long leave of absence that had been forced on me and the tension to which I had returned to my Phoenix office, I had nearly forgotten how much I enjoyed the work. Secluding myself in my office every day with stacks of unpublished manuscripts was like returning to land after too many years lost at sea. It was a good feeling. I'd even taken to bringing some of the work home with me at nights, content to spend my evenings reading while Jake worked on his new personal project—a rusted, broken down Camaro that he'd bought dirt cheap and was set on restoring. As a result I was putting through much more outflow than was required. I only hoped that Edward accredited it to a high standard of work ethics and a passion for the job rather than an early attempt at sucking up that would fizzle away as I became more complacent with my position.

And speak of the devil and he shall appear. Edward came strolling into my office. I rose up to my feet when he walked in.

"No, keep your seat, Bella. We're not so formal around here that you have to pop up every time the brass walks into your office."

I eased back into my chair as he propped one of those lean hips against my desk. It was difficult not to observe how ridiculously well he wore his suit, but I reminded myself that he was engaged and that I was not interested. It made no difference to me that the cut of his jacket emphasized the breadth of his shoulders or that his ass looked sinfully tight and tempting in those pants. I was not given to temptation.

"I actually just came in to see if you would be interested in lunching with me so that we might discuss how well you've been acclimating to the job. I feel a little guilty that I haven't been by more recently to check on you."

The vague feeling of disappointment at having already eaten my lunch took me by surprise.

"I've already lunched, unfortunately, but really there's been no need to check up on me, Mr. Cullen. It's an extremely pleasant environment and I thoroughly enjoy the work. It would be difficult to find anything to complain about. Everyone here has been very welcoming."

"Yes, I've noticed," he muttered.

I frowned as I contemplated the connotation of that statement, but his face instantly smoothed back into a mask of polite interest.

"I suppose I'll just have to sooth my ego that it was just bad timing on my part and not a lack of interest on yours to dine with me." Even as my stomach clenched I assured myself that he was just being friendly and not actually attempting to flirt with me. I wouldn't have wanted him to flirt with me, anyway. He went on. "I've noticed how hard you've been working here. I hope you don't believe we expect that level of commitment from you. I wouldn't like to see you run yourself into the ground."

Odd how I had just been thinking about this very issue. And ironic that concern over my overexerting myself should come from someone who never appeared to slow down himself. But I just smiled and gave him an honest answer.

"Of course not, sir. It's mostly due to a true love for the work and my current lack of social life since moving to a new city. I'm afraid I haven't settled in enough to get out much yet, and due to a mix-up in shipping there's been a delay in the shipping of the rest of my belongings—which includes my entire supply of leisure reading. I've been taking some of the manuscripts home with me to pass the time."

He flashed that dazzling smile at me and for just one moment my brain function ceased. That damn smile of his gave him a needlessly compelling edge.

"So I should be thanking UPS for our current increase in productivity?"

I laughed. "FedEx actually."

"I'll write them a letter of appreciation today."

I leaned back in my chair, surprised at this nimble-witted sense of humor from a man I had believed to be overly single-minded and austere.

"You make it difficult for me to remain irritated with them."

"Oh, by all means, please don't give up your grudge on my account."

"I can promise you I won't. I'm wonderfully skilled at holding onto a grudge."

Was I really having this playful banter with my boss and the owner's son right now? It didn't seem real. I'd begun to suspect that he was avoiding me the past couple weeks, probably wary of collateral damage from my many moments of gaucherie. Some of the looks I'd caught from him had been so intense, almost angry, that I'd feared he regretted bringing me in here. And now we were exchanging quips and carrying on a light and facetious conversation. I wondered what had brought on this sudden shift in mood.

His beautiful lips tilted again. "Duly noted. So do you feel this job is going to work out for you?"

Oh, shit. He was dropping me already. That was why he was being so nice—coating a bitter pill in a layer of sugar. Tread carefully here, Bella, sound happy without seeming too desperate. Let him know you want to continue working here without acting like it's your only option. Even if it is.

"I'm extremely satisfied with it, Mr. Cullen. I can't even imagine working anywhere else now."

That sounded gracious, right? Can't imagine isn't the same as can't possibly. And why did his eyes have to be so deeply green? They were staring at me so intently I could hardly look away. It was like getting lost in the depths of the jungle and not knowing if you'll ever find your way out. They were the kind of eyes that made you want to toss out the compass and settle in to stay.

"We have two more weeks yet to decide, but I'm inclined to agree with you. You seem to be fitting in very well. I can see why Brodwick was reluctant to let go of you."

Thank God, he wasn't firing me. I could breathe again.

"Thank you, Mr. Cullen, that's very kind of you."

There was an awkward moment of silence as he continued to look down at me, and I wondered if there was something else he had wanted to discuss with me. If so, I couldn't imagine why he didn't just spit it out. Unless it was something uncomfortable to bring up. Maybe he had decided to can me and he was just trying to pat me on the head a little first. Was he setting me up for disappointment? No, of course not, he'd just said he valued my work hadn't he? Or maybe…Oh God, had he seen the way I'd stared at him whenever he passed by my office and was trying to think of a polite way to squash what he thought was a budding crush? I hadn't meant to stare at him, and I certainly hadn't meant it in that manner! It's just hard not to look at a person that perfectly gorgeous. I'd have stared at his Aphrodite fiancé in the same way had she been the one to walk by!

My desk phone rang and I grabbed it up like a lifeline halfway through the first ring.

"Cullen Publishing, this is Bella Swan."

I prayed I didn't sound as out of breath as I felt.

"Hi, Bella, it's Angela."

"Oh, hi, Ang. How are you?"

The friendship that I had first struck up with Angela had only grown stronger over the course of the two weeks. I could already tell it was going to be a lasting bond whether I stayed on here or not. Please don't let it be not.

"Oh, I'm fine except that the Chief of Police is here looking for you. Bella Swan, what have you gotten yourself into?"

I quickly glanced up in mortification to see if Edward had overheard that part of the conversation. By the sudden quirking of his eyebrow I bitterly regretted my habit of keeping my receiver volume all the way up to avoid missing anything a client might have to say.

"No, no, I haven't—"

"I'm joking, Bella. He told me he was your father. You could have told me that tidbit sooner, though. It's not every day you get an inside connection to the Chief of Police."

"Oh, sorry, it never really crossed my mind. I'm just used to it I guess."

"Well, he was a little disappointed that you had already taken your lunch—I think he wanted to surprise treat you—but I told him I'd call up and see if you were busy now. Would you like me to send him up?"

My first thought was what was this? Official take Bella Swan to lunch day? Did I really look that malnutritioned? My second thought was why now? I hadn't decided yet whether I was ready to face Charlie. I had never told him of everything I went through in Phoenix, but I knew that as the Chief of Police there was no way he would not have heard about his only daughter being taken to court on assault charges. He would want to talk about it, and I wasn't sure I could discuss it yet in classic show-no-emotion Charlie speak. This was one of the reasons I had yet to contact him. Why had he chosen now to approach me and at work of all places? And of all times he had to do so it was when Edward was hanging over my shoulder. I glanced up him feeling the warring indecision that was sure to be showing on my face. I about fell out of my seat when he leaned over and hit the speaker button on my phone.

"You may tell him that Miss Swan will be down in a minute. She's been working very hard lately and I'm rewarding her with the rest of the day off."

"That's so nice of you, Mr. Cullen! I'll tell him right away."

With that Angela clicked off and I gaped up my boss. "That is very kind of you, but completely unnecessary. I can easily visit with him after my shift is over."

"I wouldn't want to get on the bad side of the Chief of Police by allowing him to think I'm working his daughter too hard, now would I?"

"Don't be silly. He's not so unreasonable a man."

"He doesn't object too strongly to your living arrangements then, I take it?"

I felt my face pale at the implication. I wanted to shout at him that it was none of his business. I found it to be in exceptionally poor taste that he had even brought it up. I realized how it must have looked to him when I'd run down the steps that day, but it was the 21st century after all and I definitely did not owe my boss any explanation for where or with whom I might have slept! Feeling the indignant outrage rising within me I took a moment to compose myself before uttering something I would regret. My temper had gotten me into trouble more than once. Leaving early held a very sudden appeal to me. Shoving my current work into my briefcase, I closed it with a loud snap and rose to face my boss.

"For your information my father is fully aware that what is between my _roommate_ and myself is nothing more than a solid friendship and a convenient living arrangement. And even if our relationship were of a more romantic nature then my father would also be aware of the fact that I am a grown woman perfectly capable of making her own decisions, and he would be supportive of me whether he approved or not!"

I took a deep breath wishing I had stopped at 'convenient living arrangement' but knowing that I had never been very good at reigning in my temper. If I had been then I never would have allowed my pride to goad me into rising to Victoria's bate all those months ago. Anger was like a catalyst for my word vomit. It left me incapable of controlling my tongue. Feeling chagrined and slightly mortified I gathered up my jacket and squeezed my way around him while looking anywhere but at his face. Edward placed his hand on my arm to prevent my escape. I tried, and failed, not to notice how warm and firm it felt through the sleeve of my shirt.

"Miss Swan…Bella. I apologize. I was way out of line just now. Your personal life is not any of my business and certainly not my place to comment upon. I am deeply sorry if I sounded judgmental."

His quiet apology only made me regret my outburst that much more. My gaze still trained on the floor, I nodded my head slowly and then quickly slipped my way out the door. I all but jogged to the elevator, feeling his gaze burn into my back all the way. I never thought I would be grateful to see Charlie when I stepped off into the lobby, but I had realized suddenly that what I'd said upstairs was true. No matter how Charlie felt about what I'd done or the things I'd been through he would always support me. I approached him feeling more open than I might have had Edward not pissed me off upstairs. He came up to me and hesitantly stopped about a foot in front of me, shifting his weight uncomfortably.

"Hey, Bells. I didn't mean to disturb you at work here. But I figured that if you hadn't called me after three weeks then you weren't going make the first move, and I thought you'd be less likely to send me packing here than at your apartment."

He smiled crookedly at his own lame attempt for a joke. I smiled back.

"I wouldn't have sent you packing. I've just been busy is all. You know…settling in, getting situated in my new job."

"Yeah, I wanted to congratulate you on that. Cullen Publishing. That's kind of a big deal, isn't it?"

"Yes, it kind of is." _Even if one Cullen in particular was a nosy, condescending, overbearing asshole._

We stood like that for another awkward moment.

"Well," I said. "Should we go get coffee or something? It appears I'm free for the remainder of the day."

"Yeah, sure. I could use some good coffee after that sludge they keep at the station."

"Are you hungry? Cause I already ate but we can go somewhere that serves lunch if you haven't."

"Yeah, that'd be good. Why don't we go to that little diner by your place?"

I felt my lips tug up. I hadn't even lived here a month yet and it seemed I was already developing a Usual Spot. I was definitely a creature of habit, and it wasn't hard to see where I got it from. If there was one thing that Renée could not be accused of it was consistency.

As we settled into our prospective coffee and meal I finally told him the basics of my life over the past two years. I knew he would appreciate my leaving out some of the more emotional details. Charlie didn't deal well with expressing emotion. He remained silent throughout the length of the tale, just listening and eating. He didn't look up until I'd finished talking.

"It was a smart move to get out of there. Sounds like it had turned into an ugly situation. That nimrod won't be able to get close to you up here."

Leave it to Charlie to make it that simple. Renée would have been beside herself with outrage and vengeance on my behalf, not to mention the emotional outbursts and psychoanalytical concern. I often wondered how my staid father and gypsy of mother had ever hooked up in the first place. There were no two people less alike than they.

"So you're, uh, you're doing okay now then? You don't need to, you know, talk it out or anything?"

"No, I'm okay. I'm pretty much over it."

I was nowhere even near over it but I thought that maybe if kept saying I was then eventually I might believe it. Besides, there was no way in hell that I wanted to talk to Charlie about the utter fuck up of my first physical relationship with a man. There were some things a girl just didn't talk about with her father.

"Cause you can, you know. Talk to me if you need to."

"I know, Charlie. I'm okay. Really."

I stole a fry off his plate as if that would somehow prove the truth of my words. It was almost comical how relieved he looked. For the rest of lunch we talked of menial things. I was a little surprised to learn that he was dating someone and had been doing so for almost a year now. I knew the woman he mentioned and couldn't help but think they were actually kind of perfect for each other. Even more surprising was that he blushed when he talked about her. It gave him an endearing, almost boyish quality. I found myself feeling a little bit softer toward Charlie than I had in some years. Other than that the hour passed quietly. It was definitely not a lunch to have sparked a sudden father-daughter bonding moment, but it was peaceful. I felt like there was potential there for progress. Maybe it was finally time to let go of the past.

When I got back to the garage Jake was at work on the Camaro. He looked up when I walked in and put down his power drill.

"Hey, Legs. You're home early."

"Yeah, I got off work a little early. Had lunch with Charlie."

"Really? That's great! How'd it go? Did you tell him about…?"

I shrugged. "It went okay, and yeah, I told him. Same response as you'd expect. He didn't say much."

"It's not cause he doesn't care, you know. He just—"

"You don't have to explain him to me, Jake. I know how it is with Charlie. I'm his daughter, remember? I know he cares. Things are still just a little….weird."

"Oh. Well, how did the rest of your day go? Work still going good?"

"Aside from my boss basically implying I'm a shameless harlot, it went great," I joked.

"He did what?! Where is he? I'll kill the bastard. Where the hell does he get off saying something like that?"

"Jake, calm down! It was nothing, really, and he already apologized. I was just joking about it. He happened to see me when I came running down here in your shirt that one day and completely misunderstood the situation."

"Still, it's none of his business even if you'd come down here wearing nothing but my neck tie! You're his employee not his goddamned property!"

I laughed. "I already told him that in so many words and he sincerely apologized. And anyway, I don't think you own a neck tie."

"I've got a neck tie," he muttered. "Somewhere. So, wait, your boss is that Aston Martin guy? What a waste of a great car."

"Leave it to you to reduce a guy to his car."

"It is an awesome car. Still, you tell me if he gives you anymore trouble, Bells. You don't have to take that shit just because he pays you well."

"I promise I will tell you if he gives me any more trouble, but I honestly don't think it will be an issue. Besides, you know me better than to think I'll stand for that nonsense. I am perfectly capable of standing up for myself."

Jake looked me quietly in the eye. "I know you used to stand up for yourself beautifully, Bells, but lately you haven't been yourself. I wouldn't want to see anyone take advantage of you while you're vulnerable."

I didn't know whether I should be touched or offended. I didn't want to hear that I'd been letting people walk over me, but nor could I deny the possible truth of it. And his words had been moving in a sweet, sentimental way. I decided to be touched, walking over to kiss him on the cheek.

"It's good to know that I have my own personal guard dog until I get my spine back, Jake. I'm sorry if I haven't always been as good a friend to you."

"You've always been a perfect friend, Bells. Come on. Let's go upstairs, pop in some cheesy movie, and destroy a few bags of popcorn."

I laughed. "Why, that's the best offer I've had all day. I think I'll take you up on it."


	7. Though This Be Madness

**AN: Thank you all so much for all the wonderful comments! You truly are an inspiration. And I know a lot of you have been wondering when I was going to get around to Edward's POV….well, my lovelies, your patience is about to pay off because here it is. I hope it's everything you were expecting!**

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EPOV**

I glanced up from my work for what had to be the fiftieth time. With my door open I could just barely see Bella's profile though the glass wall of her office. She never dropped the blinds. I still couldn't say what had possessed me to put her there when I knew how easily I was distracted by her. Putting a new employee somewhere I could keep my eye on her had seemed like a good idea at the time. Now the trouble was taking my eye off of her. I seemed incapable.

I had really fucked up yesterday. I could tell by the rigid set of her shoulders and the way she had avoided looking in my direction when she came in this morning that she was still pissed at me. I didn't blame her. I still couldn't believe the words that had come out of my mouth yesterday. I had sounded like a puritanical old nursemaid gathering up stones and accusing her of the unholy sin of living with a man outside of matrimony. Normally I was the last one to care about such things. I considered myself a modern man. What people decided to do with their personal lives was their own affair. I did not seem to carry the same attitude when it came to Bella.

In my own defense I had been stewing with jealousy ever since I had seen her come down those stairs that day in the garage, and I thought I had been doing a fairly good job of keeping it hidden. I'd been enraptured by her ever since I'd heard her laugh in the diner all those weeks ago. I'd thought it had been the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. It made me understand how the sirens had lured all those seamen to their watery deaths among the rocks. A man might go to the ends of the earth just to hear a sound like that. I'd tried to convince myself that the man she'd been with had just been a friend or acquaintance. Maybe even a relative.

I'd sat down at my usual table and tried to think of a way to introduce myself to her that wouldn't be tacky and obvious. Then she had left and the opportunity was gone. The depths of my disappointment had amazed even me. I felt like a man who'd been walking in the dark all his life and been offered his first glimpse of sunlight, discovering everything he was missing only to have it snatched away again. It was a ridiculous reaction to have to a complete stranger, but I couldn't shake the feeling that the destiny train of my life had just made an important stop and I'd let it pass by without bothering to step on. I spent days thinking of that moment with a sense of bitter regret.

Imagine my surprise when only two days later I should step off the elevator at work and see that very same goddess from the diner striding through the lobby. At first I had been too shocked to move. I thought, perhaps, I had been hallucinating. Then she'd bumped into that table and spilled the contents of her briefcase all over the floor. I'd started over with the intention of assisting her, but she was already gathering it all up and muttering all sorts of profanities that those lovely lips had no business saying but which sounded ridiculously adorable coming from them. I couldn't help but notice the slim shapeliness of the leg protruding from the opening in her skirt. Then she had been up and rushing for the door as if the hounds of hell were after her. I'd actually cringed a little when she smacked right into it, uttering an expression which sounded much more sexual to me than its usage had been intended. And then she was gone again.

I had gone straight to Angela, having noticed that some of the papers the girl had picked up had looked a lot like résumés. Sure enough, sitting in my mail basket on her desk was a blue folder that had not been there before. I grabbed it up and took it back up to my office with me. I was planning to call her regardless of the content of the folder, but reading it only made me that much more determined. Her résumé was both polished and professional, and her credentials were remarkable. I was impressed to learn that she had graduated a year early and been immediately accepted into a company known for only taking experienced applicants. She had gotten two promotions within two years. That was an amazing accomplishment for a woman so young. Intelligent, beautiful, ambitious…she seemed too good to be true.

I almost skipped entirely over the background check, but it was routine and would be required for her files. I'd barely even glanced at it before starting to slip it into her file, but it was enough to catch my eye. Mandatory leave of absence without pay. Pending court case. Charges of assault and harassment. I was waiting for that Aha moment—the moment when my mind would finally say, "So this is what's wrong with her. I knew she couldn't be real." It never came. If anything I was only more intrigued. As I was leaving that day I left a note for Angela to call Miss Swan and set up an interview.

I certainly did not expect to see her the very next day. I reflected back to the day I had agreed to pick up my brother's car for him—Emmett having been caught up in some last minute wedding crisis with the flowers or something. What Rose expected Emmett to do about it I didn't know, but that was his problem not mine. I was just going to pick up his car for him.

I had taken a taxi into one of the middle income areas of the city, somewhat surprised by how small the garage turned out to be. Emmett had chosen it because of all the praise he'd heard about the work done there. I had expected it to be bigger. But the mechanic, although young, seemed to know what he was talking about when he described to me the repairs he'd made. I only half listened, trying to place where I had seen him before that might explain why I took such an instant dislike to him. He seemed like a nice enough character. He was friendly and sociable with an enthusiasm for his work that was almost childish in its intensity. I couldn't figure out why I wanted to punch him in the face.

Then she came down the stairs and everything clicked into focus. The girl from the diner. The guy who had been with her. It was obvious they were not related.

"Hey, Jake! Do you—"

She stopped and froze when she saw me, probably having not expected to encounter a stranger in the workshop. After all, she was wearing a man's shirt that was much too large on her, and did not appear to have much on under it…if anything. Her face was free of makeup and her hair was piled sloppily on top of her head with several mahogany locks falling down around her face. It looked as if she had hastily pulled on the shirt and thrown up her hair before running down. She looked sexily flushed and tousled. As if someone had just tousled her. Even as my eyes drank in the sight of her my hands fisted in protest against my sudden hard-on and the thought that the much-too-young stud beside me had put her in such a carnal state.

He called her Legs. It wasn't hard to see why with those ivory beauties extending from beneath the hem of the shirt that she kept tugging at self-consciously. But I was unreasonably furious at the thought that he got to do more than look at those legs. I was feeling insanely proprietary towards a woman who didn't even know my name. It was a madness from which I had yet to recover. There was some talk about sugar or something, I didn't quite catch it all, and then that boy, _Jake_, had left the room to retrieve something. A heavy silence fell as I stared at her.

I knew I should have spoken to her—made a joke, lightened the situation, even told her my goddamned name, but like an idiot I just stood there. I couldn't get my brain past the sudden realization that those stairs must lead to a second story apartment and that apparently she lived there with this muscle-bound mechanic. She seemed to be at a similar loss for speech, unblinkingly watching me with those large doe eyes like a deer caught in the headlights. Then the boy had returned and the tension had been broken. She had taken the container from him and fled back up the stairs. I found myself again fighting the urge to drive my fist into his smug face, this time much stronger than before. I'm still not sure how I managed to restrain myself.

I couldn't count the number of times I had picked up the phone that day to tell Angela not to schedule the interview. I should not pursue a woman who evoked such an unhealthy reaction in me, let alone employ one. Especially one who was so obviously unavailable. It would complicate things and only add to my self-inflicted torment…and yet I could not force myself to make the call. I tried to tell myself it was only because she had such high qualifications and excellent referrals. She was the perfect candidate for the job. But deep down I knew that I was just that pathetically desperate to see her again. I feared it was becoming an obsession.

The day of the interview I was determined to be professionally distant and to treat her with complete objectivity. I was sure that after finally meeting her and having the opportunity to talk to her I would find that she was not as unrealistically beguiling as I had imagined her to be. How wrong I was.

First of all she'd come in wearing that damn suit again. The one with the tight-fitting skirt with the slit up the side that was by no means indecent and yet still brought about an undeniably indecent reaction from me. I was actually hoping she would have to stoop down again to expose more of that creamy white thigh like before. I'd never really thought myself to be much of a leg man, but I could not get over how perfect hers were. I knew I was in trouble when a sudden graphic image ran through my head of those magnificent legs wrapped around me. Quickly followed by a gut-wrenching image of them wrapped around the mechanic. I might have made a complete fool of myself right there had she not been looking at me with that comically stunned expression on her face. She looked completely floored to see me. Her reaction to me was enough to bring a smile to my face and regain sufficient control to greet her in a pleasant manner.

We began the interview typically enough. Her answers to my questions were concise and intelligent and more impressive than I had wished they would be. I had maintained a small hope that the real life version of her would not be quite as intellectual as her paper presentation of herself, anything to make her seem a little less perfect. I was no longer surprised by the fact that she was even more so in person. Even the names of authors she listed off as her favorites seemed fantastical. She had a preference for classics and dramatic romance as well as modern suspense. Many of those names graced the shelves of my own personal collection, and anyone who read Shakespeare as a pastime was certainly not a person to be taken lightly.

I couldn't believe it when she mentioned Mary Clement. That was one of my own newfound favorites and a promising new client for the company. I'd blurted out that we were in the process of signing her before I'd even thought better of it. It was never wise to let outside people in on the new talent we were pursuing in so competitive of an industry.

I knew I hadn't actually had any right to ask her of the charges, I'd seen that they had been dropped, but I'd been dying of curiosity. Her face had closed up and I was afraid for a moment that she would refuse to comment. But then she opened her mouth and that story came out and I actually felt sick to my stomach with outrage over what had been done to her—and I got the instinctive feeling that she was editing quite a bit of it. When she told me about the attack that had been launched on her in her own office I found myself wanting to strike a woman for the first time in my life. Then she made that comment about being the better fighter and it was all I could not to laugh and shout _Good for you!_ As much as I wanted be her White Knight riding in to her defense I acknowledge that I could not have done so when I hadn't even known her at the time. Not to mention that her display of backbone was a huge turn-on. It was becoming much more difficult to conceal my reaction to her.

Especially after that comment she made when I'd told her what position I was interviewing her for.

_"I only have one more question, Miss Swan."_

_"Yes, of course."_

_"It pains me to admit that I do not have a position to offer quite as lucrative as Creative Director. Would you be willing to take a downgrade back to the level of a common editor?"_

_"Oh, of course, sir! I'd be willing to take any position with you!" _

_My mind was immediately swamped by images of Bella and myself in a variety of positions—Bella in my bed, her silky hair spread across my pillow and her legs tight around my hips; Bella bent over my kitchen table while I ground into her from behind; Bella thrown across this very desk screaming out my name. Her eyes had dropped to her lap and her face turned the loveliest shade of pink, and I'd had to run through my entire collection of boner-deflating images to tame the raging hard-on in my pants._

"_What I mean to say is it would be an honor to work for your company in any capacity available."_

_I took a deep breath and forced out a laugh to ease her embarrassment. _

_"I think I understood the first time. Well, I think that basically concludes this interview. I'm all out of questions for the moment, anyway. I have a few other applications to look over, but you can expect a phone call either way by the end of this week. I can tell you I've been very impressed with your qualifications." I stood and held my hand out to her. "It's been an extreme pleasure meeting you, Miss Swan."_

I had already decided to hire her. She was intelligent, skilled, and qualified and after the story she'd told me I couldn't help but feel she deserved for something good to happen to her, but I had to go through the motions of interviewing the other applicants and at least make it look like I was weighing the decision. When I rose to close the meeting she'd stood and that blessed briefcase had popped open again, causing her to bend down and retrieve all her papers. I prayed she never got it fixed. I had not been able to resist repeating the words she had let loose the last time that happened. The look on her face when I'd done so had been priceless.

The following two days had been a long, tedious lesson in torture. I'd been forced to sit through all those other interviews and pretend to be interested while listening to the egotistical morons ramble on about themselves, extolling all their virtues and skills. None of them were Bella. They had not her experience, nor her credentials, nor her spark of wit, nor her passion for the work, nor her long, beautiful legs. Of course that last one was entirely irrelevant. I was not hiring her for her legs. But that didn't mean I wouldn't enjoy the view.

By the time I got off work that Friday I knew it was too late in the evening to call and offer her the position, and for a few hours I successfully managed to convince myself that Monday morning would be a much more appropriate time to call. Sometime after nine I had caved. I had dialed the number in her file, breathlessly waiting to hear that sweet, maple syrup voice of hers. Instead I was accosted by music so loud I had to pull the phone from my ear. Twice I tried to shout over it, then prepared to hang up the phone when finally the music had faded and I'd heard, "I'm sorry, what now?"

It was definitely her voice, but the volume and tone were not what I was used to hearing from her. I asked just to make sure I had the right number. She had quickly cut herself off from shouting out "Oh, fuck" and I'd realized with some amusement that she was at a club and quite obviously blitzed. Her sad attempt to cover up the slip was even more entertaining. I'd been concerned when I thought I heard her fall, but she'd quickly been back on the line, assuring me that she was fine and it happened all the time. She'd sounded breathless and giggly and utterly appealing. I had the sudden urge to be there and witness this drunk Bella in person. It grated to know that _Jake _was probably there with her.

I was thankful to have had the wedding over the weekend to take my mind off of her for a short while. I was much too busy on Saturday to dwell on how far away Monday morning was, and Sunday was spent in a mind-numbing state of hangover. Then it had been Monday and she was once more there in my office. It had been all I could do to take my eyes off of her for more than a minute. I knew I was staring like a hormonally overloaded adolescent with his first skin mag, but everything she did was enchanting. The way she shifted in her seat while she read, uncrossing and recrossing her legs. The way that wayward wisp of hair fell across her face and she tucked it impatiently behind her hair. Even the way her brows scrunched together in concentration was erotic. It made me think of other ways I could cause those features to tighten with intensity. That she was spoken for no longer seemed to matter. That she worked for me and was therefore off limits did not even cross my mind.

I felt like a little boy showing off a new toy as I began guiding her through the building. I was comfortable and well acquainted with just about everyone on our staff, and yet with each person I introduced her to I wanted to snatch her hand back and say _mine!_ It was beyond reasoning. I could hardly contain myself when Mike had shown up and revealed that he had spent Friday evening with Bella. The very evening that I had longed to be with her. Jake apparently not been there that night at all, but Mike had swooped in and now he was visiting her office almost every day when before he had rarely ever stepped foot on the third floor. It was infuriating.

I began to tell myself that Bella was not the type of woman I was interested in anyway. She apparently went out partying without her boyfriend and then proceeded to lead on poor Mike even while she was living with another man. I wanted nothing to do with a woman like that. Her unavailability was actually a blessing. It would help me to maintain a professional attitude toward her. She was an employee to me and nothing more. A damned good employee. Her first two weeks and she was already putting out more work than half the staff put together. And it was superior quality work. She was quiet, diligent and steadfast and had already built positive relationships with much of the staff. She was every employer's dream…and nothing more…and I certainly wasn't avoiding her in a futile attempt to believe my own words. I was just extremely busy with the heavier workload I had shouldered during Rosalie's vacation. That was all there was to it.

After two weeks I finally gave up on my attempts to deceive myself. I had walked past her office far more times than was necessary, oftentimes going out of my way just to do so. I slowed whenever Mike was there in order to eavesdrop on parts of their conversation. I could not fool myself that she was leading him on. She was very subtly trying to turn him down and he was not taking the hints. I almost felt sorry for him. I knew all too well what it was like to want to try to beg her favors. I'd thrown in the towel yesterday and invented an excuse to ask her to lunch. It was just my luck that she had already eaten, and in my frustration I had made that clumsy comment, and now I doubted she would ever want to speak with me again.

"Well, looks who's looking just as sober and brooding as usual. Perhaps you're the one who needs a few weeks on the beach, Edward."

I glanced up at the woman who had entered my office. Rosalie was looking as gorgeous as ever, her skin glowing with a healthy tan. There was also a sparkle in her eye and an air of serenity about her that only added to her stunning effect. The two weeks she had spent in Aruba on her honeymoon had agreed with her. I had known her almost all my life, felt like a brother to her, and I still found it hard to believe she was actually my sister-in-law now. I smiled at her.

"How was your honeymoon, Rose? Did you bring Emmett back alive, or did he have a heart attack from the all the shopping bills you racked up?"

"Don't be silly. I only bought two suitcases worth. And two new suitcases of course to pack them in. Be nice to me or you won't get the goodies I brought back for you."

"I can only imagine what they might be. Hmm…maybe silk boxer briefs with outrageous designs? No, that was Hawaii. A ridiculous nude statue made entirely of shells? No, wait, that was the Caymans. I give up. You have me stumped."

"Oh, I've given up trying to loosen you up, my uptight friend. I was on my honeymoon. I was feeling generous so I bought you something I knew you would enjoy rather than just something I thought you ought to."

"And what might that be?"

"You'll have to come to dinner tonight to find out."

"I'm dying of curiosity. Consider me there."

"Sarcasm suits you, Edward. So what have you been doing with your little self these past two weeks? Working yourself to death, I presume."

"Well, someone had to do your job, Rose, since you were too busy sunbathing to be bothered with it."

"Oh, don't pretend you didn't love all the extra work, Edward. You live for overachievement."

My eyes flicked toward the doorway again. I had to admit that some of the extra responsibilities had come with their own benefits. Just then Jasper walked into my office, heading straight to Rose's chair and bending over to wrap his arms around her.

"Welcome back, Sis. How was your trip? That scumbag treat you okay?"

She laughed. "He was scandalously sordid with me and I loved every minute of it."

Jasper grimaced. "That was a little more than I needed to know."

I watched the two with amusement, marveling as I often did how they could possibly be twins. They were so startlingly different from each other. In appearance there was some resemblance, although it was not noticeably strong. Where Jasper was exceptionally tall and lean, Rosalie was several inches shorter and much rounder in a softer, more feminine manner. They both had blond hair but Rose's was a more golden shade and fell in soft waves where Jasper's tight ringlets were much darker. There was a slight similarity in the nose and jaw line, but Jasper's eyes were a honey brown compared to the frosty blue of his sister's.

Really, though, it was the personality where they differed the most. Rosalie was cool and distant. She had a soft center, but it took a rare person to be allowed in that far to see it. Mostly she wrapped herself with a cloak of patronizing superiority, often to the point of offending and alienating people. She had a tough as nails, no nonsense attitude and an amazing way of manipulating people into her way of thinking. It was why I called her The Closer. Her official title was Director of Public Relations. She was the one who dealt with pleasing the clients, working out the publishing contracts, and landing the sales deals with the trade companies. Whenever we had difficulty signing a client we called in Rosalie. She always closed the deals. She was unbelievably difficult to say no to. As much as I loved her I did not envy Emmett his future with her. That was way too much maintenance for me.

Jasper, on the other hand, was entirely open, courteous and relaxed, and eerily intuitive to other people's emotions. Where Rose gloried in making people unbearably uncomfortable, Jasper had an oddly soothing effect on everyone around him. He'd beat the shit out of me if I ever said it out loud, but he really was a model for that classic strong and silent type. The kind of man who was easy to lean on. I'd been leaning on him since we met in the fourth grade. We'd fast become best friends and even roomed together in college. Now he was our Marketing Manager. He had an excellent eye for design. That same intuition he had with people came into play with the product. He always seemed to know which company and designs would work the best with each particular project and appeal to the most consumers. Rose and Jasper might owe the ease with which they had obtained their positions to their close connection with Carlisle, but they were both incredibly good at their jobs. I was proud to call them family.

I stood and clapped him on the shoulder. "Haven't seen much of you around here lately. How's the business with that new graphics design company coming along?"

He frowned. "I'm still scoping the place out and negotiating. I haven't quite made up my mind on this one yet. Some of the samples they've shown me are exactly what we're looking for, but a good majority of it isn't the type of feel we generally go for. It's a little on the loud and coarse side. And I don't know if I like the executives we would have to deal with or the way they run their business. I'd like to set up another meeting with your father to discuss opening our own graphics department. I know he said it would be too much cost and effort for the pay off, but I've thought of some ways it might actually save us a significant amount to cut out the middle man. We'd still have to contract out for some of the larger and more complex stuff, of course, but it would work for the more general book covers, posters, propaganda and so forth."

"Set it up with Carlisle. You know I'm in complete support of you. I think it's a great idea. I think he was just looking for some stronger reasons to risk making an expansion of that size so soon after opening the New York branch."

"Well, I have a few more details to iron out before I present it to him. I'd like to back up my plan with a list of potential artists to run the department first. Might make it seem more plausible. There are a couple of really good ones I'd like to steal from this company I'm dealing with right now, but they've been frustratingly adept at averting any chance I might have of meeting them. I still haven't even worked out which ones they are. Damn executives won't even tell me the full names of the artists responsible for each piece. All I've got are a first initial and a last name."

"They probably know you're thinking about stealing them away and realize that you're easily capable of managing it."

He chuckled. "Oh, I'll manage it. I just need to get away from those weasels for a few minutes. They hang on me like flies on shit!"

"Well, you're a sneaky son of a bitch, so I have faith in you."

"So what's this new meat I've been hearing all about?" Rose asked. "The printing floor was all abuzz when I walked in this morning."

I grit my teeth. Fucking printing floor vultures. "I filled that position you were supposed to take care of before you left."

"Oh, good. All the people I'd interviewed didn't know their ass from a hole in the ground. How's she working out?"

"She's still in the probationary period, but it's looking good. She's already put through twice as much work as most of the editorial staff. She's a hard worker and really smart, so I think it'll work out great."

"Uh-oh." Rose slowly lowered the nail file she'd been focusing her attention on and switched it to me.

"What?"

"You had a look when you said that. A look that said, 'She's a hard worker and really smart and I want to fuck her brains out.'"

"Rose, don't be crass. It's not like that."

Jasper crossed his arms and looked at me knowingly. "So what is it like?"

Okay, so maybe it was like I wanted to fuck her brains out, but I also wanted to talk to her and make her smile and hear her laugh. I wanted to share things with her and learn about her family and listen to stories from her childhood. I wanted to know what made her cry and what made her laugh and what went through her mind whenever she chewed on that damn lower lip of hers. I just wanted to know her.

"Well, let's go meet her."

"Rose, I don't think—"

"Sugar, we'll have to meet her eventually, we do all work in the same company and she will have to report to me over certain issues, so we may as well do it now."

Rose and Jasper were already heading out the door, so I rose slowly, feeling like a man approaching the firing squad. I didn't want to see the hostility in her eyes that I knew she had to feel for me right now. Jasper would be bound to notice the tension between us. Which was fine, I was going to tell him about all my confusing and frustrating thoughts later. But Rose would notice it too, and it would probably amuse her to know end. She'd always said I had too much luck with the women for my own good. That she would live for the day I got shot down. Well, live it up, Rose, here's your chance.

Bella looked up when we knocked on her open door, one eyebrow raised in question. God, could her face be any more impassive? It was usually so expressive, all her feelings flashing across for everyone to see, but she really could lock it up when she wanted to. What I wouldn't give to know what she was thinking at that moment.

I cleared my throat. "Bella, I'd like you to meet Rosalie and Jasper Hale. They're twins," I added on when I saw her eyes flash down to the ring on Rose's finger. They lingered there thoughtfully and again I wondered what was going through her mind. "Anyway, Jasper is the Marketing Manager. You won't have to work with him much, but I'm sure you'll see him around. Rose is Director of Public Relations. You will work directly with her in all aspects regarding dealings with the clients."

Another look flickered briefly across her face, and I wondered what it meant. Was it dread? Irritation? It was gone too fast for me to decide. She schooled her face into a polite smile and rose to shake their hands.

"It's a pleasure to meet you both."

Jasper's greeting was warm and welcoming and I couldn't help but notice, and envy, the smile it brought to her lips. Rose's was much more cool and speculative, and I knew she was sizing Bella up in her mind. Whatever her thoughts were on the matter I was not privy to. All of my life I'd held a remarkable talent for reading people, it often came in handy in my business dealings, but Rose had also had most of her life to learn how to mask her thoughts from me. Bella, all the while, did not even look at me. I was getting frostbite from the cold shoulder she was giving me.

"Edward tells us you're excelling quite well with us here," Rose commented. "Are you just trying to impress, or are you really that good?"

Her eyes met Rose's levelly, a feat that most people could not manage. "I just enjoy the work."

"I should hope so or else you'd be as miserable here as a neutered dog with a bitch in heat."

Normally I enjoyed Rose's explicit analogies but at the moment I just wanted to strangle her.

"We just wanted to introduce ourselves and welcome you to the company," Jasper intervened. "I can see we've interrupted your work, so we'll let you get back to it. If there's anything you need don't be afraid to ask."

She smiled at him. "Certainly. Thank you."

I hovered in the doorway and waited for Rose and Jasper to disappear down the hall.

"Don't let Rose get to you. She's really not so bad once you get to know her."

I gave her my most dazzling smile, the one Rose referred to as The Swooner, and prayed that Bella had a large capacity for forgiveness. I didn't know how long I could tolerate this tension between us, and I didn't want to have to grovel. She finally looked at me. Her face was stern and her eyes were hard and unapproachable. Saying nothing, she walked back around her desk and returned to her work. I swallowed. Groveling it would have to be.


	8. Trump This

**AN: Well, since everyone seemed to enjoy Edward's POV last week I thought I'd give you a little more of it. This chapter is a little bit shorter than the others, but I thought it was cute what Edward does to get back in Bella's good graces. Hope you all do too!**

* * *

**EPOV**

I took another long swig of my Budlight and dropped the empty bottle onto the table to join the other two. I raked my hands through my hair, gripping it forcefully in frustration.

"I don't know what's wrong with me, Jasper. I can't get her out of my head. I was obsessed with her when she was just a hot chick with a sexy laugh. Now, she's smart and funny and talented and royally pissed off at me. I really blew it."

Jasper took a drink from his bottle, nursing it more slowly than I. He was still on his first one. "Maybe it's a good thing. You don't want to complicate a working relationship, especially when you're nearabout her boss."

"I know! You think I don't know? I've been over this and over this in my head, and I still can't seem to let it go. There's just something about her that pulls at me."

He looked at me thoughtfully, his head cocked to the side. "I've never seen you this messed up over a woman before, man. You've always been so focused on the job no one ever seemed to interest you enough. Maybe this is something worth pursuing."

"But the fact is I am her boss, Jazz. I'll be writing her evaluations, for Christ's sake. Pursuing a relationship with her would be completely inappropriate, even if I hadn't blown my chances." I dropped my head into my hands. "Why did I ever fucking hire her?"

It was meant to be a rhetorical question, but he answered me anyway. "Well, A, she's by all accounts perfect for the job. And, B, you couldn't seem to help yourself, which is the first I've ever seen that ruthless control of yours slip. It sounds like your objectivity is already shot, pal. I think you should just go for it. It's not going to keep you from doing your job. If anyone's capable of keeping their personal relationship separated from their work relationship, it's you, partner."

I raised my head, reaching my hand into the cooler we kept by the couch to pull out another bottle and sip thoughtfully from it. It was possible that I could see her outside of work and not let it affect the way I did my job. If she was reasonable enough to understand that I couldn't show her any favoritism in the office just because of our personal relationship. She seemed like the reasonable type.

Jasper began fiddling with the cap of his beer bottle. "You know, Carlisle still hasn't appointed a CEO for the New York branch. I think he's hoping for you to volunteer for the position."

I shook my head. Carlisle had never even suggested I consider that position. The New York branch was still a new operation and he was overseeing most of it himself. It would probably be some time before he released the responsibility to anyone else, and even so I was far from ready for that large a step. I'd rushed into an executive position once before and nearly made a complete mess of it. I wasn't going to push for more until I was dead certain I could handle it. It would be years, if ever, before I could handle something like CEO.

"Carlisle's not going to fill that position for a long while, besides which how would moving to New York help with my situation with Bella? I don't think even that much distance would be enough to distract me from her."

"With technology today, internet, email, video conference…you could run the New York branch from here just like Carlisle is doing now. You'd probably only have to fly out there a couple times a year. And you wouldn't actually be Bella's boss anymore."

"Well, like I said, I'm not ready for that step yet and I don't think Carlisle would even trust me with it. Not after the last incident."

"Man, you have to let that go. It was years ago and everyone makes rookie mistakes. Carlisle's probably long forgotten about it. You work harder than anyone else, you deserve to step up."

"I'm happy where I am."

"Fine then, stay where you are, but don't let it screw up the first chance you might have at having someone. And don't bring up your previous girlfriends. I know none of them ever mattered that much to you, and not a one of them lasted longer than three months. This is the first girl who's ever been able to crawl inside your head this way. She might be your lobster."

"You've got to lay off the _Friends_ reruns," I muttered.

I had to admit he had a point, though. I hadn't ever been so deeply involved with a woman before that the notion of breaking up overly bothered me. Hell, I was usually the one to do the breaking up. But with Bella…I barely even knew her and the thought of never seeing her again was like a cannonball through my chest. I couldn't bear to even think about it. What if this was it? What if she was the one, if there was such a thing? I couldn't let a thing like propriety stand in the way. Then I dropped my face into my hands again and groaned. No, I'd let my big, stupid mouth stand in the way instead. I could still see that pale expression of horror on her face, and my stomach clenched with shame. I'd been unjustifiably vulgar and offensive to her. I'd let my jealousy over a relationship that apparently did not even exist completely eradicate any positive thoughts or feelings she might have had toward me.

"What does it matter, Jazz? She won't even talk to me."

"You're not playing your cards right. Men like to play with clubs and spades, betting it all on hard work and chance. When we're desperate enough we'll play the diamond. But we tend to forget that in a woman's mind the heart trumps all. You're going to have to figure out the heart card, because I don't think the diamond is going to work for her."

He was right. With what little I already knew of Bella I couldn't figure her for being impressed by a fancy meal or sparkly gift. She'd probably throw either one back in my face. What I needed was a peace offering. I needed to figure out something she would love and wouldn't be able to resist…and I thought I might know just the thing. With that decision made I felt considerably better and finally noticed, to my shame, Jasper's preoccupation. I suddenly felt bad that I'd been monopolizing the conversation with my own misery when he had something going on with himself. Some friend I was.

"Dude, you got something on your mind? Something go wrong at that graphics place today?"

"No, actually, it went really right. It was just kind of weird…there was this girl…"

I smiled. "So, I'm not the only one with woman troubles. What happened?"

"Well, I intentionally stopped in while the board was out to lunch. I lied and told the secretary I had an appointment to look over some artwork with A. Brandon. That was one of the designers I was telling you about."

"So…what? Secretary try to hit on you or something?"

"No, no. She pointed me right to the right office. Which, by the way, proves how shoddy their security is. But then I walked into the office and this girl, this tiny little sprite with the biggest, darkest eyes, looks up at me and says, 'It's about time.' I had no idea how to react."

I busted out laughing. I could just picture him standing there with his hand still raised by the door, a look of dazed bewilderment on his face.

"How did you handle it?"

"I apologized. I sure as hell didn't know what I was apologizing for, but I didn't know what else to do."

"So did you get a chance to talk to her about the plans you have?"

He scratched his head. "I never got a chance to say much of anything. Before I'd fully recovered from that curious greeting she'd put her jacket on, grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the building, instructing me that I was taking her out to lunch."

"So then you had all lunch to bring it up, right?"

"I honestly don't know what happened over the course of that meal, but I'm fairly certain I never brought up anything about business. I barely even got a word in edgewise. She was like this tiny little stick of dynamite that was forever just on the verge of exploding. I think I'm taking her to dinner tomorrow night."

"You think you are? You don't know?"

"It seemed to be the general consensus by the end of the meal, although I don't recollect actually making the offer. She'd said something along the lines of asking whether I'd ever been to Luigi's and I told her yeah, they had great food and then she'd said, 'Great. I've never been, you can take me there tomorrow night.' So I guess I'm taking her there tomorrow night."

I was getting a stitch in my side from laughing so hard. "Fuck, man, you've known this girl a day and she's got you all twisted up so you don't know whether you're coming or going. I have got to meet her."

I was surprised when a faint flush crossed his cheeks. I hadn't seen Jazz blush since we were in middle school and Lauren Mallory had offered to blow him in the back of the band bus on one of our overnight trips. Yes, I was definitely going to have to meet this girl.

"Yeah, well, hopefully I'll be a little more prepared for her this time around and find a way to squeeze in some talk about the business. She really is an amazing artist."

"And apparently with all the eccentricity artists are known for."

"She's not eccentric," Jasper cut in defensively. "She's just…buoyant."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Okay, chill. I didn't mean it in a bad way."

"Sorry. Just didn't want you to get the wrong idea. She's like a tiny little bulldozer, but the kind that you wouldn't mind getting flattened by. She's got so much energy you can almost see it coming out of her, and when she laughs her eyes sparkle and her whole face lights up. It's actually kind of amazing."

"Whoa. Do you want to sign this girl or do you want marry her?"

He took another pull on his beer and gazed blankly at the TV for a moment. "I haven't really decided yet. Guess I'll find out tomorrow night."

I raised my beer bottle. "Here's to potent women."

He tapped his bottle against mine. "I'll drink to that."

* * *

I walked to her office the next day ready to eat crow. My conversation with Jasper the night before had done a lot to put the situation into perspective for me. It was obvious I was developing some rather intense feelings for Bella, and he was right that it would be ridiculous to continue to deny them over something as menial as a career. Granted, my career was very important to me and I had spent the last eight years trying to prove myself, but careers could be rebuilt. A reaction like I had to Bella only happened once in a blue moon. I had spent twenty-eight years without feeling so completely drawn in by a woman, what if it never happened for me again? I would be a fool to let this pass me by.

And I was getting ahead of myself. First of all, she was obviously still upset with me if the way she had strode into here and immediately shut her door was anything to go by. Second of all, just because she was not in a relationship with Jake (which I still found difficult to believe but had no reason not to take her word for it) did not mean she was not in a relationship with someone else. As much as it seemed I had been fantasizing about her forever, it had actually only been a little over three weeks and I had to remind myself that there was still a lot I had yet to learn about her.

I tapped lightly on her door and eased it partially open. She did not even look up from the manuscript she was reading. I cleared my throat and knocked louder. She very carefully closed the folder, folded her hands on the desk, and looked up at me.

"Is there something I may help you with, sir?"

_Translated: State your business and get the hell out of my office, asswipe._

My tie felt suddenly too tight for my throat. She wasn't going to make this easy for me.

"I just wanted to clear the air. I can't apologize enough for what I said the other day. I know it made things uncomfortable between us. There was no excuse for it, so I'm not going to offer one. But I did bring a peace offering."

I placed the store-wrapped box in front of her on the desk. She didn't move right away. Why was she staring at my hands that way? I glanced self-consciously at them. They looked okay to me, no ink stains or dirt under the nails. I stood there awkwardly, my heart rate picking up as I waited for her to open it. She was watching the parcel as if a snake might jump out of it. Finally, she reached over and tentatively began to peel off the wrapping.

For several excruciating minutes she said nothing. My throat worked nervously as I wondered if I had chosen badly. She had taken out the three books and was just staring at them with a blank expression. Maybe she thought it was idiotic that I had bought her books when she worked with them all day long. Maybe she was trying to muster up an appropriately enthusiastic response. Maybe she wasn't even going to pretend to like it. Then I noticed that her hand shook a little. Dare I hope that she was simply overwhelmed? Her eyes, when at last they met mine, looked fairly stunned.

"Edward, I can't accept this."

I didn't think she realized she'd addressed me by my first name, but my ears thrilled to hear it falling from her lips.

"Why not?"

"_The Complete Works of Mark Twain_, a hardback copy of _Wuthering Heights_, a signed edition of Mary Clement's latest novel? This is too much!"

Perhaps I had gotten a little carried away, but I'd just been so excited when the idea occurred to me that I had had a difficult time restraining myself at the store. I'd wanted to buy her a lot more, but I'd held back, and anyway it was just a few books. It wasn't like I got her a diamond necklace or anything.

"It's not that much. And I thought this might give you something to read, you know, until your belongings arrive. It was the least I could do after the complete ass I made out of myself."

Her lips quirked a little. "I can understand how you might have misunderstood the situation when I came down that day in my painting gear—I was wearing shorts, I swear!—but you were kind of an ass about it."

"I was. I freely admit I was. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?"

She smiled at me. That angelic smile I thought she'd never bestow on me again.

"I'll forgive you. This time. I can't believe you remembered who all my favorite authors are."

I hadn't forgotten a single word she'd ever said to me. "I have an excellent memory."

Bless the saints, she laughed. "I think I'd rather you didn't. There are some rather unfortunate things you've overheard me saying!"

"Don't feel bad about it. I've been known to use those words a time or two myself."

I wondered if it would be too forward of me to lean across the desk and place my hand on top of hers. I typically avoided such physical contacts, afraid that a woman might take it as a sign to come on to me. I wasn't being cocky, it had happened to me before, but now I couldn't predict how Bella might react to such an action. It was generally a fairly impersonal thing to do, but what if she thought I was trying to proposition her now that I knew she wasn't with that dude? I hated being so unsure of myself!

I ended up keeping my hand to myself.

Bella looked down at her desk, fiddled with the binding on one of the books, then looked shyly back up at me. She bit her lip. I swear the room got hotter every time she did that. I was dying to know what she wanted to say.

"Can I ask you…?"

My eyes were glued to her lips. Did she wear lipstick or were they naturally that pink? I wanted to run my thumb over that pouty lower lip to see if the color would smear off. It was a good thing she wasn't meeting my or else she'd notice that way I was staring at her mouth as if I was going to attack it.

"What?"

"I was wondering why you said that? I mean…what does it matter to you?"

My lips curved sardonically. Of course she would ask a question I couldn't answer. I had an answer—the unholy combination of jealousy and frustration—but I couldn't tell her that.

"Could I get away with pleading temporary insanity?" I tried using The Swooner again. It must this time have worked because she smiled widely back at me.

"Only if you promise these bouts of insanity are few and far between."

I held up my hand. "Scout's honor."

"I bet you were a Scout."

"Why do you say that?"

"You just seem the type."

"Oh, you mean the type that's highly capable, always prepared, and looks good in a uniform?" I replied with a wink.

She grinned. "No, I mean the type who plays with fire, wears his accomplishments on his shirt for all to see, and is overly sure of himself."

She was quick. I placed my hand over my heart in mock pain. "Ouch. That was just mean."

"So were you one?"

"I'll never admit to it now."

I could not remember the last time I had enjoyed just talking to someone like this. Most women, when they claimed to forgive a person, continued to secretly hold it against them for a long time. Bella had forgiven me so easily, I'd expected to have to do a lot more groveling, and she seemed completely sincere in it. Her eyes were meeting mine, and they were soft and kind. She was laughing with me, openly joking, even teasing to an extent. I did not want it to end.

"What do you say we go grab some lunch together and start fresh?"

Her eyes widened and flicked quickly toward the door. Was she afraid someone might have overheard? I didn't think there was really anything scandalous about two coworkers stopping for lunch together. People did it all the time. But she was sitting up straight now and her face had lost its playfulness.

"That's a nice idea, but unfortunately I already promised my girlfriend I would lunch with her. There was something she was excited to talk to me about."

It seemed I was forever having bad timing with this woman. I pulled away from where I had been leaning against her desk, having run out of excuses to linger.

"Some other time, then. I hope you enjoy your lunch."

"Thank you, I will. And thank you for the books. That was very thoughtful."

"It was my pleasure."

She began pushing some folders into the new briefcase she had been carrying recently, having replaced the one that had so endeared itself to me, and rose from her chair. I missed the other briefcase. For a moment she merely stood there, and then I realized she was waiting for me to leave. How much of a moron did I have to appear, loitering in her office that way? I held my hand out to her.

"Truce, Miss Swan?"

"Of course."

She placed her hand in mine. I don't really know what came over me then. I brought her hand to my lips, like some 19th century English Casanova. Our eyes locked overtop of the gesture and for two seconds of eternity neither one of us moved. Then her cheeks turned scarlet, she ripped her hand away, and rushed out of the room. She nearly collided with Jasper in her escape down the hallway.

"What was that all about?"

I shook my head. "I'm not entirely sure."

"Still pissed at you?"

"I don't think so. The books seemed to do the trick."

"Heart card always trumps. So why the death race to get out of here?"

"I think I upset her again."

"Dude."

"I know. She brings out the fumbling idiot in me."

"Only the best ones do."

I grinned. "Speaking of which. Your dinner still on tonight?"

He stuck his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, she, uh, programmed her number into my phone. I got a text from her today on when and where to pick her up and what color tie to wear."

I couldn't help laughing. I had a feeling Jasper's life was about to provide a much needed comic relief to my current inner turmoil.

"And what color did she say?"

"Red."

I whistled. "You're toast."


	9. Peace Offerings

**AN: I've been getting some fantastic reviews on this and I want to thank everyone who's taken the time to leave a comment. I truly enjoy reading them and it always makes me that much more excited to keep writing! It's so much fun to read your thoughts on my progress so far and your predictions on where I might be going next. Some of you are fairly on target and some of you might be in for a surprise ;) Thanks for staying with me and I hope you enjoy this next segment!**

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**BPOV**

I slid my top drawer open again, as I had done several times since returning from lunch, to look at the books I'd slipped inside of it. My hand reached out to touch the leather binding of _Wuthering Heights_. I had a paperback copy arriving in a few days with my other belongings, but it was so used and worn that several pages had actually been taped back into place. It was my favorite book, the one I read whenever I was feeling sad or stressed. I must have read it a hundred times since I'd turned fifteen. I still could not believe that Edward had bought me these. That he remembered my favorite authors from that short, impersonal interview was remarkable in itself, but that he had chosen this particular book…How did he know me so well? I had been telling myself for years to buy a new copy, perhaps even a hard cover that would not be so easily broken in, but never gotten around to it. It was as if he had reached right into my head and plucked the thought from my brain.

I had to admit that I had been ready to hold on to my resentment toward Edward. I had let my indignation brew and build all evening until it was to the point of boiling outrage when I had come in this morning. I'd walked in with my head held high and refused to so much as look in his direction all morning. A part of me knew that it was a bit of an overreaction to one blundered statement, but the rest of me was not willing to accept that it was simply easier for me to feel that way. It provided a justifiable reason for the tension I always felt around him. I could tell myself that my heart rate accelerated and my stomach tightened in his presence only in reaction to his uptight and self-righteous attitude. He was arrogant and insufferable. I wanted nothing to do with him.

Only he wasn't arrogant and insufferable. I could no longer deceive myself about that after he had so completely disarmed me with his thoughtful gesture. A man full of complacency and his own self-importance does not go to the trouble to come up with so appropriate and personal a gift. I believed that he truly felt sorry for offending me and that it was not typical behavior for him. He was not the pompous asshole I was trying to make him out to be. I glanced out the glass wall of my office. I could see him through the open doorway of his office sitting at his desk, his copper locks bent over whatever work currently held his attention. He looked up as if feeling the weight of my stare, and I quickly turned away. No, my tension was not caused by dislike for the man. I'd rather it were.

When he had kissed my hand today, I had been forced to accept it for what it was. I was intensely attracted to the man and determined to deny it. Not only was he engaged…or was it married? I had seen what looked suspiciously like a wedding band now accompanying Rosalie's nearly blinding solitaire, but I noticed that he wore no band himself. I found that curious. Either way he was unavailable, but it would not matter if he were. I worked with him. Scratch that. I worked _for_ him. For me there could be no bigger **Off Limits** sign than that. I would never again make the mistake of dating someone at work. And on top of all that he was so goddamned perfect. I was the homely Hermia to his handsome but disinterested Demetrius. There were so many reasons why a relationship between us, even of just the casual variety, was impossible.

Yet despite all that when his lips had touched my skin today I'd felt the butterflies explode in my stomach and the heat rush up into my face. I'd never reacted so strongly to so innocent a touch in all my life. Not even with James. It was as if the nerves in my hand had a direction connection to the nerves in my nether region and had sent a shocking signal straight to them. Images had immediately flashed in my head of all the other places those lips could touch. Mortified by my reaction and shocked by the sudden realization of the cause of all my tension I had bolted like an untouched virgin. I was still embarrassed by it.

And somehow I couldn't seem to stop comparing him to James. Maybe it was because they were both attractive men that I worked with, or maybe it was because they were the only two men I had ever really responded to in a physical sense. What was wrong with me that my body only seemed to respond to men who were completely wrong for me? Men who spelled out disaster? I didn't want to be attracted to anyone right now, let alone to Edward with all the added complications it would bring into my life. I couldn't afford to be distracted from my work right now. It was all I had left. I was determined to rebuild my career, all the James's and Victorias in the world be damned.

Rising, I went to stand and gaze out the window, wrapping my arms around myself and taking deep breaths in an attempt to ward off the episode that thoughts of James often brought on. I felt the nausea creep into my stomach as the memories of him threatened suddenly to overwhelm me. That, too, had begun with attraction. He'd been so good looking, so charming, so generous, it had been hard not to want him. James had also given me gifts. Cards, flowers, romantic letters, and later perfumes and random pieces of jewelry. Oddly enough, none of them had moved me as those three books had. I was only now realizing how little effort James had put into actually getting to know me. I doubt he even knew who my favorite authors were. How blind I had been not to notice. Our conversations had always led back to him. He'd never even cared to know me. I hadn't mattered enough.

"Bella?"

Gasping, I spun around, belatedly realizing I was clutching my chest at the pain that had blossomed there. Fool! I knew what those memories did to me. How could I let myself think of such things at work? That was the last place I wanted to have one of my breakdowns. Even as I struggled against it I felt my lungs laboring for breath and the tears stinging behind my eyes, and worst of all Edward was staring at me with concern. He stepped hesitantly into my office.

"Are you all right?"

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. He continued hovering in my doorway, apparently unsure whether to stay or go. He took another full step into the room.

"Did everything go all right at lunch?"

A breathless, slightly hysteric, laugh escaped me at the memory that evoked and helped to dispel some of the despair I had begun to give in to. Alice had literally been bubbling over with excitement as she'd regaled me with the tale of finally catching the attention of her mystery man.

"_Alice, you didn't really say that!"_

"_Of course I did. I've been eye-groping that gorgeous hunk of man-meat for weeks and just about going out of my mind waiting for him to do something about it."_

"_What did he do?"_

"_Oh, Bella, it was so cute! He got this shy little expression on his face, and then promptly dropped his head and apologized."_

"_So you conned him into taking you to Luigi's tonight?"_

"_I did not con him. I simply assisted him into realizing that that was what he wanted to do."_

"_So I take it tonight you'll be continuing to assist him in realizing what he wants?"_

_She flashed her cocksure grin. "He'll never know what hit him."_

"_I've a feeling he's already suffering that ailment. Did you actually text him what color tie to wear?"_

"_We're going to a snazzy restaurant, Bella. It would look tacky if our outfits clashed."_

"_So what color dress are you wearing then?"_

"_The red dress."_

"_The Dress dress?"_

"_None other."_

"_Fuck on a rock, Alice, you're going to kill him."_

"_Of course I'm not going to kill him. Maybe just stun him for a while. This is a very important night, Bella. I really think this might be it. I mean, sometimes a girl just looks at a guy and she knows—this'll be the last guy she ever really looks at again. The first time I ever saw him I got this flash, this image of myself growing old with him. Sometimes you just have to go with your gut."_

I could only imagine the sensation of dumbstruck confoundment the man must have undergone after experiencing the force of Alice. I almost felt sorry for the poor guy. He must have felt like he was standing in the aftermath of a tornado without ever having seen the storm sweep through. And somehow I suspected that he would turn out to be everything Alice thought him to be. All our lives I had been the practical and down to earth one where she had been more into the mystics and romance and somehow it worked for her. If she said this man she barely even knew was the man she would grow old with then I could easily believe it would be true. As I'd said before, she had a knack for such things.

"No," I told him, my anxiety fading. "Lunch went very well, actually. My mind was just wandering a bit. You caught me daydreaming I'm afraid."

"It didn't seem like a very pleasant one. Would you…do you need to talk about it…?"

I almost laughed. If I wanted to talk about it then he was surely the last person I would turn to, although I found it oddly sweet of him to offer. But I couldn't deal with his kindness right now. Not after the sudden realization of my attraction to him or the parallels I had just drawn to my experience with James. Not after I had very nearly been sucked down that dark road of memories that left me hovering on the edge of one of the emotional meltdowns that I'd thought I'd finally begun to leave behind. Kindness might very well push me over that edge, and I did not want to lose my shaky control at work. Especially in front of Edward.

"Was there something you needed, Mr. Cullen? Was there a problem with the manuscripts I sent for your approval?"

He reached up to rub at the back of his neck. I wondered what put the tension there.

"No, I just…Well, you kind of ran out of here earlier today. I wanted to make sure I hadn't done anything to offend you again."

Ah, my very graceful Hand Kiss Dash. So that was what this was all about. I should have known that would come back to bite me in the ass. I decided to try to play it off cool, maybe even turn it back on him. Leaning back against the wall, I crossed my arms and hooked one ankle over the other.

"Do you always put so much effort into staying in the good graces of your employees?"

He took a moment to respond, seeming to debate with himself how to answer. A determined look came into his eyes and he stepped further into the room, coming very close to invading my personal space. I swallowed nervously, trying not to notice the appealing scent of his aftershave. Why did even his smell have to be intoxicating?

"Not particularly, but I do find myself very much wanting to remain in your good graces."

I had no idea how to react to that. Was he flirting with me? And why was I feeling a sort of breathless excitement at the possibility? I certainly didn't want him to be flirting with me, did I? No, of course not. Besides the complication of us working together he was already spoken for. Wasn't he? Rose had definitely been sporting a wedding band the other day, but if he was married to her then why was his own hand unadorned? Surely a woman like Rose would demand that her husband wear a wedding band.

Edward released that musical chuckle of his that always seemed to roll like velvet over my skin.

"You look like a startled deer. It can't be that surprising that a man would want to be thought well of by a beautiful and intelligent woman?"

He was flirting with me! Could it be possible that I was mistaken about his relationship with Rosalie? A small voice in my head began whispering that he was free and I should encourage his attentions. How often did you come across a man of his physical perfection, admiral work ethics and apparent thoughtfulness? Another voice was shouting at me demanding to know what was wrong with me. Wasn't this the very situation I had run from?

"Anyway," Edward went on, "I was thinking that it might be beneficial to us both to clear up some of this tension between us and get to know each other a little better. You mentioned that you haven't been to Portland in a several years so I thought maybe I could introduce you to this little bar and restaurant that opened up a couple years ago. They play a lot of great local talent so the music is always good and they have some excellent sea food."

He stepped a little closer and took my limp hand in his. His warmth immediately began seeping into my cold skin.

"What do you say we check it out Friday night, if you're not busy?"

I opened my mouth, wanting to refuse but unable to do so. I must have looked like a guppy fish. What was wrong with me? Wasn't this how it had begun with James? The casual flirting, cajoling me into dates…and yet it wasn't the same. Edward could have no ulterior motive for asking me out. He was already at the top of the company. His father owned the damn thing. His only motive could be a genuine interest in my company. Wouldn't it be nice for once to be taken out by a man who was actually interested in me for me? I wasn't sure if I was ready for that.

He flashed that dazzling smile at me and I began to cave.

"Edward, sugar, there you are!" Rosalie came striding into the office with all her goddess-like beauty and placed a proprietary hand on his shoulder. "Emmett was looking for you. I believe he said something about not having your parking ID properly displayed."

Edward threw up his hands. "Oh, for Christ's sake! If he tries to have my car towed one more time…!" He looked back at me. "I have to go take care of this. Think about it."

I raised an eyebrow as I watched him go, feeling an odd combination of curiosity and disappointment. I tried to focus on that rather than the strong surge of jealousy I'd experienced when she had placed that manicured hand on his shoulder. The hard stare she was now giving me was not in any way making me want to pull back my claws. I met it full force.

"Was there something I can help you with, Miss Hale?"

She smiled at my tone, and if I didn't know better I'd have thought there was a touch of approval there.

"It's Mrs. Cullen actually. Edward still hasn't gotten used to the name change. I meant to correct him yesterday but it slipped my mind."

"Oh. Congratulations."

So they were married, and he'd been leading me on. That lying, self-absorbed, skirt-chasing philanderer! No wonder he didn't wear a ring. It would make it so much harder to prey on the helpless women who found it impossible to resist his striking looks and suave charm. And to think I'd almost fallen for his line! When would I learn?

"Thank you. But in answer to your question yes, I did come by to give you a small warning."

Shit, here it comes. She'd caught the tension between Edward and me and wanted to warn me off of him. I could have saved her the breath. My libido might be singing his praises but I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. I would not be involved in anymore catfights over a man. Especially not another two-timing asshole. She could keep him all to herself. I sat slowly down and looked up at her, waiting.

"I'm all ears."

"I saw that you worked on one of Lilith Baines's manuscripts. I was rather shocked to learn that she approved of the adjustments you made to it. Normally she refuses to allow anyone to touch her work. She's highly temperamental about it. I just wanted to warn you to take care with how much editing you do to her pieces in the future. Her romance novels are some of our best sellers among the female consumers. Wouldn't want to upset her too much."

I leaned back in my chair. That was not what I had expected. "I appreciate the warning, but you did say she approved the changes?"

"Yes, a first for her to do so without putting up a fight."

"Then perhaps you should send all her future manuscripts my way."

Rose cocked her head to the side, her eyes narrowing even as her lips tilted. My face remained impassive. I felt like we were setting up for a Mexican stand-off. If we were spider monkeys we'd be shaking tree branches and barking at each other right about now. It was a small triumph when her lips finally curved into a full smile and she inclined her head.

"I'll see that they are. Enjoy the rest of your day, Miss Swan."

"Yeah, you too."

As she walked away I couldn't help but feel I had just been subjected to some kind of test, and I wasn't entirely sure whether I had passed or not. There was no denying that Rose had quite the intimidating personality. I wondered how she and her brother could be so unalike. I'd taken an immediate liking to Jasper. But where his smile was friendly and had put me instantly at ease, hers had reminded me eerily of a shark. I'd found myself looking to see how many rows of teeth she had. It only figured that she was the one I would have to work with more regularly rather than her more amicable brother. It was just another one of those laughs that Fate was getting at my expense.

By the end of my shift I had worked myself back up into a heated dislike for Edward Cullen. I gathered my remaining work, stubbornly leaving his gifts in my desk drawer. He was an operator just like James, only more clever about it. If I didn't want this job so bad I'd quit right now just to get away from him. But I did want it, so I would just have to ignore and avoid him. How hard could that be?

"Bella, I apologize for the interruption earlier."

I looked from where I was ill-temperedly shoving my things into my briefcase. Edward once again stood in my doorway. Of course. I had to have had that thought, didn't I? I turned my eyes toward the ceiling, mentally shaking my fist at Fate. Saying nothing I returned my attention to closing the snaps.

"Did you, uh, have a moment to think about the offer I made?"

"Yes, I thought about it, and the answer is no."

He blinked at the harshness of my tone. "Did I miss something? I thought we were getting back onto an even footing. You seem angry."

"I'm not angry. I'm just not playing these games with you. Find someone else to be your side dish."

With that I shouldered past him and began power walking down the hallway. He caught up with me at the elevators, grabbing my wrist to prevent me pushing the call button. He looked furious.

"I really don't know what the hell you're talking about, but can we discuss this in private please?" he bit off.

I glanced around, noticing all the curious onlookers who were watching our little scene with avid interest. The last thing I wanted to do was start any office gossip. Those stories had a habit of gaining a life of their own. I nodded curtly and then followed him back down the hall and into his office. He closed the door behind us.

"Now, do you mind explaining that comment?"

I crossed my arms. "I thought it was pretty self-explanatory."

He raked his fingers through his hair, further mussing its silky perfection, and I had to remind myself that a scheming player hid behind that pretty exterior.

"Not to me it isn't. What games do you think I'm playing with you? All I did was ask you to dinner."

"If I have to explain to you everything that's wrong with that then you truly are more of a pig than I took you for."

I realized belatedly the error of calling my boss a pig, but my mouth had always had a way of running off on its own whenever my temper got too riled. And my pride would not allow me to back down and recant the statement. My chest tightened as I saw the muscle tick in his jaw. I was about to canned, I knew it. I'd gone too far. I wondered if I should be relieved, but all I felt was a terrible yawning emptiness at the prospect.

"What was that bit about the side dish? To whom do you believe you would have been a 'side dish' as you so crudely put it?"

I narrowed my eyes. Was he really going to play the ignorant card? How stupid did he think I was?

"Oh, I don't know, maybe your wife? You know…._Mrs_. Cullen? Big, flashy ring?" I held up my left hand and waggled my fingers to emphasize my point.

He stared at me for a moment with what could only be described as disbelief, and then he burst into laughter. Loud, hysterical, nearly girlish giggling. I didn't know exactly what I'd been expecting. Chagrin, disconcertion, maybe even a shrug and an Oh-you-caught-me. Certainly not laughter, and certainly not this uncontrollable fit of euphoria. I wondered if he was losing his mind. Finally he started to gain some control of it, subsiding into a softer series of chortles, waving his hand in the air to indicate he'd be done in a minute.

"I'm sorry," he breathed through his chuckles. "I just can't believe you thought Rose was my _wife_!"

I revived my imitation of the guppy fish, opening my mouth, closing it, opening it again. "Then whose wife is she?"

He crossed his ankles and leaned back against his desk with a very smug expression. "My brother Emmett's. They just returned from their honeymoon a few days ago."

"Oh."

I suddenly felt very small. I had basically accused him of trying to use me to cheat on his brand new wife, and that didn't even count all the things I'd called him in my head. I'd completely misjudged him, and I couldn't help but wonder if I had once again been trying to displace the anger I'd felt towards myself for being attracted to him. Still, it didn't excuse my behavior towards him. He hadn't done anything to deserve the treatment except try to be friendly. I looked up at him from under my lashes.

"I am so sorry," I whispered.

He smiled that lopsided smile at me, and I felt even smaller that he was so willing to forgive me after I had so obstinately held his lapse in judgment against him. He was a much better person than I was.

"I guess I can understand why you reacted that way if you truly thought I was married. Although I still can't get my head wrapped around anyone having the impression of Rose and me together."

"I had valid reasons," I snapped, still feeling bitterly miserable over the whole scene.

He gave me a placating smile. "I'm sure you did."

"Well, after all, you picked up the car that she said she was dropping for her _fiancé_. Then she waved that ring at me and made a point of explaining to me that her name was Mrs. Cullen…"

"I think I can understand the misconception. I am a little hurt, though, that you automatically just jumped to the worst conclusion about me without first confronting me over it. Do you really think that's the kind of person I am?"

I dropped my eyes in shame. "I can't presume to know much of anything about you, Mr. Cullen. But I am terribly sorry."

There was a long moment of silence while I still refused to meet his eyes. I wondered if he would now wait to the end of my trial period and decide I wasn't worth the headache. We seemed to be constantly rubbing each other the wrong way. That didn't make for a healthy work environment.

"I suppose we're each allowed one error of judgment. Although I do believe this makes it your turn to make the peace offering."

My eyes flew up to his. He couldn't seriously be making jokes after all this? He had every right to angry and offended. He couldn't possibly be that kind and understanding. And yet he was looking at me with a twinkle in his eyes and a soft smile on his lips. Adonis was suddenly too pale a comparison for him. Zeus himself would weep in envy of this man. I couldn't help but smile back.

"I wouldn't have the slightest clue what to give you, sir."

"You can stop sirring me for one. I have a name. And two, you can agree to dinner with me on Friday. It seems we are in dire need of knowing each other better to prevent future misunderstandings like these. And I really would love to introduce you to this place."

I hesitated. He was right. We did need to know each other better for there to be any hope of us working together without constantly making assumptions about the other's character. But he made it sound suspiciously like a date. I had employed a no dating coworkers rule that I was determined to adhere to. Especially when it came to hot as hell employers to whom I was unreasonably attracted. It was a recipe for disaster.

"Please."

How could I say no when he said that so imploringly, his jungle-green eyes boring into mine? And I did owe him a peace offering after the considerate gesture he had made to me just that morning.

"As a business dinner only," I conceded. "To clear the air."

"I'll settle for that."

He grinned and pushed away from the desk, offering me his hand to help me out of the chair I'd dropped into during my bout of shame. I took it, noticing the way his long fingers wrapped around my smaller ones, his thumb absently caressing the inside of my wrist. That touch alone sent heat straight up my arm and spiraling into my stomach. I ignored it, hoping the blush didn't show too clearly in my cheeks. He did not immediately let go of my hand.

"I know where you live, so how about I pick you up around six-thirty? Would that work for you?"

I pulled my hand free with the pretense of reaching into my bag to retrieve my keys. "Don't be silly. I have my car. I can meet you there if you just give me directions."

He chuckled. "It would be much more practical if I just picked you up. I already know how to get there and parking in that area of town is difficult enough with one car let alone two."

I couldn't argue with practicality. "I suppose that's true….Yes, six-thirty will be fine."

"I have your cell number already, so I'll just ring you when I'm almost there."

"Yeah, okay."

Why was this sounding more and more like a date? Maybe I should call the whole thing off. This wasn't a good idea. Alone in a restaurant was no place to be with a man who made your girly parts tingle like no other had, but you had no business thinking of in that manner. I took a deep breath, trying to work up the courage to tell him I'd changed my mind, when the door opened and in walked Jasper carrying two ties. He stopped short when he saw us.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't think to knock. Am I interrupting?"

"Yes."

"Of course not."

Edward and I had spoken at the same time. I glared at him and turned to Jasper.

"We were finished here and I was just leaving."

"Well, hey, since you're here maybe I can get a woman's opinion on this. Which tie do you like better?"

I stared in confusion at the ties he held up. One was solid red silk and the other was a crimson red with diagonal stripes of a slightly deeper shade.

"Is this for the infamous Red Tie date?" Edward asked.

Jasper shot him a recriminating look. I raised an eyebrow in question.

"Jasper has a date tonight," Edward explained. "And he's been instructed to wear a red tie."

My jaw dropped. Jasper was Alice's mystery man? The man she saw herself growing old with? Just when I thought my life couldn't get any more ridiculous, the joke went on. I stared up at the ceiling. _Keep it up, we'll see who gets the last laugh_. I realized by the way Edward and Jasper were staring at me that I must have said that out loud. Great. Now I looked like a crazy person. Maybe Edward would back out of the date for me and save me the trouble.

"Who are you talking to?"

"The Moirae," I stated as if it should be obvious. I already looked crazy, why not go for broke?

His eyebrows drew together. "The Three Fates?"

He knew mythology? "You know mythology?"

"Mostly Greek, a little bit of Norse. I'd miss a lot of literary references without that base knowledge. So what brought them into the conversation?"

I shrugged. "Just an ongoing joke I have with them. Maybe I'll tell you about it someday." I turned to Jasper. "I have a feeling you're going to find out about it soon enough anyway."

He was now looking at us both like we were crazy. "So, um, which one?"

I thought of Alice's dress and pointed to the striped tie. "That one."

"Are you sure?"

I laughed, suddenly amused by the whole situation. "Oh, absolutely sure. Trust me, it'll be perfect."

"Oookaay. Thanks."

"Anytime. Have a nice time. And ask her to dance!" I added as I headed out of the room. "I'd bet my life the woman loves to dance."

I strolled down the hallway whistling, feeling an odd sense of frivolity over the parody that was suddenly my life. I wondered distractedly if it was another stage of my descent into complete breakdown, but at the moment I was just too amused to care.


	10. UnDating the Boss

**AN: So, finally, right? Their first official/unofficial date… nondate… business dinner…evening out alone together, lol. They're finally getting some stuff cleared up between them but Bella still has a lot of secrets and issues to work though. Edward's going to need some patience and I hope all you lovelies have some too and stick with me through this. I know it's been a little slow moving so far but the juicy scenes aren't too far ahead, I promise you!!**

**BPOV**

"If it's not a date then why are you so worried about what to wear? That sounds like something a girl on a date would do."

"Alice, will you just shut up and help me? I need something suitable for a small club that says I'm gracious and amenable without being flirty."

"Well, I could always track down a nun's habit for you."

"Be serious, please."

She propped herself up from where she'd collapsed on my bed. "I am being serious. You're wasting an excellent opportunity here. A man asks you to dinner, a man who in your own words is hot as sin—"

"I did not say hot as sin."

"I'm paraphrasing. And you want to make it as undatelike as possible. Girl, if anyone needs a more active social life right now it's you. You should be putting on your little black dress and sex heels and getting him to eat out of your hand. Or various other places."

I tried desperately not to picture Edward eating food off all the various other places that came to mind.

"He's my boss. Anything more than friendship between us would be completely unprofessional, and even if I were ready to date again I am certainly not going down that road again."

Alice was looking at me with eyes that were too understanding and sympathetic for me to bear, and I turned back to the options in my closet.

"And anyway I don't have a little black dress."

"No little black dress?! Oh, we are so going shopping this weekend. Every woman needs a little black dress. It's a wardrobe essential."

I laughed, relieved she had allowed me to change the subject. "I hadn't realized I was committing a fashion crime. Speaking of dresses…how did your Red Dress dinner go? I half expected you to call me that night with a fully detailed narration."

Alice rolled over onto her back and threw her arms out with a great, whimsical sigh. "I know. I've been hording all the details to myself and wallowing in the awesomeness of it."

"That good, huh?"

"Oh, Bella. You should have seen the way he looked at me in that dress. I thought I was going to have to pick his jaw up off the floor. And then he was opening doors for me and pulling out chairs. Such the southern gentleman. Did you know he lived in Tulsa the first nine years of his life? Of course you didn't know, you haven't met him yet."

I bit my lip and held my tongue.

"Sometimes all that South slips out of him a bit and it's so sexy. And he dances! Not only does he waltz, but he two steps and shuffles and even swing dances! I think I'm in love."

I smiled. "That's wonderful. I'll bet you bowled him over. Well, no one can see you in that dress and not be bowled over, but there's also no resisting the Charm of Alice. Are you seeing him again?"

"Actually I was thinking I should call him up and have him take me out for some live music and sea food tonight."

I spun around. "Oh, Alice, don't!"

Her eyes widened. "Relax. I was just joking. Much as I'd love to see how this date that's not a date goes, I'll leave you to it. What would have been the big deal, anyway? It's not like we'd interfere with you."

"You have no idea," I mumbled. I pulled out a pair of black pants and a long sleeved white silk blouse and held them up. "What do you think of these?"

"Yeah, they're great if you want to be mistaken for a waitress."

Sighing, I tossed them aside and pulled out a sleeveless floor length dress in deep purple with an elegant, choker-style neckline and held it up.

"Wow, I didn't know you already had a nun's habit!"

I threw it down. "Damn it, Alice!"

She laughed and rolled off the bed. "Okay, okay, let's see what we've got here."

She began rummaging through my closet, pulling items out and just as quickly discarding them. A small mountain was steadily growing on the floor. I was beginning to despair that she was going to reject everything and then demand that I push the dinner back so we could squeeze in a quick shopping trip. Why didn't I just cancel the whole thing all together? I knew I should have cancelled it.

"Aha!"

I turned to find her holding up a dark, shimmery green dress overlaid with a subtle black floral design. It was the kind that tied at one shoulder and hung off the other with a black sash that knotted just under the breasts. The skirt was floaty with only a slight flare and stopped just above the knees. I eyed it skeptically. It wasn't really a provocative piece, but the slanted neckline showed off a fair amount of skin and I knew that the snugness of the top portion and the empire waist brought an emphasis to my breasts. It was one of the reasons I had bought it—back when I was proud of my firmly rounded breasts and hadn't compared them to the overly generous curves of Victoria.

"I don't know…it seems a little datish."

"Nonsense. We'll put this little black jacket over it to cover your shoulders, leave your hair down all loose and wavy, and add those strappy black heels. You'll look great! In a professional sort of way of course."

I took the dress from her. I knew better than to argue with Alice, and anyway she was right. The jacket did tame it down a bit. I let Alice have her way with my makeup, but I insisted on wearing my hair up. It was more practical that way. It wouldn't get in the way. I told myself it had nothing to do with the way James had always insisted I wear it down because he thought I looked more feminine that way. Still determined, she managed to do something with a curling iron and a handful of hairpins that swept my hair up into a style that looked simultaneously sophisticated and untamed. It was actually kind of sexy. I worried that it would look like I had put too much effort into my appearance.

"Stop putting frown lines in my masterpiece."

"Alice, I don't want him to think I did all this for him."

"It'll be his own fault if he does. Men need to understand that women just like to have an excuse to primp. They shouldn't assume we do it all for their benefit."

"Still…"

"Bella, you're naturally beautiful. You look awesome, and it doesn't at all look like you went to much trouble for it. Besides, I am the master of the natural makeup techniques. Are you doubting my mad skills?"

"I wouldn't dare. I guess I'm just nervous. I told you about all the moments of idiocy I've had in front of him. I don't want to look like anymore of a fool."

Alice stuck another pin in my hair. "Plus you're attracted to him."

"I never said—"

"Didn't have to."

I spun on her, my eyes wide and hands pressing against the sudden turmoil in my stomach. It clenched painfully as my lungs began to labor, and I could feel the onset of a panic attack.

"Oh, my God, is it obvious? Fuck, what am I going to do? I have to call and cancel, I can't face him if—"

Alice cracked up. "Take a chill pill, Bella. I was actually fishing and you totally just confirmed it for me."

"Alice, I'm going to kill you! If you tell anyone…!"

I glared at her, breathing through the anxiety and trying to contain my irritation with her. I reminded myself that she didn't know about the panic attacks. I'd never in my life had one until the day the charges had been brought against me and I'd spent several hours in a jail cell after the company security had handed me over to the police, but they had become a frequent companion of mine throughout the length of the investigation and my court case which I had mostly spent in a Valium induced haze. This was something I had not confessed to anyone, even Jake, ashamed of my own weakness and inability to cope with my stress without the assistance of medication. Luckily these attacks had grown much scarcer since leaving Phoenix as I was aware of the potential dependence of long-term benzodiazepine usage.

"You're secret's safe with me, Bella. And don't worry, it's not obvious. Most of your thoughts and reactions might be written all over your face, but you have a remarkable talent for keeping your emotions well hidden. Must be something you picked up from Charlie. I was only able to guess because I know you so well."

I still couldn't shake off my concern over my transparency. I took deep, calming breaths, not wanting to give in to the pill bottle stashed in my purse.

"Are you sure he won't…?"

"I'm positive. I could barely pick up on it, and men are doubly blind to the ways of a woman." She handed me my black sandals with the three and a half inch heels. "Here, put these on."

I looked at them in horror as the memories spiked.

_James trailing his fingers slowly up my calf. I let my eyes close as I focused on the pleasure of that soft touch. It brought the blood to my cheeks and a slow warmth to my stomach. He was a master at the art of seduction; he always knew how and where to touch me. I opened my eyes to find his staring into mine, dark with desire and wicked intentions. He had a way of looking at me that made me feel beautiful, powerful, and desirable. It was such a heady feeling._

_ "I love you in these shoes, babe. They make your legs look so long and sexy. It makes me think of getting you back to my apartment and having you in my bed with nothing but these shoes on."_

The memory faded into another.

_"Of course there are others. You don't honestly believe men are monogamous, do you?" He laughed. "God, you're so young and cute. You probably still believe in the Easter Bunny too. Men have needs, Iz babes. I have certain desires that can't be met by one woman."_

_ "You mean by this woman," I said in a small, shaky voice. "I'm not enough for you."_

_ "Well, you have to admit you're not exactly adventurous, are you? Always in a bed and always with the lights out."_

_ "I'm still new to this! I can be adventurous. You can show me…" I trailed off. What was I saying? Did I honestly still want to be with him? The sad truth was that I thought perhaps I did. I was crushed and heartbroken and betrayed beyond belief, but I had loved him and it was a feeling that was not easily erased. I was not quite ready to let go. Perhaps if I convinced him of my love, showed him all I had to offer, all I was willing to do for him, it would be enough and he would see that he did not need more. That I could be all he needed. Then he laughed again. A hard, cynical laugh. My pathetic hopes shattered._

_ "I don't think so, babes. Some women just don't have it in them. God, you can't even walk in a pair of heels without falling all over the place. How do expect to be sophisticated in bed? But your shy innocence has an addiction all its own. Once you get this case settled I can show you just how appealing I find it…"_

"No," I said to her. "I can't wear those. The pumps will work just fine."

"Bella, those pumps are so dowdy! They're fine for the office, but this dress demands elegance. The heels are perfect. You can't not wear them."

"Alice, I've already had too many clumsy episodes in front of him. I won't risk wearing a pair of shoes that I can't even walk in without falling all over the place."

Even as the words left my mouth I felt the horror of allowing James to influence my decisions and my pride swelled up in defiance. I'd show him just how well I could walk in a pair of heels! I could wallow in the triumph of proving him wrong, even if he wasn't here to see it. I grabbed at the shoes resolutely.

"On second thought."

She grinned at me. "That's more like it."

My phone buzzed, and I picked it up. Edward had sent me a text message. _Two minutes away. Do you need any more time?_ I swallowed nervously and considered telling him I'd changed my mind—that I'd come down with the chicken pox or scarlet fever or the Bubonic Plague. Alice, reading my expression, snatched the phone away and responded for me. _No, I'm ready. Pull around back. The outside entrance is behind the building. _She handed it back to me and I numbly tucked it into my purse, staring at the bottle next to it, feeling the anxiety rising in me but not wanting to give in after I had managed to go almost two months without it.

"Alice, I don't think this is such a good idea. So much can go wrong…"

"It's just dinner. You make some conversation, use your fork and spoon, chew with your mouth closed. There's nothing to it."

"What if I trip? What if I spill my drink on him? What if I say something really stupid or offensive and get him all pissed off at me?"

"Would you listen to yourself? It is so unlike you to back down from a challenge. You have to stop letting _him_ rule your life," she added softly.

I nodded, taking a deep breath. "You're absolutely right. I didn't move over 1300 miles to get away from it all just to fall into the same cycle. I can do this."

She grinned as something outside the window caught her attention and she rushed over to look out.

"Good, cause it's too late anyway. He's here."

My anxiety level spiked, and I felt the tremors start in my hands. I knew it was a ridiculous reaction to have, it was just a business dinner, but it was also the first time I had been taken out to dinner by a man since James and that brought with it far too many upsetting memories. Not to mention Edward had such a stronger physical effect on me that James ever had, and I was terrified that I would do something tonight to give myself away. My nervousness, compiled with the memories that were suddenly swarming me, was pushing me to the edge of that precarious cliff on which I continuously dwelled. I used Alice's distraction to slip two pills from my purse, hating myself for taking them but desperate for the artificial calm they would bring. I was currently a bundle of nerves and I didn't want to risk having one of my episodes in front of Edward.

"Can I meet him?"

I nearly snorted the pills back out. "Absolutely not! No way in hell am I going to let him know that I had to call in reinforcements to help prepare me for tonight."

She sighed. "All right. I'll just watch from the window!"

Rolling my eyes, I snapped my purse shut and headed for the door before he could come up the stairs to knock. He stopped halfway from his car as he watched me descend the stairs. I took them slowly, not wanting my shoe to catch on anything or my ankle to turn on those damn skinny heels. I couldn't help admiring the way his pants hung from his hips or how ridiculously sexy he looked in the black dress shirt with the collar unbuttoned and the sleeves rolled halfway up. Any woman with a pulse would notice these things.

By the time I reached the bottom he'd come the rest of the way to meet me and was offering his arm. I smiled at him and accepted it mainly for the extra support it would provide for me. He returned my smile with his own dazzling version. I congratulated myself that my breath hitched only for a short moment.

"Good evening. Beautiful night out tonight, isn't it? Almost makes me wish I'd chosen an outdoor venue."

Was there something wrong with me that I found even the smell of his breath appealing? There was a subtle cinnamon scent to it and I tried not to wonder if his mouth would taste of it as well. I failed.

"It is pleasant, but I'm sure it'll cool off rapidly. It's still early spring."

"True. So am I allowed to tell you that you look lovely, or is that something a man should only say on a date?"

I felt the blush creep over my face. "You can say whatever you like. Freedom of speech. It's in the Constitution."

"Well, then, you look very lovely tonight."

"Thank you."

He had thoughtfully shortened his stride for me, and I was immensely grateful. There was no way I would have been able to keep up with his typical long-legged stride in these shoes. I looked at his car for the first time as we walked toward it. It was a silver Volvo C70—a convertible of course, and it was a brand new model if my guess was correct. Jake had taught me a few things about cars. When we reached it Edward walked around the side with me and opened the passenger door for me. I told myself it was merely good manners and nothing to feel flattered over.

Glancing up as I climbed in I could see Alice's face all but pressed to the glass of the window and prayed that Edward did not look up and see her. I was suddenly thankful that Jake was still obliviously in the garage with his new baby. I wouldn't put it past him to come out and give Edward the third degree. He was so fiercely protective of me. I hadn't even told him I was going out tonight. Alice would likely fill him in. I smiled to myself as I wonder what outrageous tales the little minx would spin for him just to get him going.

"What's so funny?"

I glanced over as Edward finished sliding in behind the steering wheel and closed his door. I found myself closed inside the small confines of the vehicle with that sweetly spicy scent of his cologne that I couldn't quite place but was acutely aware of, and I wished that it was warm enough for him to have the top down.

"I just had a funny thought about one of my friends. No one you know." Yet.

"You must have some very amusing friends. I've often seen that smile on your face and wondered what put it there."

So says the pot to the kettle. I couldn't count the times I'd glimpsed that damn mysterious smile of his that always made me wonder if he was laughing at me over one of my typical Bella moments or something. And wait. Did he just admit in so many words that he spent time watching me? What the hell was I supposed to do with that?

"I, um, like your car. Are these seats leather?"

Okay, Bella, dumb question number one for the evening. Let's try to keep those in the single digits, at least.

"Yeah." He grinned. "It's easier to clean than fabric in case I spill anything."

Well, at least I wasn't the only one with spilling issues.

"And here I thought it was just for showing off," I teased.

"Nah. That's what all the adjustments under the hood are for."

My eyebrows lifted. "Does it go fast?"

He glanced at me briefly before turning his attention back to the road, and his lips curved in that seductive way.

"It goes fast."

"What's the highest speed you've gotten out of it?"

"You don't actually expect me to confess to speeding in this to the daughter of the Police Chief, do you?"

I laughed. "No, of course not. Not a straight and narrow businessman like you."

"You make me sound stuffy and boring."

"I wouldn't know, would I?"

"Well, that's what tonight is for. So do you like riding in fast cars?"

"You wouldn't expect the daughter of the Police Chief to admit to that, would you?"

His grin matched mine. "You'll have to ride with me sometime when the weather is warm and your hair isn't done up. It's a great feeling to ride with the top down and the wind in your face."

I remained silent. As extremely tempting as that sounded I could see no reason why I would ever be in his car again. Tonight was a onetime occurrence to hopefully clear some of the awkward tension between us. The sexual tension didn't show any signs of fading, but that was entirely one-sided and I prayed that he would never be aware of it.

"Do you have something against my driving?" He was frowning.

"What? No, why would you say that?"

"I assumed by your silence that you're reluctant to drive with me again."

"It's not that. You're driving is perfectly fine, Mr. Cullen. I just don't see what reason I would have to be in your car again."

His eyes did not turn my way but the corners of his lips slowly turned up again.

"To feel the wind. What other reason do you need? And you can use my given name, you know. Last time I checked it wasn't a bad word."

I couldn't call him Edward. It would put us on a more intimate footing when I was already battling the inconvenient attraction I felt towards him, on top of which I was beginning to suspect that I'd end up liking him as a person as well. I needed the professional distance achieved by referring to him as Mr. Cullen as well as to remind myself that he was out of my reach.

"I think we both know I'm not exactly averse to using bad words, Mr. Cullen."

He chuckled. "Well, that's a very polite way of putting me in my place."

"So tell me about this place we're going."

"Like I said it's small. The tables are kind of crammed together and the atmosphere is laid back and informal. It was opened by an older couple who moved here from Boston to retire close to their kids and decided that Portland didn't know what to do with its seafood. So they opened up their own restaurant."

"Some retirement."

"They love it. They wouldn't have known what to do with themselves if they'd actually retired."

"You know them personally?"

"I'm probably their most frequent customer. Carmen likes to act like a surrogate mother to me. She and her husband, Eleazar, often sit and have a drink with me whenever I stop in."

I smiled at the idea of him chatting idly with the elderly couple. Then I realized that my fantasy was beginning to include him sitting next to a series of faceless beauties, and I lost my amusement. They were probably all blonds too. He seemed like the type to be into blonds.

"So you, um, take a lot of dinner partners there?"

There it was again. How I hated that cheeky mysterious smile!

"Actually, I usually go by myself. I like to go there to relax and soak in the mood and the music. It's like an escape for me. The wrong companionship would spoil it."

"Then why are you taking me? Aren't you afraid I'll spoil it?"

"I knew you've never been, and I had a feeling you'll appreciate it the same way I do."

I stared at him, unable to sort out the feelings that statement evoked in me. There wasn't really any reason for me to react to it the way I did. It wasn't really a compliment, just an assumption that I might enjoy the place. And yet I sensed there was a deeper meaning to his words and couldn't for the life of me figure out what it might be.

"Here we are."

We'd driven into the heart of Portland. He slowed to a stop in the middle of the street and waited as a car suddenly started and vacated its spot on the street. How had he known a parking spot was about to open up? Did luck follow this man around like a lost puppy? We pulled in and he was rounding the car to open my door before I'd finished fumbling with my seatbelt. He took my hand to assist me out of the car and I noticed his gaze slip down as I swung my legs out. I tried not to let his appraisal go my head. Nor anywhere south of my head for that matter. Looking was a natural instinct in a man; it had nothing to do with me.

We crossed the street to an older style brick building three stories high. A small staircase led down to a floor just below street level where a discreet sign labeled the place as _Pier 5_. I wondered that anyone even knew of the place's existence, but when we entered I saw that over half of the tables were already occupied, and they were indeed crowded together. Stained glass light fixtures that reminded me of the set from _Cheers_ hung from the ceiling and cast the room in a dim, romantic glow. In the center of each table a piece of glass stemware was placed inverted over some kind of wildflower and on top of its up-thrust base rested a small candle. None of the flowers or candles matched. At the far end of the room a four member band played soft music on a low lit stage. It had a rustic and uncomplicated charm to it. I loved everything about it.

An exotically beautiful woman with strawberry blond hair, excessive eyeliner, and dressed all in black approached us with a warm smile for Edward and barely a glance towards me. I disliked her immediately.

"Edward, it's always a pleasure to see you here. Would you like your usual table? I try to keep it open just in case."

"You're too good to me, Tanya. Please, lead the way."

We followed the over-exaggerated sway of Tanya's hips, weaving our way through the narrow pathways between tables until we reached a small table in the back corner. Edward pulled my chair out and I smiled challengingly at Tanya as I took it. I wasn't sure where this surge of jealousy had come from, I had no claim on Edward, but I wasn't about to let the woman dismiss me so easily. As far as she knew I was here as his date and it was downright bitchy for her to come on to him right in front of me as she was doing. Edward took his seat and Tanya bent down to hand him the wine menu, offering him a generous view of her abundant cleavage, her breasts all but jumping out from the lacy edges of her bra in eager pursuit of Edward's appreciation. I found myself tempted to poke at them with my fork just to see if they popped.

"Would you care for some wine?"

"Huh?" I pulled myself away from my rancorous thoughts.

"Wine?"

"Oh. Yes, that would be lovely," I practically purred, leaning toward him.

Edward raised an eyebrow at me, his lips curving slightly. "Do you have a preference?"

I trailed my fingers over the back of his hand, smiling sweetly.

"I'm sure anything you choose will be perfect."

He handed the wine menu back to Tanya without bothering to glance at it. His hand turned over to grip mine, squeezing gently while his eyes met mine with canny curiosity. I knew I was acting out of character, but Tanya's cavalier attitude was pissing me off and the Valium was making me bold.

"We'll have the Roussanne Marsanne."

She had placed a hand on Edward's shoulder and I was struck by an image of myself using a pair of pliers to pull off those blood-red fingernails one by one. I'd never realized I had such violent tendencies in me. It was a little unnerving. Tanya was now leaning into him with an implied intimacy and familiarity that Edward barely seemed to even notice, indicating that he was accustomed to the interaction. I found myself wondering if there was a history there, or even a present tense.

"Excellent choice, as always, Edward. Would you like me to bring out the bottle or do you think one glass will be enough?"

She was looking at me when she said this with a derisive smirk on her face and my hands began trembling as I realized the hidden message in her words. I could almost hear Victoria's voice. _Did you actually think that you were woman enough to satisfy him?_ I didn't hear Edward's response to her as the memories of that incident flooded my brain and the trembling started in my hands. I pushed back my chair and rose, desperate to get away before Edward could witness my reaction to this woman's antagonism. He looked up at me with concern, and I mumbled something about needing the ladies room and to just order for me if I didn't get back in time.

My breath was coming in gasps when I burst through the doors to the bathroom, and I was grateful to find it empty. I went immediately to the sink and soaked some paper towels in cold water before pressing them to my face and neck, working to calm my breathing. I closed my eyes, forced my mind blank, and worked on the breathing techniques I had learned during my few sessions of therapy that my employers at Brodwick had forced on me after my return to work. I knew I couldn't risk taking a third Valium after having gone so many weeks without it. I'd probably end up taking a face dive into my salad bowl.

When the shaking finally passed I dried my face and stared at my reflection in the mirror. My face was still a bit whiter than usual but I didn't think it was that noticeable since I was pale to begin with. I couldn't help noticing, though, the mediocrity of my features in comparison to Tanya's. My figure left nothing to be desired—almost boyish in its lack of curves. My eyes were such an ordinary brown and much too large for my face. My cheekbones had taken on a prominence that left my face looking almost gaunt, and I determined to improve my eating habits to gain back the weight I had lost. I was only now realizing that I must still be losing weight even since my return to Portland. I needed to start remembering to eat again.

It was somewhat sobering to realize that I had begun to harbor secret hopes of Edward seeing me as a woman, and it had taken his lack of response to Tanya's devastating beauty for me to see I had no chance of ever catching the interest of a man like him. I had nothing to offer him. I was plain, boring, and slightly damaged. Gods like him did not seek out used and discarded mortals like me.

It was better this way, I told myself as I reapplied my lip gloss, that I came to my senses before putting myself into a situation where I could be hurt again. If I acknowledged and accepted this reality then it would be much easier to go back out there and interact with him in a casual and professional manner. I could be much more at ease with myself if I wasn't hoping for more and worrying about rejection. I smiled and nodded at my reflection as my anxieties drained away along with the adrenaline they'd brought and the haze of an artificial calm settled back over my brain. I returned to the table feeling much stronger and more confident in the knowledge that I knew where I stood with Edward and did not have to fear having my idealistic hopes exposed and shattered in any humiliating manner.

Edward rose quickly when he saw me approaching and pulled out my chair once more, an expression of concern still on his face. I smiled and thanked him before taking my seat, but it didn't erase the worry from his eyes.

"Are you all right? You looked a little odd when you got up and I got kind of worried when you didn't come back…"

I laughed and prayed it didn't sound too forced. "Did you think I was trying to escape out the bathroom window?"

"No, of course not, I was just afraid that maybe you were ill or something. You looked kind of pale."

"I'm always pale," I joked. "Really, I'm fine. I'm sorry if I caused you any concern." I racked my brain to come up with a quick excuse. "There was a girl in there crying over a fight with her boyfriend and I took a few minutes to talk to her."

He nodded, but I couldn't tell if I'd actually convinced him of the lie or not. Either way he let it go and I was thankful.

"I ordered us both the wood grilled lobster and parmesan shrimp. I hope that's okay?"

"That sounds great, thank you."

An awkward silence fell over the table and I noticed that the bottle of wine had been brought out and that Edward had filled both our glasses. I picked up my glass and sipped idly at it as I wondered what kind of conversation I should come up with. Should we focus on work related topics, talk about the restaurant, try to find common interests? There was always the ever fallback movies/music/hobbies topic but that was generally something that people on a date would discuss.

"So what do you think of the band?"

I glanced up at the stage where the band was still playing softly. They had switched instruments since the last number and now a saxophone crooned out the melody to the beat of the percussion and accompaniment of a bass guitar while the lead singer alternated between singing into the mic and blowing into his muted trumpet. It was a tragically romantic piece and almost moving in its haunting beauty. I was surprised that such a talented group was still playing at such a remote place.

"They're really good. Do they play here often?"

"They're one of the regular groups. Sometimes they play up on Seventh Street too. Carmen and Eleazar like to rotate the talent and give opportunities to some of the other local artists."

"They have a really nice setup here. Why's it so well hidden? I probably never would have known about this place if you hadn't shown me."

He smiled. "It's kind of like an escape from the tourism. A little oasis for the Portland residents."

He made it sound like some underground fraternity where only a select few were sworn into its ranks and permitted into its privileged lifestyle. I smiled at the thought and the relief I felt as the tension that had been rebuilding between us began easing away again.

"Wow, I almost feel like I've been let into some select secret club. Is there a blood oath I should be signing somewhere?"

He shook his head, once again emitting that soft chuckle that made me think of bell choirs from heaven.

The food arrived and I noticed that Tanya was much more subdued as she placed the plates in front of us. She barely looked at Edward the whole time, and I wondered what had brought about this sudden shift in her attitude. Just as she was asking if there was anything else we needed Edward leaned over and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I saw her eyes narrow and her jaw clench and I couldn't resist leaning into his touch in juvenile retaliation for her earlier behavior toward me. I knew there was no sentiment behind his gesture, but I didn't mind letting her think there was more to it. His eyes met mine and he smiled almost as if he knew what I was doing and I blushed and dropped my gaze in embarrassment.

"Thank you, Tanya, that will be all for now," he said.

I took pleasure in her irritated huff and the stiffness of her gate as she strode away. We picked up our conversation about the restaurant and he told me a little more about the people who owned it and some of the musicians that came here to play. I relaxed further as the conversation began to flow with a much more comfortable ease between us. He was surprisingly easy to talk to.

"And has the food lived up to all my boasting?"

"And then some."

I took another succulent bite of lobster, closing my eyes as it all but melted in my mouth. It truly was magnificent and very obviously not some frozen deal prepared by the instructions of a chain restaurant empire. This was definitely all fresh and made up right in the kitchen here. I opened my eyes to find Edward staring at me with an intense heat in his eyes. He blinked and it was gone.

"So tell me something about yourself."

I swallowed. "About me? There's not much to tell."

"Sure there is." He took my hand and stretched my arm across the table, lightly tracing the faint scar on the tender skin on the underside of my arm. "Like this. I've been wondering where you got this."

I tried to pretend that his touch wasn't sending my pulse skyrocketing. His finger was still tracing the jagged line across my skin, and the tingles were running all the way up my arm and down into my stomach. I casually pulled my arm away with the excuse of picking up my wineglass before my skin could break out in gooseflesh.

"Oh, it happened one summer when I was twelve. My dad got hung up at work and I got bored, so I decided I was going to play in the backyard even though he'd told me to stay in the house."

"So you've always had a willful streak."

I smiled. "'Fraid so. Anyway a stray dog wandered into the yard and I tried to tempt it closer with a piece of bread. I'd always wanted a dog. Unfortunately it decided my arm looked tastier than the bread."

"How did you get away from it?"

"Oh, the neighbor came running out and chased it away before driving me to the hospital. Charlie about flipped on me. I think I was grounded for the rest of that summer."

"You were lucky it didn't have rabies."

"So he still reminds me."

My story brought up tales of some of the mishaps he had gotten into with Jasper and his brother as kids and before I knew it we were one-upping each other on the number and severity of our ER visits. He showed me the scar he still had just under the hair line from the time Emmett had busted him with a baseball bat. I showed him the faint line between my eyebrows from the time I'd taken a face dive into the corner of our living room coffee table. He regaled me with the tale of his "Superman" jump from the second story balcony that had put his leg in a cast for six weeks. I told him about my four-year-old escape from the backseat of a moving car that landed me with a broken arm and thirty-seven stitches. In the end we were laughing over all our calamities and I had won with a grand total of twelve ER visits to his seven.

"Okay," he said. "This one didn't put me in the hospital but I think it should count for sheer stupidity. I was running a track race and trying to impress this girl I liked who'd come to watch, so of course I was looking at her instead of the course and almost didn't see the hurdle coming. I jumped too late, clipped the top, and literally somersaulted over it. Not only did I land on my face right in front of her, but I also knocked out the runner beside me who just happened to be her brother."

I laughed. "That does get points for stupidity but it doesn't quite top my softball incident."

"Softball incident?"

I nodded, taking another sip of my wine. "I can be fiercely competitive. It was the bottom of the ninth and we were tied. I knew I should have stopped at third but I decided to go for home anyway. I went for the slide at the last minute and ended up out. Literally. I slid right into the catcher. Her knee connected with my head and knocked me right out. But that's not the worse part. I came to after only a minute or so, but the smell of the blood from where I'd ripped my knee open put me right back out. I didn't live it down the whole rest of the school year."

"You passed out from the smell of blood?"

I grimaced. "Yeah. You'd think after all those ER visits I'd be used to it, but even today I get lightheaded at the first sign of blood."

"Wow. Okay, you win. I'm still impressed by those twelve visits. I had an adventurous best friend and a fearless older brother. What's your excuse?"

"Well, my mother always said that gravity likes me better than most people."

He smiled softly. "I can see why."

I grew silent, my gaiety fading a bit. He was flirting with me again and I couldn't come up with an appropriate way to discourage it, especially when that rebellious voice inside my head that I was constantly trying to quell insisted that I did not really want to discourage him. The hurt and rejected woman inside of me wanted to be desired by a man as magnificent as Edward, but the rational part of my being demanded that I keep my professional life professional and regain some semblance of the control I had lost.

I realized very suddenly that over an hour had passed and my stomach was feeling warm from what must have been my third glass of wine. I hadn't even paid attention to the casual way Edward had kept topping off my glass, but now that I thought about it I could not remember seeing him refilling his own. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. Was he trying to loosen me up and lower my guard? I set my glass very decisively on the table and his lips curved knowingly. Yes, that was exactly what he had been doing and the sly bastard wasn't even ashamed of it!

I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms, determined to get the evening back on the right track.

"Shouldn't we be talking about work?"

"We can talk about work any day of the week. I thought tonight would be a good opportunity to get to know each other a little better and hopefully form the basis of a friendship. It seems to me people on friendly terms don't usually jump to think the worst of each other and make all sorts of offensive comments."

I couldn't discount his logic, but nor could I shake the feeling that there was more to this dinner than simply improving our work relationship. But perhaps I was just being paranoid and presumptuous again. Perhaps he was just naturally flirty and I should stop flattering myself that it had anything to do with me. After all, he seemed to have too much respect for his position to consider a dalliance with one of his employees, let alone assume all the complications of an actual relationship with one. I was jumping to conclusions again. Much as my battered ego might want to believe that a man of his raw magnetic appeal would be interested in me, I had to just accept his words at face value and acknowledge that he was simply looking for a better understanding between us. There was no way he could want me in that way. Not when women like Tanya existed.

Resolving those doubts helped me to relax and I found myself slowly sipping my wine again as we resumed our conversation of childhood adventures. I learned that Edward's home had been on the outskirts of Portland and that he and his brother had spent a lot of time exploring the woods that stretched out behind their property. He talked of the creeks and the wildlife and the games they played. It made the woods seem mysterious and even almost magical so that I wished I could see them for myself. In return I told him of the "robots" we had built with the scrap parts in Jake's dad's garage and all the trouble we had gotten into going along with Alice's schemes.

"So you and this Jake guy are pretty close then?"

That nagging little suspicion crept into my brain again. "Billy and Charlie are good friends. I practically grew up with Jake. He's like a brother to me."

"You really make me feel like a heel for what I said that day."

"It was an easy assumption to make." I grinned. "Even if it wasn't any of your business."

He laughed. "You're a hard woman, Bella Swan. Perhaps, as a way of making atonement, I should ask you to dance."

I threw a panicked look over at the tiny dance floor where several couples had already begun moving to the music. "You already made atonement. The books you gave me were more than generous."

"I'd still love to dance with you."

"Honestly, Mr. Cullen, I don't dance. It never turns out well when I try."

He leaned in close to me and offered me that dazzling smile and I almost forgot what we were talking about.

"It's not that hard. All you really have to do is stand and sway a bit. There's nothing dangerous about it."

There was everything dangerous about the thought of being held in his arms. I might shamelessly throw myself at him and ruin everything, and even if I managed to restrain myself the nervous tension alone would have me tripping over my already uncoordinated feet. Especially in these heels Alice had talked me into….which I just realized I'd slipped out of at some point during the evening. I must have been much more relaxed than I thought.

"Edward, there you are! Tanya just told me you were here. And just why didn't you come back and say hello to me?"

Edward stood and embraced an artlessly attractive woman with a head full of gray curls. There was an open friendliness to her face and a spunky light in her eyes. My first impression of her was here was the inspiration for that Old Lady Maxine cartoon. She seemed like the type to take everything in stride and view the world with a dry and worldly sense of humor. The kind of woman you couldn't help but like.

"Carmen, how good to see you. Have you decided to drop that dead weight of yours yet and run off with me?"

She hooted and slapped his shoulder. "Ooh, boy, if I was thirty years younger I'd give you a run for your money! And who is this lovely young thing you're with?"

Edward turned to me with the most adorably boyish grin. "Bella, I want you meet Carmen, one of the owners I was telling you about. Carmen, this is Bella Swan."

"It's a pleasure to meet you. You're restaurant is fantastic."

I held my hand out to her and she clasped it warmly between both of hers. "It's about time Edward brought a date in here."

"Oh, it's not—"

"I've been bugging this boy for years now to find some nice girl and settle down. I'm glad he brought you in with him tonight. You seem like such a sweet thing, and so pretty too!"

"Thank you, but I'm not—that is this isn't—I mean, we're not—"

"Don't make it too easy on him, now. A girl's got to make a man work for her hand a little. Got to get our catering out of them while we can."

Speaking of hands she was still holding onto mine even as she continued to mow me over with her assumption of mine and Edward's relationship. I glanced wildly at him for assistance, but he was just watching with amusement written clearly across his face. I wasn't about to get an inch of help from him. I needed to gather my wits about me—she was rapidly robbing me of them and my brain usually worked much faster than this.

"So has this scoundrel bothered to take you out on my dance floor yet?"

"Oh, I don't—"

"I've already asked her but she refuses to be swayed," Edward put in.

I shot him a reproving look. Carmen propped both her hands on her generous hips and looked at me sternly.

"And just what's wrong with my dance floor?"

"Nothing! I'm sure it's wonderful. It's just that—"

"Don't like the band?"

"No, they're really great—"

"Then, get out there!"

Before I could protest any further she'd pulled me to my feet and thrust me over to Edward and I wondered vaguely if she was related to Alice in some way. His eyes were still full of laughter and I glared at him in frustration.

"You may as well go along with it," he whispered in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "She doesn't take no for an answer."

I sighed in defeat. "Can I at least get my shoes on first?"

His eyes slid slowly down my legs and lingered on my bare feet.

"Certainly," he murmured.

I sat back down and tried to subtly slide my feet back into my shoes, but I discovered that it was much easier to slip out of all those straps than it was to slip into them. Before I could reach down and pull them up Edward was squatting in front of me, those long lean fingers guiding the straps over my heel and around my ankle, lingering just a moment too long. My breath caught at the sensation of those fingertips grazing my skin. I felt ridiculously like Cinderella. His eyes looked hotly up into mine and I swear the world stopped spinning for a moment. The heat from his eyes spread through my body so that I thought my internal organs might bake actually from it. My breathing accelerated and this time it had nothing to do with anxiety.

Then he was standing again and offering me his hand and I convinced myself that I had imagined the intensity of that moment. I felt entirely too flushed and realized too late that I was beginning to feel the unwise effects of the wine and Valium combination as I took his hand and stood, the room tilting just the slightest bit. I stumbled once, but he had a strong grip on my arm and I quickly righted myself. He smiled down at me as he led me to the dance floor, causing my head to spin and fog that much more, and I was more certain than ever that I should not be going with him. A sense of foreboding mingled with the undeniable thrill of his touch, and it roared through my head like the freight train of an approaching tornado.

**Yeah, I know this chapter was a little bit longer than the rest and I still didn't get the whole date in but I wanted to lay the tracks for the story a bit more and felt it would be better to break the evening into two chapters. Plus I kind of want to write the rest of the date from Edward's POV so you'll get to see a bit of what's going through his mind during all of this. Thanks for reading, I'll update soon!**


	11. Pick Me, Squeeze Me, Make Me Wine

**AN: Twice in one week! I told you I'd be posting soon. I wrote like mad to get this chapter done so soon because I'm going to be very busy the next couple weeks and I don't know how much time I'll have to write, plus it wouldn't let go of me anyway. So don't be surprised if I don't update again for a few weeks, but I'll try. I had to backtrack a little bit for this chapter. I don't typically like to write the same parts twice, but I really wanted to get Edward's side of those events in, so I went back to the beginning of the date but I got the whole evening in this time **** Hope it doesn't disappoint!**

**EPOV**

I felt nervous as a teenager on his first date when I got into my car and headed off to pick up Bella. She might have insisted that this was not a date, but I was going to do everything I could to make sure that it was. It had been an easy matter to convince her to let me drive. I could already see that logic and practicality appealed to her. I felt no remorse over using that to my advantage.

I texted her when I was almost there and followed her instructions to pull around back, popping a cinna-mint into my mouth when I got there. I saw a slight movement by the window as I got out of my car, and then she was coming out the door and walking slowly down the steps. I was floored. I thought I'd grown accustomed to her beauty but she continued to take my breath away. She was wearing some kind of silky dress that flowed with the lines of her body and emphasized her high breasts. Her hair was done up in a sexy disarray that made me want to pull out all the pins and bury my hands in it. Her incredibly long legs were shown off by the sexiest pair of black heels I'd ever seen. I'd actually had to stop and try to subtly adjust the semi-hard that had sprung up at the sight of her.

I think the most arousing part, though, was that I knew she wasn't actually trying to be seductive. I was almost certain that she was only moving so slowly in an attempt to keep herself from falling. But Bella was provocative without even being aware of it. It was like everything she did had an unconscious sexuality to it. With so many women these days it was like every move they made was intentionally designed to make men beg. The blatant obviousness of their efforts had begun to be a bit of a turn off to me. Having something constantly thrown at me took all of the desirability out of it. It was like playing a video game that was too easy. It's fun the first time but after that it just gets boring. Bella was different. Her sensuality was innate and the fact that she didn't even seem to realize it only spiked its intensity that much more.

I finally got myself under control and met her at the bottom of the stairs, offering her my arm. I could see that she was tense and tried to put her at ease.

"Good evening. Beautiful night out tonight, isn't it? Almost makes me wish I'd chosen an outdoor venue."

She smiled at me, but it seemed a bit distracted. I wondered if she was already regretting her decision to come out with me.

"It is pleasant, but I'm sure it'll cool off rapidly. It's still early spring."

"True. So am I allowed to tell you that you look lovely, or is that something a man should only say on a date?"

That lovely stain filled her cheeks. I loved that she blushed so easily.

"You can say whatever you like. Freedom of speech. It's in the Constitution."

Trust her to have a response ready so quickly.

"Well, then, you look very lovely tonight."

"Thank you."

I walked her around the car, shortening the normal length of my step since I knew those heels couldn't be easy for her to walk in, and opened the door for her. When I rounded the car and got in my own side I saw that she had that small little smile on her face again. I called her on it, wondering if I had done something to amuse her.

"I just had a funny thought about one of my friends. No one you know."

"You must have some very amusing friends. I've often seen that smile on your face and wondered what put it there."

There was a small silence and I wondered if she truly had been thinking of her friends or if she had just used it as a cop-out to get out of giving me an honest answer.

"I, um, like your car. Are these seats leather?"

I grinned. If she liked my car then it ought to be that much easier to get her back into it.

"Yeah. It's easier to clean than fabric in case I spill anything."

"And here I thought it was just for showing off."

"Nah. That's what all the adjustments under the hood are for."

"Does it go fast?"

I glanced at her and saw the sparkle in her eyes. So Bella likes speed. My lips curved.

"It goes fast."

"What's the highest speed you've gotten out of it?"

"You don't actually expect me to confess to speeding in this to the daughter of the Police Chief, do you?"

She laughed. "No, of course not. Not a straight and narrow businessman like you."

Straight and narrow businessman? Was that really how she thought of me?

"You make me sound stuffy and boring."

"I wouldn't know, would I?"

"Well, that's what tonight is for. So do you like riding in fast cars?"

"You wouldn't expect the daughter of the Police Chief to admit to that, would you?"

I adored that quick wit of hers. It was refreshing to meet someone who could keep up with me.

"You'll have to ride with me sometime when the weather is warm and your hair isn't done up. It's a great feeling to ride with the top down and the wind in your face."

The silence stretched out and I noticed that she wasn't smiling anymore. Had I done something wrong? Did she not want to ride with me again?

"Do you have something against my driving?"

"What? No, why would you say that?"

"I assumed by your silence that you're reluctant to drive with me again."

"It's not that. You're driving is perfectly fine, Mr. Cullen. I just don't see what reason I would have to be in your car again."

Ah. So that was it. She was trying to get professional on me again.

"To feel the wind. What other reason do you need? And you can use my given name, you know. Last time I checked it wasn't a bad word."

I'd been trying to get her to say my name ever since that first interview, especially since that one time she had slipped. It sounded so right coming off her lips. This Mr. Cullen nonsense was getting on my nerves. I didn't want her to see me as just her employer.

"I think we both know I'm not exactly averse to using bad words, Mr. Cullen."

I laughed a little. Okay, so she wasn't going to give in tonight. I knew when to stop pushing my luck. I'd work on her gradually, but eventually she would drop the formality. I spent the rest of the car ride telling her about the restaurant and its owners. They had come to be friends of mine over the last couple of years and I was really hoping that Bella would like the place. I couldn't help smiling when she asked me if I took many women there. It was not the innocent type of question a woman asked her employer.

"Actually, I usually go by myself. I like to go there to relax and soak in the mood and the music. It's like an escape for me. The wrong companionship would spoil it."

"Then why are you taking me? Aren't you afraid I'll spoil it?"

How did I tell her that she struck a chord in me that no other woman had ever touched? That I was taking there because it was my own little personal space, my private hideaway, and I wanted to share it with her? She wasn't ready to hear that and she wouldn't believe me anyway. It was too soon.

"I knew you've never been, and I had a feeling you'll appreciate it the same way I do."

She didn't respond. I noticed a man getting into his car across from the restaurant and waited for him to clear out, pulling into the spot and quickly climbing out so I could get to Bella's door before she did. She swung her legs out of the car and my gaze was once again drawn to them. I had trouble tearing it away. She really did have perfect legs. I led her into the restaurant and we were immediately greeted by Tanya. She would be working tonight of all nights. I was glad that I had Bella with me as a shield. Tanya's advances had been growing steadily less subtle.

And at the same time I was slightly grateful for Tanya's boldness. It would take a stronger man than I not to get enjoyment out of Bella's reaction to it. I knew if it had not been for Tanya that Bella would never have scooted her chair so close to mine or sent me those flirty looks from beneath her lashes. When she placed her hand over mine I couldn't resist turning it up to grip hers. Our fingers laced together and I felt a connection to her that I hoped to God she felt too. I didn't want to be alone in this obsession.

Bella was glaring daggers at the hostess and I knew Tanya was the only reason she allowed that contact between us—holding hands was definitely not something "business associates" would do—but it was still reassuring to realize that she felt possessive enough over me to put up a show for the other woman. Relishing the new feeling I didn't even notice how close Tanya had gotten to me until I felt her breath fan over my ear.

"Excellent choice, as always, Edward. Would you like me to bring out the bottle or do you think one glass will be enough?"

I was in the middle of telling Tanya to bring out the bottle when Bella rose very suddenly from her seat, her face pale and her eyes almost haunted. I glanced quickly over at Tanya, who was looking much too smug and satisfied. I wasn't entirely sure what had just transpired but I knew some silent form of women's communication must have gone on and upset Bella. I tried to ask her if she was all right but she just mumbled that she needed the ladies room and took off. I turned on Tanya.

"What the fuck did you do to her?"

Her eyes got all wide and innocent. "What? I didn't do anything to the girl, you were there. Honestly, Edward, she ought to realize that women are going to throw themselves at a man like you, and she can't even take a little friendly flirting? You really should hold out for a woman who can handle the competition."

She'd put her hand on my shoulder again and I shoved it off as if it might pass me some kind of disease.

"I didn't ask for your commentary, Tanya, and I've told you before nothing is ever going to happen between us. You need to back the fuck off Bella. You might be Carmen and Eleazar's niece but I guarantee they'll fire you in second if they find out you've been intentionally malicious toward a customer."

Her face adopted a pathetic hurt expression and her lip pouted out, picking up an obviously fake tremble.

"Edward, you wouldn't…"

"Try me, Tanya."

Her jaw snapped shut and she turned on her heel and left. When she returned with the wine she tried offering me sweet smiles and buttering me up again, but I just gave her our dinner order and ignored her until she left again. Until tonight Tanya had just been a mild annoyance that I tolerated with as much politeness as I could muster, but I would not tolerate her doing anything to upset Bella. If it came to reporting her to Denali's then I had no qualms about doing so.

I began to get nervous when Bella still hadn't returned from the restroom. All sorts of scenarios started running through my head. I imagined her getting angry enough to try to climb out the window, or upset enough to be in there crying. I remembered how pale her face had looked and wondered if she'd gotten suddenly sick. I even pictured an angry Tanya going in there and accosting her in retaliation for me telling her to fuck off. I was debating whether I should go in and check on her when I finally spotted her coming back to the table. I jumped up in relief and pulled her chair out for her, my eyes scrutinizing her as she took the seat, trying unsuccessfully to read her expression.

She seemed much more calm and composed than she had when she left, but her face was still pale and there were shadows in her eyes. She excused her absence by saying that she'd been comforting another girl in the bathroom. She was a terrible liar and I didn't for a second believe her story, but I decided it would only upset her further if I pressed her for the truth so I let it go.

"I ordered us both the wood grilled lobster and parmesan shrimp. I hope that's okay?"

"That sounds great, thank you."

The mention of lobster brought back Jasper's ridiculous comment and I heard the voice of Phoebe Buffay saying _Come on, you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what? You can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, you know, holding claws..._, and now I was actually wondering what it would be like to be an old man with Bella holding my hand as we walked. I needed to stop letting Jasper control the TV.

Bella smiled distractedly at me and I wondered at what she was thinking and whether she was still upset over whatever Tanya had done. She'd been very quiet since she returned and there was a sort of unfocused look to her eyes that still worried me. I got the impression that whatever was bothering her went deeper than Tanya's hostility toward her. She was sipping absently at her wine. I took the first sip of mine, having not wanted to start without her and knowing that I would have to take it easy since I was driving.

"So what do you think of the band?" I asked for lack of anything else with which to break the ice.

Her eyes moved over to the stage, finally seeming to bring her attention back to the present place and time.

"They're really good. Do they play here often?"

"They're one of the regular groups. Sometimes they play up on Seventh Street too. Carmen and Eleazar like to rotate the talent and give opportunities to some of the other local artists."

I wondered if she would ever agree to go there with me to hear them play again. She seemed to like them, and I'd take any opportunity I could to get her out with me again.

"They have a really nice setup here. Why's it so well hidden? I probably never would have known about this place if you hadn't shown me."

"It's kind of like an escape from the tourism. A little oasis for the Portland residents."

"Wow, I almost feel like I've been let into some select secret club. Is there a blood oath I should be signing somewhere?"

I shook my head, wondering where she came up with these crazy thoughts. She definitely had a colorful imagination. Tanya returned with our plates just then, suitably quiet and her eyes not meeting mine, but I still saw the defiant set of her jaw and the angry line of her eyebrows. Just to drive my point home I reached over and tucked a piece of hair behind Bella's ear, letting my fingers trace the shell of her ear and linger by her cheek. Bella's eyes slid over toward Tanya and then she turned her head into my hand so that I was cupping her cheek, my thumb rubbing soft circles over her cheekbone. I smiled at her, relieved to see the spunkiness returning to her. She blushed beautifully and dropped her eyes.

Our conversation came much more easily after Tanya left, and it pleased me to see her finally relaxing. She'd been tense and nervous most of the night but I think the wine was having a calming effect on her and I reached over to refill her glass. I was also glad to see that she had eaten so much of her meal already. As sexy as she was, she was awfully thin and I worried that she didn't eat enough.

"And has the food lived up to all my boasting?" I asked her. I smiled when she nodded enthusiastically.

"And then some."

She took another bite of her lobster, sliding the fork between her lips and closing her eyes in rapture, and I nearly groaned aloud at the sensuality of it. She had absolutely no idea how enticing she was being. I desperately wanted to lean over and lick the trace of butter off her lips. She opened her eyes and caught my stare and I quickly banished the thoughts away. I needed a distraction.

"So tell me something about yourself."

"About me? There's not much to tell."

"Sure there is." I pulled her arm across the table and traced a finger over the scar there. It seemed like a good excuse as any to touch her. "Like this. I've been wondering where you got this."

I smiled when she nervously took her hand back to pick up her wineglass. Nerves were a good sign this time. It meant that she had something to feel nervous about. She told me a childhood story of how she had been bitten by a dog and rushed to the ER. We ended up swapping stories of all the injuries we'd received that landed us in the hospital. I was surprised by how much of a little adventurer she had been. I could tell that she believed most of her traumas resulted from her inherent uncoordination, which certainly played a part in it I'm sure, but it was mostly that her sense of adventure and curiosity had put her into the types of risky situations that most children shied away from. She was almost as fearless as my brother.

She was finally truly relaxing and we spent a pleasant hour sharing stories and laughing at each other's misadventures. I told her about an embarrassing incident during one of my high school track runs and was rewarded with her softball story. I could almost picture it. Bella, so intent on winning, rounding third base and sliding into home with such force that she literally knocked herself out. She wasn't the type to give up once she had set her mind to something. And then she threw a curve ball at me.

"You passed out from the smell of blood?"

How could she have gotten into as many scrapes as she did knowing that blood made her pass out? She really was fearless.

"Yeah. You'd think after all those ER visits I'd be used to it, but even today I get lightheaded at the first sign of blood."

"Wow. Okay, you win. I'm still impressed by those twelve visits. I had an adventurous best friend and a fearless older brother. What's your excuse?"

"Well, my mother always said that gravity likes me better than most people."

I smiled at that. Even gravity couldn't resist her charms.

"I can see why."

One tiny compliment and she closed up like a clam. I had a long road ahead of myself. I grinned when she very suddenly realized how consistently I'd been filling up her wineglass. I wasn't trying to get her drunk, although I wouldn't mind seeing that someday with as adorable as she had sounded during that one drunken phone conversation, just trying to loosen her up a little. I wanted to meet the real Bella, not the impersonally distant front she always threw up when she was around me. She set the glass sternly on the table, but it was too late. She'd already dropped the front some time ago.

"Shouldn't we be talking about work?"

"We can talk about work any day of the week. I thought tonight would be a good opportunity to get to know each other a little better and hopefully form the basis of a friendship. It seems to me people on friendly terms don't usually jump to think the worst of each other and make all sorts of offensive comments."

Appealing to her sense of practicality seemed to work for me again. I told her more about my childhood and got her talking about hers as well. I noticed that when she talked of Phoenix the stories seemed to involve mostly her mom and herself. No classmates, no other little girls. It sounded like she spent a lot of time taking care of her mother rather than the other way around. It was in Portland that she had friends, but in those stories there was a very obvious lack of her father's presence. I also noticed that one of the recurring characters there was Jake. She'd obviously known him for a long time and cared about him a great deal.

"So you and this Jake guy are pretty close then?"

She gave me a narrow-eyed look. "Billy and Charlie are good friends. I practically grew up with Jake. He's like a brother to me."

And I'd thrown him in her face, trying to make her feel ashamed of her relationship with him. I was still insanely jealous of her closeness to him, her ability to share a part of herself that she refused to reveal to me, but it was obvious that she'd never been romantic with him.

"You really make me feel like a heel for what I said that day."

"It was an easy assumption to make….Even if it wasn't any of your business."

I laughed. I did that a lot more often around her than usual.

"You're a hard woman, Bella Swan. Perhaps, as a way of making atonement, I should ask you to dance."

She looked out at the dance floor and then quickly back at me, her eyes wide with terror. "You already made atonement. The books you gave me were more than generous."

"I'd still love to dance with you."

"Honestly, Mr. Cullen, I don't dance. It never turns out well when I try."

I leaned into her and pulled The Swooner out of my arsenal.

"It's not that hard. All you really have to do is stand and sway a bit. There's nothing dangerous about it."

She stared at me as if I'd just handed her ratshit and told her it was raisins.

"Edward, there you are! Tanya just told me you were here. And just why didn't you come back and say hello to me?"

I stood, grateful of the interruption, and wrapped my arms around Carmen, who had almost become like a grandmother to me, but one you could talk to about anything, things you might not even tell your mother about.

"Carmen, how good to see you. Have you decided to drop that dead weight of yours yet and run off with me?"

She laughed as always and swatted at me. "Ooh, boy, if I was thirty years younger I'd give you a run for your money! And who is this lovely young thing you're with?"

I turned to Bella. "Bella, I want you meet Carmen, one of the owners I was telling you about. Carmen, this is Bella Swan."

"It's a pleasure to meet you. You're restaurant is fantastic."

Carmen gripped Bella's hand between hers and I smiled at the flustered look on her face. Carmen did have a bit of an overwhelming personality.

"It's about time Edward brought a date in here."

"Oh, it's not—"

"I've been bugging this boy for years now to find some nice girl and settle down. I'm glad he brought you in with him tonight. You seem like such a sweet thing and so pretty too!"

"Thank you, but I'm not—that is this isn't—I mean, we're not—"

"Don't make it too easy on him, now. A girl's got to make a man work for her hand a little. Got to get our catering out of them while we can."

She looked helplessly at me, but I was enjoying her discombobulation far too much to help her out of it. Carmen had a wonderful way of stripping away people's defenses.

"So has this scoundrel bothered to take you out on my dance floor yet?"

I could have kissed the woman. Whereas I had been almost certain that Bella was going to decline dancing with me, there was no way she could resist Carmen.

"Oh, I don't—"

"I've already asked her but she refuses to be swayed," I cut in, not about to let her get out of it.

She glared at me and I grinned back.

"And just what's wrong with my dance floor?"

"Nothing! I'm sure it's wonderful. It's just that—"

"Don't like the band?"

"No, they're really great—"

"Then, get out there!"

Carmen pulled Bella up and pushed her into my arms. It felt inexplicably right to hold her there. I leaned down to whisper in her ear, glorying in the slight tremor I felt go through her. As much as she tried to pretend indifference I could tell she wasn't immune to me.

"You may as well go along with it. She doesn't take no for an answer."

She sighed. "Can I at least get my shoes on first?"

My eyes were immediately drawn down the length of her legs, settling on those tiny delicate feet with the pink painted toenails. Who knew feet could be such a turn on? I let her slide back into her seat and watched her struggle to push her feet back into the shoes. I knelt down to help, unable to keep my hands from stroking across the satin skin. Her ankles seemed so small and fragile. It was no wonder she was always falling on them. Her skin was even softer than it looked and I had an overwhelming urge to run my hand all the way up her leg until I reached her warm center. I realized I was lingering too long and quickly looked up. Her eyes had an odd, dazed sort of look to them. My blood boiled. Suddenly I wanted nothing more than to scoop her up and take her back to my apartment. Hell, even the table was looking pretty appealing, but I knew I couldn't rush her into this. So instead I stood and offered her my hand, leading her to the dance floor.

We reached the small expanse of floor space and I pulled her in toward me. I bit back a smile as she lightly placed her hands on my shoulders, almost as if she was afraid to touch me, and maintained several inches of space between our bodies. I felt like I was back in the seventh grade where everyone danced with a whole body length between them. Her eyes would not meet mine. I wasn't sure why she was so adamant about making this "dinner conference" as impersonal as possible—I refused to believe this chemistry between us was entirely one-sided, I'd seen the way she got all nervous and flustered whenever I got too close—but I was just as determined to chip away at that armored wall she threw up.

I placed my hands on her hips and I couldn't help but notice how smooth and firm they felt and I wondered if the skin there would be as soft as the fabric of her skirt. I already knew she wasn't wearing those nylon things women were always covering their legs with but I couldn't help picturing what else she might have on under there. Whether it might be silk or lace or simple cotton. Boyshorts, briefs, or thongs. The possibilities were endless. And I had to stop thinking about that. My pants were growing decidedly tighter and that was a surefire way to scare her away. She was already standing stiff and uncomfortable as it was, tense as a deer poised to flee. I didn't need my overeager dick giving her a reason to run. I tried to think of a conversation topic that might put her more at ease.

"Did you have a good lunch with your father the other day?"

Wrong choice. She stiffened up further. What had I said? Or was it that it reminded her of the offensive statement I'd blurted out that day? She couldn't still hold that against me? I had hoped that we'd moved past it.

"It went…well, I suppose. Better than I'd anticipated at least. I practically could have ordered for him, though. All these years and he still gets steak and potatoes every time we go somewhere. I don't think he ever tries anything new."

"I think all of us are guilty of that to some extent. As you can see, I'm a familiar face around here."

"Yes, I noticed. They all greeted you rather…enthusiastically."

I couldn't help grinning. I could tell by the bitterness in her voice that she was referring to Tanya. I had been warding off Tanya's advances for a couple years now—she was a nice girl, usually, and certainly attractive but a little too flashy for my tastes—but her persistence seemed to be working a little in my favor tonight. It definitely irked Bella, and I did not mind seeing her jealous reaction. It had been amusing, and slightly exciting, to see the way she'd tried to give off the impression that we were here as an intimate couple. Who was I to resist playing on that just a little?

"Tanya's always been a bit too…excited to see me. I think bringing you in here with me threw her for a loop. I've never done that before."

She raised any eyebrow at me. "You're not actually trying to excuse her behavior are you? Cause she was kind of a bitch to me."

"No, of course not! In fact I actually had a word with her about it while you were in the bathroom. Told her I'd get her fired if she didn't calm it down."

Bella was looking at me with disbelief. Did she not think I would stand up for her?

"Edward, you didn't! Why would you do that?"

"Well, for one that's terrible customer service and reflects poorly on the Denalis, and for two I didn't want her to keep you from wanting to return here."

She frowned and looked away for a moment. "Well, I just don't really get what her problem was. I mean, it's not like I was trying to steal you out from under her or anything. There's nothing even between us."

I waited for her eyes to come back to me and smiled at her so she would know I wasn't upset when I said, "Ah, but you made a point of making it appear otherwise."

A cute, mischievous smile played on her lips. "You caught that, huh? I couldn't resist. She was just so obvious! I probably should apologize to you for that…but I wouldn't really mean it. Women like that irritate me to no end. I can tell her there's nothing between us if you like. In case you ever wanted to take her out or anything, you know…"

"No, actually, I should be thanking you. I've been parrying those thrusts for some time now. Maybe she'll finally give up."

Bella rolled her eyes. "She doesn't seem the type to give up without a show down."

"I think you could take her."

"That would imply a willingness on my part to battle with her over you. Which I do not have."

She was smiling even as she delivered the zinger. I was really beginning to enjoy these playful exchanges with her. Bella wasn't one of those women to hang on a man's every word and then giggle a silly response. She was intelligent and witty and I suspected she had a wonderfully dry sense of humor hidden beneath that veneer of professionalism. I could appreciate that as I had one of my own that often either flew way over a person's head or was misinterpreted as snarky sarcasm. I wondered why she felt she couldn't relax enough to reveal that side of herself to me. We danced in silence for a while as I tried to think of way to ask her that wouldn't put her on the offensive.

"So how did Jasper's date go?"

I glanced down at her, the subject change taking me by surprise, but she wasn't looking at me. Her eyes had taken on a bit of a dreamy quality as they gazed off toward the stage.

"It's all he's been talking about. He wanted to me thank you and wondered how you knew she'd be a dancer."

Her smile faded into that one that hinted of a woman's secrets. It was the one that drove me mad with the desire to press my lips to her mouth, her neck, the curve of her shoulder…anywhere that I could reach. I felt my head dip slightly towards hers. She had taken a few steps closer without being aware of it and I could now feel the heat coming off her body. She smelled wonderful, like lavenders or freesia or something girlish. And it wasn't the overwhelming bouquet of many of the women's perfumes. It was softer, subtler; so that you had to move in close to pick up on it, and I could still smell the underlying scent that was just Bella. It was like an aphrodisiac. I never understood why women were always trying to cover up their natural scent with something strong and pungent. Men aren't attracted to flower gardens or fruit baskets, we're attracted to women. Why would we want them to smell like anything else?

"Tell him…it was a wild guess."

What had we been talking about? Oh, right, Jasper. How the fuck did he get into our conversation? I wanted to talk more about Bella.

"It was a good one then. I think he mentioned buying you diamonds and furs or something in gratitude. He really seems to be completely taken in with this girl. I hope she turns out to be good for him."

Bella giggled. It was a lovely sound that I rarely ever heard from her.

"I hope he turns out to be good for her."

I looked down at her curiously, but she just leaned in and rested her head on my shoulder. Her body was finally just about fitted up against mine, her hands having at some point slid off my shoulders to curve over my back, but it was still a loose and relaxed touch and I wanted her closer yet. My lips quirked as something caught my eye and I tilted my head down to whisper in her ear.

"Don't look now, but Tanya is staring at you right now like she'd like to douse you in kerosene and light you on fire."

Of course she turned to look. Tanya was in fact standing by the entrance to the kitchen and glaring death beams at Bella. Bella's eyes narrowed and her lips turned up in an evil smile as she stepped in, her body pressing up against mine as her arms moved to wrap around my waist and her face turned in against my neck. _Finally_. I held onto her hips and just held her against me as I absorbed the feeling of Bella in my arms. My mind barely even registered Tanya turning on her heel and striding back into the kitchen. I'd actually been a little worried to use that tactic, but it had definitely paid off and it relieved me to see Bella react with spite rather than that stricken look that had haunted her features earlier. Somehow I knew that the latter was much more foreign to her nature than the few traces of spunkiness she had shown tonight.

I turned my head into the sweet scent of her hair that reminded me faintly of strawberries. For a while we stayed just like that, her body swaying seductively against mine, and I couldn't get past how unbelievably right it felt to hold her just like this. She seemed to fit as if she was made to curve around me and there was this inexplicable feeling of completion. I wondered if this was what people meant when they said _I just knew_.

My hands moved on their own, tracing lights circles on her hips, and she shivered once more. Encouraged, I let one hand trail from her hip slowly up her back until my fingers splayed wide between her shoulder blades and the other to slide to the small of her back, using both to press her closer. Her grip tightened on the back of my shirt and her breathing accelerated. I knew I had unfairly used her jealousy of Tanya to get her here, but it no longer mattered because I knew she belonged there. Fair means or foul I was going to make this woman mine.

My hands refused to hold still, rubbing up and down her back, caressing and massaging. I moved her slightly to my side, not wanting her to feel my growing erection and pull away from me. I wanted to feel her against me just like this for as long as she would allow. My restless hands slid down her sides, my thumbs just shy of brushing against the swells of her breasts. Her breath hitched and a small moan escaped her throat. I was slowly losing my head. She kept shifting against me, despite the way I kept trying to move her to the side, until she was settled into the cradle of my hips. By this point there was no way that she couldn't feel my raging hard-on, but she didn't move away from it. If anything she pressed closer.

My hips moved reflexively, pushing against her, and I had to bite back my groan when she pushed back. My hands gripped her hips hard, trying to keep her still before I lost all control and started dry-humping her in front of the whole restaurant and everyone. I wanted to take her, right here on the dance floor, just rip her clothes away and push my way into her softness. I clenched my jaw and recited the French National Anthem backwards in my head until I had myself back under some semblance of control. I noticed that Bella was breathing almost as roughly as I was. I wanted her to look at me, to see if her face would be flushed and her eyes filled with desire.

I brought an embarrassingly shaky hand up to tuck that loose strand of hair behind her ear again, trailing it down so that the backs of my fingers lightly grazed the smooth skin of her neck. She turned her head to look up at me and her eyes were wide and dilated almost to the point of blackness, and her lips were slightly parted. It was an invitation I did not have the power to resist. I dipped my head, heart beating frantically in the anticipation of touching my lips to hers.

And then she hiccupped.

My head jerked back and my eyes flew over to our table in the corner. Her wineglass was empty and I realized quite suddenly that she must have finished it off sometime just before our dance and I knew there was very little left in the bottle. I hadn't intended for her to drink so much of it, but nor had I thought that one bottle would be enough to do her in. Was it possible that the night I had called her was the exception to the rule and that she did not in fact go out drinking all that often? Her extremely low tolerance seemed to imply that it was. I looked down at the enchanting seductress in my arms whose eyes were still smoky with desire beneath the shine of the alcohol and nearly groaned my frustration. She was not in any state to make decisions for herself, and my honor demanded that I not push her until she was. I sighed.

"Come on, Bella. I think it's time to get you home."

She frowned, her lip pouting out just a little, and it was all I could do not to bed down and suck it in between mine. Then her brows drew together as if she were trying to remember something important, and her hands fell away from my shoulders as she took a deliberate step backward. I contained my smile at the struggling return of her composure, knowing she wouldn't take kindly to my amusement at her expense. She tried to stride imperially back to the table, but the effect was spoiled a bit when she wobbled on her heels. I tucked her arm through the crook of mine more to give her support than anything else. I slipped some cash into the bill folder Tanya had left on our table and escorted Bella out to the car. It unnerved me how unsteady on her feet she seemed. I felt guilty for allowing her to drink so much wine.

She began fiddling with my radio as soon as I started the car. I glanced over at her, amused as she flipped through each of my presets before finally settling on a classic rock station.

"I have a lot of the same stations programmed in my car," she commented.

"Books, authors, music…is there anything you don't have good taste in?"

She went still, turning her head away and biting her lip as she stared out the window, her hands clutched tightly in her lap. I reached over to take one of her hands before she ended up gouging herself with her nails, using my thumb to rub soothing circles across her palm, and wondered what nerve I had unwittingly struck this time.

"Bella?"

She shook her head and smiled at me, but the smile was hard and brittle and her eyes had taken on a watery shine that could no longer be ascribed to alcohol alone.

"It's warm in here, aren't you warm? I'm warm, do you mind if I put the window down?"

I wasn't overly warm, but with almost an entire bottle of wine running through her veins I could understand if she was. I also understood that she was avoiding the question so I let it go.

"Go ahead."

She wriggled her hand free of mine so that she could shrug out of her jacket even as she pressed the button to lower the window. My hands tightened on the steering wheel as the entire expanse of her shoulder and the upper slope of her breast were exposed to me. The moonlight filtering through the open window reflected off the creamy ivory of her skin and seemed to illuminate it from within, and I longed to touch it just to see if it was flesh or porcelain. The wind blew through her hair, tugging some of it from the pins, and she impatiently reached up to pull them out. The soft waves cascaded down around her shoulders and halfway down her back and the smell of strawberries immediately filled the car. I realized that it was the first time I had seen her with her hair down. I almost wished I hadn't. She looked like a goddess and at the moment was just as untouchable as one.

"Don't you just love the smell of springtime in the evening air?"

She had her eyes closed and a soft smile on her face as she raised it to the wind. _I love the smell of you; I want to wash my sheets in it and let it fill my senses every night when I go to sleep._ I didn't figure she'd react well if I said that to her, though.

The trip back was mostly silent, frustratingly long and at the same time much too short. Bella was slouched down in her seat looking more relaxed and serene than I had ever seen her, a little sleepy and entirely too appealing. As much as I'd hoped to use tonight to make some progress with her, I'd also secretly hoped that losing some of her mysteriousness would also at least take the edge off of the power she held over me. If anything my want for her had only become more painful in its intensity.

I pulled in behind the garage and parked. Bella remained in her seat as I rounded the car; her eyes following me was the only movement she made. It made me self-conscious in a way that I hadn't been since I was twelve years old. She held still, just staring at me even as I opened the door for her and reached in to unbuckle her seatbelt since she made no move to do so herself. I tried not to notice the feel of her breath on my cheek or the way that her eyes had dropped to my lips. I pulled her out of the car and wrapped my arm around her waist to guide her up the stairs to her apartment.

"Ever the gentleman, Mr. Cullen," she murmured. "You're not s'posed to be, you know."

Practically drunk and she still calls me Mr. Cullen. "I'm not?"

"No, that's Jasper, he's southern."

I frowned at the oddness of her logic, and jealously wondered why she felt fine calling Jasper by his first name and refused to use mine.

"What should I be then?"

"Arrogant, distant and aloof with absolutely no sense of humor."

I chuckled. "Why should I be that? It doesn't sound very fun."

"Because it would be easier."

She was muttering towards the ground now as she dug through her purse, presumably looking for her apartment key.

"Easier than what?"

She looked up me, her eyes large and soft. "Easier than liking you."

I sucked in my breath and ruthlessly pushed down on the desire to say to hell with her inebriation and throw her up against the wall just the way I'd been fantasizing the past few weeks. She continued staring up at me and my will to resist her slowly began to crumble. I brought my hand up to her face, cupping her cheek. Her eyes were still dark and dreamy as they stared unblinking into mine.

"And do you like me?" I whispered.

She didn't respond, just continued to stare up at me as she pulled her bottom lip in and bit down on it. My still semi-hard cock twitched and rose to full attention. I brought my thumb around to trace her lip and gently pressed on her chin until she released it.

"Don't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because it makes me want to."

Her eyes widened and dropped to my lips, her tongue slipping out to moisten hers.

"What's stopping you?"

I groaned, completely losing the battle against touching her. It didn't matter that her judgment was clouded, it didn't matter that I had an unfair advantage. She had asked me to. How could I ever say no to her?

My head dipped down, pausing for a moment to make sure she still wanted this. Her eyes closed and her fingers tightened on my shirt, and that was all the encouragement I needed. I groaned and pulled her body into mine, drawing out the anticipation as well as taking a moment to reign in some of my desire. I didn't want our first kiss to be me mauling her lips like some over-horny animal. Then the door flew upon and that damn mechanic stood there glowering at me. Bella jumped out of my arms.

"Bells, what the hell are you doing just standing out here? You're going to freeze to death!"

"Jakey! Hi! Come meet Mr. Cullen. He's my boss and he took me to dinner and danced with me, but it wasn't a date, it was just business. A dinner conference, for work, you know. You remember him, don't you? He picked up that car Rosalie dropped off for her fiancé, only it wasn't his car it was his brother's car—"

"Bella, are you drunk?" His eyes flew angrily to mine. "Did you get her drunk?"

My nostrils flared and fists clenched at his antagonizing tone. Who the fuck did he think he was, her father?

"She had a little too much wine at dinner. I didn't realize how much she drank."

"Do you make of a habit of taking your employees out and plying them with alcohol, or do you just do that with the pretty ones?"

"Now wait a fucking minute—"

"I'm fine, Jakes, just a little tipsy. I only hiccupped once."

She put her hands on his chest and smiled up at him in an attempt to calm him down, and I fought the urge to yank her back away from the boy. This is her friend, I reminded myself. Her very belligerent, ridiculously over-protective friend who I wanted to toss over the railing and watch him bleed out, but I'd already upset Bella once with my unwarranted reaction to the kid and I didn't think she'd take too kindly to me breaking a few of his bones.

"Play your routine on some other chick," he growled at me. "Bella's been through enough without falling victim to some rich, playboy's schemes."

On second thought. I took a step forward. Bella slapped a hand on my chest, keeping her other on Jake's and providing a barrier between us.

"Boys! You're both being silly. Jake, you're overreacting again. It was only business and Mr. Cullen did nothing inappropriate." She blushed as she said it and I knew she was thinking of our near groping session on the dance floor and the almost kiss that the cocksucker had interrupted. "And Mr. Cullen, please excuse my friend. He feels he has to protect me against all the evils of the world." She shot him a look. "Real or imagined. Say you're sorry, Jake."

"Sorry," he bit out through clenched teeth.

I nodded my head at him, but couldn't force my fists to relax.

"Thank you for a wonderful meal, Mr. Cullen." She giggled a little as she pried my fingers open so that she could shake my hand—shake my fucking hand after I'd been half a second away from devouring her mouth with my own. "I'll see you on Monday."

Then she stumbled into the apartment and Jake smirked as he shut the door smartly in my face. I took a few deep breaths before turning to jog back down the stairs. I was still fuming when something he'd said brought me up short. _Bella's been through enough._ Was he just referring to the legal battle she'd gone through, or was there more to the story? I had a feeling there was and that discovering it might hold some of the answers to Bella's reticent attitude toward me. I was suddenly very determined to find out.

**Again, it might be a while until my next posting. Sorry, I'm just going to be really busy. But PLEASE feel free to comment! I may not to respond to all the reviews, but I read every one and I absolutely LOVE hearing your opinions (good or bad). A lot of times your reviews have helped me to decide which direction I'm going to take the next chapter so please, comment away.**

**Love you all, and I'll be back as soon as I can!**


	12. The Universe Strikes Again

**AN: So sorry for the delay! I know it's been nearly a month since I updated (stupid real life butting in and demanding my time and attention) but things are finally calming down again and hopefully I can get back on schedule. Thanks for being so patient and for all your wonderful comments. I may not respond to them all but I really do love hearing your thoughts and opinions! So without further ado, here's the next chapter and I'll look forward to seeing what you all think about it (hint hint). **

**BPOV  
** I woke up Saturday morning and groaned into my pillow. Wine/Valium hangovers provided the _worst_ headaches. I felt like the Leprechauns of the Happy Pills were still residing in my head, relentlessly trying to power-drill their way out. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if my skull just split right open at the seams. And my mouth….fuck, I could have spent the night chewing on shit flavored cotton balls and my mouth wouldn't have tasted as dry and foul as this. Still, I would have welcomed these sensations if they distracted me enough from thinking about last night, which of course they did not. I groaned again as I remembered how much of an idiot I had made of myself this time. Was it possible to actually die of mortification? God, I wished it was. I didn't know how I would ever face Edward again. What had I been thinking to drink all that wine after ingesting double my prescribed dose of Valium?  
I had to admit, though, that I could not entirely blame the wine for last night. I had drunk enough to be past the tipsy stage but not quite enough to progress into the unaccountable for my actions stage. The alcohol and pills had certainly relaxed me and made me forget to maintain my distant attitude, but I'd still been in control (mostly) of my thoughts and actions. It was Edward who'd intoxicated me. Edward with his spicy sweet scent and the feel of those long, artist's fingers burning through the fabric of my dress and his damned lopsided grin that made every thought fly from my head. The wine may have stripped me of my doubts and inhibitions but it had not caused me to do anything which I had not wanted to do in the first place and therein lay the problem. I had no business wanting Edward.  
Jesus, I had all but thrown myself at the man. I could only imagine what he might think of me now. I'd insisted on keeping the night business-like, and then I'd proceeded to get drunk off just a few glasses of wine and practically mauled him on the dance floor. How much more mixed signals could I send? I'd tried to act all cool and reserved, even refusing to use his first name when he asked me to, but somehow he'd had me laughing with him and telling him intimate stories about my childhood. Who knew he would end up being so easy to talk to, or that his own stories would be so fun and charming? Why couldn't he give me even one thing to dislike about him?

Then, of course, there'd been the dance floor. Again, I'd tried to keep my distance at first, but I'd let Tanya's attitude goad me into pressing myself against his body and holy fuck what a body! He might be lean but his arms had been solid muscle and his chest had been hard and perfectly chiseled beneath that dress shirt. Speaking of hard….my cheeks still flamed at the memory of that steel rod pressing into my abdomen. Was it really possible he was attracted to me, or was that just the physical reaction any man would have to a woman rubbing herself on him like a cat in heat? He'd certainly reacted all right, strongly, and surely my memory of it must be clouded by the drugs and alcohol. He couldn't really be that…huge…could he?

It probably was just a physical reaction, because I had definitely been rubbing all up on him. Shamelessly. I could have at least saved the both of us a little dignity by moving back when I'd felt that reaction, but no I couldn't do that. I'd pressed back against him all the more because of it! How much more wanton could I be? He must have thought I was some kind of sex-starved nympho trying to get off on him on the dance floor. Sadly, I was beginning to think it might be true. I'd moved here believing I might never be interested in sex again and yet ever since I'd seen Edward walk into that diner it was all I could think about. What the fuck was wrong with me? Before James I'd rarely even entertained sexual thoughts—I'd almost even been convinced that the few men I'd dated had been right to call me frigid. Sex had just never been as important to me as building my career. Perhaps James had turned me into a sex addict.

And letting myself think about _him_ was my signal to stop brooding and get my ass out of bed before I ended up treating my hangover with more Valium. With one last groan I rolled myself out off the bed and landed with a grunt on my hands and knees. I crawled to the bathroom and dry swallowed three aspirin, resting my head against the cool porcelain of the sink as I waited for it to slow down the rhythmic swelling of my brain.

Fifteen minutes later I was trudging down the stairs to the shop in dire need of coffee. I knew Jake would already have a pot brewing down there and I wouldn't have to go through the effort and wait time of making up my own. I had just enough presence of mind to remember to slide my feet into my slippers before heading down. The scene that confronted me brought me to an abrupt halt at the bottom of the stairs. Jake had his head under the hood of his Camaro and darling cousin Nessie was leaning over the side of it watching him work, her ass cheeks perilously close to falling out of the bottom of her shorts. My sneer was automatic and habitual. Just what I needed to top off my morning.

"So…isn't a Camaro supposed to be some kind of hot deal? It looks like an old rust bucket to me. Can you even get this heap running?"

Classic Nessie—typical condescending, materialistic bitch. Jake must be seriously masochistic to still be pining for her, and I was totally not in the mood to watch her scrape away at my best friend.

"Nessie, isn't a bit early for you yet? I thought your kind couldn't go out in the sun."

She stood quickly, turning toward me in surprise, and I was presented with a lovely view of her cleavage and midriff in the tiny little tank top she was wearing. Christ, it wasn't even summer yet and she was already dressing like a beach hooker. It's not like it was really all that warm out yet. I was surprised her nipples hadn't poked holes through the shirt.

"Nice, Bella. It's good to see you too."

Jake stood, wiping his hands on a greasy rag, and eyed me critically.

"You look rough. And those slippers aren't sturdy enough to wear down here."

I rolled my eyes. I hadn't expected much sympathy from him, especially after the scene from last night, but I wasn't really in the mood to put up with his mother-hen bullshit either.

"Nothing a gallon of coffee won't fix. And my slippers are fine. I'm not completely helpless—there are times I can look after myself, you know."

I didn't quite manage to keep the edge out of my voice. I knew I was going on the defensive in anticipation of Jake's criticism of my behavior from last night, but I just didn't care. Yes, I had drank too much wine and acted inappropriately, but if I wanted to make myself look like a lush and a hussy in front of my boss then that was my own damn mistake to make and I didn't need Jake rubbing my nose in it. As much as I loved the guy he needed to learn sometimes when to stop being big brother and just be my friend.

Jake snorted. "Yeah, I got that impression last night."

I narrowed my eyes. Were we seriously going to have this out in front of Nessie? She was leaning back against the car with her arms crossed, seemingly all prepared to enjoy the show.

"Really? Cause I thought I had it pretty well in hand before you came barging in."

"Oh, you had something in hand, all right and if I hadn't—"

"That's enough, Jake!" I wasn't about to let him air my dirty laundry in front of my family's biggest gossip. Well, second biggest next to her mother, but Aunt Jane would likely be the first one she ran to with the story anyway. I could hear it already. _Guess what mess Bella got herself into this time?_

"I don't need you riding to my damn rescue all the time!" I continued shouting. "I'm a grown woman, I'm accountable for my own actions, and if I made an ass of myself that's my own problem. But having you insulting my boss and getting in his face does NOT help my situation!"

I shouldered angrily past him, body checking him in the process (much good it did, he barely budged whereas my shoulder and hip would probably end up sporting gigantic bruises) and marched into his office to pour myself a cup of coffee. He turned on me with his puppy dog eyes.

"I'm sorry, Bells. It's just that I care about you and I don't want to see you get hurt again or taken advantage of."

And just like that my anger with him deflated. Jake knew all the ways to get around me. It was difficult to stay mad at someone who only acted like a Neanderthal out of genuine concern for me. Plus he had really good puppy dog eyes. He knew I could never resist them. I grudgingly opened my arms.

"Come here, ya big lug."

Jake grinned and wrapped his arms around me, bringing one hand up to massage the back of my scalp.

"How's the head?" he murmured.

I closed my eyes. "Mmm. Keep that up and it'll be just fine."

"So, Jake, were you also going to the bodywork on this rust bucket if you ever actually manage to fix it? Cause I think it'll take more than a little paint."

Jake pulled away from me and I turned to glare at Nessie, cocking an eyebrow when I noticed her hand was caressing the front fender of the "rust bucket". I didn't think she realized she was doing it. She was too busy flicking her busybody eyes back and forth between Jake and me.

"Um, no, bodywork isn't my specialty. I have a friend who's gonna help out with that."

"Well, I hope he has a magic wand in his tool box."

I watched the irritation and the hurt flash through Jake's eyes before he once again buried his head under the hood. I only thanked God that Nessie would not have seen it and felt the satisfaction of having scored a hit. I'd only seen it myself because I knew Jake so well and I had been looking for it.

"Nessie, what are you doing here anyway? I know you're not here out of interest for the cars. You've always shied away from this place out of fear of getting oil on your designer shoes."

She flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Of course I have an interest in cars. I just prefer them to be shiny and new…not the dirty hand-me-downs that come through this joint. And I'm here because mom wanted me make sure you didn't forget the annual fish fry at Uncle Charlie's today."

Shit. Of course I had forgotten. I hadn't even been to Portland in over three years and I hadn't been here around this time of year in almost seven years. How the hell was I supposed to remember something like that? And had Charlie bothered to call to invite me or even just remind me of it? Fuck, he hadn't even mentioned it the day we had lunch together. Typical. I doubt he'd have even noticed my absence.

I quickly covered up my momentary discomposure with a small shrug. "No, I didn't forget. I just haven't decided yet whether I'm going."

"Mom said you'd say that and she told me to tell you not only is it your duty as a daughter to be there but if you don't show she'll not only track you down and drag your ass to the party but she'll be sure to personally introduce you to all her chatty country club friends since we all know how much you love mingling with that crowd."

Fucking Aunt Jane. She knew all the lowest forms of torture. It was literally impossible to get away from those damn country club wenches once they started talking to you and there was nothing that fascinated them more than a new face—especially one that was young, female, and single. They were bound to latch onto me like a pack of sharks over a fresh kill. And Aunt Jane _knew_ how poorly I stomached all those pretentious, scandal-sniffing, gossipmongers. It was no wonder Charlie had dubbed her Jane the Pain when they were kids. I couldn't imagine how he'd survived a childhood with that calculating, self-serving schemer.

"What's the big deal whether I'm there or not? As I recall the last event I attended with her she labeled me ungrateful, unrefined and overly opinionated."

"She says your absence would be embarrassing and an insult to the family now that you live only a few blocks away."

Embarrassing to Aunt Jane in front of her Sunday Social crew perhaps, but it was Charlie's party and I knew for a fact he could care less for what anyone else thought. In fact, I was pretty sure that he'd be happier all around not even having Jane and her socialites there, but as usual he would just sit back and let her have her way. She would only be that much more difficult to deal with otherwise and despite being a decorated cop and formidable chief of police Charlie tended to be anti-confrontational in the extreme when it came to his personal life. The way he let Jane reign ruthlessly over him and then proceeded to chastise me for mouthing off to her in his place was just one more bone of contention between us. For unlike my father I could be quite confrontational when the mood struck. Admittedly I had lost some of that, okay most of that, within the past year but I liked to think I was gradually taking it back.

I shrugged ill-temperedly at Nessie, ceding to Jane's manipulations for the moment but not willing to do so gracefully. "Whatever, I'll be there."

Because going hungover to a party that would reek of fried fish, dealing with the awkwardness between my father and myself and putting up with the despot that was dear Aunt Jane was just what I needed after the Night of Shame. The universe must really be laughing its ass off at my expense right now.

I noticed something catch Nessie's attention as she looked over my shoulder in fascination at the same time that I heard the throat clear behind me. I squeezed my eyes shut in denial. That couldn't be who I thought it was. I turned slowly and sure enough there stood Edward in all his immaculate perfection while I gaped at him with my wild bed-hair, oversized _Jacksonville Suns_ t-shirt and cotton Tweety Bird pajama shorts. Score another one for the universe. I was seriously starting to lag behind here.

"Mr. Cullen…what are you doing here?"

He held out the little black jacket that I had worn the previous evening.

"You left this in my car last night. I thought you might like it back."

My cheeks burned at the implication that was bound to leave on Jake and Nessie. I was aware of the fact that Nessie was watching this with avid curiosity and that Jake's head had shot back up the moment he heard Edward come in. I strode quickly forward to retrieve the jacket, hoping to rush Edward back on his way as quickly as possible before he provided Nessie with any more ammo to return with to her mother.

"Thank you, but it wasn't really necessary for you to come all the way back out here. You could have given it to me Monday at the office."

_Or just burned the damn thing and saved me this whole embarrassing scene._

"Well, I also wanted to check on how you were feeling. I thought you might be feeling the after effects of that wine, and I felt a little responsible since I did supply the wine so I brought you some coffee."

My mouth instantly started watering as I caught sight of the Urban Grind cup in his hand. It was a caramel frappuccino. That shit was my kryptonite.

"That really wasn't…"

He smirked and nudged the cup closer to me. "You know you want it. I see you walk in with one of these almost every morning. I figured it's only fair since I was the one pouring the wine."

"Well, when you put it that way."

I ditched the plain, black mug of Folgers I'd been medicating myself with and reached out for the nectar of the Coffee Gods he was offering me. His fingers brushed mine in the process and his thumb ran a deliberate caress across mine. My eyes flew questioningly to his and I felt myself being drawn into the welcoming warmth of that steamy jungle. I jumped at the sudden, loud crash of Jake dropping down the hood of his car. Edward glanced warily in that direction, his eyes suddenly growing wide.

"Is that a '69 Camaro?"

Jake nodded curtly, an arrogant smirk on his face.

"Z28?"

There was a snort followed by a muttered, "So obviously a Supersport."

We all turned toward Nessie, both Jake and I agape with astonishment. She crossed her arms defensively and jerked a shoulder.

"What? Everyone knows the Z28 didn't come in a convertible."

Jake and I continued to stare at her in stunned in silence because it was fairly obvious that not everyone knows that. I didn't know that, and I thought it was a safe bet to say that most of the general population outside the circle of diehard car enthusiasts did not know that. Since when did Nessie become the queen of classic car facts? She'd said herself she liked her cars new and shiny. Hell, she drove a 2010 Mercedes that Daddy had bought for her and the only adjectives I'd ever heard her use in reference to it were red and flashy.

Nessie stood awkwardly under our scrutiny for a moment before her eyes focused on Edward, and I felt my stomach clench at the appreciative gleam that came into them and the flirty smile that now played on her lips.

"Bella, your lack of manners is showing again. You haven't introduced me to your handsome friend here."

Oh fuck no. No way was I going to stand by and watch her try to pick up my Ed—er, my boss.

I smiled sweetly at her. "Well, Nessie, I knew you were on your way out and I didn't want to keep you. Don't want to keep your mother waiting; I'm sure she's expecting you to help her play hostess today."

"Don't be silly, I just got here and there's plenty of time before the party. Hi, I'm Nessie, Bella's cousin."

She offered her hand out to Edward, palm down as if she expected him to lift it to his lips. An image of Edward kissing my own hand flashed through my mind and I was shocked by how strongly opposed I was to him doing the same thing with Nessie. So it was with some satisfaction that I observed the slight pout in her lips when he simply shook it.

"Edward Cullen, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Cullen? As in Cullen Publishing? Does that mean Bella works for you?"

"She works _with_ me. It's my father that Bella works for."

I frowned at the emphasis he placed on that odd distinction. I mean, really he was my superior so technically I did work for him. He gave orders and I followed them. That was my definition of working for someone. Although upon reflection I couldn't recall him ever actually giving me orders—rather he just let me work at my own discretion before reviewing (and usually approving) said work. Still, he was a bigwig in the company I worked for and I could see the dollar signs flashing in Nessie's eyes as she came to this same conclusion.

Jake cleared his throat. "Do you have an interest in Camaros, _Mr. Cullen_?"

I glared at Jake for the way he'd sneered out "Mr. Cullen" but Edward either didn't notice or didn't care. He was too busy staring at the broken down car while his eyes filled with excitement.

"My family's always had an interest in American muscle cars. My brother has a '69 Mustang in his garage and my father recently acquired a '68 Vette to accompany his '70 Chevelle."

Jake snorted and muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like _spoiled rich playboys._ I elbowed him in the ribs.

"A Chevelle?" Nessie exclaimed, gripping Edward's arm and leaning into him. "Are you serious? That's practically, like, the king of muscle cars. God, I'd love to see it."

Jake glared at her. "And what you're currently sitting on is what? A matchbox car?"

Nessie smirked at him. "Currently it's little more than scrap metal and I have my doubts about its ability to even run again. Besides, the 396 engine in this thing has nothing on the Chevelle's 454. The ZL1 Camaro might stand a chance against it with its 427, but it would take some mad driving skills for this one to beat the Chevelle."

My mouth dropped open. First of all I had no idea what a ZL1 Camaro was or what the difference was between a 396 and a 454, but more importantly how did Nessie? I'd always been led to believe that her knowledge base went no farther than Prada and Louboutin.

"What kind of cars do you have in your garage, Edward?"

Nessie was all but purring up at him, her hand still on his arm. It was typical of her, but still rather sickening to watch and even worse with Edward at the receiving end of her attentions. I was aware of Jake tensing beside me, his jaw firming and fists clenching. I took one of his fists in mine, smoothing it out until our fingers were intertwined, and squeezed his hand in sympathy. Two pairs of eyes followed the movement, one narrowing and one speculative. Edward's eyes flashed to mine and he opened his mouth as if to say something but was distracted when Nessie placed a hand on his chest and sidled closer to him.

"Do you like fish, Edward? We're having a party this afternoon and—"

We all jumped when Jake suddenly threw his towel angrily on the floor and stormed off to his office, slamming the door behind him. Nessie watched him go with a smug smile on her face and I lost the last of my patience for the games she was playing.

"You need to go, Nessie."

"But, I—"

"I mean it. Get out. Right the fuck now."

Something that almost looked like hurt flashed across her face before her eyes hardened and she hopped off the car, tossing her hair over her shoulder. She paused for a moment to run her hand down Edward's arm from shoulder to elbow.

"It was so nice to meet you, Edward. I hope I'll be seeing you again soon. Bella, I'll see you at the party."

With that she turned and stalked out of the garage, her head held high in the air. Edward looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"She's not very subtle, is she?"

I snorted. "That's putting it kindly." I fiddled awkwardly for a moment with the jacket that was still clutched in my hand. "I, um, appreciate you bringing this back for me. You didn't have to go out of your way."

"It was no problem."

More silence. I peeked up at him, surprised to see that he was hovering uncertainly when I expected him to be trying to head out the door.

"Was there something else?"

"Well, yeah, I did kind of want to discuss last night…."

_Oh, please God, no._ "Don't." I blushed at the bluntness of that one word. "I mean, really there's nothing to discuss, is there? We had a pleasant evening, we know each other a bit better now," _way too much better,_ "I think we achieved the purpose of the meeting."

I prayed that if he had any kindness in him at all he would just leave it at that.

"And what happened between us on the dance floor?"

Fuck me. I closed my eyes in shame. I had honestly been hoping he would just drop it, but it looked like he was going to make me own up to my lewd conduct. I was just beginning to think he didn't have that kind of callousness in him, too.

"Look, I know my behavior last night was…totally inappropriate and out of line. I swear I don't normally act like that, and I promise it won't happen again and—"

"Well, that's a shame."

I swear I actually heard the suctioning sound of my eyes popping out of my head. Did he just say what I think he said?

"Come again?"

Edward took a step closer to me. "I said that was a shame. That it won't happen again. I rather enjoyed it."

I think my body temperature rose about ten degrees, the flush that spread over me for once having nothing to do with embarrassment. Holy fuck he _was_ attracted to me, and I had to remind my racing heart that this was not a good thing. A one sided attraction was bad enough but a mutual attraction was a major complication. Add to that the attraction existing between an employee and her superior and said employee currently being a neurotic, emotional train wreck and it was just a recipe for disaster. And I must have been standing there staring wordlessly at him for several minutes now. Add incoherent halfwit to the mix. He seriously did not know the trouble I was saving him by putting the brakes on this right now.

"Bella?"

I cleared my throat. "I, um, sorry. I don't really know…." I took a deep breath and tried to straighten out my thoughts. "Look, it's obvious that I'm attracted to you but are way too many complications and I never would have acted on it if I hadn't had too much to drink. It was a really bad idea and it's best not to ever be repeated."

My voice was almost a whisper by the time I finished talking and I stared down at my hands, unable to meet his eyes.

"There's that phrasing again," he muttered.

I frowned. "I'm sorry?"

"Is it the mechanic?"

Okay, I totally wasn't keeping up with the sudden shifts in this conversation.

"What? Jake? What about him?"

"I know you said you were only friends but he was quite protective of you last night and you two do seem very close."

I paused. Here was my opportunity. I could use Jake as a cover story to make Edward think I was simply unavailable. I was sure Jake wouldn't mind. In fact, he'd probably be gung ho for the idea. But somehow I found it impossible to lie to this man when those moss colored eyes were locked so inescapably onto mine.

"I do care deeply about Jake, but he's like family to me. That's all there is between us."

"So why is it a bad idea?"

I felt my heartbeat rising and the telltale sign of my lungs beginning to labor for air. I couldn't begin to go into detail with him all of the reasons why giving into our attraction would be a bad idea, and the relentless pounding in my head was not allowing me to come up with any plausible excuses to give him.

"We work together," I stuttered out. "You're my boss for crying out loud."

"Technically I'm just the department supervisor and Carlisle is your boss, but I'll agree that does make it a bit tricky. But there are ways of getting around that."

I shook my head. "Please, can't you just accept that I just want to go to work and do my job and keep things professional between us? It's nothing personal, I…I'd like us to be friends, but I can't offer anything more than that."

He was quiet for a moment while I stared resolutely at the ground picking at a string in my jacket, not wanting to see the anger or resentment I feared would be on his face. I had, after all, basically led him on last night then turned around today and told him I wanted nothing to do with him. I wouldn't blame him for being pissed off at me. I just hoped it wouldn't affect the dynamic between us at work too badly. He didn't seem the type to take our personal issues out on my job performance, but that didn't mean he couldn't give me the cold shoulder or start avoiding me altogether again and I found that the idea of him doing so hurt me much more than it should. I really did crave a closeness with him, even if it couldn't be anything more than friendship.

"All right," he said quietly. "I'll accept that. For now."

I glanced up at him and was shocked to see nothing but complaisance on his face. No anger, no irritation, not even bitterness. Just patient acceptance, as he'd said.

"Bella, are you down here? I was pounding on your door for like hours and no one answered but your car is here and the door was unlocked and since you weren't upstairs I figured you must be—Oh, my God, did he stay all night?"

Alice, who'd come flying into the garage talking a hundred miles a minute as usual, clapped her hand over her mouth and stared at Edward in shock. As if covering her mouth would somehow hold in the blunder that had already slipped out of it. Much too late, Alice. That girl seriously needed a filter. She at least had the decency to look chagrined when I glared at her.

"_Alice_, why don't you come and meet Mr. Cullen, who was kind enough to bring by the jacket I left in his car last night."

Edward stepped forward and offered his hand, grinning as if he were thoroughly enjoying this moment. I seemed to be a constant source of amusement for this man. Well, it was nice to know that the travesty that was my life served some sort of purpose.

"Edward Cullen. How do you do?"

Alice grinned back and accepted his hand, pumping it enthusiastically, immediately responding to his charm. Really, was there no woman who could resist that smile?

"Hi, I'm Alice, the best friend. How was your dinner last night? Bella said you were taking her to some seafood place. Was there really live jazz music? I think that would be so cool. Is there, like, a dance floor and everything or is it more like one of those places where you sit in dim lighting and listen to the music while smoking a cigarette and looking all pensive?"

It was hard not to smile when Edward just kind of stared at her for a few seconds, looking completely unsure as to how to respond to her. Sometimes I absolutely loved the effect Alice had on people. Truth be told I was usually eternally grateful for her lack of filter. Some of the things that flew out of her mouth were so ridiculously unexpected and adorably entertaining. It was just those occasional statements like the one she had come in here with that reminded me that it was not always a good thing.

"Um, yes we had seafood, there was a band but it's not necessarily always jazz, there is a dance floor," he looked pointedly at me and my cheeks turned scarlet, "and I don't smoke but if I did I would certainly strive to look pensive while doing so."

He'd made a good recovery. I couldn't help but be impressed by his response as I knew first hand how difficult it could be to keep up with Alice. Not to mention he'd actually played along with and even fed into her sense of the ridiculousness when most people either ignored or scoffed at her more outrageous comments. That alone was an admirable trait. By the sudden sparkle in Alice's eyes I'd say she agreed.

"One should only ever look pensive whilst smoking a cigarette," she responded in a phony deep, throaty voice.

Edward turned to me, laughing. "I think I can see how you two got into so much mischief growing up."

Alice squealed. "Oh, did Bella talk about me last night? Tell me, what all did she tell you? Did she tell you about the time—"

"That I shoved a sock in your pie hole, Alice? Not necessary: he's about to witness it."

Alice glanced over at me still smiling widely, completely unrepentant.

"Oh, Bella, I wouldn't have told him anything embarrassing. Not on our first meeting, anyway."

Edward smirked. "In that case I'll very much look forward to running into you again sometime."

I nearly laughed at the irony of that statement, being the only one in the room certain that these two would indeed be running into each other in the near future. I might have taken a moment to wonder how much more fucked up my life could get but it had occurred to me recently that every time I pondered that possibility the universe seemed to take it as a challenge. It was already winning; I didn't need to give it any more ammo.

"Are you coming to the fish fry, Edward? Charlie only has it once a year, but I swear half of Portland shows up and there's always plenty of food to go around and usually enough drama to keep even the biggest boor entertained."

I spun on Alice, my face the picture of horror. Edward spending the day around my fucked up family. That was the last thing I needed. Did she actually not notice the major tension between him and me right now, or was this just another one of her attempts at stirring the pot? Luckily enough Edward must have seen the panicked expression on my face and taken pity on me.

"I do thank you for the invitation, Alice, and as much as I would love to go I have other obligations today."

His eyes met mine and I knew that he had no other obligations. He was declining the invitation because he knew I was uncomfortable with the idea of him being there. I didn't know whether to feel remorse or reprieve. Something in his eyes seemed to be waiting for me to ask him to desert his make belief plans and come to the party instead, but I could not bring myself to do it. I still believed too strongly that it was not a wise move to allow myself to become involved with him and the more time I spent in his company the more I was tempted to do just that. I knew from experience just how weak I could be when temptation was involved.

He offered me a small, almost pained smile that it actually hurt me to look at, knowing I had put it there. But I couldn't change my mind. Even if I could withstand the temptation of spending an entire day with him in a casual setting there was no way I was going to expose him to Aunt Jane and cousin Nessie any more than was necessary. They were absolute barracudas when it came to men with money and Aunt Jane would likely go out of her way to belittle me in front of him, seeing me as competition for her daughter.

"I'd best be on my way, I suppose. I don't want to hold you two up any longer and I have…things to do. Good day to you, Bella. I'll see you on Monday. It was nice to meet you, Alice."

"Are you sure you can't come by at all?" Alice persisted. "It'll last just about all day, you can drop by any time."

He looked at me one last time, and I prayed that my heartbreak and uncertainty weren't showing in my eyes, before he turned back to Alice.

"I'm sure."

And with that he turned and walked out of the garage. I watched him go, feeling an odd sense of loss when I should have been relieved.

**AN: This chapter was mostly dialogue, so not exactly eventful (sorry about that), but a lot of this was setting up for future events. Originally I meant to include Charlie's fish fry party in here but it was getting a little long so I decided to break it into two chapters. So that'll be the next one and I promise to give you a little more drama with it. Hopefully you weren't too disappointed with the lack of action after the long wait! Thanks for reading **


	13. Fish Sticks and Snarkasm

**AN: Okay, so I'm just going to stop apologizing for the lateness of my updates because obviously I can't keep my promises and the I'm sorry's will start to get old. So I'll just say that I'm doing my best to keep up with it and will continue to try to update in a timely manner. But rest assured I will not leave the story unfinished. I have plans for these characters **** I thank you all for your patience and for your feedback. You've been wonderfully supportive and I'm so glad you seem to love reading my story as much as I do writing it! **

**BPOV**

I arrived at Charlie's wearing a fitted tee, worn jeans, and my converse sneakers, much to Alice's dismay. She'd tried to deck me out in a summer dress with strappy sandals but I'd flatly vetoed the idea. I needed to be comfortable today. I was going into the battle field and this was my armor. Then there was also the bonus of knowing that my casual attire would thoroughly piss off Aunt Jane.

The party was already in full swing by then time Alice and I arrived. Charlie's house was not big by any means, but he had a decent two acres of land in the back where there would be plenty of tables and chairs set up which I was sure Aunt Jane would have orchestrated and arranged into some aesthetically pleasing manner. Hell, they'd probably be lace covered and candlelit if it weren't for her fear of spilled beer and grease stains. She had tried before to turn it into a more exclusive and upscale event with catering and wine. Judging by the number of people milling through the house and the smell of cooking fish wafting through the back door she still had not succeeded. I was glad.

Alice and I maneuvered our way through the crowded house, pushing through the chaos in the kitchen and out through the back door. I glanced around noticing that Charlie's typical long wooden tables with bench seating had been replaced by clusters of canopied wrought iron tables and matching chairs. Tiki torches burned around the edges of the yard and twinkle lights were strung through the trees and bushes—rather uselessly I thought considering it was hardly past noon. The only thing that was really still the same was the large group of men gathered around the grill and the deep fryer and the very distinctive smell of fish and animal lard. That was one tradition Aunt Jane would never be able to change.

Alice bounced beside me as she searched the crowd for familiar faces. I was somewhat taken aback how very few of those faces were familiar to me. Sure, it had been some time since I had been back but I did spend the first fifteen summers of my life here. I thought I'd know more of the people here. I spotted Billy's wheelchair at a table near the grill and my face broke out into my first real smile of the day. I pulled two beers out of the nearby cooler and walked over to plop myself down next to him.

"You look like you could use a refill, old man."

Billy grinned at me. "There's my best girl! I was wondering when you were going to show your face around here. Where's Jacob? Did you bring him with you?"

"No, I couldn't manage to pry him out of the office. He was working on the books when I left."

Concern flashed over Billy's face as he shook his head. We both knew how much Jacob hated doing the books. It was usually Billy's job. Jake only ever handled them when he was upset about something and needed to take his mind off it. I had considered trying to guilt him into coming with me if not for the moral support then just for the soothing effect his presence would bring, but with Nessie being here I knew that would only make matters worse for him. I couldn't ask him to suffer through more of that merely for my own benefit.

Billy's eye slid over to where Nessie was chatting it up with a few J. Crew looking fellows. I nodded and patted his arm.

"It's nothing new. I think he's just frustrated at the moment. It'll pass as always."

"Yes. But what of you? When will your sun shine again?"

I frowned. I hadn't told Billy of any of the trauma I had been through, and I knew Jake would not have betrayed my confidence. And Charlie, well, I'd deliberately downplayed the events for him and he'd never been one to delve too deeply into my emotional wellbeing.

"I'm not sure what you mean, Billy."

"You always had such a radiant spirit, Bells, it shone on everything around you. It is not hard to see that the light has gone out of you."

I sighed. I should have known that Billy would pick up on that to which Charlie was oblivious. Do to the hours Charlie had to work as Police Chief I had always spent most of my time those summers with Billy, or Mrs. Brandon if he was unavailable. I felt guilty for thinking it but sometimes I saw Billy as more of a father than Charlie. I'd always understood that Charlie had little control over the hours he worked, but it didn't change the fact that Billy had been there when he had not.

"I'm working on it, Billy. Jake's been my sun. I don't know what I would have done without him."

"He's a good boy." Billy took my hand and squeezed it in his own. "I'm glad you have each other. You will always be like a daughter to me, Bells, even if you won't be my daughter in the way I always hoped. But that is both the blessing and the curse of the Quileute, I suppose. Like our wolf ancestor we recognize our mate, the spirit that completes our own. Once we've found her no other will ever do."

I silently squeezed Billy's hand in return. Although I could not remember her, I knew that Billy's wife had passed away when Jake and I were both very young and as long as I'd known him I'd never seen him so much as look at another woman. I very much feared that it would be that way for Jake. He had dated, he was young after all, but it had only ever been brief and casual. It had always been Nessie for him. Which was why her attitude toward him pissed me off so much. Jake would be the ultimate partner—loyal, loving, supportive and completely devoted. I wanted him to be happy even if I thought that she was nowhere near worthy of him.

"If she doesn't come to her senses soon I might just have to knock them into her," I muttered more to myself than anything else.

Billy chuckled. "The she-wolf may run but her alpha will always catch up to her."

I grinned, loving the way that Billy always talked in mysticism and analogies. I'd always been fascinated by his culture. Propping my chin on my hand I framed a question that I was almost too afraid to ask.

"Do you think we all only love that deeply once, Billy? That we only get one chance?"

He stared at me thoughtfully for a moment, and I held my breath waiting for his answer. That was one of my secret fears. Even up until the end when I found out who he truly was, I had loved James so intensely that I found it difficult to believe that I could ever feel that way again. Who gets a chance at feeling that extreme level of happiness, brief as it may have been, twice in a lifetime? Was there only ever one "wolf", one soul mate, for us out there? And if so, was it possible that mine had been a user and a manipulator and an overall self-centered asshole?

"I believe that for some happiness can be found with many, but yes I do believe that we only have one other half to our whole. But I also believe that you, Bella, have a capacity to love that would surprise even you."

I gazed back at him, not entirely sure what he was trying to say to me. A sound behind me alerted me to Charlie's approach to our table, and I wondered if that had been Billy's way of prodding me to mend to the bridges between my father and myself. It was not that I did not love my father. In fact, perhaps the problem was that I had always loved him too much but that love was now long buried under hurt and disappointment and resignation. I no longer knew how to connect with him.

"Bells! Glad you could make it. Have you gotten anything to eat yet? I got a whole plate of fish ready here."

My already queasy stomach revolted at the smell of the greasy, battered fish.

"No thanks, I'm good. And yeah, Nessie dropped by this morning to inform me of the party. I probably wouldn't have remembered on my own."

Charlie frowned. "Huh. Thought I mentioned it at lunch the other day."

"No, you never said a word."

"Well, you're here now. How's that job of yours going for you?"

_Stressful. Confusing. Way too hormonally charged._

"It's good."

"Good."

An awkward silence fell over us broken only by Billy reaching across to help himself to the plate of fish and Charlie's nervous tapping on the tabletop. I stared at the label on my beer bottle as if it held the answer to the riddle of life. I wondered briefly why the fuck I was drinking a Guinness. I'd never much liked the taste of beer anyway, but this stuff especially tasted like horse piss. I looked around in search of Alice, but I quickly abandoned that escape route when I saw that she'd been waylaid by Aunt Jane. My eyes passed over the crowd, then swung back to the refreshment table where I could clearly see Angela filling a cup from the punch bowl. With a nod for Billy and Charlie I pushed away from the table and jogged over to her.

"Ang! Not that I'm not absolutely thrilled to see you, but what are you doing here? I didn't think you knew any of these people."

"Oh, I was chatting with your dad that day he came by the office and he told me about it while we were waiting for you to come down."

Figured. He told Angela about the party but didn't think to mention it to his own daughter. Ah, well. Story of my life. Angela loaded up a plate with canapés and little finger foods that I was sure Aunt Jane had laid out. Charlie would never have thought past fish and chips.

"So what's the dirt on everyone here?" she asked.

"Actually, I barely know any of these of people myself." I looked around again, then pointed out Jane. "Well, that blond over there is my aunt, also known as the Wicked Witch of the West so you'll want to give her a wide berth."

Angela snickered. "So where's the Wicked Witch of the East?"

"Mmm. That would be her daughter, Nessie. The term vapid bitch often comes to mind in association with her."

"So does that make all those Stepford women she's standing with her flying monkeys?"

Her snarky input had me laughing until tears came out my eyes. I may have even snorted a little.

"That's probably the best description I've ever heard for them. I think you're going to fit in around here just fine. Come on, I want to introduce you to Alice. You'll love her."

I led Angela through the crowded yard to the table where Alice had become involved in a poker game with a group of older men—probably as an excuse to escape Jane. Aunt Jane didn't condone gambling. I grinned as I saw that they were betting with buttermints.

"You're call, little lady," one of the men was saying.

"Hmm. I see your two yellow buttermints, and raise you three pink."

He whistled. "That's pretty steep. Are you sure you want to do that?"

She seemed to think it over for a minute. "Wait, is it better to have all red or all black?"

One of the men chuckled. "That depends on the faces on the cards. I've always preferred the ladies, myself."

"Well I think I stick with my call. Gentlemen?"

"Call."

"Call."

"I fold."

I watched two of the three men lay down their cards. One of the men laid down three queens a four and a jack, grinning with pride. He deflated a little when his friend to the right outdid him with three tens and two threes. They both turned to Alice.

"So which was it? Red or black?"

"It was red, of course." She grinned as she laid down five hearts—a straight flush from Ace to five—and scooped up her winnings as the men stared on in surprise.

"Abe, I think we've been swindled."

The one who'd folded scoffed at the other two. "I learned a long time ago never to bet against a beautiful woman."

Alice laughed and patted the man on his cheek. "You're a smart man, Elmer. I want to thank you, gents. It's been a ball, but I think I'm going to step out while I'm ahead."

Alice popped a mint into her mouth and scooped the rest of her generous pile into a napkin before turning to where Angela and I were watching her with amusement. She held out her winnings toward us.

"Mint anyone?"

I took one with a laugh. "Alice, I wanted to introduce you to Angela. She works at Cullen Publishing with me and is probably the sole reason I've managed to keep my sanity there."

"How do you do?" Angela asked politely.

Alice squealed. "You work with Bella? Oh, you have to give me all the info on this Edward character. Bella went out with him and refuses to tell me any of the details-"

Angela turned wide eyes on me. "You went out with Edward?"

"It was just a business conference." I glared at Alice. "This one here doesn't seem to understand the concept of a nonromantic outing between two members of the opposite sex."

"Not when one of the members looks like sex on Berluti's."

"Berluti's?"

"It's a shoe brand, Bella, get with it. A very expensive shoe brand."

"I have to agree with Alice," Angela commented. "It's impossible to have an unromantic evening with a sex idol."

"I knew we'd get along!" Alice exclaimed as she looped her arm through Angela's and began walking her away from me. "Now, I need you tell me everything you know about this man: his dating history, any office gossip you've heard about him (at least fifty percent of it is always based on truth, you know), anything you may have observed on his behavior around our Bella…"

I shook my head as the two continued walking away from me, their heads together as though they'd been the best of friends for years. I should have known better than to introduce Angela to Alice. Before she knew it she would be hip deep in Alice's schemes, and she'd probably never be the same again. I should know.

"Bella, how nice of you to grace us with your presence today."

I groaned as I turned to face Aunt Jane and then forced a smile.

"Aunt Jane. I wasn't aware I had a choice."

"Well, I can't imagine a daughter would _choose_ not to attend her father's biggest function of the year."

I snorted. "I didn't know Charlie had _functions_."

"I see you haven't outgrown that childish sarcasm yet. Nor your crude taste in clothing. Both traits you inherited from your mother, no doubt."

I glanced down at the top she was sneering at. Stretched across my breasts were the words _Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time_. Yeah it was definitely something Renee would have picked out but she was way off on the sarcasm thing. Renee wouldn't know sarcasm if it slapped her in the face and said, "Nice comeback, genius."

"I expected you to be a bit more of a hostess for your father's friends. Have you even bothered greeting anyone yet? Nessie's been doing a better job of it than you. She's been mingling all day. You could take a few pages from her book, you know."

_I would, but a few pages is all her book has in it_.

"Well, since there're more of your friends here than Charlie's I'd say she's better suited for the job."

"At least make yourself useful, then, and refill the punch bowl. The sherbet is in the freezer and Hawaiian Punch and Seven Up in the fridge."

I rolled my eyes as she walked away and muttered my way back into the house.

"Yeah, Aunt Jane, I've missed you too. It's been much too long, we should totally get together more often."

I squeezed my way through the kitchen and located all the items Aunt Jane had mentioned. The phone, located on the wall just beside the refrigerator, began ringing just as I was reaching into the freezer. I picked it up automatically.

"Swan residence, how may I help you?...Hello?..."

I propped the phone against my shoulder, listening for a voice in the receiver while I finished pulling the sherbet out of the freezer and set it on the counter. I turned slightly at a commotion behind me.

"Isabella, I can't believe you!" Alice screeched.

"What?"

"Angela here has just informed me that Jasper Whitlock, my Jazz, works at Cullen Publishing! How could you not tell me?"

"Oh." I realized I was still holding the silent phone against my ear and hung it back on the receiver. "You mean I never mentioned it? Huh, thought I did."

"Don't you try that with me! You intentionally neglected to mention it. How long have you known?"

"Um, since your Red Tie dinner date?"

"Bella Swan, I'm going to murder you!"

She lunged at me and I laughed and ducked behind Angela.

"Angie, save me from the evil sprite!"

"Oh, I'm so not getting in the middle of this!"

Angela moved out of Alice's path and I spun and ran out the back door with the pixie hot on my heels. We raced across the yard, Alice only mildly hindered by the three inch heels she had on, and I was still laughing as I glanced back to gauge how close she was getting. It was while I was looking over my shoulder that I ran into a solid body and brought us both to the ground. I looked down and snickered as I saw Nessie sprawled ungracefully beneath me, a full glass of punch spilled across her chest. Shockingly, not a drop of it had gotten on me. Man, I couldn't have planned that better if I'd tried. Alice stood off to our right, hands on her knees as she bent over in hysteric laughter.

"Ugh! Bella, get off me you fat, clumsy oaf!"

I rolled my eyes. Clumsy oaf I would give her, but fat I most certainly was not. If anything I needed to gain a few pounds. But whatever made her feel better about herself, I guess. A hand suddenly curled painfully around my bicep and yanked me to my feet.

"Please act your age," Aunt Jane hissed. "You're making a scene with your childishness, what's wrong with you? And where is the punch? I asked you to do one thing to help out with this party and you couldn't be bothered? And look what you've done to Nessie! That shirt will be absolutely ruined now. Have you no regard for anyone besides yourself? Apologize to her at once!"

I smirked down at Nessie. "Sorry, Ness. Although I did you a favor if you ask me. Maybe now you can get a shirt out of the grown-up's department."

Jane inhaled sharply as Nessie's face turned bright red. I wondered if it was from trying to contain her temper in front of her mom. No doubt Aunt Jane would disapprove of her daughter having an outburst among all these people.

"Whoa, what happened here? Did we have an accident?"

Charlie bent down to help Nessie to her feet and handed her his napkin to sop some of the punch off her mostly bare chest.

"Charlie, you must do something about your daughter. She has no discipline, no respect!"

_Yeah, cause I'm still twelve. Maybe he can bend me over his knee._

Charlie scratched his head. "What's going on, Bells?"

"Apparently I regressed in age."

"She's been smart like this with me all day, Charlie. She's been embarrassingly antisocial and especially disrespectful with me."

"Bells…."

He was using that warning tone of voice that had always set me on edge. He never bothered to ask my side of the story, never cared about the cutting remarks Aunt Jane made toward me. All my life it was always Be nice, Bella and Try to get along, Bella. Anything to keep dear Aunt Jane happy and quiet.

"Don't worry, Charlie. I'll go and find a corner somewhere where I can keep my mouth shut and just look pretty."

I shoved past him, leaving him there to deal with his venomous sister on his own. Any more time I spent with her and I would just say something else that was sure to disappoint him.

"Bella!"

I didn't bother to turn around. He was free to come after me if he wanted to, but I doubted that he would. Jane would require some kowtowing and God knew we couldn't disappoint Jane.

I refilled the damn punch bowl while Charlie finished soothing his sister.

Aunt Jane avoided me the rest of the party—probably too embarrassed by my acerbic tongue to risk subjecting me to her mob of society queens—and I avoided Charlie. I was not about to listen to another lecture about how Aunt Jane was family and annoying as she could be we had to be polite and civil toward her. I'd tried that route when I was younger and given up when nothing I did ever seemed to please her. And since Charlie never cared to tell her off for her constant derision of me I'd taken over the responsibility myself, much to his displeasure.

I noticed Nessie return a short time after the incident in a slightly more modest shirt. It was still tight but at least her breasts weren't trying to jump out of it. She seemed to get in an argument with her mother, and I frowned as I saw Nessie stand under Jane's censure with her head bowed and her shoulders sagged. I'd never seen her look so dejected before and for the first time it occurred to me just what kind of pressure she might live under. I contemplated getting involved but the moment passed as Nessie lifted her head with a defiant toss of her hair, squared her shoulders, and stalked back over to her group of frat boys. I guessed then that Nessie's current love interests weren't socially connected or rich enough for Jane's tastes.

The rest of the afternoon passed uneventfully. I divided most of my time between Billy or Alice and Angela, who had in fact hit it off quite well. Jake never showed up at the party. As much as I longed for his presence I understood his need for space. It would have been unfair of me to ask him to be here and witness Nessie's outrageous behavior among the young men here just out of my own selfish need for his support. I could get through the day without him.

Edward never made an appearance either. I told myself I was grateful for his understanding and consideration. It didn't explain why I felt disappointment at his absence as well.

_I walked into my office and set down my briefcase, smiling at the familiar little post it note adhered to my new desk. The impatient scrawl across its surface was immediately recognizable. I picked it up. _

Good morning, beautiful. Have I mentioned today that your hair smells like roses? (And your legs look fantastic in that skirt.) I know you hate surprises, but I have one for you and I think you'll like it. Open the top right drawer of your desk.

_Curious, I slid open the drawer. Resting on top of another yellow post it was a single pink rose. I lifted it to my face, inhaling its fragrance. No man had ever given me roses before, not even my father. In fact, the only flowers I'd ever received had been a small wrist corsage of carnations for the single high school dance I had attended. I picked up the second note. _

Tonight we celebrate your success. I'm taking you to Thai Fun Bistro for dinner and then we'll finish the evening at my apartment where the real celebration will begin. Why don't you wear that blue dress that drives me crazy? I'm proud of you, my love. Now look up.

_ Still grinning I glanced quickly up to see James lounging against my doorway. My heart lurched, as it always did at the sight of him. He kicked the door shut and came around the desk, placing his hands on my hips and pulling me in close to his body. He leaned down and nuzzled the tender skin beneath my ear._

_ "This spot just here?" he whispered and pressed his lips against my skin. "Your scent here does shame to that poor rose."_

_ I closed my eyes and sighed, enjoying the sensations evoked by his caresses and his words. Then I gently pushed him away._

_ "Not here, James. Someone might see. We agreed to keep a low profile at work."_

_ "Come on, there's no one around. Most everyone's left already." He backed me up until my legs pressed against the desk frame. "And you've got this wonderful new office just begging to be christened. This desk here look's pretty sturdy."_

_ I blushed, both scandalized and excited by the suggestion._

_ "We can't. The place isn't empty. Anyone could walk in. We'd both lose our jobs."_

_ He sighed, the frustration so clearly evident in his eyes, and he could not have known how severely tempted I was to just give in and have at him right there on the office floor. But I knew his position with the company was nearly as important to him as my own was to me and I was not about to allow him to lose his opportunity for advancement so I remained firm. He brushed his lips gently across my forehead._

_ "All right, then. I can wait until tonight and the comfort of a bed. As always you're worth the wait, my love. I'm just eager to show you my devotion."_

_ I traced the line of his jaw and pushed my hand through the thickness of his blond hair._

_ "You know I love you too. I'm just as eager to receive that devotion—just not here where we might be caught."_

_ Even as I said the words the scene changed and James was across the desk from me while I stood with his note crumpled in my trembling hand, the words _Welcome back, my love_ penned across its yellow surface. _

_ "How could have denied your relationship with me like that, James? Your association with Victoria, any knowledge of the dispute between us or her hostility towards me? Your statement could have proved my innocence and ended the entire investigation. It wasn't just my entire career that was being ruined. I was having charges brought against me for God's sake!"_

_ "Izzy, love, you're being irrational. What would have been the point in ruining both our careers?"_

_ "The point is that when I needed you, you abandoned me. I thought you loved me."_

_ "I do love you, but despite your naïve romantic notions we can't live off love alone. At least one of us should have a reliable source of income."_

_ "You were sleeping with other women! That's not love."_

_ "Once again, your romantic idealism is showing. Real life isn't like the hearts and flowers in these books you read. Those other women don't mean anything. They just…serve a physical need. It's you I love, Iz babes."_

_ "That's not love, James. I never needed anything other than you."_

_ He shook his head as his voice took on a placating tone. "It's different for women—"_

_ "No. It's over. Please go."_

_ He reached across the desk, trailing his fingers lightly down my arm and squeezing my still trembling fist in his hand._

_ "It'll never be over, Izzy."_

_ As he left the office I feared that he was right, because watching him go my already irreparably shattered heart broke a little more._

I woke with tears on my face and pulled a gasping breath into my aching chest. For several long moments I lay there struggling, focusing only on my breathing, until the constriction around my lungs finally began to ease. God, what had brought that on? I hadn't had one of those dreams for weeks. I'd thought that I was finally getting past them. Perhaps it was just the stress of the weekend.

I rolled out of bed and dressed for work in a bit of a haze, the remnants of the near panic attack feeling somewhat reminiscent of a hangover. I felt drained. As a precaution I placed the bottle of Valium in my purse. I didn't want to take them before going to work, they had a tendency to leave me drowsy and out of sorts, but nor could I risk having a full blown attack at work. People would think I was crazy. If they didn't have their suspicions already.

It was with some trepidation that I entered the building. I still wasn't entirely sure how to conduct myself around Edward. I mean, how was I supposed to act now that I knew he wanted me? Should I just go on like before and pretend the whole thing had never happened? What if he pressed the issue again? How could I discourage him when I had so obviously admitted my own attraction to him? Just say, "Hey, thanks for feeling me up on the dance floor, it was beyond fucktastic and I can only imagine what you could do to me without the barrier of clothes, but I really can't get involved with you"? Somehow I didn't think that would go over well. And the thoughts of those things he might do to my naked body were making me inappropriately hot. I'd never be able to look at him again without blushing.

Engrossed in my thoughts I wasn't even paying attention to where I was going until I collided with a very hard, very solid wall right in the middle of the lobby. I landed with an oomph on my butt. Confused as to why there would be a wall there I looked up…and up…and up. A massive, man-shaped mass of muscle stood before me.

"Whoa, there, little lady. Gotta be a little more careful than that. You okay?"

He reached a bear sized paw down to help me up to my feet. My own hand felt ridiculously small in his and I was sure that I had to be gaping at him as I allowed him to pull me back up. He was dressed casually in jeans and a black t-shirt with a security emblem emblazoned on the chest. The fabric was pulled tautly across possibly the widest set of shoulders I had ever seen. He wasn't armed with anything more than a walkie-talkie clipped on his belt, but with his size I doubted that he ever required any sort of weapon. Fuck on a rock, this guy could _be_ the entire security detail. Hell, he could be his own area code.

"Sorry to knock you down like that. I'm Emmett Cullen, Head of Security. You must be new here; I don't think we've met."

I finally blinked myself out of my stupor. "Um, yeah, Bella. Bella Swan. I just started here a few weeks ago."

He grinned and it gave his face an almost childlike appeal. Two huge dimples appeared on either side of his mouth. I found myself grinning back.

"Ah, the infamous Swan. So at last we meet. You've made quite the impression on my wife Rose…and half of the printing floor."

He chuckled at his own joke and I gaped at him anew. This was Edward's brother…Rose's husband? It didn't seem possible. He seemed so open, so likable—almost boyish despite his size. And Rose was such a, well, ice queen. How did these two come to be married?

"You're Rose's husband?"

He practically beamed with pride. "Yup. Can't believe she'd have me, right? I'm a lucky bastard, I know."

"Um, yeah…lucky."

He burst out laughing, loud guffaws that echoed across the lobby as he walked with me toward the elevators.

"I know, she comes across as a bitch at first, doesn't she? But there's more to her than that." He leaned down to whisper, still rather loudly, in my ear. "She's an animal in bed."

I blushed deeply, shocked by his candor, then found myself suddenly laughing and charmed by cheerful frankness with a near complete stranger.

"Lord, a blusher!" he bellowed. "Call the Wildlife Conservation Society! I think we've found the last of a dying breed!"

I laughed even as I felt the crimson of my cheeks grow deeper. He was full of outrageous buffoonery but his attitude was contagious and it helped to ease some of the stress from my mind. I liked him immediately. He rode with me up the elevator, joking and making small talk with me until I was almost in stitches by the time we reached my office. I stopped at my door to shake his ham of a hand.

"It was very nice to meet you, Emmett. I hope to see you around more often. You're so different from—most of the people here."

He chuckled. "From my brother, you mean. Yeah, love the guy, but he's always had a bit of the stick stuck up his ass. Every now and then I gotta do something to shake up that stubborn rigidity of his."

I smiled slowly as the dots connected. "Like have his car towed?"

He laughed loudly. "Yeah, that one drives him nuts. Cracks me up every time. Well, listen I better let you get to work before "The Boss" gives you a hard time for slacking off."

I blushed again and couldn't help but think it had been the other way around over the weekend. I had given Edward a "hard time." Good grief, what was wrong with me? I couldn't even keep my mind out of the gutter for ten damn minutes!

"Um, yeah, I'll uh, see you around."

I escaped into my office praying that my thoughts weren't visible on my face. I started to lock my purse in my bottom desk drawer, taking the pill bottle out as an after thought and throwing it in one of the top drawers for quick access should it be necessary.

I pulled out some files and then found myself staring blankly at them as my mind returned to Edward and Emmett's comments. I didn't entirely agree with Emmett's opinion about Edward having a stick up his ass. He was polite and charming and, while reserved, he didn't have the superior and condescending attitude that many people with his wealth and status carried. Sure, I had noticed a certain rigidity to his routines and his demeanor…but how rigid could he be if he was willing to throw caution and propriety to the wind by trying to date one of his own employees? And if he continued in his efforts how long would it be before I myself forgot such caution and propriety? Could I really hold out against his charms if he decided to continue his efforts? I seriously had to find a way to dissuade him before it went any further.

"Morning, Gorgeous."

The pen I hadn't realized I'd been chewing on flew from my hand as I jumped and looked up. Mike was leaning against my doorway.

"Mike. Hi."

I made a show of shuffling some papers around my desk, booting up my computer, grabbing a notepad for the floor meeting taking place in ten minutes, and digging through my desk for a fresh pen sans teeth marks.

"So, um, how was your weekend, do anything fun?"

_I almost made out with the boss on a dance floor, which was mortifying and thrilling at the same time and it got cut miserably short just before the fun part began…_

"No, I stayed in. My boxes finally arrived, so I spent most of my time sorting through them and putting everything away."

That was mostly true. My boxes had finally arrived, but it had only taken me half of Sunday to get them sorted out.

"That's cool. Very productive. Yeah, I didn't do anything either. Lounged around, you know, played some Xbox with Eric, watered the plants…anyway, I was thinking, you know if you want to, maybe we should carpool sometimes, do our part for the planet. Go green. I'll go first, if you want, since I kinda know where you stay, or I could just drive all the time if you don't want to—"

"Mike."

"Yeah?"

"That's very thoughtful of you, really, but some days I come in early or stay late and I wouldn't want to—"

"Oh, I don't mind. I'll pick you up anytime you want and if you get hung over I can just hang around your office here or maybe the lounge if you think I'd be in your way. And maybe we could get some food after work sometimes. Eat dinner, you know, together…"

This wasn't happening. Not now, when I had so much else going on in my head. I didn't have the time or patience to worry about blocking Mike's passes.

"Again, thank you, but I just can't put you out like that. My schedule can be erratic and unpredictable—" _in at eight and out at four every day, but yeah, unpredictable_ "—and I really prefer to have my own transportation."

"Oh. Well, that's understandable. But we could still do dinner sometime. We'll exchange numbers. I could call you, or you call me, whatever works for you. I'm flexible."

He wasn't getting the message. I was going to have to be blunt with him today.

"That's a sweet offer, Mike. Really, it is, and I'm very flattered, but I can't accept. I have a very strict rule against dating coworkers."

_That was beginning to sound redundant but thank God that it was true._

"But we're in different departments!"

"Regardless. It gets too complicated and messy and then things get weird at work and…problems…arise. It's just something I won't bend on."

His face got a pathetically crestfallen look to it and I felt bad for crushing his hopes like that but I figured it was better than saying, "I'm sorry, Mike, you seem like a nice guy and all, but I have absolutely zero interest in you and my hoo-hah is currently doing somersaults for Edward Cullen." This, at least, spared his feelings some.

"But you don't have any rules against being friends with coworkers, right?"

I smiled at him. "No, of course not."

"Well, maybe we can grab dinner sometime, you know, as friends."

What was with the men in this place and their dinner invitations and not taking no for an answer?

"Yeah, maybe, sometime." I made a point of looking at my watch. "Look, Mike, I don't mean to rush you, but I have a—"

We both started at the sound of a throat clearing—loudly. Edward stepped around Mike, crowding him in the doorway, making Mike look ridiculously young and rumpled compared to his smooth, good looks. I wondered how long he'd been standing back there.

"Bella, the department meeting is getting ready to start. Since it's your first I wanted to let you know, in case you forgot."

I flushed. Damn, I knew I wouldn't be able to face him without doing that. His lips curved into that hateful, sexy smirk, and I know Mike noticed something because he was glancing from my heated cheeks to Edward's smirk and there was an odd look of consternation on his face. He was completely dense when it came to my attempts to let him down nicely, but this he picks up on? Figures.

I stood, gathering my pen and notepad. "Yes, Mr. Cullen, I was just getting ready to head over."

He turned to look down his nose at Mike. "Mr. Newton, I believe you have work of your own to attend to?"

Mike shot me one more rueful glance, mumbled something about refilling toner cartridges, and finally shuffled his way down the hallway. Edward's smirk returned as his gaze slid back to me and I stood there awkwardly, unsure how to handle him and the whole situation.

"If he's bothering you, you have only to say the word."

I laughed, grateful that he was insightful enough not to mention Friday evening…or Saturday afternoon for that matter.

"And you'll what? Fire him? That seems a little extreme."

"No, but I can load him down with so much work that he won't have time to wander up to the third floor anymore."

I shrugged. "He's a nice guy and harmless enough and I think I finally made myself clear to him. I wouldn't want to see him flagellated on my account."

His lips tightened, and I wondered what he was thinking.

I walked around the desk. "Is there anything else I'll be needing for the meeting, do you think?"

He glanced at my blank notepad. "No, you probably won't even need that. This is mostly just common procedure. We'll give some progress reports to the Chairman. He'll congratulate everyone on doing a good job, ask if anyone has any questions or concerns or ideas for improvement. Someone will throw out some complaints about miscommunication or issues with the other departments, there'll be some general bashing and badmouthing in the spirit of departmental rivalry, then Carlisle will calm everything down and we'll call the meeting to a close."

I was still stuck on the mention of Chairman. The Boss boss was going to be there? The Big Guy, the Top Cheese? God, what if I made a fool of myself, what if he picked up on this strange chemistry going on between me and his son, what if he asked me for my input and I just stared at him in stupefied silence? I was so not ready to meet the Chairman…who also just happened to be Edward's _father_.

"Bella?"

I shook my head and forced my feet to move again, offering up a fake, cheesy smile. "Seems like you have the whole thing scripted out already. I don't see why we even need to have it."

"Like I said, it's pretty much just to touch base with everyone—make sure we're all on the same page and keep office morale boosted. It probably won't even last an hour."

I swallowed. "All right, well, let's get to it."

I preceded him out of the office and walked next to him all the way to the conference room, aware the whole time of how close he was to me. Did he have to walk so close? I could smell his cologne and feel his heat each time his arm brushed past mine, and even the hairs on my arm stood on end as if straining to get closer to him. It was like he was a walking Bella-magnet and all the cells of my body were being pulled toward him.

We stepped into the room and I was shocked by how many people were there. I knew it was a large company, but I hadn't expected there to be around fifty people for the "Third Floor" staff meeting. Looking around I saw several familiar faces that I could put names to, but I only just realized that I had not made much effort to know any of them. I was alone in this room. I longed for Angela's friendly face, but the front desk receptionist would not be required to attend a meeting with the editorial staff. I was looking for an empty seat near the back when Edward placed his hand against the small of my back and led me to one of the open chairs in the front row. I glanced around to see if anyone read into it, but it seemed I was the only one putting a sexual interpretation on the innocent gesture.

Edward walked around the table at the front of the room and seated himself next to another man with striking good looks. He had an ageless face with aristocratic features, pale blond hair, and an excellent physique from what I could see of it. His eyes were a light blue, like the sky on a clear day when the sun was at its peak. Were it not for the crinkles at their edges and the faint creases alongside his mouth and across his forehead I would have thought him no older than Edward. As it was I guessed him to be in his mid thirties or possibly early forties. I wondered briefly if he was another executive and whether this company was in the habit of employing obscenely beautiful people.

Edward had his head tilted toward the blond gentleman's as they carried on a private conversation. I couldn't hear what they were saying but I could tell by Edward's deferential stance and his uncertain glances that this man's approval meant a lot to him. When the man smiled and patted Edward on the shoulder I could practically see the pleasure and relief roll off of him. I wondered how long the man had been with the company and whether Edward saw him as some kind of mentor that he seemed to seek the man's assurance.

The blond god stood and my eyes instinctively scanned his body in appreciation. A white dress shirt draped across powerful shoulders and a very flat stomach. The sleeves were rolled halfway up his sinewy forearms and the collar was unbuttoned, just barely hinting at the chiseled chest beneath. Gray pin-stripe suit pants hung off narrow hips and an extremely well-formed ass. I swear this company pulled their employees directly off the line of GQ models. I may not have been interested in dating or the male population in general at this stage of my life but I was still a woman and I couldn't help but notice the man was **hot**.

He called the people to attention and I took another curious glance around the room. I'd thought Edward had said The Cullen was going to be there. Surely he would be seated at the front table with the other executives, and surely we wouldn't start the meeting without him? Then with some shock I realized that the blond god _was_ The Cullen. Holy shit I'd been eye-fucking the Chairman!

Edward's father.

My shocked gaze flew over to meet Edward's and I wondered with some horror how long he'd been watching me.

**AN: So I know a lot of you were really hoping that Edward was going to show up at the party anyway but try to remember that he's trying to ease his way into Bella's life without pushing or frightening her away. He would have never have shown up after he saw how terrified she was by the idea. Plus, I wanted her to have to stand up for herself a little. She needs to gain some of her moxy back on her own.**


	14. I've Got the Drop On You

**AN: Wow, we have a lot Carlisle groupies out there, don't we? I do get it, though, he's a total DILF. ;) So, I almost got this one posted in two weeks. I've already started on the next chapter, so hopefully it will go a little faster. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this one—I put it Eward's POV since I know you much you all love that **

**EPOV**

Bella was staring at me like a deer caught in the headlights—the image only exaggerated by her large, beautiful doe eyes. I knew she'd been checking out my father and I couldn't help but laugh because of it. Carlisle tended to have that effect on the female population; I was used to it. I couldn't really complain. I mean, he had after all passed those genes on to me and I had found myself the target of many a similar ogling, and I can't deny that for a few wild years I had shamelessly reaped the benefits. Besides, while there had been appreciation in her eyes when she looked at him there had been none of the heat I'd seen in a few of the rare unguarded times her eyes fell on me. I lived for the moments when she looked at me like that. I knew she wanted me. It was just a matter of breaking down her defenses.

And I thought I might be beginning to understand some of the foundation blocks that had built those defenses of hers. There had been a firm decisiveness in her voice when she had informed Mike that she did not date coworkers, which led me to believe that was her true stance and not just an excuse she used to let her admirers down gently (myself included). It also drove home to me how upward a climb I had ahead knowing that my being her superior would only make a relationship between us even more taboo than if I had only been another coworker. It presented a few hurdles for me as well, but I was prepared to jump over them.

I had a feeling that she'd had an experience with interoffice dating before—a bad experience. The way she had told Mike that it would only make things messy and complicated had sounded like she spoke from personal knowledge. There were other comments she'd made in the past as well, things I was just starting to put together. That ambiguous answer she'd given at her interview…

"…_I can hardly understand what kind of personal reasons might have compelled you to leave such a promising atmosphere."_

"_The extremely personal kind, sir. The kind that I would rather not discuss but I can assure you are tremendously unlikely ever to be repeated."_

Unlikely to be repeated. As if it had been a mistake of her own making. And then a similar statement just the other day in her friend's garage….

"…_there are way too many complications and I never would have acted on it if I hadn't had too much to drink. It was a really bad idea and it's best not to ever be repeated."_

But I think the most clarifying of them all was the one that Jake had let slip Friday evening. _Bella's been through enough._ He wasn't just talking about the lawsuit and charges she'd faced. Something had happened to her, _someone_ had hurt her, and it was becoming glaringly obvious that it was someone she had worked with. I wish I knew who it was so I could break his face for crushing such a gentle soul and instilling her with so much distrust.

Even from what little I knew of Bella I could see that there was much more to her than just her outward beauty. Everything about her screamed kindness, intelligence, and loyalty. Who would want to slap that down? She drew people to her without even being aware of her appeal—Angela, Mike, Alice, Jake…just a few of the people who apparently adored her. Even my brother had come to me to sing her praises and he'd only just met her today. That was simply the effect she had on people. She was one of those rare people who shone from the inside out, and I had a feeling that the light now coming from her was only a glimmer of what she once was. I wondered that I hadn't seen it before. Looking at her now it was so obvious that she was fragile, broken, and I desperately wanted to be the one to make her whole again.

My father had almost finished summarizing the period progress report for the company and our own division. I'd completely missed the part where he outlined our goals for the next period and pointed out a few of our trouble areas that still need work. I shouldn't have sat Isabella so close to the front. She was a distraction which I could ill afford in the presence of my father, but I had seen her heading for the back row and hadn't wanted her so far away from me. Luckily I had already met with Carlisle this week and familiarized myself with the topics he wanted to broach in this meeting. I didn't want to give him any more reason to doubt my capability in this company. I was determined not to let him down again.

"I'll turn the floor over to Edward now. Please remember to hold your questions until we open for discussion at the end."

I cleared my throat and stood, tearing my eyes away from Bella so I could sort through my notes and reports. I gave a brief update of the department's current works in progress, emphasizing those of highest priority and reinforcing a few projected timeframes and deadlines. Several groans echoed through the room which I pretended not to hear.

I spent probably a good fifteen minutes highlighting a few of our accomplishments for the most recent period and outlining various ways I thought we could expand on those accomplishments. I glanced at Carlisle every now and then to try to gauge his reaction to the progress of the meeting so far but he was difficult to read just sitting casually back in his chair with his hands folded over his stomach. It made me a little nervous that he never interrupted to voice any of his thoughts or opinions. My father might be laid back but he was still a very driven and opinionated man, especially when it came to the company he had founded over twenty years ago.

I concluded by thanking everyone for all their hard work and turned to Carlisle so that he could open up the floor for discussion. He inclined his head, and I knew the look he was giving me. He wanted me to take over that part of the meeting as well. I had to repress my own groan of frustration. I did not want to have to field the questions and complaints that were about to be launched around the room but I resigned myself to it, not wanting to give the impression that I wasn't up to the challenge.

I sighed. "Does anyone have any questions or input?"

Half the people in the room began talking over each other. I raised my hand for silence and the outbursts faded first into murmurs and then finally down to nothing.

"One at a time, please."

For the next half hour I fielded asinine questions and childish complaints. Several times I struggled to come up with a response that would appease the crowd without actually giving in to their unreasonable requests. My hands twitched at my sides, wanting to shove them impatiently through my hair or pinch the bridge of my nose as I habitually did when my nerves were high, but I managed to stop myself before showing that kind of weakness. At these times I often found myself glancing back at my father, hoping he'd take the reigns from me and offer up some of his renowned diplomatic solutions, but he merely continued to sit back with that same blank expression. I wondered briefly if he was testing me.

Throughout it all Bella sat quietly, occasionally scribbling in her notebook. She seemed content to sit and listen rather than participate in the maelstrom. At least twice I caught her rolling her eyes at some of the more ridiculous comments, and my amusement at her reaction was just enough of a distraction to keep me from losing my patience. If it weren't for the occasional valid question or input I wouldn't have minded doing away with this portion of the meetings entirely. As it was I felt quite drained by the time the session was over, and I worried that a few of the more disgruntled employees did not seemed entirely satisfied with some of my responses. Carlisle surely could have done a better job of it, but I consoled myself with the knowledge that some people just couldn't be pleased—they were the type who weren't happy unless they had something to complain about

Carlisle finally called the meeting to a close and the volume level in the room rose slightly as people began talking amongst themselves and slowly making their way back to their offices. He dropped a hand on my shoulder as he stood and squeezed gently and I felt some of the tension ease out of my body. He'd done the same thing the first time I'd won a ball game, when I graduated in the top ten of my class, when I got accepted into Dartmouth. It was his gesture of approval.

"Well, son, you survived the assault. How do you feel?"

"Like I went ten rounds with Jose Cuervo last night and came out on the losing end."

Carlisle laughed and squeezed my shoulder again. "You held your own. Come up to the house if you're free tonight. You're mother is making her chicken tortellini."

I grinned. It was a running joke that it was my obsession with Mom's chicken tortellini that kept her restaurant afloat.

"I'll be there."

I turned back to see if Bella was still in the crowd and caught her staring in my direction. She blushed and dropped her gaze. Smirking, I rounded the table and caught up to her before she could flee the room.

"So what did you think of your first floor meeting? I noticed you were very quiet during discussion."

She blushed again. "Yes, well, that would be from my natural aversion to speaking in front of a crowd. I hate to draw attention to myself. But you were right about it being a bitchfest. I couldn't believe some of the things they were complaining about. They sounded like spoiled children. You handled it very well."

I raked a hand through my hair, cursing the nervous gesture even as I caught myself doing it. It was no wonder my hair was always such a mess.

"Thanks. I kind of wish Carlisle would have stepped in a bit there, though. It makes me nervous when he just sits back and watches."

I'd been following her as she slowly worked her way toward the door through the lingering crowd but came to a halt as she stopped abruptly and turned to me, her eyes oddly searching and intense. I wondered what she saw in my eyes to bring about such an intensity in hers.

"I'd say he does that because he's confident in you, not because he's testing you or anything. You don't have to prove yourself to him, you know. Anyone with eyes can see how proud of you he is."

I stared at her for a moment, utterly speechless. Very few people were aware of my severe phobia of disappointing my father. I thought I did a fairly good job of concealing it—even from the man himself—but in one short hour this woman had seen through my charade.

"I think maybe your eyes see more than most."

Bella frowned at me in confusion and I just shook my head and walked away, unnerved by the whole conversation. She'd ascribed her reticence to shyness. She didn't even seem to realize that in her silent spectatorship she picked up on the things that were overlooked by the casual observer. Not only had she figured out the source of a tension in myself that had gone unnoticed by everyone else but she had sought to reassure me. How did she not understand how truly amazing she was?

My stomach still roiling a bit from the strain of heading up the meeting and the unexpectedness of Bella's insights I passed up my own office and headed straight for Jasper's. He'd always had a way of calming me whenever I felt like things were slipping out of my control. (Yes, I was aware that I had slight control issues that had a tendency of preventing me from just letting go and enjoying myself. Impulsive was one thing I'd never been accused of being.)

I slowed as I neared his closed door, however, as I could hear raised voices coming from within his office. Or more precisely, I could hear one _female_ raised voice overpowering Jasper's occasional low murmurs.

"…_just singled me out for the sole purpose…away from EyeCorp! …meant something to you…way you kissed me…all that dancing…I let you dip me!"_

My eyebrows drew together as I tried to piece together the significance of the sentence fragments that became audible through the door every time the woman's voice reached that impossibly high octave. I could only conclude that this was the woman that had him so bewitched lately, but I couldn't quite figure out what she would be doing here in the middle of a work day. Nor what Jasper could have done to have her so pissed off. In all my life I'd never known a woman to become angry or hold a grudge against Jasper. Even the ones he broke up with left with a hug and a smile. He just had a way making people feel good in any situation.

Feeling only a small twinge of guilt over eavesdropping I strained to hear Jasper's responses, but his voice was too quiet to make out any of the words. Her voice on the other hand…I frowned as I tried to recall what he'd said her name was. That bell chime voice sounded vaguely familiar.

"…_oh, don't try that one…can't believe…to soften me up…"_

My eyebrows rose as her voice reached a new level of volume and her next few sentences became unmistakably clear.

"_And just so you know what you're missing out on I'll have you know that not only am I _not_ leaving EyeCorp, but I can also bend my body into positions you can't even imagine. So you can just take your job offer and you dinner dates and shove it!"_

The door swung suddenly open and my eyes nearly dropped out of their sockets when I came face to face with Alice—the very same Alice that I had met just days ago at Bella's apartment. Without even missing a beat she sent me a curt nod and brushed past me with nothing more than a "Good day to you, Edward" and I think she also muttered something about manipulative, jackass employees. I was still goggling after her, mouth hanging open, as she turned the corner and disappeared.

"Glad to know I'm not the only one she has that effect on."

I turned my head to an equally dazed looking Jasper.

"What just happened? She didn't look too happy with you just now."

"Oh, she's got a bee in her bonnet all right. The why of it is what I'm not so sure about."

I followed him into his office where he slumped into his chair and shook his head quizzically. I sat on the edge of his desk, picking up the autographed baseball he had displayed there and tossing it absently into the air.

"What'd you do, man?"

"I told her about my idea for opening up a graphics design department here. Told her how much I liked her work and how I thought she'd be perfect to head up the department."

"And she blew up at you?"

"She seemed to think that since I hadn't mentioned it before I was only courting her as a way of luring her away from EyeCorp."

I smirked. You can take the boy out of the South….honestly, who uses words like courting anymore? It always amused me that he'd spent the vast majority of his life in Portland and still talked like a nineteenth century cowboy.

"Was there any truth behind that assumption?"

He glared at me. "Of course not. I want her for myself as much as for the company."

"So why didn't you mention it to her before? It's been a week since your first lunch with her and I know for a fact you've been on the phone with her just about every day."

He shrugged. "At first I never had a good opportunity to bring it up." He smiled a little. "She tends to monopolize the conversation and it's a bit of a mind boggle to keep up with her shifts in topic. And then I was ruther enjoying getting to know her without adding the stress of work issues. I was hoping to more firmly establish our romantic relationship before broaching the topic of a work relationship. But then she showed up out of nowhere to surprise me here at work—come to think of it I don't even recollect mentioning where I worked—and anyway one thing led to another and I was telling her all about my ideas for the graphics department. Suffice it to say she didn't react like I had hoped she would."

"So what are you going to do now?"

Jasper intercepted the ball before it landed back in my hand, contemplating it for a moment. "Fancy footwork, my friend. Fancy footwork."

He glanced up at me, studying the expression on my face. I don't know what he saw there, since I thought I'd kept my face fairly neutral, but his eyes narrowed.

"You know something. Spill it."

How the fuck did he do that? "Let's just say that's not the first time I've met your unconventional lady friend. I might know someone who could help you out."

Jasper waited for me to go on, raising an eyebrow when I remained silent. "Well?"

"Just remember if I tell you this I'll expect you to pay me back in kind some day. If I ever need to call in a favor you use your connections to help me out."

"Okay, now I'm real curious. You know I always have your back, now tell me what you know."

"Well, it turns out your Alice is Bella's best friend. I met her Saturday morning when I dropped off Bella's jacket. Although I didn't know at the time that she's the one that's had you twisted up in knots lately. I'm sure Bella would be willing to help you sort out this misunderstanding."

"You don't think she'll just side with her friend and decide that I'm the scum of the earth?"

"No, she seems to care about Alice a lot. I think she'd want to see her happy. And the way she talked on Friday you definitely seemed to be making Alice happy."

Jasper's face split into a wide grin. If I hadn't known how stuck on this girl he was already that would have told me. I marveled at how hard and fast we both seemed to have fallen. Somehow it made the depth and suddenness of my own feelings seem more believable, knowing that Jasper was there with me. He started to spring out of his chair but I put my hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down. I chuckled a little at his impatient growl.

"Hold on a minute. Ten to one she's in there now venting to Bella. You go in there and Alice is just going to think you're trying to team up on her or go behind her back. I'd say give it at least a half hour before you head that way."

Jasper nodded, relaxing back into his chair. "You're right. Girls always go straight to their girlfriends when they're riled up. Do the man-bashing thing."

His ochre eyes fixed onto mine. "You're strung awful tight. This wasn't just a social visit, was it? You're over-analyzing your capacity within the company again. Believing you aren't up to snuff."

I sighed. Again, how does he do that?

"Carlisle had me lead the meeting today." I scrubbed my hands over my face. "Christ, I feel like they chewed me up and spit me back out alive today. I don't even remember half the shit I said to them, all I know is that I was two shakes away from breaking down and giving into anything they asked for. Hell, I'd have agreed to putting in a wet bar in the employee lounge, I was getting that desperate."

Jasper chuckled. "I'd have been up for that. Then I could stop hiding the whiskey bottle in my desk drawer."

I glared at him. "You better not actually have one there."

His grin neither confirmed nor denied it.

"Look, you have to stop holding yourself up to such high standards. The fact is that you did handle it without breaking down. You think Carlisle never feels frustrated or distressed around here? He just puts on a show of calm confidence and people gladly follow him without ever being aware of his nerves. I reckon they weren't aware of yours either. You're the one that sets that bar so high, Eddie. When are you going to realize it would take a superhuman to reach it?"

I grimaced. "Don't call me Eddie."

I acceded he wasn't far from the truth. It wasn't that I expected myself to be perfect, precisely, but it was basically a given that one day I would be expected to step into Carlisle's shoes and I didn't want to do anything that would damage the company my father had spent his life building. I'd be happy if I could even be half the businessman that Carlisle was. Hell, I'd be happy if I could be half the man that Carlisle was. There was no one that I looked up to more than my father….and no one that I more feared letting down. Again.

"You'll make a great CEO someday, Edward," Jasper said to me in all seriousness. "Everyone makes mistakes. That's how you learn. When that day comes I'll consider it an honor to work for you. But for right now you're not my boss so get your bony ass off my desk."

I chuckled, releasing the death grip I hadn't realized I had on my hair.

"What do you mean work for me? If I have to be a CEO someday I'm dragging your sorry ass up to the board of directors with me."

"God, no. Please don't put me behind a desk. The few hours I have to spend behind this one are enough."

"Yeah, well, I figure by then you'll be old and won't be able to get around as easily. You'll appreciate the inaction when your hip replacements are bothering you and your rheumatoid is acting up."

Jasper scoffed. "Partner, I'll still be running circles around you when we're 90 and confined to wheelchairs in the nursing home."

I smirked. "You couldn't even beat me in a race when we were twelve and you still had six inches over me."

"Perhaps not, but I could always take you in a wrestling match."

"You pansies going to get any work done today, or just sit around and compare dick sizes?" a booming voice asked from the doorway. "It's irrelevant anyway, since I got ya both beat."

I turned to see Emmett's large frame blocking the doorway. I smiled at his cheery grin. I still found it hard to believe that my big brother had tied the knot, but the constant smile on his face these past few weeks attested to his nuptial bliss (that or the fact that he was getting laid with great regularity but I already knew—with alarming detail and one vividly horrifying memory—that this had also held true before the actual wedding).

"Don't you have some harmless cars to tow?"

"Not if we're having a pissing contest in here. Twenty bucks says I can shoot it farther than either of you."

Jasper's eyes widened as Emmett actually started to unzip his pants. "Not in my office, man!"

Emmett cracked up as he rezipped his pants. "Dude, chill out, I was just messing around."

I just stood with my arms crossed, having known all along he'd never have gone through with it. Now had we been outside I wouldn't put anything past him, but he would never pull a stunt like inside our father's building. Especially since he'd then have to detain and report himself, which would actually be kind of hilarious to see.

"So, Eddie, Rose tells me you want to bone the new girl. Kudos, man, she is _hot_."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't call me Eddie, and Rose told you I want to _bone_ her?"

"Well, technically she said you were hot for her. I added the boning part."

I growled. "Don't talk about Bella like that. It's degrading and she deserves a hell of a lot more respect than that."

Emmett raised an eyebrow. "Dude, you're serious about her."

"Make that head over heels, jumping on a couch, nuts about the girl," Jasper added.

I shot him a dirty look. "Thanks."

"It's like that?" Emmett interrupted. "Dude, that's awesome! It's about time you found someone. Mom and I were just—"

"It's not awesome. It's frustratingly complicated."

"How so?"

I sighed. Despite his body builder appearance and laid back attitude my brother was a surprisingly intelligent person, but he did have a tendency to oversimplify things. He didn't take time to consider things like complications or consequences. He never stopped to think a scenario through step by step and consider all the possible derivations. It was why I had always beaten him at chess. His motto was always take action now, deal with the aftermath later.

"First of all she doesn't believe in dating coworkers. Second of all I'm her superior. She works directly under me—"

"You want to work directly under you," Emmett snickered.

I continued on as if he hadn't spoken. "—and you know the company has policies against such relationships. One of us would have to transfer to a different department. I can't ask her to do that and I can't do so myself. Not only is this my main area of expertise, but we have no one else to take my place should I even consider transferring."

"I think you're making too big a deal out of this, bro. Company policy, my ass. Besides Mom and Dad the four of us own most of the shares in this company—we are the company. And you know Dad would make an exception for you. Your happiness is more important to him than office politics. We all know you're responsible enough to handle the conflict of interest."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Believe me, I'm aware of that and I've considered this from every aspect. Yes, Dad would make an exception for me but what kind of example would that set? That because of our name we're above the rules which govern the rest of the staff? It wouldn't be right and it could have some legal ramifications if anyone believed that another employee was receiving favoritism because of a personal involvement."

Emmett scoffed. "So, what? You're just going to give up? Sacrifice this opportunity with the first woman who's ever managed to shake up that iron control of yours because it's 'the right thing to do'?"

I studied the patterns on the ceiling before slowly lowering my eyes to Emmett's.

"No. I should. It would certainly be more fair to her since she's the one that would be more adversely effected by any negative reactions to our relationship, and she's flat out told me she doesn't want to become involved. Not letting go of it like she asked is probably the most selfish thing I could do. But I can't seem to stay away from her."

"For what it's worth," Jasper spoke up, "she has feelings for you too. I've seen the way she looks at you sometimes when she doesn't think anyone else is looking. She wants you but she's afraid. I don't think you're being selfish. I think she needs someone like you right now."

While Jasper's words did a great deal to relieve my insecurities, they did very little to appease my guilt. Maybe she did want me, and maybe I was right about her having been hurt in the past, but she already had Jake and Alice and people who cared about her. She had a support system. She didn't need me, but I could hope that she wanted me and that perhaps, with enough persuasion, she would allow me to become a part of that support system.

Jasper stood and brushed the creases out of his pants. "Well, I think enough time has passed. I'm going to go butter up a certain lady and see if I can't charm her into talking sense into another certain lady for me."

Bemused, I followed him out of the office and back down to the third floor. Emmett nudged me with his elbow.

"What's going on?"

I chuckled. He was as much a sucker for gossip as any woman I'd ever known.

"It's a long story, but this should be somewhat entertaining."

Bella, who was sitting behind her desk frowning over a manuscript, looked up as the three of his walked in. She glanced warily between us, her dark focus finally settling on Jasper as he offered her a wide, toothy smile. Emmett and I stood back and watched as we waited to see how susceptible she would be to all that southern charm Jasper was infamous for.

"Bella, darlin', did I ever thank you for that sage advice you gave me last week?"

Her lips curved into a knowing smile. "Mr. Cullen passed on the message on Friday. Was there something I could help you with today, Jasper?"

No, it did not escape my notice that she called him Jasper rather than Mr. Whitlock, but I held my tongue. Jasper seated himself across from her, steepling his fingers on top of the desk and leaning towards her imploringly.

"There is indeed something I was hoping you could help me with. A matter I hold very near and dear to my heart in fact."

She looked at him steadily. "Personally or professionally?"

Jasper returned the look just as steadily. "Personally."

"In that case I'd be glad to help. I'm meeting her for lunch in a half hour, actually. Perhaps we should start by telling me your side of the story."

"Bella, you truly are a bell. Let's get away from prying eyes," he suggested, tipping his head in our direction. Rising, he offered his arm. "Walk with me?"

Bella laughed and accepted it. She stuck her tongue out as she past the frustrated gazes of both Emmett and myself. Amused, I winked at her and watched with pleasure as the color rose in her cheeks. She turned her head and walked with Jasper down the hall. I grabbed the back of Emmett's shirt when he tried to follow.

"There's a reason Jasper wanted some privacy. If we're watching and snickering in the background she's not going to believe he's serious about Alice."

"This is about a girl?"

I smiled. "Isn't it always?"

"Well…wait, you mean Jasper actually screwed up with a girl? Man, this is epic! I never thought I'd see the day he'd have to crawl. Dude's always been able to talk his way out of _anything_. And here you are for once pining over a girl who actually doesn't fall at your feet the second you turn those pretty green eyes on her. I think the planet just reversed its rotation."

"Funny…hey! What are you doing?"

Emmett had walked around to the other side of Bella's desk and started pulling out drawers and rifling through her things. He looked up at me.

"What? Aren't you curious? You can tell a lot about a person by what they keep in their desk, you know."

"Those are her personal things, you can't just go snooping around. I mean it, Emmett, leave it alone."

He smirked at me. "What are you going to do? Call security? Come on, this stuff could give you some serious ammo for winning her over. She chews the same nasty ass kind of gum as you, by the way, and has a mad jonesing for Mark Twain. The complete works? Who reads that shit?"

"Emmett….! Really? She keeps that in there?"

Despite my strong moral objections to invading Bella's personal space I found myself joining Emmett to see if she actually did carry one of my gifts around with her. Curious, I picked up the book, noting that she was taking care to mark her place with one of those ribbon bookmarks with a cross shaped charm on the end rather than fold over the page corners. I was absurdly touched that she didn't want to crease the pages of this book. I flipped it open to her page. She was reading _Connecticut Yankee_. That was one of my own favorites.

I spied the notepad she had been writing in throughout the meeting and picked it up, my conscience once again cringing against this invasion but still not quite overriding my curiosity. When I'd gone up to her after the meeting I'd seen that she'd written more than a page, and I'd wondered what she could possibly have taken that many notes on. The first part of it surprised me. She'd written down all the plans and suggestions I'd made for new period, including her impressions of my ideas (which made me seem much more intelligent and confident than I had felt when I was proposing them) and her own expansions on them. Some of her ideas were really good. I wondered why she hadn't mentioned them during the meeting.

The second part of her notes made me smile. She'd named each person who'd voiced a complaint or suggestion, or written a brief physical description for those whose names she didn't yet know which was more often the case, and made a commentary based on their input. I struggled to contain my laughter as I skimmed through them.

_Demetri—overly aggressive (raise your hand and wait for your turn, douchebag, and WTF would we need a fitness room for anyway? Aren't we supposed to be WORKING?); he needs to lay off the protein bars: remember to approach only with nose plugs_

_Bubblegum Blonde with the indecent neckline—way too happy, Prozac anyone? Did she seriously ask if there was going to be an inter-office _**memoir**_ highlighting the key topics of this meeting? Does this girl have any brain cells? How did she even get hired? Not to self: direct all important work away from the airhead_

_Fashion disaster with the dreadlocks—asks somewhat valid questions but seems to pander to the bosses a bit; probably reliable for work related issues but tread carefully: brown-nosers have a tendency to be backstabbers_

_Garrett—provided some intelligent input, seems friendly enough; potential for good work relationship_

_Attractive blonde glued to Garrett's side—very outspoken and determined about getting the software upgrade (I can see her point); made some strong arguments, bet she's a good asset to the company; this is one I'd actually be willing to work on projects with_

_Lauren—already met and have renamed her BITCH (too bad she actually does put out decent work or we could upgrade that to Worthless Bitch); apparently buddy buddy with Bubblegum Blonde big surprise there; wants cameras in the bathrooms? What, "All the better to spy on you with, my dear"? Voyeuristic much? Don't leave your purse on the counter while you sneak off with one of the printing floor whores and nothing will get stolen out of it, Einstein_

These revelations into the delightfully acerbic musings of Bella's mind were interrupted by Emmett's not so quiet muttering.

"I think this chick rivals you for the workaholic award, Edward, and that's saying something. That's about all she's got in here. No pictures, no diary, not even a magazine or one of those smut books. Nothing really interesting….Whoa, dude."

I glanced over to see what had caught his attention. My stomach dropped as I saw he was holding a bottle a Valium. Why would Bella need Valium? An image suddenly flashed through my mind of Bella in the restaurant looking white-faced and stricken. She'd seemed almost ill when she'd dashed off to the bathroom and returned much more composed, brushing the incident off. Fuck, she'd taken Valium that night! No wonder the wine had hit her so hard. You're not supposed to mix alcohol with anti-anxiety meds!

I literally had to work at unclenching my jaw. I was so angry that she would risk her own health like that, and the worst part was that I couldn't even fucking do anything about it because then she would know I'd been looking through her desk. But you better believe I was going to be monitoring her alcohol intake much more closely and looking for signs of how often she took the pills. I thought briefly about discussing this with either Jake or Alice but something told me even they weren't aware of this issue or else they'd never allow her near alcohol in the first place. She was keeping this to herself for whatever reason and I wasn't about to betray her secret.

"Dude, you don't think she's crazy do you? Like have a nervous breakdown pull out the machete type of—"

"Put them away, Emmett, we're done here."

"But aren't you even the least bit worried? Or even curious? I mean, if you're seriously considering—"

"I said put them away! We should never have touched this stuff to begin with." I looked him hard in the eye. "You're not to say a word of this to anyone, do you understand?"

"But, Edward—"

"I mean it, Emmett. Not a word."

He met my look for several long, tension-filled seconds before finally nodding and carefully putting everything back the way it had been.

"I won't say anything to anyone, not even Rose. But I still think you should be careful. I know anxiety's not that uncommon and most people using Valium are perfectly normal, but….just make sure she's stable before you get in too deep, okay?"

I merely nodded, not wanting to tell him that I was already in too deep. I knew for a fact there was nothing psychotic or even remotely dangerous (except maybe to herself) about Bella. Part of me wanted to strike out at Emmett, berate him for even suggesting that there was anything unstable about Bella….but the other part of me could not quite push out the image of her sitting all pale and shaking at our table. And yet a third part of me only felt more driven to get closer to Bella. It was becoming more and more obvious that whether she realized it or not she needed someone to take care of her, and I had a need to be that someone.

I thought of the book in her drawer and grinned as I suddenly became inspired by her love of classic literature. If she wouldn't allow me to express my own feelings for her then I'd express them through the words of her favorite literary heroes. Perhaps it was cheesy but…well, most women liked cheesy, didn't they? I was determined to erode away that wall she kept throwing between us. I wanted her to let me in, and what better way than through one of her passions?

I spotted a multicolor pack of sticky notes on her desk and quickly ripped one off the bottom. I ignored the curious look Emmett was giving me and silently gave thanks for my overly retentive memory as I scrawled the words of Austen's Darcy the first time he voiced his feelings for Elizabeth.

_In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire you._

I thought it was a safe way of telling her how I felt without pushing her or asking for anything in return. I was letting her know that I wasn't giving up.

And I also hoped to get points for actually knowing the quote.

"Dude, you're such a girl."

I snorted. "Look who's talking. Aren't you the one I caught watching _Gilmore Girls_ all by yourself?"

"I told you Rose had just been over! Besides, Rory is kind of a little hottie and she has a way awesome relationship with her mom."

I rolled my eyes and ushered him out of the office. We met up with Jasper for lunch and headed over to the Mexican place down the street. Emmett had wanted to go the diner but Jasper nixed that idea since it was where Bella was meeting Alice and he didn't want to mess up their game plan. Emmett spent all lunch trying in vain to pump Jasper for the details of his conversation with Bella, but he was being extremely tight lipped over the whole thing out of fear of jinxing it. Superstition was another thing he'd maintained from his Southern heritage.

I rushed us through lunch, anxious to get back in time to see Bella's reaction when she found my note. I wondered if she would be moved by it, amused, or just irritated with my persistence. Unfortunately I rushed us too much as I got back to my office and realized that there was still fifteen minutes until Bella was due back from her lunch hour. Frustrated and unable to focus, I spent the time pretending to work while my gaze flicked continuously towards the elevator doors. I felt like a giddy schoolboy waiting for the teacher to come find the apple I'd left on her desk.

Finally, at exactly one o'clock, I spotted her coming off the elevators. I abandoned all pretense of working and just watched as she approached her desk. I knew she'd found the note when she came to a short, sudden stop. I frowned when for a moment she didn't move and the bag on her shoulder slid slowly off to land with a thud by her feet. I was already coming out of my seat when she started to reach a trembling hand toward the note and then promptly collapsed on the floor.

Okay, that was not among any of the reactions I had anticipated.

With my heart in my throat I raced across the hall to drop next to her, checking for pulse and for injury before lifting her carefully into my arms.

**AN: Seriously, what woman doesn't love being picked up by a pair of strong male arms? Too bad Bella's too out of it to enjoy it!**

**PS—Reviews really do inspire me to write faster (winky winky)**


	15. Falling For You

**AN: Sorry about the delay in getting this out. Bella was really embarrassed about passing out and proved rather reluctant at waking back up. No worries, though, she didn't suffer any kind of brain damage from the long black out. Thank you so much for the reviews on the last chapter, they truly were fanstatic! I seriously almost wept with joy over some of them. Just for the wait I've got the longest chapter for you yet! I backtracked a little to give Bella's impression of some of the past events and a few scenes that Edward obviously would not have been privy to.**

**BPOV**

I felt a momentary sense of regret as I watched Edward walk away from me, wondering if I should have been more careful with my words. Had I struck a nerve by mentioning his father like that? When was I going to learn to put a filter on the unsolicited stream of consciousness that often spewed from my mouth? I knew absolutely nothing about the issues between Edward and his father; I had no business spouting out commentaries on it.

My only excuse for my carelessness was my surprise at seeing Edward display any kind of insecurity. I'd only ever seen him perfectly composed and the epitome of confidence. He'd hidden it well, directing the meeting in a calm and organized manner, but there had been a faint strain in his voice which was probably unnoticeable to everyone else. My ears, however, had traitorously attuned themselves to every tone and inflection of his musical voice, and I had also noticed that he would glance at his father after every proposal he presented. Like he was seeking reassurance. He almost seemed unsure of himself in the presence of his father.

For while I had turned my attention to The Cullen to see what he might be doing, whether consciously or unconsciously, to undermine that pristine confidence of his son, but there was nothing that I could see. He spent the entire meeting leaning back in a relaxed position in his chair with his hands folded across his lap, apparently comfortable to let Edward take the reins. Occasionally he would smile or nod at something Edward said and his eyes practically beamed with approval as they rested on his son. He never commented or interrupted and when the floor opened to discussion he let left that to Edward as well. I could only assume that whatever demon was filling Edward with such nervous tension was of his own making.

And somehow I had accidentally stepped on that demon, clearly upsetting him if that weird look on his face was anything to go by. He'd walked away without so much as a "See ya later". Or maybe he was actually just taking my words from Saturday to heart and dropping his pursuit of me. It was what I wanted, right? So why was I feeling so hurt by the way he'd just walked away from me?

"I wouldn't waste my time if I were you."

I turned in startled surprise to see that the Bubblegum Blonde had snuck up on me while I was still dwelling on Edward's emo departure just now. I realized up close that she actually was cute in an obviously tries too hard sort of way. You could tell that she spent over an hour doing her hair and makeup every morning and her clothes were all fashion line and cut to reveal far more cleavage than was necessary. It made her look Barbie-doll fake and the sad part was that she would have been quite pretty without all the pretense.

"Waste my time on what?" I asked, bewildered as to what she could be talking about since I'd never even spoken a word to her before.

"I saw you ogling them both, which I don't know if you have some weird father/son fetish—that's gross if you ask me—I mean, Mr. Cullen is totally hot but he's like 50, so eww? And he's married—happily married, if you know what I mean, cause believe me some of the women around here have tried already and totally failed. Not me, I don't go for the whole Daddy complex, not to say I'd have any more luck than anyone else cause he is totally Off The Market. I wonder if his wife is some sort of closet freak cause she totally looks like the June Cleaver type, you know? And yeah, I completely get the whole Edward thing, he's like, sex on legs, right? Trust me, I've been where you are, I totally tried for that my first few months, but he only does flavors of the week, you know? He dates those rich, glitzy types, and they're totally in and out of his life like disposable air fresheners…only I think the air fresheners last longer. Those are good for like three months, right?"

For a moment I just stared at her. I was at a complete loss for how to respond to this woman. I never expected that people actually talked like that outside of those valley girl high school drama shows. How many times had she said like or totally in that one, long, run-on sentence monologue? I'd lost count. And was she talking about air fresheners? Where the fuck did that come from? How did this air bubble brained blonde even get a job here?

"Um, I think you have the wrong idea. I'm not interested in them that way—either of them. I'm just here to do my job."

The look she gave me implied that she didn't in the least believe me, and then her eyes narrowed slightly.

"Is it because of Mike? I've seen you talking to him, and I just wanted to warn you, it's not like we're a thing really, but we do go out sometimes and I think we might turn into a thing. It's totally casual right now, you know, so if you want to try for him that's totally up to you, he's completely free I mean, but I wouldn't hope for anything long term just in case—"

I cut her off on the off chance that she was going to go into details I had absolutely no desire to hear as well as to protect my sanity from listening to that lack of grammar and utter abuse of the English language.

"No, I'm not interested in Mike either. Yes, he talks to me and he's a nice guy, but I'm not into dating right now. Anyone."

Her eyes just about bugged out of her head.

"Like, anyone? At all? Oh, my God, that's like totally cool! I don't think I could ever live like that, I don't know how you do it. I mean, I can go about a week or two without a date but then I just go stir-crazy, you know? Is it, like, some kind of celibacy vow you've taken, or maybe you're getting over some totally ugly break-up or…oh, my God are you gay?"

I didn't know whether to laugh or be offended that this stranger was asking me these absurdly personal questions about my life. I decided to go with the laugh, but I felt a little guilty that it was directed more at her for being such a clichéd joke rather than at the situation itself.

"No, I'm not gay. I'm just not dating right now."

"It's the break-up then, isn't it? It's always the break-up. I had this friend one time—"

I cut her off again. Christ, did this girl ever shut up?

"I have to get back to work. It's been really nice meeting you, Miss…?"

"Oh." She giggled. One of those fucking high pitched, jab a pencil through your eardrum giggles. "I never introduced myself! Hi, I'm Jessica Stanley. I'm an editor."

She stuck her hand out to me and I took it, gaping. How did this space cadet manage to land a job as an editor? She couldn't even speak with proper grammar! My eyes slipped down to the excessive cleavage spilling out of her snug top and I wondered if she'd gotten hired in on her other, more obvious assets. Had Edward been the one to hire her? I was pretty sure all editing applications had to at least be screened by the Editor-In-Chief. There was no way he could have overlooked her lack of qualifications for this position….unless he was too distracted by the other positions she could fill.

"Bella Swan," I muttered.

"Bella, that's such a cool name. We should totally get together over lunchtime. I can fill you in on all the office gossip and stuff."

_And stuff._ I hated when people used that phrase—as if they didn't have the vocabulary to come up with a description less vague and generic—almost as much as I hated office gossip. It was mostly just rumors, hearsay, and made up tales anyway. I didn't have much interest in the intimate details of my coworker's personal lives. I didn't like people prying into mine and I wasn't about to go prying into theirs. I mumbled some sort of non-committal reply and left her to chatter in someone else's ear.

"I see you've met our office pop-tart."

I just about jumped out of my skin as I turned into the hallway and heard Rosalie's voice in my ear. Jesus Christ, had she been in there the whole time? How could I have possibly overlooked her? Was I that focused on Edward that I could block out a presence as imposing as Rosalie? Apparently I was.

"Pop-tart?"

"Yeah. Sickingly sweet, crusty around the edges, and bad for your overall health, but so easy and convenient that it's been in everyone's toaster at some point."

I glanced up at her as we walked (she had at least half a foot over me in her heels). I was a little uncertain how to respond. Was she trying to warn me of something? She didn't seem the type to try to just make conversation, with me especially. I got the distinct impression that she was still withholding judgment on me.

I settled for sarcasm, my typical fall back in uncomfortable situations.

"Interesting synopsis. Are you trying to warn me to keep her away from my toaster?"

Rose lifted an eyebrow at me, and dare I believe I saw amusement in her eyes?

"Not unless you swing that way, sugar. I was just going to say not to give too much credit to anything you hear from her and be careful what you say around her. Her cavernous mouth has a tendency to echo."

"I'd imagine everything echoes between her ears," I said before I could stop myself. I quickly added on a comment about not being into office gossip in the hopes that Rose would overlook my first slip, but her lips were already quirking.

"Don't sweat it, sugar, you're not wrong. If that girl's brains were leather she wouldn't be able to saddle a flea."

"If that's the case how did she make it in as an editor?"

Rose snorted. "Is that what she told you? She's a junior editorial assistant. She does little more than fetch coffee and make photocopies. I doubt she'll ever advance further than that. Even if she had a few brain cells to work with, she's more interested in the atmosphere than she is in the product."

"Oh. So who hired her in anyway?"

Rose slanted a look at me, and I wondered if I was so transparent that she understood the unspoken undertone of my question. _Did Edward hire her? Are busty, bubblegum blondes his type? _I almost hoped they were, because such a superficial man would hold little interest for me, but deep down I knew he wasn't. I thought of Tanya, another busty blond, and his dismissal of her despite her obvious fawning over him.

"We made the mistake of letting Tyler interview for his own assistant, which I'm sure he's regretting by now, but as he was still craving Pop tarts by the time her probationary period ended we now need a valid reason to let her go. 'Because she drives us bat-shit crazy' doesn't fly with the legal department. And we can't be too careful with her particularly since her daddy is a very prominent lawyer."

"I see."

We passed Edward's office and my eyes peeked inside before my brain could tell them not to. It was disappointingly empty. I hadn't realized before now how much I lived off those daily doses of seeing his copper head bent over work, or his perfect profile as he paced on the phone. He always paced when he was on the phone, as if he had too much energy to say seated for long periods of time. Those long, slender hands combing through his hair…_okay, Bella, you seriously need to stop_. God, how many times did I look at him throughout the day? I think I needed to join an Edwards Anonymous group. The first step is admitting you have a problem.

I glanced surreptitiously at Rose to see if she'd noticed my brief shift in attention. I prayed that she hadn't but, as typical to my life, no such luck. She was looking down at me with the corners of her lips turned up in a derisive smirk. She knew exactly where my thoughts had gone.

"Poor Edward always has to go out of his way to avoid the twit. She chases after him like a bitch in heat. But it's not the first time he's had to ward off the unwanted advances of an employee and it won't be the last."

My lips tightened. Was this another subtle implication not to join the fan club? It seemed he was constantly trying to ward off beautiful woman—Tanya, Jessica, and who knew who else. Not only did I not fit into that ensemble, but I'd never been one for joining the crowd anyway. And jeez, was I ever going to get used to how blunt she was? Whatever the case I wasn't about to rise to her bait.

"What a hardship that must be for him," was my dry response.

Her lips quirked again. I wondered if that was as close as she ever came to smiling. It seemed like such a foreign expression for her face. We'd reached my office by now and she turned to me, meeting my eye for the first time without any hint of challenge in hers.

"Perhaps working with you won't be completely terrible after all."

Completely terrible? Yeah, lady, like I've been weeping in gratitude over the opportunity to work with you. I wisely kept my mouth shut for once. Rose pulled a thick packet from her Coach tote and handed it to me. My eyes met hers quizzically as I took it from her.

"You said that I should send all of Ms. Baines's work straight to you. Are you second guessing your ability to handle her?"

"Seriously? She can't have cranked out another manuscript already?"

"Oh, this is a pet project of hers she's been working on the side for some time now. She's been wanting to venture out into other genres. She's just now finished and submitted it. Put it on high priority, would you?"

I somehow managed to refrain from rolling my eyes. "I'll start on it right now."

"Perfect. I've taken the liberty of scheduling for you a consultation with her on Thursday over lunch since she'll be heading off to a book signing in San Francisco after that. Try to have it read by then. She'll expect to be taken somewhere nice, of course. Luigi's is always a good choice—excellent service, convenient location. And be careful of what criticism you offer, she's highly temperamental."

Well, I could see that our moment of mutual understanding had reached its end and she was back to her Class A Bitch self. I refrained from making a snarky comment about her having the audacity to "schedule an appointment" for me. Seriously, she could have at least let me handle that part myself. What the fuck would she have done if I'd already had an appointment scheduled that hour, expect me to cancel it a moment's notice? Yeah, most likely.

Sighing, I flopped down at my desk and began reading the piece. The seeds of my black mood that had been planted thus far today only sprouted and grew as I got deeper into the story, and I hoped that my judgment was only being clouded by my ill temper. I would have to try reading it again when I was in a better frame of mind because as of that moment it wasn't looking good.

Lilith Baines's unique writing style tended to be almost Victorian in nature—florid and fanciful and often overly verbose. It worked exceptionally well for her romantic novels and was, in fact, part of what made them best sellers. It gave them a flourish that other smut books usually lacked. For a sci-fi/horror thriller….not so much. Taking up six pages to just to describe the malformed teeth and putrid breath of the creature that was about to be unleashed on some unknowing suckers took a bit of the anticipation out of it.

I also hoped to God that the plotline wasn't going where I thought it was going. It was so overused and cliché, so….shit, I was going to have to use a word that was almost profane in the world of sci-fi thrillers…predictable. I had a feeling my meeting with her on Thursday was not going to go well.

"You were right all along, Bella! Men are absolute pigs!"

Startled, I looked up from my work just as my best friend burst into my office and unceremoniously dropped what looked like a homemade pie onto my desk. She looked every bit the angry pixie at the moment, right down to the tiny clenched fists and the fiery sparks shooting from her eyes.

"Alice? What're you doing here? And is that pecan pie?"

"Yes, made from scratch pecan pie right out of the kitchen of my Grandma Bess who was born and raised in Texas. I wanted to surprise a certain asshat around here who had mentioned that it was his favorite."

"I take it Jasper is the asshat?"

"Who else? That dirty, lying, low-down, manipulative, Dixie-talking, two-stepping, fox-trotting, Tango swooping, honey-voiced, utter waste of male perfection! How dare he just lead me on like…"

She dropped dramatically down into the chair across from me, her lip trembling and eyes filling with tears as she lowered her face into her hands.

"Oh, Bella, what am I going to do?"

And the angry pixie becomes the fragile fairy. I came out from behind my desk and pulled her into my arms, wondering what kind of misunderstanding could have made my vibrant little friend so distraught.

"Alice, honey, what happened? I thought things were going so well between you two?"

"So did I, but it was all a lie! He was just buttering me up. He was never interested in me, it was my artwork all along. Said something about me heading up a graphic arts department. He even admitted that was the only reason he came to my office that day when I'd thought it was all that silent flirting we'd done and the attraction that I'd _thought_ was mutual. All that sweet talking, the charm, the compliments and, oh, the dancing! He was just trying to lure me away from EyeCorp! It was never real."

"How do you know it wasn't real? How do you know he didn't mean all the things he said?"

Alice pulled away from me and began pacing angrily around the room. "Why else would he have kept his real motive a secret for so long? If he wasn't trying to be sneaky and underhanded then he would have told me his plans right from the start! Instead he let me believe that he felt something for me, that I meant something, that I was special when it was all just a trick to get me to fall in with his grand scheme. He actually seemed to think I'd be flattered by the proposal! Yeah, like I really wanted to know that it was only my artwork that was special to him and nothing to do with me!"

"Did you give him a chance to explain?"

"Of course I gave him a chance to explain, and the jerk-off didn't even have anything to say in his own defense! Silence is an admission of guilt, you know."

I bit my lip, knowing that Alice's version of "giving him a chance to explain" was probably a two second breather in between rants. He wouldn't even have had a chance to open his mouth before she'd gone off on her next tirade.

"They're all the same, Bella, every last one. You're only worthwhile to them until they get what they wanted out of you. They're the scum of the earth. I'm through with men, I'm switching to the other team! Come elope with me, Bella. I think it's still legal in Iowa."

I laughed. "Give me an hour to clear my schedule and we can catch the next flight."

Alice let out a long, melodramatic sigh and collapsed into the chair again.

"I'm so in love with him," she said quietly. "I know I've only known him a short time but…sometimes you just know, right? It just hits you, like a bolt of lightening, and you know you'll never be the same again." She lifted waterlogged eyes to mine. "How could he not have felt it too?"

I dropped down beside her and ran my hand over her short cap of hair.

"Listen, I can take my lunch in about forty minutes. Why don't you take a little time to yourself to try and calm down a bit and we'll talk this out some more. Maybe it's not what it seems like. Maybe he does care for you. We'll find a way to get to the bottom of this. And if it turns out he was just after your art….then we'll find a way to make him weep."

Alice sniffed. "Really?"

"And if all else fails…we'll slip a couple drops of Visine** into his sweet tea and put an Out of Order sign on the door of the fifth floor men's bathroom."

She finally cracked a shadow of a smile. "That's so wrong….but I like it. Can we have a girl's night tonight? Shopping, manis, pedis, and more scheming on ways to inflict misery on Jasper Hale?"

I pulled a face. "Only if you plan on the performing the manis yourself. I refuse to be dragged to one of those professional Houses of Pain and have my nail beds flogged and flayed."

"Deal." Alice threw her arms around me and squeezed tightly. "Thank you, Bella. I'll meet you at the diner?"

I nodded. "Grab us some good seats."

Her answering smile was tight and sad, not even beginning to reach her eyes, and she sort of drifted out the door rather than her normal bouncy float. My heart physically ached to see her like that. It was like watching a bird fall out of the sky. Alice had never been one to be brought down by a guy before—she had an amazing knack for shrugging and moving on—but whatever had happened with Jasper was really hurting her. I only hoped that it wasn't quite as bad as it seemed, and that she was only overreacting in typical Alice fashion. Because if Jasper had hurt her as heartlessly as she seemed to believe…well, it would be awkward to come back to work after castrating one of the higher ups.

I sat back down to work but had only gotten a few more pages into the story before I was interrupted again, this time by three ridiculously good looking men who came strolling into my office. It really shouldn't be legal for lethally beautiful people to congregate like that. My eyes fixated on Jasper as he came fully into my office and seated himself in the chair that Alice had so recently abandoned. I searched his face for any sign of artifice, but all I saw was nervousness and a wary sort of hope. If he was faking it then he was a damn good actor.

I nearly laughed outright as he opened up with the compliments. The smooth fucker was trying to win me over to his side of the battleground. Well, I wasn't about to offer him any help until I was absolutely sure that he wasn't playing my best friend. I sat back with a smirk as I asked him if there was something he needed.

"There is indeed something I was hoping you could help me with. A matter I hold very near and dear to my heart in fact."

My eyes narrowed and I watched him closely when I said, "Personally or professionally?"

"Personally."

We stared silently for a moment. His eyes seemed to be pleading with mine and I became more certain than ever that this was all just a misunderstanding blown into epic proportion by Alice in the vulnerability of her intense feelings for Jasper. After all it probably frightened her to some extent to have finally met a man that she couldn't fall out of love with just as easily as she she'd fallen into love. Add to that her flare for drama and it was hardly surprising that she'd have reacted the way she had, but that still didn't take him off the hook for not having been up front with her to begin with. I'd help him all right, but that didn't mean I wouldn't make him sweat for it. It was the duty of the best friend, after all.

I smiled at him, happy to know that my little bird would soon be flying again.

"In that case I'd be glad to help." I glanced at my watch. "I'm meeting her for lunch in a half hour, actually. Perhaps we should start by telling me your side of the story."

His relief was nearly palpable. "Bella, you truly are a bell. Let's get away from prying eyes. Walk with me?"

His head tipped toward our audience and I realized that they were both watching us with curious amusement like we were showcases at the zoo. Shit, they were as bad as a couple of kids wanting to hear the end of their bedtime story. Well, this wasn't their story to hear.

I slipped my hand through the arm that Jasper held out for me and laughed as Emmett's face actually dropped into a pout when we made to leave. On impulse I stuck my tongue out at the both of them. Edward's face split into that panty-dropping grin of his and he winked at me. He fucking winked. I froze and blinked, completely dazzled for a moment by the sheer beauty of this man. My face grew warm and I turned away, letting Jasper lead me from the room.

"I wouldn't let him see that he has that effect on you, if I were you. It'll go straight to his head."

I looked over to see Jasper's sardonic grin.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He chuckled. "Right."

"Anyway, why don't you tell me what you did to put those tears in my friend's eyes?"

He grimaced. "Was it that bad?"

I stopped and stared him in the eye so that he'd know how serious I was. "She wasn't just angry, Jasper. She was heartbroken. She felt completely betrayed. And I should tell you right now she's never reacted like this over a guy, so if you're not serious about her you need to tell me now."

He sighed and dropped his eyes to the floor, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I didn't mean to upset her like that. It all came out wrong. When I went into her office that day it was just business. I didn't know who she was. Hell, I didn't even know she was a she. I was just looking for A. Brandon, the artist."

His eyes came up and met mine, fiercely intense and sincere.

"It stopped being just business the minute she took my hand and smiled up at me with those wood nymph eyes. It's been all about her ever since. Yeah, I'd like her to work here. She's one of the best graphic artists I've ever seen, and she's smart and classy but also crafty and resourceful. I think she'd be perfect for running the Graphics Department I'm trying to install here. But if asking her to work here means losing her trust, then I'll scrap the whole idea. I don't ever want to be the reason those eyes stop smiling."

I couldn't keep the wistful smile from forming on my own face. What would it feel like to have a man care enough to put me before everything else? My thoughts flashed briefly to Edward, but I squashed that hope before it could even form. I couldn't let myself believe that his interest in me was more than just the strong physical attraction that existed between us. Letting myself hope would only lead to being hurt again. I tried to cover up my reaction with teasing laughter.

"Why, Jasper, I didn't know you could be so poetic. But I'm glad to hear it. It's good to know there are still some decent men out there."

His eyes were just a little too knowing when he replied, "They're not as far as you might think."

Shifting my gaze I cleared my throat and brought the conversation back on topic.

"Well, why don't we see what we can do about getting you back in Alice's good graces without taking the job offer off the table. I'd like to see her working here too. I don't think those creeps at EyeCorp appreciate her the way they should. They just barely pay her competitive rates and I know for a fact at least one of them has tried getting handsy with her—"

Jasper's growl interrupted me. The man had actually growled.

"Who?"

"Whoa. Calm down, Sparky. She already put him in his place. Alice doesn't stand for that shit."

My assurances didn't seem to appease him much. His jaw was still clenched and hands fisted. If I'd had any doubts left as to his feelings for her that would have settled them. He looked absolutely predatory. It was actually sort of comical.

"I'm getting her out of there and that's the last dealings we have with EyeCorp. We don't do business with sleazy, sexually harassing—"

"I think you need to work on winning back her trust before you confirm all her suspicions by trying to coerce her away from her employers. Alice can handle herself around the sleaze balls."

He took a deep breath in. "You're right. So what do I do? I'm assuming cards and flowers won't do the trick."

"No, the mood she's in she'll just throw them out. Flowers are too easy anyway. It has to mean something…" We walked in silence for a few minutes as I chewed on my lip and tried to think of what would have the most significance for Alice. My lips crept into a slow smile. "What are your views on kidnapping?"

Jasper's eyes grew wide. "Huh?"

"Or, more specifically, Alice-napping? Can you afford to take off work tomorrow?"

He eyed me suspiciously. "I'm not sure I follow."

"Well, I happen to know where one Alice Brandon will be staying tonight and that her security detail would be willing to look the other way. Take her away for the whole day tomorrow. Taking a spontaneous day off will prove to her that she's more important to you than work."

"What about her job? I may not want her working there but I don't want to be the reason she gets axed."

"I'll call her off sick, no worries. I know someone who does a great Alice impression."

Jasper nodded thoughtfully. "What do I do with her once I get her, though?" He blushed rather adorably at the double entendre of his words. "I mean, where should I take her?"

I looked at him reproachfully. "Hey, I'm not doing all your dirty work here. You're the one who botched this. This is where you show you've been paying attention to all those dates and phone calls and actually listened to what her interests are." I cocked an eyebrow at him. "Think you can handle that part of it on your own?"

He scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Yeah, I reckon so."

"Good. Well, I have a lunch date to keep and some general man-hating to do, one Marketing Manager in particular."

I laughed at the alarmed expression on his face. "It's a girl thing. Trust me, it's better if she gets it out of her system now. Text me when you figure out your plans and let me know what time you're coming to get her in the morning. I'll make sure everything's ready."

"Thank you, Bella. You're a doll."

I was a bit surprise when he pulled me into a tight hug and patted him awkwardly on the back. I'd never been real comfortable with displays of affection. Jake and Alice were the only exceptions to that rule. I was sure any psychologist would tell me it had to do with my upbringing. Renee had always been overly generous with her affection, kissing random strangers with the same enthusiasm which she bestowed on her daughter. It wasn't so much that I felt slighted by her lack of discrimination, but there was such a childish impartiality to her affections that I'd always felt more the parent than the child—standing back to watch and ensure she didn't offer too much friendliness to the wrong person.

Charlie, on the other hand, had never been one for hugs and kisses. The occasional pats on the shoulder were about the extent of his physical affections. I wasn't saying that my father had never hugged me, but they were few and far between and almost always stiff and uncomfortable. I'd always figured I took more after Charlie in that department. I was not a touchy feely person. Even with James our physical contact had been limited mostly to the bedroom—no hand holding or short, casual kisses for us.

With a shake of my head I pushed James out of my thoughts and went to meet Alice for lunch. She was sitting at one of the stools at the bar and already nursing a rather large milkshake. She patted the stool next to her.

"I already ordered. Tortellini for you, stuffed French Toast for me, and a huge-ass plate of loaded cheese fries to start us off."

I didn't even bother asking her how she'd known I was going to order the tortellini. I'd gotten used to these things with Alice.

"Are we going for food therapy then?"

Alice shrugged, taking a long pull from the straw of her milkshake. "Nothing distracts from a broken heart like a sugar-cholesterol coma."

I sat down and picked up the glass of water that the waitress set in front of me along with the plate of fries, noticing distractedly that she wasn't one I'd ever seen in here before.

"Here's your 'huge-ass' plate of cheese fries," she stated with a large smile, and I shared a knowing laugh with her as I realized that must have been exactly how Alice had phrased it when she put the order in.

"Thanks, Esme," Alice mumbled as she picked up a fry and stuffed it whole into her mouth, somehow still managing to look dainty in the action.

I turned to the woman in surprise. "Esme? Is this your place then?"

I'd figured she was just a new waitress.

She smiled at me again, and I was struck by how warm and open it was—almost motherly. Actually I was struck by how beautiful she was in general, especially considering the hint of age that showed in the small crinkles around her mouth and eyes. Her auburn hair was pulled into an elegant looking knot at the base of her neck and it was super shiny but I could tell by the few gray strands at her temples that it was her natural color. She was also very trim and athletic looking for an apparently middle-aged woman, and she had an odd shade of hazel eyes that started out brown in the center but morphed gradually from olive and then finally into a bright apple green around the edges of the iris. I doubted any contact could achieve that strange transition. I was seriously beginning to wonder where the Secret Spring of Beauty was in this city.

"It is. I still like to keep a finger in the pie, so to speak, filling in when there's a call-off or an open shift. Sometimes I find it hard to believe it's been almost thirty years since I opened this place."

I nearly choked on my fry. Thirty years? I didn't realize eight year olds were allowed to start their own businesses now. She laughed at my expression.

"Yes, I was young and rash back then. I loved to cook and practically lived in the kitchen, but I had no idea how to actually run a business. I almost lost this place before my first year was over. Luckily for me one of my first regulars was an overly persistent gentleman who turned out to have a great head for business. He offered to help me out in exchange for a date."

Alice pointed a fry at her. "See? There's always a scheme where men are involved. They can't ever just do something nice; they always want something in return."

Esme smiled sympathetically at her and patted her hand. I couldn't help but look at her and think this is what a mother should be like.

"He must have really known what he was doing, this place seems to do so well. I've never seen it not busy," I commented. "So did you ever give him that date?"

She grinned. "Oh, I did one better than that. I married him."

I couldn't help smiling. It sounded so much like something out of a movie, and it was obvious by the ring on her finger and her air of contentment that she was still happily married. I wondered, somewhat wistfully, what fairytale she had jumped out of. Stories like that just couldn't be real.

"First mistake," Alice muttered. "Women should start being more like men—just take what we want from them and then leave them behind once their usefulness runs out."

"Alice, from what you've told me he never actually tried to end the relationship. How are you so sure he doesn't care for you?"

"He stated very clearly that the only reason he sought me out was for my art! Maybe he thought he could have some fun on the side but he made it quite obvious that his main interest in me is for that damn project of his. I refuse to be in a relationship with a man who can't be honest and up front with me from the get go! He lied to me, Bella! He lied by omission, and I just….I just can't handle it if he doesn't want me, the woman, you know? I never I thought I could feel this way for someone, and I don't know how to deal with the idea that he might not feel the same way…"

I took her into my arms and shushed her, wishing I could tell her how much I thought he did care for her but knowing she would never believe me. She'd think I was just trying to make her feel better. It had to come from him. We broke apart at the sound of plates being set in front of us. Esme had brought out our entrees while we were having our girly bonding moment. I noticed a small mountain of something chocolate and gooey on Alice's plate.

"Here, honey, have a piece of chocolate lava cake on the house. I couldn't help but overhear part of that and trust me when I say that chocolate lava cake is the answer to every heartache. Who needs men when there's chocolate?"

She winked at us and Alice let out a watery giggle and a mumbled thank you. Esme reached out and stroked a compassionate hand over Alice's hair.

"I obviously don't know your whole story but just try to remember that men are often idiots when it comes to women and they tend to make idiotic mistakes. If he's any kind of man worth having then he'll realize the mistake he made and try to make it up to you. Just don't make it too easy for him."

She winked again and left us to our lunch and I was again amazed by the nurturing kindness of this relative stranger. How lucky it would have been to have had her for a mother! Don't get me wrong, I loved my own mother dearly, but no one could ever accuse her of being very motherly. She was too flighty and emotional, too impulsive and care-free. Up until she'd met her husband, Phil, I'd been the responsible one of our duo—fixing meals, watching our finances, reminding her when the bills were due. I'd been so relieved that they'd married my senior year of high school and I wouldn't have to worry about her when I went off to college.

Renee had been a great best friend, but she'd never been one to offer sage advice or a warm shoulder to just lay my head on and cry. She'd seemed to think that the answer to tears, no matter what the cause, was always ice cream and video games. Eventually I'd learned to stop crying. Somehow, even after having just met her, I knew that Esme would have provided that warm shoulder and all the gentle words a child needed to hear. I'd be lying to say I wasn't a little envious.

Alice seemed a little mollified by Esme's warm words, words I would never have thought to speak, (and the cake probably didn't hurt, I tried it and almost died of the orgasm in my mouth) and we spent the rest of lunch planning our shopping night and slumber party. She asked me if it was okay to include Angela since she'd ran into her on her way out of the office building and already invited her along. Of course I didn't mind, Angela was awesome.

I returned to work relieved that Alice was in a slightly better frame of mind than when she had left and hopeful that by this time tomorrow Jasper would have swept her back off her feet and taken the melancholy from her eyes. She was too much of a bubbly person to ever be that sad.

I was a few feet from my desk when I glimpsed the small yellow square sitting where there should only have been empty space. I knew hadn't left it there—I never used the yellow ones. A wave of dizziness hit as the ruthlessly repressed memories swam overwhelmingly to the surface. The sound of my messenger bag hitting the floor filtered through to my ears as if through a tunnel and I realized I had stopped moving. I reached an unsteady hand for the note; perhaps with some vague notion of reading it, I wasn't entirely sure. The only coherent thought passing through my mind was _how did he find me?_

Everything went black long before my hand ever reached the little slip of paper.

I came around to a cold, trembling hand stroking my forehead and a velvety voice whispering my name.

"_Isabella. Isabella, please wake up."_

I groaned at the pain that was already beginning to throb at my temple. I opened my eyes cautiously against the bright lights of the room and discovered that I was lying on the leather sofa in Edward's office. He was sitting on the edge of the cushion, his hips pressed against my side and leaning over me as he continued to stroke my head. His worried eye latched onto mine.

"Oh, thank God." His hands began grasping my shoulders and arms, squeezing my fingers. "Can you feel this? Does anything hurt?"

"Yes, no, what the fuck happened?"

He leaned down, resting his forehead against mine.

"You scared the shit out of me. God, Isabella, don't ever do that to me again."

I frowned and pressed a comforting hand against his cheek. His eyes squeezed shut.

"It's just Bella now," I muttered stupidly. "And I'm fine…"

His eyes snapped open, staring intensely into mine. "If anything had happened to you…"

I never knew how he was going to the finish that sentence because in the next instant his lips were latched onto mine. His lips were both soft and firm and moved over mine so ravenously that my body instantly exploded with mindless desire. My other hand came up so that I could grip them both in the soft tresses of his hair. The speculation over what shampoo he used to make it so soft was my last random thought before all brain function ceased.

His teeth nipped at my bottom lip, his tongue instantly sweeping out to sooth the ache. My mouth opened to his and we both groaned as his tongue swept inside, sliding against mine. His fingers traced down from my temple, across my cheekbone, then reached behind my neck to tilt my head back so that he could press near frantic, open mouthed kisses along my jaw line and down my neck. My breathing grew erratic at the feel of his mouth moving across my skin. His touch was thrilling, electrifying, and it was filling my body with an overwhelming heat unlike any I'd ever known. But it was an addicting kind of burn and I found myself holding tighter to the fire.

His right hand was now roaming down my side, brushing against the side of my breast and stopping to grip my hip so tightly it should have been painful, but only served to feed the fire spreading through my body. I felt branded. His lips had moved on to my collar bone, pausing occasionally to gently suck the skin into his mouth before releasing it and moving on to more unexplored flesh. My fingers were digging into his shoulders and my back had arched in a subconscious message to urge him south. He quickly complied, his lips venturing down into the deep V of my blouse until a voice interrupted us like a bucket of cold water.

"Well, if she's well enough to do that I don't think we'll be needin' a doctor."

My eyes flew open in horror, and I scrambled to move out from under him but his hands gripped my shoulders and held me firmly in place.

"Don't get up," his voice came out husky and sexy as hell, like velvet over sand. "You hit your head on the arm of the chair when you fell and we need to make sure you don't have a concussion."

My hand flew up to the sudden throbbing in my temple that I had completely forgotten about in the delirium of our passion. Then his words registered. _When I fell…_

"Oh, God, the note!"

I struggled to get up again but Edward held me down, his eyebrows pulling together.

"The note caused this?" he turned and dropped his face into his hands. "God, Bella, I had no idea it would affect you that way. I thought…I hoped…God!"

I paused in confusion. "You wrote the note?"

He turned back to me, incredulous. "You didn't read it? Why the hell did you faint then?"

"I…"

My eyes slid frantically over to Jasper, who was still standing in the now open doorway with his arms crossed. He must have sensed my distress and taken pity on me, for he interrupted smoothly, sufficiently distracting Edward from my slip.

"Carlisle should be here any minute with the medic, Edward. You may want to compose yourself before he thinks _you're_ the one in need of evaluation."

Edward pulled the hair fisted in his hands before releasing it and roughly combing his fingers through it, failing completely to smooth it into any type of order. True enough Carlisle walked in moments later followed closely by a young man toting a small black bag. It was embarrassing enough to have brought all this attention to myself but I was eternally grateful it had been Jasper to interrupt us rather than Edward's father. That would have been a mistake that could have had dire consequences for both Edward and myself. I'd read very clearly in the policy handbook that upper management could not fraternize with staff members of the same department. I did not want to be the reason for there to be tension between father and son.

Carlisle came and sat unknowingly in the spot his son had just abandoned.

"I hear you gave us a little scare, young lady. How are you feeling?"

"Only mildly mortified," I mumbled.

He chuckled. "Well, if you don't mind we're going to have our medic here check you over just to be sure."

"Really, Mr. Cullen, that's not necessary. I feel fine. I just want to get back to work and forget this happened."

I chanced a quick glance at Edward and could tell by the expression on his face that he knew I meant more than just the fainting spell. He wasn't about to say anything in front of his father, though.

"Please, call me Carlisle. I don't need any more reminders about how old I'm getting."

Edward snorted, probably knowing I would not be able to bring myself to address the head of the company so informally. I resisted the juvenile urge to glare and stick my tongue out at him. I could not, however, resist proving a point just to irritate him.

"Seriously, _Carlisle_, I don't need a medic. I had a bit of a shock, but I'm okay now."

He patted my hand. "Take some pity on the man, Bella. We like to keep a medic on hand due to the magnitude of our staff and possible mishaps, but mostly he just sits on his hands all day. This is probably the most excitement he's had all week. You wouldn't deprive him of that, would you?"

I shook my head reluctantly. This man's charm was just too much to resist. I could see where Edward got it from. It was only too obvious how unable I was to resist him, if that little scene from earlier was anything to go by.

The young Wes Studi looking fellow came over to me and introduced himself as Sam before he began taking my vitals. I suffered through it quietly as he timed my heart rate, checked my blood pressure, shined a bright-ass pen light in my eyes, and prodded at the bruise on my temple. He asked me some simple questions like my age and weight, basic medical history, and whether anything like this had happened to me before. When he asked me if I was on any medications I froze.

"Um…I, uh…not—not for the past few days."

My gaze slipped involuntarily to Edward. Was it my imagination or did he look relieved? Did he think I'd been high on drugs or something? Hell, I couldn't blame if he did. Women did not just faint for no reason in real life. Sam was barely paying attention to my reaction as he discreetly slid a stethoscope under my shirt to listen to my breathing.

"And what kind of medication have you been on?"

He must have noticed the increase in my breathing and the sudden pounding of my heart because his eyes snapped up to my face. I wondered briefly what he saw there. Shame, embarrassment, terror? Whatever it was he must have realized my horror at answering that question in front of a crowd because he turned and turned to look at them, a silent request for privacy. Edward was the last to leave, his gaze warm and reassuring. It was like he was trying to send me some kind of message, but I couldn't figure out what it might be.

Sam was now looking me straight in the eye with a very serious, intent expression on his face.

"Anything you've been on, Bella, anything at all, you can tell me. I'm required to maintain patient privacy, even from the boss. I can't turn you in for anything you tell me under patient confidentiality. If you are on illegal substances, though, I have to warn you that this company does do random drug testing. You would have signed that release document the day you were hired.

I shook my head. "No, it's nothing illegal. It's just….I have a prescription for Valium…a sort of high dose."

"Ah." He nodded his head as if this explained everything. "Do you suffer from anxiety attacks?"

I hung my head in shame. "Only for the past year. I had a…I guess you'd call it a sort of break down. I'm not addicted or anything, though….I don't think. A few days ago was actually the first time I'd used it in a while."

"There's no shame in needing a little help getting through a tough time, Bella. Just be careful that you don't become dependent on the drug—it can be quite addicting. But I think I've seen enough here to be able to rule your fainting spell as nothing more than a severe anxiety attack. Mind, though, if this happens again I'll have to send you straight to the ER as well as refer you to a specialist."

I nodded. "It won't. I just had a shock, is all."

He seemed to accept this, ordering me to sit up slowly and tell him if I experienced any dizziness or nausea. He then had me stand and asked me the same questions. Other than a half second of light headedness when I'd first sat up I experienced none of those symptoms and told him so.

"All right, then. You seem to check out okay, vitals all normal and no sign of concussion. I can clear you to go back to work if you like, or if you're still feeling unsteady I can send you on home to rest."

"No, I'd just like to get back to work, please. I'm fine now, I promise."

"Okay." He placed a stabilizing arm around my shoulders as he led me out of the office. "Just try to go easy on that prescription if you can. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. I'd hate for it to get all muddled up."

I smiled and thanked him. He smiled back, his hand still resting on my shoulder as he opened the door. Edward stood very close on the other side, glowering at us both. Had he been listening in? No, that was nonsense. He would have looked too silly standing in the hallway outside his own office with his ear pressed to the door. Besides, I was fairly certain we had been talking too softly to be overheard through the thickness of the door. Jasper and Carlisle were nowhere to be seen, probably having both returned to more pressing work. Edward gently gripped my elbow and pulled me away from Sam.

"Thank you, Sam, I can take over from here. I'll see that Miss Swan is escorted safely home."

"But I—"

He turned to me. "Bella, you shouldn't be driving after an incident like that. God knows what might happen if you passed out like that at the wheel."

"Don't be ridiculous! That was a one-time anomaly and I'm not going home now, anyway. I'm going back to work. Sam okayed it."

His head whipped back to Sam. "You cleared her to return to work? She passed out _and_ hit her head. She's got a knot on her head the size of fucking golf ball! Concussion or not she should be resting."

Sam crossed his arms and met Edward's look levelly. "She checked out okay and claims she's feeling fine. I have every reason believe that the syncope was an isolated event and there are absolutely no signs of concussion. If she feels able and wishes to work I have no reason to tell her not to."

I watched with fascination as a muscle twitched in Edward's jaw. Was it wrong that I found that incredibly hot? Probably, but there was no denying that the man had a sexy as hell jaw-line—all square and masculine. I wanted to lick it. I pushed that thought out of my head. There would definitely be no more licking of the boss. Off limits, Bella! Obviously I was still a little discombobulated from my fall.

Edward turned and spoke to me through clenched teeth. "Fine. But I'll be watching you and one sign of faintness, even a yawn, and I'm sending you home. You're not driving home tonight either. I'll take you home myself and have someone drop off your car."

I rolled my eyes. Good grief, over-reacting much? "Fine, have my car dropped off, but I'll catch a ride with Angela. She was coming over tonight anyway."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Isn't this the part where someone storms off?" Sam asked with amusement as Edward and I continued to glare at each other.

Edward turned his withering look on Sam but it didn't wipe the grin off his face. My own lips quirked at the silly little stand-off going on between the three of us right now. I found myself liking Sam all the more for his immunity to the Cullen Glower. Everyone else I'd met in this building practically bowed in deference to the man. They both looked over as I started giggling.

"See? She's hysterical." Edward pointed a finger at my chest. "You're going home."

I slapped his hand away. "Oh, don't be so jumpy. I'm just laughing at how ludicrous we all must look standing in the hallway staring at each other like we're about to walk ten paces and draw. I don't know about you gents but I'm going back to work."

With that I turned and walked away, not bothering to look back. If they wanted to continue their stand-off that was fine by me. The men could beat their chests all they wanted; I had work to do. I slowed only marginally as I approached the yellow post-it on my desk, reminding myself that it had been written by Edward and that _he_ had not found me. I sat down hard the moment I read the words. He'd quoted Darcy, one of my biggest weaknesses. If ever I'd held a literary character up as an ideal man it was Fitzwilliam Darcy. I'd always loved the quiet and yet passionate way he'd loved Elizabeth. He may have been a man of few words but his actions had screamed his devotion to her. And his final profession of love to her…it gave me goosebumps every time I read it.

Like the books he had gifted me I found his insight into my psyche a little unnerving. How did he always know exactly how to get under my skin? All the compliments, the suggestive frippery, the romantic prose that James had left for me had never moved me as these four lines did. I glanced across the hall to see Edward watching me as I held his note in my hand. It physically pained me to see the vulnerable uncertainty in his eyes, and before I knew what I was doing I had pressed the note against my chest and offered him a soft smile. His grin flashed so quickly, so boyishly adorable that I had to look away, fearing the sudden weakening of my defenses.

I threw myself into work and spent the next few hours torturously pushing through the Baines manuscript. When it came time to close up shop for the day I'd come to the miserable conclusion that it was even worse than I'd expected. I threw my belongings temperamentally into my messenger bag, knowing that there was no way the book could be published and not looking forward to my upcoming meeting with the pampered writer.

"Is there a problem?"

I looked up, blowing the loose strands of hair out of my face. Edward was lounging in my doorway.

"Nothing I can't handle. Did you need something?"

"Well, first off I wanted to apologize for kissing you when you were obviously in a state of vulnerability. I know things got a little out of control, I don't really know what came over me. I know it's no excuse but….well, I'm sorry," he finished awkwardly.

"Oh." I looked down at my desk, blushing fiercely. It had probably been the most erotic moment of my life, even in its relative chasteness, and he was sorry. It was better this way, I reminded myself. I forced a nonchalant shrug. "It's better forgotten anyway. It shouldn't have happened. I wasn't in my right mind."

"Bella."

I looked up at him reluctantly.

"I'm not sorry that I kissed you. I'd do it again if I thought you'd let me. I'm sorry that I took advantage of the situation. Like you said, you weren't in your right mind. I knew that and still…I couldn't seem to stop myself."

"Oh," I repeated inanely. God, Bella, eloquent much? For a long moment I just stared at him. A part of me was thrilled that he didn't regret the kiss, that he wanted to do it again. Another, much louder part of me, was screaming that this was wrong, completely inappropriate. I couldn't go down this road again. I'd only just begun to heal and somehow I knew that Edward could break me so much worse than James ever had. I'd never be able to recover from it.

I cleared my throat, once again avoiding eye contact. "Well, like I said, better left forgotten. Was there anything else?"

Edward sighed. "I just wanted to make sure you still had a ride with Angela. My offer remains open if she's unable to take you."

"Oh, yeah, um, she's fine with it. And you don't have to have my car delivered either. I can catch a ride in with someone. I can always take Mike up on the carpool idea," I joked nervously, just wanting to get away from his magnetic presence.

Edward's eyes hardened. "Your car will be delivered. I'll see to it myself."

My eyes flew to his in astonishment. Wow, he didn't take that joke well. I wondered if he had some kind of history with Mike to make him so touchy on the subject. I stuttered out an "Okay, thanks" and made to edge my way around him. He blocked my path, lifting a hand to softly trail his knuckles down my cheek.

"You know, Bella, Elizabeth threw up walls to protect herself too. I wonder if yours will fare any better than hers did?"

I raised an eyebrow at the cocky smirk on his face, determined now to wipe it away. "Wow, you sound even more arrogant and sure of yourself than Darcy did in his first proposal to her….which she turned down."

His smirk stayed firmly in place. "And yet she fell for him anyway."

I pushed past him and walked away, having absolutely no response to that. After all he was right. She fell for him anyway.

**Please do not use this prank at home. It's true that Visine will give someone a serious case of diarrhea, but it can also be poisonous if too much is used. Makes for a fun idea, though

**AN: Once again, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! First kissing scene, finally! More to come **


	16. This Is Your Brain on Helium

**AN: I know, I know, long wait. Please don't hurt me. I get most of my writing done in my down time at work and they've actually been making me work lately. Insane, right? **

**First of all, I want to say a huge WOW to the response I've recently gotten to this story. You guys are amazing and I'm so glad you're enjoying my story! And the reviews? I can't seem to decide between doing a happy dance or weeping in gratitude, so I think I've just been kind of jittering in my seat like a crackhead in withdrawal.**

**Also, I want to send out a HUGE shout out to LadyExcalibur2010 for rec'ing my story on her page. Getting rec'ed by another writer on here is probably one of the biggest forms of flattery I can even imagine. And FYI. I've recently begun reading her story **_The Bigger They Are_ **and believe me if you're not reading this you are missing out!**

After an exhausting day of shopping with Alice in full out cyclone mode I was now stretched out on my stomach on the floor of my living room with two other pajama clad women eating pecan pie and drinking margaritas. It had seemed like an odd combination to me at first but after my third refill I was still shoveling pie into my mouth and groaning over how blissfully well they complimented each other. Alice was lying under my feet trying to give me some kind of upside down pedicure while I kicked my feet uncooperatively in the air. Angela was lying with her head hanging off the couch giggling at our ridiculousness. The voices of Thelma and Louise played in the background.

"I never knew Man-Hating Night could be so much fun!" she announced. "I should have gotten angry at Ben ages ago and thrown one of these parties myself."

My fork stopped midway to my mouth. I winced when Alice whirled toward Angela, unconsciously dragging the nail file across my foot in the process.

"Ow. Shit, Alice. And Ang, who the fuck is Ben?"

Her eyes widened as she took in the shocked outrage on both of our faces. "Um, my boyfriend? Didn't I mention him before?"

"Yes, that's why neither one of us was at all surprised to hear of him just now. How long has this been going on?"

"Well, we started dating two years ago but I only moved him with him last November."

"Two years-?"

"You're in a happy, committed relationship and didn't tell us?" Alice screeched. "Angela Weber, you are banned from all Man-Hating Nights henceforth!"

I snickered at the way Alice was threateningly pointing the nail file at her. What was she going to do, sentence the girl to execution by emery board? Angela held her hands up in mock surrender.

"Please don't ban me! I can hate men too, I promise."

"Oh yeah? Name one lousy thing this Ben has done to you in the past month."

"Well….sometimes he forgets to take out the trash because he spends so much time playing Xbox with his online friends."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Oh, that's so shudderific. Try again."

Angela thought about it for a moment. "Um, okay a few weeks ago when I wasn't feeling well he brought me a breakfast tray in bed and he put strawberries on the pancakes even though I'd told him I was allergic back when we first started dating."

"Wow, a man forgetting the details of an early conversation…shocker. Yeah, Angela you have such a horrible boyfriend. God forbid I ever date someone who brings me breakfast in bed when I'm sick. How horrifying!"

Her lips tilted in a bashful little smile. "It was kind of sweet. He even plucked a flower from our yard and put it in a little glass on the tray. I didn't have the heart to tell him that a dandelion is actually just a weed."

I smiled at her obvious happiness. It seemed our quiet Angela had a suitably quiet relationship with one of those rare nice guys (although lately they seemed somehow much less rare) who was clearly perfect for her. I hoped that I would get to meet him someday soon.

"Oh yeah, Angela, I can totally see the likelihood of you holding ever a grudge against the male of our species when you are so obviously head over heels in love and he is so obviously wrapped around your little finger. You two are going to have one of those disgustingly perfect relationships which travels down a perfectly smooth and straight road where you'll eventually have a quietly perfect wedding and pop out two-point-five equally quiet and obedient children and the only thing you'll ever argue out is what color to paint the nursery because you want it purple and he wants it yellow and you end up compromising and painting it blue."

Angela was one of those women who had those small and narrow but beautifully exotic eyes hidden behind large framed glasses that kind of lent her that sexy librarian look, but by the end of Alice's speech her eyes had grown to the impossible size of one of those Japanese animations. She gulped visibly.

"Marriage? Kids? Nurseries? We've never even discussed any of those things. It took us a year and a half to even consider living together and even then it was just because my lease was raised at the same time his roommate moved out. It was convenient and made sense but all that other stuff? I can't even imagine…."

"Well, start thinking about it sweetie cause that's where you're heading."

"I wouldn't argue with Alice," I advised her. "She's eerily spot on about those kinds of things. You should probably start picking out baby names. Oh! Can I be a bridesmaid? I've never been a bridesmaid unless you count my mother's second marriage which I don't because it was a little too weird to enjoy the experience."

It was difficult to keep my expression serious and not bust up at her look of blank astonishment, especially considering the amount of margaritas I'd already consumed and the fact that alcohol makes me giggly. I was a little surprised myself to find that I actually did want to be a bridesmaid. I'd never been close enough to any of the girls I'd gone to school with to merit an invite to their weddings let alone be a part of the bridal party. I'd been in my mother's party of course but it was a small wedding in which I was the sole bridesmaid and I was a little weirded out by the juvenile way my mother had fawned over her practically jailbait husband.

The lyrics to Jewel's _Torn_ belted from my cell phone and I quickly rolled over to grab it before Alice could pick it up. Jasper had yet to call and finalize our plans for the Alice-napping and it was very possible that might be him. My fingers had no sooner closed over the phone before Alice was full-on lying on my back and pinning my wrist to the floor.

"Don't answer it! No interruptions allowed during a Girl's Only Night!"

"It could be Jake, Alice," I tried to rationalize. "We did kick him out of his own apartment without a moment's notice. What if he couldn't find a place to crash?"

"He's got like a million cousins and a lonely father not to mention all his mechanic friends and workout buddies. He's practically got his own wolf pack going on, he'll be fine on his own for one night and I specifically told him no calling or dropping in."

The ringing stopped, followed by a short beep to signal my missed call. There were about two seconds of silence as neither Alice nor I moved. Then the ringing started again.

"See? Someone's really trying to get a hold of me. I have to answer it, it might be work."

"It's not! It's just one of those automated voices telling you you won $1,000,000. All you have to do is buy a ticket to the banquet dinner in Fresno and wait for your name to be drawn out of the final 50 contestants."

"On my cell phone?"

"A wrong number then. It's some Brazilian guy looking for a girl named Monalita who agreed to be his wife just before running off with an American rodeo clown."

"Not too many rodeo clowns in Portland."

I twisted my arm out of her grasp and threw her off my back.

"Bella! They can survive one night without you! This is supposed to be a girl's night!"

I met her pleading stare defiantly and put the phone to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Bella."

Two syllables in that velvet over gravel voice was all it took for me to identify the caller. Fuck, why hadn't I checked the caller ID? I was still flustered from the afternoon as well as tipsy off margaritas. So not ready to deal with him.

"Mr. Cullen."

"Can't you call me Edward?"

"It would be unprofessional."

"I can think of a time or two we haven't been precisely professional."

I said nothing—my cheeks burning. Two pairs of eyes were now staring at me with avid interest.

"I'm sorry, is your roommate listening?"

He sounded bitter. Was he still harboring a jealous resentment of Jake?

"No, Jake's not here tonight."

"Oh."

Insert long moment of awkward silence. I wasn't about to help him out either. It served him right for making asinine assumptions again.

"Well, I guess I was mainly calling to ensure your car arrived safely for you."

"Um, yeah, I think Emmett dropped it off while I was out with Alice. Jake had already pulled it into the garage for me by the time we got back."

What the fuck? Was that a grunt?

"How handy of him. So what's this I hear about you talking one of our key employees into ditching work tomorrow?"

I froze. Oh, shit. He'd learned about the plans Jasper and I had made. Was he angry? He wouldn't actually report Jasper to the board, would he? Did work always come first for him even at the cost of one of his own closest friends?

My internal ramblings were interrupted by the little chuckle echoing through the line.

"Relax, Bella. I can feel your panic all the way through the phone. I'm calling for Jasper, actually. He wanted to know what would be the best time to pick up Alice, but he didn't want to call you himself and risk Alice answering the phone."

"Oh." Well, that made sense. Cue my own mental shame for making asinine assumptions in return.

I glanced slyly at Alice, hoping that my tequila-assisted slyness was a lot better than my natural slyness because I was well aware of the fact that I couldn't lie worth shit. "Well, um, tell him that project is just about wrapped up and he should pick up the merchandise _no later_ than seven, but to anticipate it having its fair share of dead weight."

Edward paused. "Is he going to understand that, because I'm not entirely sure I do."

"How much has he told you about…the project?"

"Very little, that superstitious bastard."

I fell into a bout of giggles, for some reason finding it inordinately hysterical to hear those words come from Edward. He always gave off the impression of being far too straight laced for profanities. Alice cocked her head at me but I just shook my head at her and struggled to bring my sudden fit of hysteria under control. After several deep breaths and a few residual giggles I was okay again. I cleared my throat, deciding to pretend that had not just happened.

"Anywho, in answer to your question, yes. Any part of that he doesn't understand now will make perfect sense to him later. Just be sure to tell him not to be late. It's very important he arrives before seven. Actually six-thirty will be best. Yeah, tell him six-thirty."

Shit, was I rambling? Time to lay off the margaritas. I wasn't the one skipping out on work tomorrow after all.

"Bella?"

"Mm-hmm?"

I heard him sigh roughly through the phone and wondered vaguely what was troubling him. That sigh sounded strongly of angst and frustration.

"I…I'll relay the message. I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Okay. Thanks for calling to, uh, clear that matter up. Oh yeah, and for sending my car over. Goodnight, Ed—Mr. Cullen."

"Goodnight, Bella. Take care."

I hung up the phone, frowning at the almost pleading note in his voice when he'd said take care. Did he think I was making a habit of getting myself sloshed or something? Sure, I'd had a few drinks and I may have rambled a little bit on the phone but it wasn't like I'd slurred any words or anything. I hadn't even hiccupped. Then again it seemed that Edward had witnessed in some way or another every time I'd picked up a drink lately. So perhaps to him I did look like a lush.

Alice had narrowed her eyes suspiciously at me. "What was that all about?"

"Just a work issue," I mumbled.

"I don't believe you. You've always been a terrible liar. You're hiding something. Is there something going on between you and Edward?"

I snorted, loudly. "Right. Because I'm so ready for another relationship, and my _boss_ would be the obvious choice even if I were? Get serious, Alice."

"What? I am being serious. Relationship or not I seriously think you need some action and that man is one hot piece of action. And he wants you."

I wanted to refute that but it was a little difficult considering that kiss he'd laid on me earlier. Not to mention the note he'd left. He wasn't being quiet about what he wanted, and what he wanted was apparently me. The only thing I couldn't figure was why and how much he wanted from me. Was it just attraction? The chemistry between us was indisputable but beyond that I could not imagine what my appeal might be for him. I wasn't glamorous or rich or sophisticated. I was just plain old me and a broken version at that.

"Alice is right, you know." Angela added. "Well, I don't know about the whole 'you need some action' thing, but Edward definitely has it bad for you. I've seen the way he watches you. And never in all the years I've worked there have I ever heard of the company dropping someone's car off to them. Plus he called down to my desk at least three times today to make sure I was still taking you home. I think he mumbled something about vultures at one point…I didn't really get what that was about."

Vultures? What…? Nevermind, I wasn't even going to bother trying to figure it out. This subject just needed to change and change fast. I didn't want to think about Edward with his devastating looks and overpowering charm and inexplicable concern for my welfare. I propped my hands on my hands on my hips and gave them both a scolding look.

"Hey, I thought this was supposed to be a G.O.N.? Isn't it one of the rules that no men are to be discussed unless done so in a belittling manner? This doesn't sound very belittling."

"Oh, right!"

And with that Alice was off on another round of Jasper-bash. Even if I felt a little sorry for the poor guy I had to snicker at some of the creative names she came up with for him. 'Cancerous boil on the shriveled sphincter of humanity' and 'intellectual equivalent of a louse on a turd' were some of my favorites. Even when we were little no one had ever been able to beat Alice at the name-calling game. Smallest kid on the block and all she'd had to do was open her mouth to send the bullies home in tears.

We finally exhausted her into sleep somewhere around one in the morning. She made a few more drowsy mutterings about spunk-spitting knob jockeys and a dog-humping pickle dick before dropping off into one of her comas. The one thing about Alice: she might have more fizz in her Gatorade than a jackrabbit on speed when she was awake but she made up for it by sleeping like the dead. A herd of elephants could stampede through the room without waking her. She wouldn't move a muscle until seven in the morning—exactly seven, not a minute before or a minute after no matter what time she went to sleep. You could set a clock by her. It was kind of eerie really, like a switch was flipped somewhere inside of her, almost like one of those preprogrammed coffee makers. She went from catatonic to bright and bouncy in 0.5 seconds flat.

Angela and I made quick work of packing up her overnight bags and the spoils of her siege on the mall. I laid her favorite outfit on top, already knowing which one it was by the little fashion show she'd insisted on giving us after we got back. When that was all done and the room straightened up a bit I left a short voicemail for Jake, set my phone alarm and let sleep take me. I should have known the dreams would come that night.

_There was a yellow post it on my desk again. Even from across the room I recognized James's impatient handwriting scrawled across its surface. It was not a surprise to see it there even though the furnishings were that of my office at Cullen Publishing. It seemed sensible, natural even, that James should be there. We'd worked together for several years, after all, and were now dating. No, my only concern was for Edward. James was the jealous type. He did not like other men around me, and Edward was certainly not subtle in his attentions to me. James was a black belt in martial arts—I didn't want Edward to get hurt._

_I smiled as I reached for the note. I would never admit it to James, his ego did not need any stroking, but I had really come to look forward to these notes. He could be so cheesy and romantic at times, and it was warming to have physical evidence that he was thinking of me throughout the day. My smile slipped into a frown as I read the words._

It'll never be over, Izzy.

_Then I remembered. The fight, the trial, James's betrayal. The note trembled in my hand even as I dropped the basket of groceries I hadn't realized I'd been holding. He found me. How did he know I was here? I spun around at the sound of his voice behind me, tripping over one of the apples in the process and falling to the floor. His smug face loomed above me._

"_Did you think you could walk away from me so easily, Izzy? You forget that I know your habits. No one knows you like I do."_

_He stooped down and cupped a hand against the side of my face as I stared helplessly up at him. I hated that I still responded to his touch, still found his face attractive. How could I after all he'd done to me?_

"_I've given you time to cool off, now stop being so stubborn and come back to me. Come back where you belong."_

_I shook my head, more against my own temptation to give in to him than as an actual response to his words. The tenderness in his eyes hardened and his hand slipped down to my throat._

"_You know you'll never have it as good with anyone else as you had it with me. No one else will put up with your ignorance. These days men expect women your age to know what they're doing in bed…but I'm different, babe. I love knowing that I'm the only one who's touched that sweet body of yours, almost as much as I love teaching you how to please me. And you know I can please you…"_

_He spoke of lust and sex rather than love or affection. It amazed me that after all this such a simple thing still had the power to hurt. _

"_That's all I ever was to you, isn't it? A body in your bed. One of many at that. Well, I'm sure you won't have any trouble finding another."_

"_I don't want another, damn it, I want you!" His voice softened as his thumb traced caressing circles on my collarbone. "I love you, Izzy. Remember how I used to love you? How I made you mine? You belong to me. Admit it."_

_I shook my head again, tears spilling over at the bittersweet memories he evoked. Those memories, once cherished, would forever be stained by his unfaithfulness and abandonment._

"_I'd rather die alone than be just another part of your harem, James."_

_His hand squeezed around my throat for one terrifying moment before he shoved me back and stood. _

"_And so you shall. I made you mine, Izzy—left my mark all over you. No one else will have you now. You're damaged goods." _

_I fell painfully back on my elbow as my other hand flew automatically to my neck. I gazed up at my attacker, shocked to see that it was no longer James looking down upon me with disgust but Edward. His eyes were cold and his lip curled into a sneer._

"_You're damaged goods, Bella."_

_He turned on his heel and walked out of the office._

The first few lines of Linkin Park's _Crawling_ wrenched me from the dream with a gasp. I blindly groped for my phone to turn off the alarm and tried to rub the sleep from my eyes. If only I could so easily scrub the dream from my memory. That dream hadn't been like the others. Typically my nightmares were just replays of memories that I ruthlessly tried to repress during daylight hours, but that one had been a confusing mixture of the past and present. Perhaps that was what made it worse. I certainly never wanted to two to meet.

I suppose, after the post it scare yesterday, that I could understand why I'd dreamt that James approached me in my office at Cullen Publishing. What I found odd was the specific encounter that my subconscious had decided to draw on. It was the time that James had found me shopping for groceries after I'd quit Brodwick Ink. I never knew exactly how he found me there. I'd already changed my phone number and apartment locks because of his persistence and taken to shopping at completely different stores than I had when we'd dated. It had been the deciding factor behind my move to Portland, though. Before James had been an emotionally draining nuisance, but that day he had truly frightened me—the way he'd grabbed me and how he had looked at me I had for the first time feared for my safety.

Somehow it frightened me even more to have seen that look on Edward's face, even if only in a dream. I didn't think I could bear to have Edward actually look at me with the kind of disgust….and I knew he would if he ever found out about James. The fool I'd been and the way I'd allowed him to use me and the mess I had become because of him. It was just one more reason I could not allow Edward to become closer to me.

"Come on, get up, Bella," Angela called out groggily. "Jasper will be here soon."

"Yes, all right," I mumbled.

I thought briefly of taking a Valium after that whopper of a dream but remembered that they were still in my drawer at work. It was probably for the better anyway. I was trying to wean off of those, after all, and hopefully the whole Alice ordeal would be enough to take my mind off of it.

I sat up on the sleeping bag I'd laid on the floor and saw Angela sitting on the edge of the futon she'd shared with Alice. She was yawning and stretching her arms over her head. She looked adorably young with her glasses on and her plaid pajamas and the pigtails that Alice had braided into her hair. Alice was still sprawled in the same position in which she'd fallen asleep.

I took a moment to cherish the feeling of having friends like this. When was the last time I'd even had a slumber party? It was a sobering thought to realize that I couldn't remember. Even in grade school my social life had revolved around Renee. I'd spent most of my time with her because knew she didn't like to be alone. We'd had a lot of fun times but they were always more like girlfriends than mother and daughter. Everyone else I'd known had been more of an associate than a friend. It was a habit I'd carried on into college and then my career. So focused on my ambitions I hadn't taken the time to let anyone else close to me. I was suddenly very glad that Angela had slipped her way under my radar and that Alice had never allowed herself to slip out of it.

A glance at the clock told me that my moment for deep, introspective thoughts was over. Alice would be awake in exactly thirty-eight minutes. I made myself busy piling Alice's belongings by the door while Angela quickly jumped in the shower. By six-forty-five I was beginning to get nervous and had even picked up my phone to call Jasper when the doorbell sounded. I threw the door open to find a very tired and nervous looking Jasper on the other side.

"Excellent. You've got exactly fourteen minutes until she wakes up. She needs to be in the car and on the road by then so there's no way of backing out." I picked up her make-up bag, hair-styling bag, lotions and skin car bag, and change of clothes and thrust them into his arms. "Here, keep these handy but the rest can go in the trunk."

Jasper stared at the sudden contents of his arms in confusion. "What's all this for?"

"She'll need it when she wakes up. Or were you planning on dragging her around in her pajamas all day?"

His gaze slid over to where Alice's scantily clad body was spread out across the futon. Her ass-cheeks were just barely peeking out of the boyshorts and her tank top had ridden up to reveal the tribal tattoo across her lower back. It was one she'd designed herself. If you looked closely it was really a complex series of mazes that all led away from and then back to a Celtic symbol for destiny. Alice never did anything by half-measure.

"The idea has merit," he answered, his eyes still glued to her body.

I smacked his arm, causing him to almost lose his grip on all the bags he was holding. "Behave yourself. We're on a damage control mission, remember?"

He nodded. "Right, right. How do we get her in the car without waking her up?"

"If you hurry it won't be an issue. You're now down to twelve minutes. Hurry up and take those to the car. I'll carry down the rest to load in the trunk."

He turned and eyed the stack of shopping bags by the door. "All this for one night?"

I shrugged. "Most of that's just the result of flexing her credit card muscle. What you're holding is generally what she packs for an overnight stay and trust me, she'll be needing all of it. She'll be pissed off enough about not being able to use her curling iron; the rest of this is imperative if you want a non-homicidal Alice."

"Right, okay."

We got the bags loaded in record time with ten minutes left to get Alice buckled in and situated. I still urged Jasper to hurry, though, wanting Alice to be well stuck and without a choice in the moving car by the time she awoke. My heart did a little bit of a melty thing as I watched the tender way he scooped her up into his arms and held her against him. It wasn't even ruined by Alice's little snort or the way she rubbed her nose against his shirt. Jasper just smiled and tightened his hold on her.

"Aww…" Angela exclaimed as she came out of the bathroom. "You guys, that's so cute!"

"What's cute?"

We all turned toward the door where Jake had just come in carrying a small bundle of helium-filled balloons. Jasper cocked an eyebrow as he took in Jake's appearance and then burst out laughing.

"This is the guy you live with?"

I raised my own eyebrow challengingly. "Yes, this is my roommate, Jake. Is there a problem?"

Jasper shook his head, still chuckling.

"Ain't no wonder that boy was so riled up," he muttered before nodding at Jake. "Nice to meet you, man. I'd shake your hand but mine are little full."

"No problem," Jake answered a little uncertainly.

I glanced at my phone. "Speaking of which you are now down to seven minutes. Go, go, go!"

"Going." Jasper edged his way around Jake, pausing for a moment to look him up and down once more before shaking his head again and laughing as he made his way down the stairs, mumbling something about poor Eddie and Tom Cruise on steroids.

Jake turned back to me. "I get kicked out of my own apartment for the night and the whole world turns upside down. What was that all about, who was that guy, and what was he doing with Alice? And what the hell did I have to pick up these balloons for?"

"Well, I'm not really sure what that last bit was about, but that was Jasper, a guy I work with. He's been dating Alice and he had the misfortune of upsetting her so I'm helping him win her over again. And we needed the balloons for the helium."

"Oookay. Was there a particular reason they had to be pink?"

I grinned. "It just seemed more fun to make you walk around with a bunch of pink balloons."

"You're twisted. Remind me again why I put up with you?"

"Because you love my mad baking skills." I handed him the phone and a small slip of paper. "This is Alice's boss's number. She needs to be called in sick today. Do your thing."

Jake gave me an exasperated look before sighing in resignation and proceeding to untie one of the balloons. He sucked the helium out of the balloon while dialing the number I'd given him.

"What's he doing?" Angela whispered to me.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her down onto the futon with me. "Just watch. You're going to love this."

Angela's eyes grew wide when Jake began talking into the phone, and she clapped a hand over her mouth to contain her laughter. Jake's helium-altered falsetto sounded disturbingly similar to Alice's chiming soprano.

"Yes, this is Alice Brandon. I think I have some sort of stomach virus, like maybe the rotavirus or the flu or possibly even food poisoning. Or God! What if it's that swine flu? Maybe I should go to the emergency room…" He paused to fake a delicate little cough and sucked more helium out of the balloon. "No, you're right, I absolutely should not come into work today…No, no! I could be contagious…." He rolled his eyes and swallowed another mouthful of helium. "That's so sweet, but really not necessary. I'm going to go to the doctor right now. If you don't hear from me within the week assume the worst and please don't mourn my death!"

Angela and I lost it the moment he hung up the phone. Angela was laughing so hard there wasn't even any sound come out of her anymore other than the wheezing gasp noise when she sucked in breaths between hysterics. It almost sounded like a hyena having an asthma attack and it just made me laugh that much harder. Seriously, who needs Valium when you've got Jake's Alice impression? It was priceless. He even had her flare for drama down to an art.

Jake tossed the phone down with a disgusted huff. "We need to get her out of that fucking place. Her bosses are pigs. If I didn't know for a fact she would have ripped me a new asshole I'd have put in her resignation then and there. Who comes on to a sick girl? Really, that's depraved. And to come on to your own employee….that's beyond low."

I sobered up really quickly at that last statement. Jacob noticed and, as he realized what he'd just said in accordance with my own reaction to it, he narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"He's still trying to get into your pants, isn't he?"

"Jake, it's not like—"

"What the fuck? Is it open season on helpless female employees in this city or something?"

I stood up angrily, my lips moving with the sudden overwhelming urge to come to Edward's defense before my brain could even register the words they were forming.

"First of all, Edward has not been 'preying' on me as you like to put it. In fact if anything he acts more like some 18th century gentleman straight out of a Jane Austin novel. And second of all, I take extreme offense to you calling either of us helpless females. Alice and I are _not_ helpless just because we're women."

Jake scoffed. "Okay, maybe not Alice. I know she can take care of herself. But you're a hell of a lot more defenseless than you seem to realize. I know you, Bells, and this isn't how you used to be. There was a time when you wouldn't take anyone's bullshit, no matter who they were. You once cut the fucking mayor down to size in under ten seconds flat for calling you Charlie's corporal punishment. You're vulnerable right now and that fucking parasite is feeding off that, putting on some Victorian hero act to get under your defenses. And you're fucking letting him."

With that Jake stormed out to the garage, letting the door slam shut behind him. A moment of awkward silence fell as Angela and I stared after him in shock. Angela let out a soft "Whew, intense." I sent her a small shrug and a smile, actually a little embarrassed by Jake's outburst. I knew he was feeling overly protective of me lately, and honestly I was grateful and loved him for it, but that was just over the top. And Angela, not being privy to the reasoning behind his protectiveness of me, would not have understood the excessiveness of his reaction just now, and I wasn't about to explain it to her.

"So," I exclaimed, rubbing my hands together, "I think we have more than enough time for some breakfast before work. How's pancakes sound?"

Angela blushed bashfully. "Actually I was kind of thinking of heading back to my apartment. Breakfast is kind of a tradition for Ben and me. We like to start the day together."

I grinned. "Aw, really? You guys actually take the extra time every morning to eat breakfast together? That's amazing."

She shrugged as her face broke out into a smile. "Well, you know, it doesn't take too long if we work together to prepare it….and then we conserve more time by sharing the shower…"

I laughed at the slightly sheepish look in her eyes. I was beginning to get the idea that our shy, secretarial Angela was a bit of a freak in the bedroom.

"Okay, I get it. Go. Enjoy your _breakfast_."

I threw up air quotes on the word 'breakfast'. Her smile widened as she snatched up her purse and overnight bag. I couldn't deny I was slightly jealous of the obvious ease she felt in her relationship with her boyfriend, but I was also happy for her. In the short time I'd known Angela I'd come to love her just as much as I did Alice and Jake. She had a kind heart and a gentle nature and if there was a such thing as an open, healthy, and fulfilling relationship between a man and a woman then Angela deserved it. I just wondered what it would be like to be that relaxed and content in a relationship—completely comfortable with both yourself and your partner. Even in my blissfully ignorant days with James I'd never felt that comfortable—with myself especially. Perhaps the failing was in me all along. It seemed, even in my healthy days, I'd never been very sure of myself. Maybe I was just destined to fail at relationships, just like my father…I'd always taken more after him than Renee anyway.

"Oh! We forgot Alice's phone."

I smirked as Angela picked the pink Blackberry up off the table, her face creased in concern.

"We didn't forget it," I informed her. "Couldn't have her calling for help and ruining all our plans, now could we?"

"Oooo. You're an evil genius—"

We both turned, startled, when the door from the garage stairwell slammed open again and Jake came strolling in. He had to have dove straight into work because he was already wiping his hands on a grease rag. I raised a questioning eyebrow at him, hoping he hadn't come back up just to spout off more garbage about Edward.

"You may want to hop in the shower and get dressed. I'm taking you into work today. I'll fix you some eggs or something while you're getting ready."

I gaped at him. "What? No, I'm driving myself in. My car was dropped off last night, remember?"

"Well, you're going to have a hard time driving it without the sparkplugs. And don't bother asking Angela cause I have no qualms about taking her car apart either. You may be willing to let this guy pull the wool over your eyes but I'm not. I'm not gonna pick up the pieces again, Bells. Not when I can do something about it this time. Since you won't put this guy in his place, I will."

He went off to his room and closed the door without even giving me a chance to respond. What could I do anyway? I was at a disadvantage here. Even if I'd known what he did with my sparkplugs I wouldn't know the first thing about how to put them back in. And I knew Jake when he was in one of these moods—there was no arguing with him. He already had his mind set. Angela and I exchanged wary glances.

**As usual, I welcome all reviews. I can't promise to respond to them all—I'd have no time to write the next chapter if I did! But they are all read and thoroughly treasured and enjoyed. I will try not to make you wait so long for the next chapter, especially since I left a bit of a cliffhanger there ;) I know, I do that a lot, I'm evil that way.**

**I've recently had a suggestion to write an outtake of Alice's kidnapping which I am seriously thinking about doing. I probably won't have it done before the next chapter goes up, but please let me know if this is something you would be interested. You guys know what you like best so I always like to take my readers' advice into consideration.**


	17. Behind Closed Doors

**AN: So the majority has voted in favor of the Alice-napping outtake. I promise I will eventually get that out to you, but it may not be right away. I'm going to focus on getting the next chapter out before I start on the outtake, as I don't want the outtake to put any delays on the main story. As it is the next chapter may take a bit longer as I'm going on a four-day weekend trip and I won't be taking my laptop with me. Please be patient with me and don't murder me in my sleep. I'll try to make up time when I get back. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this next segment! It's what we all love—an EPOV.**

**EPOV**

It was extremely difficult to focus on my work when my mind kept replaying that kiss from the day before. The way her hands had gripped my hair, her tongue sliding against mine, the tiny little sighs and groans that had escaped her throat while I tasted her skin…I shifted in my seat and adjusted myself once again. Fuck, I don't think my body had been this out of control since Miss Weidameyer had substituted our class in the seventh grade. Bella's power over me seemed to have the same impact on my body as prepubescent hormones. If I was reacting this strongly to a simple kiss I could only imagine what it would be like to really get my hands on her body. I'd probably embarrass myself like a nervous virgin before we'd even rounded third base.

I shook my head and pushed the thoughts out of my mind—which was the only way I had any hope of taking care of the problem in my pants since "taking care of it" was not really an option at work. And fuck, had I been taking care of that problem frequently in the past few weeks. Daily, in fact. I stretched my hand and wondered what the early symptoms of CarpalTunnel felt like.

I glanced up quickly as I spotted Bella coming off the elevator, that lapdog of hers hot on her heels. She was gesturing wildly as she spoke to him and his face had a hard, grim set to it. They appeared to be arguing. It was probably wrong of me to be excited over that prospect.

I watched unashamedly as they stopped outside her office door. Bella continued to wave her arms around as she (I hoped) chewed him out over whatever it was they were arguing about. Jake's jaw clenched visibly as he paced away a few steps, stopped, then turned back and jabbed a finger in her face. I was out of my seat and into the hallway before I'd even thought twice about it.

"…to look after you, Bella, when you obviously won't do it for yourself."

"I don't need a goddamned babysitter, Jake, especially one who acts like a five-year-old himself!"

"Oh, so now it's childish of me to want to look out for the welfare of one of my best friends?"

"No, it's not, but your behavior today has been completely immature and over the line and I'm not going to let you embarrass me this way."

"Someone has to—"

"Good morning, Bella," I said as I stepped up next to her, proprietarily close. I nodded at Jake. "Jake, to what do we owe the pleasure this morning?"

He folded his arms across his chest and glared at me challengingly, the muscles of his biceps bulging against the tightness of the muscle shirt I was sure he'd worn in here just for my benefit. I was more than willing to meet that challenge, but I would contain myself in Bella's presence.

"I drove Bella in today."

I turned to her in surprise. "Oh? I thought you said the car arrived safely. Was there something wrong with it?"

"Nothing that won't be fixed _immediately_."

Her eyes were focused accusingly on Jake and her tone implied that he had somehow tampered with her car. I wondered if it was arrogant of me to assume that he had done so with the sole purpose of confronting me, but the stink eye he was giving me seemed to support that theory. The boy definitely had a beef with me and Bella was currently the only thing holding him back.

I raised a dismissive eyebrow at Jake, intentionally trying to provoke him. "Well, if that's all I suggest you let Bella get to work. She keeps a busy schedule. We can arrange transportation for her way home if you're unable to have her car repaired by then."

"As a matter of fact there is—"

"Jake! I'll tell you-know-who about the time you you-know-whated at the you-know-where, I swear I will!"

Jake paled. I didn't even stop to wonder how he was able to interpret that statement.

"You wouldn't."

"Do I look like I'm bluffing?"

He examined Bella's face for a moment before dropping his eyes in defeat. "No, you're not that good a liar. Damn, Bella, I just—"

"No, Jake. Go home."

I cleared my throat. "I think it's pretty clear the boy has something to say to me." My eyes locked on Jake's as I watched with petty satisfaction as he bristled at being called a boy. "Why don't we step into my office and get it over with?"

Bella's hand latched onto my arm. Any other time I would have thoroughly enjoyed the contact, but I read too easily the panic in her eyes.

"No, please, he has nothing relevant to say. Just let it go."

I placed my hand reassuringly over hers. "It's all right, Bella. It'll be better if we get it out in the open. It won't come to blows, I promise."

_I hoped._

Her eyes were wide and fearful as I turned to lead Jake back to my office. I wished there was something I could do to take that fear from her eyes, but I knew she wouldn't relax until the meeting was over and she'd seen for herself that no harm had come from it.

"Edward!"

I turned back for the simple reason that she'd actually used my name. Despite the absurd pleasure I received from hearing my name on those lips I knew it was just another mark of her desperation. I wondered briefly what it was Jake had planned that had her so concerned. He wouldn't risk getting physical with me in my own building…? Perhaps I should have Emmett on standby just in case.

"This isn't necessary," she pleaded.

"It really is."

If I had any hopes of getting close to this woman then I had to get past the bodyguard, and since he clearly mattered a great deal to Bella then I had to figure out a way to do it in a civil manner. It would only hurt her in the long run if we continued to be at odds with each other, and I definitely planned on there being a long run.

She turned determined eyes on Jake. "If you do or say anything to mess up my position here—"

"Bella," I cut her off, "there is absolutely nothing he can do that would threaten your job. You're much too valuable for that. Now please stop worrying. This won't take but a minute."

Jake, who'd been looking at Bella with a wounded expression on his face, sneered and growled a little over my last comment. Apparently he was of the mind that this would take much more than a minute. Personally I didn't give a fuck how long it took. One way or the other I would straighten this fucker out, but I wasn't about to have Bella worrying about it in the meantime. She had anxiety problems as it was, I wasn't about to be the cause for another one of her episodes. I might have a heart attack of my own if I ever had to see her drop like that again.

I ushered Jake into my office and shut the door, crossing my arms and leaning back against it. For a moment we did nothing but stand there and measure each other up. He certainly had the advantage over me in the muscle department but I was still several inches taller and I had the benefit of eight years of martial arts training with one of the best instructors in Portland. It had helped me to hone the control and discipline that Emmett so enjoyed mocking me over. Suffice it to say he dropped out after only a few months. Football and wrestling, with their immediate gratification, had always been more suited to his disposition.

After several minutes of unproductive tension I concluded that Jake was not going to be the one to break the silence.

"You had something on your mind?" I inquired with forced politeness.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and glared at me, seemingly trying to decide how he wanted to begin this confrontation. Blunt was apparently the method he settled on.

"You need to keep your dirty hands off Bella."

I raised an eyebrow. If I didn't know better I'd say he sounded like a jealous boyfriend. Or a wannabe boyfriend. In spite of all of Bella's reassurances that statement alone might lead me to believe that Jake's feelings for Bella were more than just friendly, but I'd been there that day in the garage. I'd witnessed the interaction between Jake and Bella's cousin. He'd watched the girl with naked longing in his eyes. It was clear he'd been pining after her for years and never been thrown so much as a bone from the girl. While I didn't pretend to understand his interest in her, she seemed fairly selfish and one dimensional to me, I knew unrequited love when I saw it.

What I didn't get was why he'd never done anything about it. Even I, a perfect stranger, had seen the way her behavior grew more outrageous and obvious every time Bella and Jake had gotten close to each other. It was perfectly evident to me that she'd been acting out of bitter jealousy over their relationship, and there was only one person in that garage she could have hoped to impress with all those car facts she'd spouted off and it wasn't me. My car knowledge was limited to the few classics my family owned. Was I really the only one who'd seen all that? Perhaps my vision was just clearer due to my detachment. Whatever the case I wasn't about to share my insight with this jackass. Not while he was doing everything in his power to sabotage my potential relationship with Bella.

I pushed my own fists into my pockets to contain my anger and pasted a look of patronizing humor on my face.

"I'll have you know I maintain impeccable hand hygiene. Was that your only concern? Because I can assure you I won't be exposing Bella to any harmful bacteria."

Jake's face turned a highly satisfying shade of red. "That's not what I meant and you know it."

"No, but I thought that such an ignorant statement deserved an equally ignorant response."

"Look, I know you're probably used to taking what you want and having women throw themselves at you and all that bullshit that goes along with being rich—"

I wanted to contradict him but I remained silent, attributing his words to the general disdain that those without money often felt for those with. Besides he wasn't entirely wron. Women did often throw themselves at me.

"—but Bella isn't just another piece of ass—"

This time I did interrupt. "For once we agree."

This seemed to throw Jake off, as he stopped midsentence and stared at me. "What?"

"She's not some piece of ass, and I'd beat the living shit out of anyone who described her as such. She's the most genuine, intelligent, driven, and kind-hearted person I know and deserves to be treated like the treasure she is. I'd like to be the one that proves that to her but she won't let me close enough."

Jake's stare turned speculative as he tried to decide whether I was being sincere or not. Perhaps it was the conviction in my voice or the determination on my face that finally convinced him but I could see as he visually relaxed and backed off a little. The tension left his shoulders and his posture shifted from aggressive to neutral, but the apprehension did not leave his face. Something was still bothering him. I wondered if it was my money, my position as her boss, or if he just disapproved of me as a whole. I would be lying to say it didn't worry me a bit, though. His acceptance of me mattered only because I knew it would matter to Bella.

Jake shifted his feet uncertainly for a moment before lifting his eyes and looking me square in the eye. "Just what exactly is it you want from her then?"

I'll be honest, it was hard not to scoff at this. It made me think of one of those old-fashioned movies where the stiff and intimidating father asks the hopeful suitor what his intentions are toward his daughter. I kept a straight face, though, because I knew that Jake was serious in his inquiry. He'd taken on the role as her guardian and he needed the reassurance that I wasn't trying to use her. I wondered if he'd always been this protective over her or if a more recent turn of events had brought it about. And why wasn't her father the one playing the role of guardian?

I debated over how much to tell him. There were some things I wanted to express to Bella before anyone else, but I also wanted to disabuse Jacob of the misconceptions he held about me. He would never back down so long as he saw me as a profligate manipulator preying on her vulnerabilities. Oddly enough I felt the urge to be entirely forthright with him. I had the feeling that anything I told him in confidence at this moment would remain just between the two of us. Not out of respect for me, of course, but for Bella he would remain silent.

"Right now I'd settle for a date. I just want the opportunity to know her better and explore the possibility for a relationship. I may not have known her as long as you have, but it doesn't take long to see what an amazing woman she is. You may find it hard to believe but I think my feelings for her, while of a different nature, may be just as strong as yours. All I want is the chance to see if she might return those feeling—once she stops being so stubborn and lets herself really get to know me—and to see where it might lead. If, one day in the future, it leads to marriage then I'm willing to make that commitment. A man would be lucky to have a woman like that by his side for the rest of his life. I truly think we could have something real together and I'm willing to take the risk to find out.

"I'm not the bad guy here, Jake. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I think I feel just as protective of her as you do. I'd never consciously do anything to hurt her."

Jake huffed and turned to stare out the window. He was silent at first, his posture remaining rigid and his gaze averted when he finally addressed me again.

"You could hurt her more easily than you think, consciously or not. Bella's not as strong as she pretends to be. She's been through….a rough time of it recently, and she hasn't really recovered yet. She wants to believe that it's in the past and over with, that she's moved beyond it, but I can still see it haunting her. She's not the same as she used to be, and it wouldn't take much to push her back into that hell. I don't know if I could pull her out of it again, and I sure as hell know I couldn't bear to see her that way again."

There was a warning in his eyes when he turned back to me. "If you ever did _anything_ to reopen any of those wounds or damage her in any way I would have to hunt you down and tear your testicles from your body."

"You wouldn't have to hunt me down. If I ever did anything to hurt her I would gladly offer myself up to your reprisal and not even lift a finger in my defense." I hesitated a moment before continuing on. "Maybe if you told me what happened to her I wouldn't have to worry about accidentally doing something that might bring back painful memories."

In my mind I was replaying the scene from yesterday. Something about that note had obviously touched upon a very distressing memory. She'd thought someone else had left it for her….

Jake shook his head. "It's not my story to tell. If Bella's ever ready to share it with you she will. Even so I don't know all that many of the details. She doesn't talk about it."

I nodded, having half expected as much. "Fair enough. So are we square now?"

"That depends. If she tells you she's not ready or isn't interested, will you back off?"

"If it becomes clear to me that my feelings are unreturned or that my efforts are distressing her then yes, I will back off. And no matter her response to me it won't have any effect on her career here. That's a separate matter entirely."

Jake shrugged. "Then I guess we're square. Just be careful with her, and be sure to watch your step. I'll be keeping a close eye on you, and if it turns out anything you said today was a lie…"

He didn't have to finish his sentence. I inclined my head. "Understood. Might I make one request?"

His eyes narrowed in suspicion. "And what would that be?"

"Don't walk out of here looking that tense. If she picks up any anger or uneasiness from you she's going to assume the worst and freak out."

Jake looked at me with surprise and, dare I hope, a little respect? He nodded and took a few calming breaths to loosen his tight muscles. He walked toward me and paused as I pulled the door open.

"This doesn't mean I'm going to act like we're friends or that I trust or even like you."

I laughed. "I wouldn't expect you to."

Bella, who was watching us anxiously from behind her desk, seemed to relax at the sound of my laughter. I grinned and sent her a flirtatious wink, delighting in the faint blush that colored her cheeks. Jake walked over to her and exchanged a few words with her, nodding to me once more before heading for the exit. I made my own way over to Bella's office and leaned my hip against her desk.

"See? I told you not to worry."

She glanced up at me, the trepidation still lingering in her eyes. I tried to subtly study her pupil dilation, concerned that she might have taken some of that Valium while Jake and I were in my office, but she looked back down too soon for me to tell. I wished that I could take the bottle from her drawer and count the number of pills left. I already knew how many were in there as of this morning as I'd come in early just to sneak in here and count them. Yes, I knew that was an immoral, interfering, and borderline stalkerish thing to do, but I also knew that no one else was monitoring her intake of them.

"You two were in there for more than just a minute."

"We had a few more things to discuss than I'd realized, but we managed to get it all worked out."

She looked up at me again curiously. "That's about what Jake said too. You're both being awfully vague about the whole thing. Are you sure Jake didn't do something foolish and you're just trying to be nice about it…?"

I smiled and shook my head. "No, we just talked. There was a point of dissention at first but I think we understand each other now."

"You're still being vague."

"It's between us men-folk."

She rolled her eyes. "If that isn't ridiculously chauvinistic and—"

"Are you willing to share some of the things you ladies discussed last night?"

I smirked as her cheeks flamed and she looked away quickly.

"I thought not. Did everything go as planned this morning?"

She broke into the first real smile of the day and I was all the more glad I had thought to ask. Her smile really could light up a room.

"It was perfect. Oh, I wish I could have seen her face when she woke up. That had to have been one pissed off pixie. I can't wait til they get back and she tells me everything they did and how much fun she had and how happy and in love she is again. They really are perfect for each other."

I leaned in closer and stared meaningfully into her eyes. "Amazing how quickly love can strike, isn't it?"

She cleared her throat and looked away again. "Yeah, well, that almost never happens in real life."

"Almost being the operative word there."

"Mr. Cullen—"

"How often are we going to have to go through this Mr. Cullen nonsense?"

"Until you give up," she responded with a determined look.

I met it with a challenging look of my own. "So fairly often then. What was it you were going to say?"

She heaved an exasperated sigh and I grinned. "Am I wearing you down yet, Bella?"

"Like acid erodes stone," she mumbled under her breath.

I laughed—loud, deep belly laughter that nearly had me doubling over. God, I loved this woman's acerbic tongue. She could be so endearingly sweet at times but there was no predicting when she would cut a person down to size with that sharp wit of hers.

"I'm glad you find me so amusing."

I calmed my laughter down to a wide smile and reached out to trail a finger down her cheek. "I find everything about you appealing, Miss Swan."

Her eyes locked on mine before dropping to my lips and then back down to her desk where she fidgeted with her hands.

"You can hardly say that with any certainty. There's quite a bit about me that you don't know."

"But I'd like to. Have dinner with me again tonight, for real this time, none of this business meeting nonsense. Let's put the entire business side of it aside for the moment and just have dinner together you and I—a man and a woman, not business associates."

"Why do you keep pushing this? You know it's not a good idea…"

"Because I think you're worth it."

Her eyes flew up to mine, scared and desperate, and I could see that she didn't believe me. She withdrew instantly, the scornful incredulity in her expression indicating her denial of my statement, as if she had no faith in her worth. She didn't believe that she was worth it. Fuck, someone had really done a number on her.

I sighed. If there had just been reluctance or uncertainty in her gaze I might have pressed the invitation, but I wouldn't pressure her while there was fear in her eyes. I wasn't going to prove Jake right by taking advantage of her vulnerability. I slid my hip off her desk and pushed my hands into my pockets, mostly to prevent myself from reaching out to touch her again. The downside of knowing firsthand how soft her skin was and how silky her hair was that I constantly wanted to touch it now. Not that I didn't before, but it was that much worse now that I knew what I was missing.

"Okay, fine, forget about tonight, but that doesn't mean I'm giving up. One of these times I'll get you to agree and then I'll prove to you how special I think you are."

"And I think you need to be turned down more often. You're much too sure of yourself."

"Not sure of myself so much as I'm sure that I want you to change your mind more than you want to resist me."

Bella's teeth sank down into her lip and I quickly placed my thumb against her chin to pull it back out.

"None of that now," I whispered. "You know what it does to me."

Her face flushed and the pulse beat faster in her neck. No, she couldn't deny she was attracted to me when she responded like that to just one touch. It was just getting her to admit it that was the problem.

"There're just so many complications," she whispered back while my thumb moved from her chin to caress her jaw.

I knew I should have pulled away but I couldn't seem to help myself. Once I started touching her it was damn difficult to stop. I took it as a sign of encouragement that she didn't pull away either. Perhaps she couldn't help herself any more than I could.

"Nothing that can't be surmounted. So we work together. I think we can both be mature enough to keep the two things separate." I gave her my famous crooked smile. "Would it help if I promise not to show you any favoritism?"

She shook her head. "If that was the only problem, then maybe. I just…I come with a lot of baggage right now. More than you should have to worry about."

Like that was going to stop me. "I'll put a luggage rack on my car."

Bella rolled her eyes again and heaved an exaggerated sigh. "You're being impossible."

"No, apparently I'm the only one seeing the possibilities. You're the one being impossible."

A throat cleared behind us. "Edward, if you can spare a minute from your wretchedly busy schedule?"

I turned to see Rose in the doorway and nearly groaned. She was wearing her bitch-brow which meant she was going to give me attitude today and I'd already used up my store of patience in that confrontation with Jacob. I gave Bella one last intense look, telling her without words that this subject was far from closed, then followed Rose back to my own office where I could drop down into my reclining chair and pretend to take her seriously.

"What's on your mind, Rose?"

"First off I wanted to make sure you have all the arrangements settled for your department for next weekend."

I had to suppress a grin at the reminder, and not only because that was a fabricated excuse to pull me away from Bella (Rose knew I always had my calendar up to date and my events organized months in advance—long before any other department head, in fact). It was what was scheduled for next weekend that excited me. The annual Sunriver Company Retreat was next weekend. It was the one mandatory company retreat, which meant that Bella would be forced into my proximity for the entire weekend. We'd see how well her defenses held up for that length of time.

"Of course I do. The rooms have been blocked off since last year, as you know, and anyone who didn't request a room already has long since been assigned to one of the remainders. My people are taken care of. I sent out the memo this morning with room numbers and instructions. I take it your department is all settled?"

She jerked a shoulder. "Waiting on a few last minute requests. I'll have it all situated by the end of the day."

"Excellent. Was that all then?"

Rosalie seated herself on my sofa and crossed her legs, leaning back against the cushions. There went any hope I had of pushing her out of my office anytime soon. Rose only ever made herself comfortable when she was planning to stick around for a while.

"Aren't you the brusque and uncommunicative one today? More so than usual, that is. What's got your wand in a knot? Can't a guy spare a few minutes to shoot the shit with his sister-in-law?"

She really could be crude at times. It was no wonder she was such a perfect match for Emmett. I actually feared for the mental health of their children.

"Why don't you just get to the point, Rose?"

Her face took on an alarmingly serious expression. All the hauteur, flippancy and falderal faded away. Even the bitch-brow disappeared. She actually looked earnest and concerned, which was a rare Rose indeed.

"What are you doing with that girl, Edward?"

I didn't bother pretending not to know who "that girl" was. "I know what you're going to say, Rose, and no, I'm not going to stay away from her. I don't even think I can anymore. I'm long past that point."

"You're pissing away your career, Edward. Is she worth it? You know the rules in this company. Carlisle is relying on you to show leadership around here, and you know damn well people look to us to set the example, and you're going to flaunt a major policy infraction like that? Not to mention a blatant abuse of power. You're going to force his hand, Edward, he won't be able to let a thing like that go undisciplined. There'd be an uproar among the employees. If it's that important to you I don't see why you don't just transfer her to another department."

"Because this is what she's good at and this is what she likes to do. She wouldn't be happy anywhere else. Why should my career be more important than hers?"

"Because she's not the one being groomed to take over around this company! Carlisle may act like an overgrown kid at times but he's no spring chicken. Another ten or so years he'll be thinking retirement. You already try too much to take on the weight of the world, Edward, why put yourself through this as well? I know how much Carlisle's approval means to you, I was there through the Halter-Wyatt incident. I saw the toll it took on you then….and how you try to convince everyone it's not still taking on you now."

I turned to stare out the window as I contemplated her words. It was true enough that one careless mistake I'd made in my career still weighed on me, that I was still trying to atone for the foolishness that had nearly cost the company millions in lawsuits and legal fees. More upsetting than the potential damage I could have done to Cullen Publishing, however, had been the knowledge that I'd disappointed my father. He'd put his faith in me, given me the opportunity I'd all but begged him for, and I'd let him down. I'd be lying to say it wouldn't devastate me to see that kind of disappointment in his eyes again.

I shouldn't have been surprised by Rosalie's perceptiveness. She knew me better than most. For years the four of us had been all but inseparable: bikes and four-wheelers, sports and video games, camping trips and even backyard sleep-overs. She'd been like one of the guys….that is until she'd grown breasts and Emmett had decided he'd rather ditch Jasper and me to take off with her by himself. But despite her devil-may-care attitude she'd always been quite shrewd when it came to her friends and family. She paid attention to the things we tried to hide from others, the demons that we didn't want anyone else to see, and in her overbearing way she always refused to let us face them on her own. Rose was never one to let anything threaten the well-being of her loved ones, even when they themselves were the threat.

Right now she saw Bella as the threat and I could hardly blame her. I was risking both my position and my respect within this company in my pursuit of her. I was well aware that I was viewed as the Conscience of the Company by those who were polite and Prince Prude by those who were not. I could only imagine the shit that would hit the fan when I finally did manage to win Bella over. Not only would the employees under my management no longer feel obligated to abide by the policies that their own superior had broken but Bella would be ostracized by all those who believed she was receiving special treatment by dating the boss. It was a lose-lose situation for us both.

The irony also did not escape my notice that not only an hour earlier Jake had stood staring out this same window while he tried to warn me away from Bella. Now I stood here listening to Rose make nearly the same argument, only this time with my own welfare in mind and that of the company we both loved. It seemed that none of the people close to Bella and me wanted us to be together. Was I being too selfish?

My gaze shifted back to the open doorway, seeking the sweet oasis that the office across the hall from mine had become. Bella sat at her desk chewing on her lip and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she read through some manuscript. My pants tightened as usual, but that was not my only reaction. If it had been only lust I never would have allowed myself to succumb to this madness. But my chest tightened as well, my heart seeming to seize and constrict even as it swelled. She almost made me believe in something as New Age and neurotic as auras. There was just such a sweetness about her, an overwhelming sense of peace and joy that drew me in and cried out to me: _This is home._ Since the first I'd seen her it was as if my very soul recognized hers, and that feeling had not faded with time. How could something like that be wrong?

"I understand your objections, Rose, and I appreciate your concern but this is something I have to see through. She obliterates everything I ever thought was important to me and makes it seem as trivial as picking the lint off my pants. I can't give up on that."

Rose made a show of studying her fingernails. "Well, I dare say you've always been ruther particular about keeping all your pants perfectly creased and lint-free."

"You can lay off the southern sarcasm now, I'm being quite serious. I won't back down until Bella tells me herself that she wants nothing to do with me."

Rose sighed and dropped her hand. "There will be consequences, Edward."

My eyes lingered on the vision before me, taking in the varying shades of chestnut and mahogany in her hair, the way her brow puckered moments before she would pick up her pen to mark in the sheets she was reading, the various expressions that chased across her face as she became absorbed in the contents of the story. She looked up suddenly, as if sensing my scrutiny, before her cheeks pinked and she dropped her eyes to the pages once again. Her fingers reached up to caress her lips in a gesture that I was sure was unintentional, and I knew somehow that she was remembering the feel of my lips there. Whether she wanted to admit it or not she felt this strange connection between us. That one movement was all I needed to confirm it. She was just as drawn to me as I was to her, and I wasn't going to back down until she at least acknowledged that fact. I turned back to Rose.

"Damn the consequences."

**AN: Once again, thank you for sticking with me through this story. You guys write some amazing reviews and I can't wait to read your responses. **


	18. Fantasies and Revelations

**AN: I know, I know. I'm not sticking to my original schedule at all. Real life has begun taking up so much more time than it used to—probably because I'm actually starting to have a life, lol. I'll keep trying to update as often as possible but I can't promise anymore that it will be every week. Hopefully after this month things will calm down a bit. Thank you so much for being so patient with me!**

**BPOV**

I was staring with dismay at the message in the memo box of my company email account and had been for the past five minutes at the very least. The semi-annual retreat. How could I have forgotten? My first day here I had received a memo detailing the company retreat with all the information of when and where it would be and what I should expect of it. God, had that only been a month ago? In all the madness since then it had completely slipped my mind.

At the time it had seemed just a harmless retreat where my only concern was not knowing anyone and trying to fit in, but that was pre-dinners with Edward and office flirtations and romantic notes and mind-blowing kisses. It was before I'd admitted to myself that I was severely attracted to him and had difficulty controlling my impulses around him, and it was definitely before Edward had made it quite clear that his interest in me was nowhere near platonic. I could not for the life of me understand what a man such as he saw in someone like me but I could no longer pretend that there was no interest on his side. He wasn't exactly being subtle about it. For the love of God, how was I going to resist him for an entire weekend? I could barely trust myself around him for ten minutes.

I racked my brain for ways I could get out of the trip but nothing was coming to me. Of the two retreats this was the mandatory one and I had already submitted my attendance weeks ago. I could hardly fake a sudden death in the family or a debilitating illness. With the former I was sure to get caught in the lie and I didn't have the talent to be able to pull off the second. There was no getting out of this.

My eyes fell on a line towards the end of the memo which had been the cause of most of my trepidation. _Your suitemate request has been approved and arrangements for your room have been made. Keys will be available at the front desk upon presentation of your confirmation receipt and a photo ID. _I had never requested a suitemate. A month ago I had not known anyone well enough to put a request in and had decided to just leave myself up to just be randomly assigned somewhere. This did not sound random. _Who had requested me for a suitemate?_

My gaze slid across the hall to the copper-haired Adonis currently buried under paperwork at his desk. He couldn't have. He wouldn't dare…..would he? No, it was unthinkable. It would be beyond inappropriate and unprofessional. It would be scandalous. I tried to come up with likely alternatives. Oh shit, could it have been Mike? No, he would have needed my consent. In fact, I couldn't see how anyone's request for me as a suitemate could have gone through without my consent.

Unless that person was the one making all the arrangements.

I pushed away from my desk and began to pace. My mind was quickly becoming a roiling mass of confusion, panic, and yes, a little excitement. My first thought was Edward wouldn't do that without my permission. He wasn't that type of guy. My second thought was who else could it be? No one else had the power or authority to room with me without me filling out a similar request form. My third thought wasn't even a thought so much as an image: Edward stepping out of the en suite bathroom still wet from the shower with a towel draped precariously low across his lean, muscled hips.

After a moment I realized I had stopped pacing and was now staring mindlessly at a blank wall as the vision of nearly naked Edward filled my thoughts. God, I could even envision the light reflecting off his damp, shining hair and the beads of water running slowly down his sculpted chest…

I shook my head. What the fuck was wrong with me today? I'd never been one to be so completely distracted by sexual fantasies. Hell, until recently I couldn't even remember indulging in many sexual fantasies. Sex had just never been very high on my priority list. I had been labeled a cold fish in college and even I had believed it to be true, having had no interest in dating, fooling around or "experimenting" like the other girls my age did. Now I wasn't so sure. The thoughts and images running unbidden through my head were making me hot in ways that James's dirty whisperings and smoldering looks never had.

My eyes were drawn once again across the hallway and I couldn't help but think it was no wonder my brain had been turned into a useless puddle of lust. The man was a sexual fantasy come to life. Still completely absorbed by his work his jacket had long since been discarded to the back of his chair and the sleeves of his white dress shirt were rolled halfway up his forearms. What was it that was so sexy about those prominent veins in a man's hands and arms? The veins in Edward's arms stood out like pipelines laid over a bed of muscle and I found myself wanting to trace those lines up his arms to his shoulders and….

Snap out of it, Bella! Seriously, did someone slip some female Viagra into my coffee this morning? Such thoughts were not only completely out of character for me but also counterproductive to my resolution of not giving in to Edward's advances….no matter how sorely I was tempted. I couldn't deny I was fighting a losing battle against the temptation, especially now that I had a small taste of how talented those lips and hands were.

Lord Almighty were they talented. My female parts still tingled when I thought back to the way those lips had feathered across my skin, knowingly exactly where to apply more pressure or gentle suction as if my nerve endings had been sending out a signal and his lips were the homing beacon. If only Jasper had interrupted a minute later and those lips had traveled just a little farther south…my nipples tightened at the imagined pleasure that Edward's mouth could have bestowed on them.

My phone rang and I jumped to answer it, both frustrated and immensely relieved at the distraction from the sudden right hand turn into perversion that my brain had taken. I grimaced as the cotton fabric of my bra rubbed against the now overly sensitive tips of my breasts.

"Cullen," I cleared my throat, "Cullen Publishing, this is Bella, how may I help you?"

"Bella, it's Ang."

"Oh hi, Ang. Long time, no talk," I joked since we had only parted ways six hours ago. "What's up?"

"I was just wondering if you'd gotten your memo yet?"

I glanced at the page still displayed on my computer screen. "About the company retreat? Um, yeah."

"So are you excited?"

Excited? What was I supposed to be so excited about? Did she know something I didn't? Holy monkey flunker, Edward _had_ made me his roommate and Angela knew somehow. Of course she knew, she handled all his secretarial work, and I couldn't think what else she would expect me to be excited over. But, God, did she really expect me to be happy about this? This was a catastrophe! What would people say? How could I possibly sleep in the same room with him and control my newfound carnal urges? What if there was only one bed? What if he—?

"Bella, are you still there? I thought you'd be happy about sharing a room with me. Sheesh, you could show a little more enthusiasm."

"_You're_ my suitemate? Oh, thank God!"

"What, it didn't tell you in the memo?"

"No, all it said was that my suitemate request had been approved and I was freaking the fuck out because I'd never requested anyone!"

Angela laughed. "And knowing you, you were probably imagining all the worst case scenarios. Who were you afraid it was? Jessica Stanley?"

A shudder racked my body. "Ugh, that hadn't even crossed my mind until you mentioned it. I think I would have killed myself if I'd been stuck with her for an entire weekend."

"Well, no worries, she and Lauren room together every year and usually by the end of the weekend Lauren has taken Mike's place in Tyler's room and vice versa. Cause, yeah, the weekend is supposed to be all about relaxation, company morale, and building a strong rapport between employees but it really ends up just being about who can hook up with whom."

"That's a major relief to hear, actually. Not the hooking up part but the Mike and Tyler part. I'll admit Mike as one of my suitemate fears. I wouldn't have put it past him to try to request me."

"To be honest I wouldn't have put it past him either, although it would have had to go through Edward and I think we both know he never would have approved that request. Anyway, it's not even a concern since coed suitemates is prohibited unless the couple is married."

"What? You're kidding!"

"No, Carlisle is kind of old-fashioned like that. His dad was a minister or something and while Carlisle's not one of those annoying bible-thumping, holier-than-thou Jesus freaks he is very firm in his religious beliefs. He takes a lot of pride in the ethics of his company and doesn't believe in supporting pre-marital sex on a company retreat…although there's not much he can do about people switching rooms once we get there. I'm sure he knows, you'd have to be really oblivious not to, but I think he just turns a blind eye to it."

"Wow." I really hadn't been expecting that. "That's…really impressive, actually. It's kind of nice to hear that someone with as much wealth and power as him has such strong morals. Not very common this day and age."

"Oh, I know. I've always felt lucky to work for Carlisle. He's such a good man I kind of feel like a major sinner in comparison."

That made me laugh. "Angela, if you're a sinner then I'm Lucifer himself."

"So are you excited?"

"I am now. We'll have a lot of fun together. Plus, you know, now I won't have to worry about the awkwardness of sharing a bathroom with a person I barely know. How did you manage it without my co-request?"

"Well, I knew you didn't really know anyone here yet and we'd already hit it off so well I just told Edward that I thought you'd feel more comfortable at your first retreat rooming with someone you were already familiar with—i.e. me—and he agreed. Plus, it saved me the trouble of having to put up with any of the vacuous snobs who work here."

"Why, Angela, I never knew you could sound so jaded. Not everyone here is that bad."

"I know, but you have to admit the vast majority of people on this staff are either completely full of themselves or something else that starts with 'S' so the odds wouldn't be in my favor if I just left myself up to the luck of the draw."

"This is true. I'm glad you took matters into your own hands. I can't even imagine rooming with anyone else." _Liar. Don't go there, Bella._ Great, now I'm arguing with myself. Okay, distraction time. "Oh! We should do a PJ and Cuervo night!"

"PJ and Cuervo?"

"Tequila party in our pajamas. Alice invented it years ago. We wear our goofiest pajamas and drink Tequila based beverages, then find some late night porn flick and make up our own dialogue for it."

"Oh! You're so on! I'll bring the Cuervo….really? Porn?"

"As I said, Alice invented it. And it really does get hilarious, especially after a few drinks. Don't tell me you've never watched porn before?"

"Well…there were a few times that Ben and I—"

"Never mind, don't wanna know."

So, yeah, Angela was definitely a kinky little sex kitten. You would so not know it to look at her.

"Just as well. I need to get back to work anyway. I just had to call and share my excitement over our arrangements."

I chuckled. "All right, get back to work ya slacker. We'll talk more about it later."

I hung up the phone, my smile slipping into a frown as I contemplated the conflicting emotions swirling inside me. Relief was definitely chief among them, having had Angela put my mystery suitemate anxiety to rest, but what was that other thing lurking beneath the relief? Was that…? Yes, it was definitely disappointment. I had to admit that on some level I was disappointed at not being forced into close proximity to Edward for the weekend. The pull between was stronger than I had allowed myself to believe. I had _wanted_ the choice to be taken away from me, to have been trapped into sharing Edward's suite. I was already much farther gone than I'd realized.

The image of Edward wrapped only in a towel flashed back into my head. Sighing, I sat back and allowed myself the fantasy this time, secure in the knowledge that it was _only_ a fantasy with no fear of it becoming reality. I could imagine that sexy smirk of his as he caught me staring helplessly at the water beads glistening on his chest, my eyes drawn down that V of muscle that dipped beneath the towel. I'd be trapped like a deer in the headlights, unable to tear my gaze away as he came closer, the towel slipping from its perch on his hips. One small tug and it would—

"Did you have a good lunch, Bella?"

I was jerked out of my thoughts by the very object of my appraisal. For a moment I just stared at him, still envisioning that bare, gleaming flesh that hid beneath his dress shirt. I had the overwhelming urge to run my hand down that chest to see if its contours matched the rippled muscle of my imagination. I blushed fiercely when he cocked an eyebrow at me.

"You did take a lunch, I presume? I didn't notice you leaving…"

I blinked "Oh, yeah um, I was trying to get caught up on this manuscript, so I just ate a sandwich at my desk here."

Did I mistake the heat in his eyes as they traveled from me to the desk? As if he were imagining another form of activity taking place on its surface. I mentally shook my head. Get a grip, Bella! You're projecting your own dirty thoughts onto him. This was why I should not allow myself to indulge in fantasy. I had a tendency of getting carried away with my imaginings, which was not a good thing when they involved both sex and Edward.

"Was there something you wanted, Mr. Cullen?"

Was that my breathy voice? Oh God, that had sounded like a line from one of those porn movies Angela and I were just joking about where the sexy secretary starts slowly unbuttoning her shirt as she provocatively asks her boss _Was there something you wanted, sir_? Great, now I was picturing Edward bending me over the desk and sliding his hands up under my pencil skirt. Seriously, I had to be ovulating today or something—it was the only explanation for my sudden hormonal overload and obsession with sex.

And I was definitely not misconstruing the heated look he was giving me now. The way he was looking at me I was actually afraid for a moment that he could hear the lusty, semi-coherent thoughts currently whirling through the sexpool that was my brain. His eyes were hooded and he was staring at my mouth. I cursed the telling flush that came to my cheeks in reaction.

"Why can't you drop the formality and call me by my name? You used it once today."

"That was out of desperation. I just needed your attention."

"You call everyone else around here by their first name. Why the formality with me?"

If it hadn't been for that slightly wounded look buried in his eyes I undoubtedly would have lied and made up some kind of excuse. But the pain was there no matter how he tried to hide it and I realized with some shock that it hurt him that I was on a first name basis with everyone but him. That had never been my intention and I found that my heart physically ached at being the cause of his pain. I couldn't let him go on believing it was because I had less of a desire to connect with him than I did with everyone else when it was actually the opposite that was true. I dropped my eyes to my desk in embarrassment as I admitted the truth.

"Because I need the formality with you to remind myself to keep a distance between us."

His hand came under my chin, lifting my face to his and I sucked in a breath at how close he'd gotten. My eyes nearly rolled back in my head in the bliss of his scent, but they were locked in the depths of that jungle.

"I don't want there to be a distance between us."

"There has to be."

His thumb caressed my jaw. "I know you truly feel that way even if I don't know all the reasons for it, and I promise I won't push you for anything you're not ready for. But I also know you have feelings for me whether you want to admit to yourself or not, and I'm going to be here waiting for that moment when your feelings overcome your fears and you finally let me in. I'm not going anywhere, Bella."

"You may be waiting in vain."

"I have faith in you."

My throat constricted as the emotion welled up in my chest. When was the last time someone had said that to me? Not my father, certainly not James…even Jake seemed worried that I might slip back into another breakdown. Hell, _I_ was worried that I might slip back into another breakdown. My eyes slid down to Edward's mouth. It would be so easy to just lean forward and let him brush my worries away. My overanalyzing brain would shut off the moment our lips touched and sensation would take over. My breath quickened at just the thought of it, and I knew by the smirk on his face that he knew what direction my thoughts had taken. Ignoring the complications, however, would not make them go away. I lifted my eyes to his and leaned back as far as my chair would allow me.

"People can see," I admonished him.

Edward sighed and dropped his hand, turning toward the window as he shoved his hands in his pockets. I couldn't help but notice how that action pulled the fabric of his pants tight across his butt. Did he have to have such a damn biteable butt? He turned back and caught me staring. I blushed, yet again, and dropped my eyes.

"I don't want you skipping any more lunches. You need to eat and you deserve the break. I don't want you overworking yourself."

Says the pot to the kettle. How often had I left here and he was still glued to his desk? And like I needed the reminder that I was still underweight. It wasn't like I was doing it on purpose. I actually thought I was doing a lot better at remembering to eat. I didn't voice any of these opinions, however.

"I won't make a habit of it. I just needed to get some more work in on this Baines manuscript before my meeting with her on Thursday."

He nodded. "And you still have a way home tonight? Jacob's picking you up?"

I cocked an eyebrow. "Yes, he is, but even if he wasn't I am a big girl, you know. I can find my own way home when I need to."

"I know, I just…I feel protective of you, Bella."

"That seems to be going around," I muttered.

"And I don't like the idea of you alone in a cab or hitching a ride with just anyone. There're too many vultures in this co-…city."

There he went with those vultures again. Seriously, what the fuck?

"My dad's a cop. I know how to take of myself and what risks not to take. You shouldn't worry so much."

"I can't seem to help myself. People call me a worrywart. It's part of my nature—especially when it's something that matters to me."

I shook my head at him. "You can't keep saying things like that to me."

His cocky grin returned. "Why? Am I getting to you yet? I'm going to keep saying them, Bella, until you start believing them."

I sent him a level look, hoping to use anger and impatience to mask the horde of butterflies that his words had unleashed inside my stomach. "You're being highly unprofessional, Mr. Cullen."

His grin didn't even falter. "I know, it's new for me. I think I'm enjoying it." He leaned in close to whisper in my ear. "I _will_ convince you one of these days and when that time comes you won't just be saying my name—you'll be screaming it."

My mouth dropped open in shock even as my body catapulted into instant arousal. I didn't even have a comeback to that. I just sat there, speechless, as I tried to tame the rapid beating of my heart. Edward had the audacity to wink at me before stepping back and strolling out of my office. Whistling.

It was a good thing the workday was almost over because the rest of my afternoon was pretty well shot from there. I couldn't bring myself to focus on the manuscript at all. My eyes kept straying across the hall or I'd find myself distracted by the memory of his hot breath on my ear when he'd whispered that outrageous comment to me or the feel of his fingers when they traced over my jaw. He seemed to have a sixth sense, too, for whenever my eyes wandered his way. Every time I looked at him he would stop his work and look up at me, his lips curving into that dazzling smile of his that had a way of robbing me of all rational thought. How the hell did he do that?

By the end of the day I was literally staring at the clock, willing it to turn. I'd long since given up on getting anything productive done. I would take the manuscript home with me and hopefully have more luck focusing on it there. By the time four o'clock finally rolled around I already had my bag packed and ready to go and was flying out of my office. I caught Edward's smirk on my way out and I could easily imagine him chuckling in that soft way he did at my expense. I cursed myself for my extreme lack of composure. It would be better if he couldn't see the effect he had on me—easier to convince him he had none even if that was the farthest thing from the truth.

The scene that met me in the lobby had my stride faltering as I came off the elevator and I nearly fell flat on my face when my heel caught on the threshold. Nessie was standing at the front desk in her customary short shorts and tank top, giggling and flipping her hair for her testosterone-laden audience. Three of the guys from the printing floor were clustered around her, completely enraptured by her presence if the looks on their faces were anything to go by. No one even seemed to notice as I came up and joined the group. Angela, apparently on the phone with someone, met my gaze and merely rolled her eyes at the situation.

I cleared my throat. Loudly.

A couple of the guys barely flicked me a glance before returning their attention to Nessie. Mike, however, did a double take and at least had the decency to look embarrassed.

"Bella, hi. I was, uh, just getting acquainted with your cousin here."

"I see that." I turned to Nessie. "What brings you here?"

"Oh, Jake was really backed up at the garage so I volunteered to come pick you up."

I frowned. "What were you doing at the garage?"

"My car was making a weird noise so I dropped it off for Jake to take a look at. Don't worry, though, it's fine now. He's already finished with it."

Leave it to Nessie to feel like she could just bring her damn car in whenever she felt like without so much as making an appointment. No wonder Jake was backed up. No doubt he dropped everything he was doing the second she came in. Still, it wasn't like her to "volunteer" for much of anything unless she expected to get something out of it. I narrowed my eyes, wondering what her real motivation was.

"That was awfully nice of you, Nessie. And so nice of these gentlemen to keep you entertained."

I don't think anyone noticed the sarcastic emphasis I put on 'gentelemen', but then I didn't really expect anyone in this crowd to be that quick on the pickup.

Nessie ran her hand down one of the guys' arms and I think I actually saw part of his brain leaking out of his ear. "I know, they've been real sweethearts, keeping little old me occupied while I waited for you. You're so lucky, Bella, to work with so many kind and thoughtful people." Her searching gaze slid past me to the elevator I had just stepped off of. "Even that wonderful boss of yours seems to go out of his way for his employees. It almost makes me wish I was one."

Fuck. No. She did _not_ come out here in the hopes of another chance at seeing Edward. My jaw clenched and I had the overwhelming desire to scream _Back off, Bitch_ but I controlled myself, knowing the reaction would not only seemed completely unprovoked but would also be a dead giveaway to my own inappropriate feelings for Edward.

The guy whose arm she was still touching, I think his name was Riley, eagerly suggested, "You can always apply, you know. There's almost always an opening on the printing floor, and I heard Rosalie was looking for a new secretary since hers just quit again."

I snickered at the thought. Nessie coming to work here would probably be one of my worst nightmares come to life but it would almost be worth it to see her working for Rose. If there was one bitch who could take that girl down a few pegs it was Rosalie Cullen.

Nessie just threw her head back and laughed. "Boys, boys! I said _almost_. These delicate hands weren't meant for working."

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. "Okay, this has been fun but let's get going, shall we?"

I didn't give Nessie much of a choice, grabbing her by the arm and dragging her toward the doors. I could admit to myself that I really just wanted to get her out of there before Edward came down. I might be able to see her for the shallow, self-serving operator that she was but men for some reason were completely blind to it. She had some kind of supernatural pull that just seemed to draw them to her like flies to honey. Maybe it was the stunning looks or her supermodel body or the manipulative Power of Persuasion she had inherited from her mother, I didn't know. Or maybe it was just the _I'm Easy_ label she had tattooed across her forehead in some kind of invisible ink that only men could see. Whatever the cause I didn't want to give her the chance to sink her opportunistic claws into Edward.

"Ouch, Bella! Your stubby little nails are digging into my skin!"

_Better mine into yours than yours into Edward._

"Slow down! God, where's the fire?"

"Sorry, Ness. You'd be able to keep up better if you weren't wearing those four inch heels."

"Well, not all of us have the fashion sense of a ninety year old."

I frowned down at my practical flats, then glanced over at the platform sandals that had Nessie perilously balanced on the balls of her feet. Yeah, I'd take my flats over a broken ankle any day. That shit looked painful too. It was no wonder she could only take two inch strides at a time.

It didn't surprise me that Nessie's bright red Mercedes was parked in a No Parking zone. None of the cops in this district would dare to give her a ticket since they were all terrified of Aunt Jane. I was also fairly certain that Jane was having an affair with the mayor but I'd yet to prove that one. I slid into the passenger seat, immensely grateful that it was only a ten minute drive back to the apartment.

"So I didn't see that schmexy boss of yours today. Was he still around or is he one of those in-name-only executives who comes in and pretends to work for half a day before going off to play golf or drink it up at some fancy yacht club?"

I glared at her. "Edward is an extremely hard worker and the reason you didn't see him was because he was still up in his office _working._"

I almost added _Something you would know very little about_ but I managed to hold that in. She was, after all, behind the wheel of the car I was currently riding in and her driving was recklessly aggressive even when she was in a good mood. I cringed as she swerved into the next lane to move around the guy in front of us who apparently wasn't going fast enough, cutting off and narrowly missing a collision with the car to the right of us.

"Defensive much, and _Edward_ is it now? You were all Mr. Cullen this and Mr. Cullen that in the garage the other day. Something I should know about?"

Damn it! How could I have made that slip in front of her? "Of course not. He simply prefers that I use his first name." Which was true enough even if I hadn't given in yet.

"So does that mean he's fair game?"

I grit my teeth then forced an indifferent shrug and lied my ass off. "I really wouldn't know much about his personal life. He could be in a committed relationship or dating any number of women at the moment."

Nessie laughed. "What do you think I was talking to those guys for? I was pumping them for information. He's single, Bella, and you know he is. You're a horrible liar. The interesting question now is why you would lie about it? Do you want him for yourself?"

"Don't be ridiculous. Maybe I'd just rather you not get mixed up with my boss. I have a lot of respect for him and I know how you are with relationships. You go through men like a two year old goes through cookies."

"Maybe I'd be different with him."

"And maybe Lindsay Lohan will actually stay in rehab."

She surprised me by actually laughing at the insult. "Why, Bella, I can't believe you actually know something about current pop culture. I'm proud of you."

"Terrific. My lifelong goal has been achieved. I can die happy now."

"Oh, don't be such sour grapes. I've known you long enough to know you use that cutting sarcasm of yours as a defense mechanism. If my interest in Edward bothers you so much you should stop dragging your feet and make a move on him yourself."

"I'm **not** interested in Edward and since when did you become a damn psych major?"

"I took a couple psychology courses before I dropped out of college. The psych prof was totes hot. And you are completely interested in Edward. A blind man could see it. And I'll tell you what, a catch like that won't stay on the market long. You better snatch him up quick or somebody else will."

"That somebody being you?"

She shrugged. "Like I said, he is a major catch. A girl would have to be completely stupid to pass that up."

I crossed my arms and slouched back in my seat. The last thing I wanted to think about was Nessie chasing after Edward. Would he succumb to her charm like every other man before him? I glanced over at the shapely amount of thigh revealed by her shorts and the generous way she filled out her shirt. My own clothes still hung a little on my too small frame and even in my pre-James days I'd always been jealous of the way Nessie's tiny little waste flared out to a curvy set of hips. I'd always had those irritatingly narrow boy hips, making it hard for me to find jeans that didn't sag a little in the butt. Now it was just that much worse. I couldn't imagine what Edward even saw in me after seeing me next to Nessie.

We pulled up behind the garage and I slammed out of the car, not caring if she followed me in or not. I could see Jake's legs sticking out from underneath a truck and I strode over to him, placing my foot on the dolly and pulling him out.

"Jesus, Bells! You can't just do that! I might have messed something up. And that could have been dangerous to me if I'd had my wrench or hands up in there!"

"Next time you mess with my car, Jacob Black, it's going to be _your_ lug nuts that go missing."

"First of all it was your spark plugs not your lug nuts, although I get your reference and can I say ouch? And second of all, what's your deal anyway? Your boss and I worked things out so everything's cool, right?"

"I needed you to back off not 'work things out' and no, everything's not cool. You sent _her _to pick me up."

He looked past me to where Nessie must have entered the garage and then nodded his head. "Yeah, sorry about that. I was really backed up and she offered so…"

"Yeah, and I bet I know why you were so backed up."

Jake blushed and looked away, pulling a rag off the pile to start wiping his hands off. "Come on, Bells, don't be mad. You know I couldn't say no…"

I blew out a breath, my anger draining away. I knew he couldn't help his feelings for Nessie any more than I could help mine for Edward. And it had to be so much worse for him having been in love with her for years and having to watch her flit from one guy to another, never showing the slightest interest or concern for him. I knew it ate him up inside and I also knew it pissed him off to no end that he was still so helpless to deny her anything whenever she turned those pleading eyes on him.

I placed my hand on his arm. "I know Jake. Just don't send her up there again." I felt like I had to warn him. He would find out eventually and it was better that he be prepared. "She's setting her sights on Edward."

His posture stiffened a little but it wasn't nearly the reaction I was expecting. Mostly he just looked down on me with curiosity.

"And that bothers you?"

I frowned at him. "Doesn't it bother you?"

"I'm not worried about it, no."

Nessie came over and interrupted us before I could make any sense out of that comment.

"Not worried about what?"

"Don't you have somewhere else to be?" I asked her.

"Not at the moment. So what aren't we worried about?"

"None of your concern."

She rolled her eyes. "God, you guys haven't changed since we were kids—always leaving me out of the loop and in the dark."

"That's because you were always running and telling on us to your mom."

"Whatever. I'd have thought we'd all outgrown that by now, but I guess not. I'll just leave you two to your secrets. I have some 'fishing' to go do anyway."

She sent me a wink, then spun on her heel and strolled out of the garage. Jake let out a long-suffering sigh beside me. I turned to glare at him.

"You're not going to make this my fault again?"

"I just wish you two could get along better. You're family, you shouldn't constantly be at each others' throats. Family's supposed to be who you can turn to when everything else turns to shit."

"You and Alice are my family, Jake. But for you I'll try to play nicer with Nessie."

He shook his head. "You don't need to do it for me, but I wish you would do it for yourself."

I nodded. "We'll see. Have fun playing with your cars. I'll get some supper started since I know you haven't eaten."

"Thanks, Bells. I'll be up in a bit."

"Don't work yourself too hard."

I stretched up to kiss his cheek, then made my way up the stairs to our apartment. As I began pulling out the ingrediants for dinner I couldn't seem to keep Nessie's words from ringing in my head. _He is a major catch. A girl would have to be completely stupid to pass that up. You better snatch him up quickly or somebody else will._ In all my worries of keeping Edward at a distance I'd never stopped to think how I would feel if he turned to someone else. It wasn't realistic to believe he would stay single just because I kept turning him down. Eventually he would give up and move on to someone else. I would be lying to say that the thought didn't hurt. Could I stand quietly by and watch him be with somebody else? What other choice did I have? I couldn't risk being with him myself—there were still far too many obstacles in the way.

First of all was my vow to never again let a romantic relationship interfere with my career. I'd dreamed of this ever since I'd learned to read, devoted over half my life to getting where I was today and I'd already almost lost it once. I didn't think I could risk going through that again. Some might say it was just a job, it didn't define who I was, but in actuality it did. What I did was more than just a career for me, it was what I'd been working toward my entire life and it made up a huge portion of how I defined myself. It was almost all I had left of myself after everything else had been stripped away. I may have lost my confidence and all faith in myself but this I could still do. I was good at it and it fulfilled a sense of purpose in me that nothing else could. To even consider a relationship with the man who was not only my direct superior but also heir to the entire company was tantamount to taking that one piece of me I had left and throwing it blindfolded into a den of lions. That was just one leap of faith I could not bring myself to take.  
And anyway I was so not ready for another relationship. My first and only attempt at an actual relationship had been a disaster of epic proportion. James had hurt me in ways I hadn't even known I could be hurt, not only disrupting my personal life but nearly destroying my professional one was well. Now here I was falling for a man who held the same power over me. What kind of self-destructive person makes the same mistake twice?

Still, a part of me realized that it was not the same. Even from what little I knew of Edward I knew he would never betray a woman the way James had done with me. I had a feeling that if Edward ever desired another woman or was ready to move on he would break it off in a civilized and compassionate way. He was just that type of man—that rare combination of intelligence and integrity. Of course, he was also smoking hot, swooningly romantic and too charming for his own good. A deadly combination indeed.

I realized very suddenly that that was where my true fear lay. That one day he would break it off with me in that civilized and compassionate way of his. He was the kind of guy I could much too easily fall for, and fall hard, and I had no hope of holding him. One day he would see me as I really was—a broken shell of a girl who was still trying to superglue the edges back together. Eventually he would learn of my past, of James and how pathetically weak and naïve I had been…how pathetically weak I still was…and his interest would turn to revulsion or worse. Pity. No matter how kind his rejection, if I were ever to really let him in, let him close, I would not be able to bear it when he turned away.

And eventually he would turn away.

_You're damaged goods, Bella._

I could not get the image of Edward's face from my dream out of my head. That contemptuous sneer, that look of utter disgust…it would devastate me were he to ever look at me like that in real life. The image haunted me despite the fact that it had actually been James to look at me in that way and say those soul-shattering words to me.

I stopped short as that last thought hit me like a ton of bricks. It _had_ been James to say that to me. Not Edward. He had said it to break me further, to hold me down and keep me locked to him, and I was allowing him to succeed. All this time and I was still allowing his words to effect the way I thought and felt about myself. I was letting myself be his victim. I slammed the meat tenderizer into the steak I had pulled out. Enough of that bullshit. I had already given James enough pieces of myself. He wasn't getting any more.

With a new sense of determination I turned to glare out the window, as if my evil eye stare could actually reach across the states to its target. _Fuck you, James._ _I'm not damaged goods—slightly used maybe, but not beyond repair._ _I _**will** _rebuild myself and my career and I'll be so far above you you'll never again have even a hope of bringing me down. I won't be your victim anymore. I'm better than that. So fuck you._

**AN: Go Bella, right? She finally told that fucker off, if only in her head. Thank you for reading my lovelies, and I'll be back with you just as soon as I can! As always, reviews are welcome!**


	19. Bella of the Ball

**AN: Okay, I'm really terribly sorry for the long, LONG wait. RL has been kicking my ass lately and I just haven't had the time to give this story the attention it deserves. I did finally manage to get this chapter done and I made it extra long for ya'll ;) I hope it was worth your wait. **

**I want to give a HUGE shout out to Readergoof on Twilighted. She totally made me a fuck-awesome banner for EML. If you haven't been over that way I urge you check it out. She did an amazing job. Thank you Readergoof!**

**BPOV**

I pressed my fingers against the migraine that was forming behind my temples. "Miss Baines, I understand that you—"

"You understand nothing!" I cringed at the volume of her voice. "My book is a revolutionary masterpiece and I refuse to change a single word of it."

I sat back with a sigh. I'd been having the hour from hell here with Miss Lilith-My-Shit-Don't-Stink Baines. Temperamental was not the word for her. Psychotic drama skeeze with an over-inflated sense of self-worth was more like it. I mean, sure, the woman knew her romance. She wrote some compelling stories with intensely steamy sex scenes, and I prayed to God she never felt the need to indulge me in where she got the inspiration for those scenes, but sci-fi was definitely not her domain and she couldn't take helpful criticism worth a damn. You'd think the words 'rewrite' and 'plot development' were particularly foul obscenities to her. I could not allow her to publish the manuscript as it stood. Not only would it not sell but the critics would have a field day with it. The media would tear her apart and make her into a laughingstock. A big name like hers was just the kind they loved most to bring down. I'd tried, diplomatically, to explain this to her but she insisted that not only was her book graphic and captivating but also a brilliant political satire. Forgive me if I failed to see the parallel between flesh-eating monsters from the planet Zokar and the current turmoils within our government.

"Perhaps I can read over it again and see if I can come up with any more suggestions" _like an actual plotline and original ending,_ "that would be more to your—"

"You can read it as many times as you like. I will not be making any adjustments. My novel is perfection."

With that she tossed back the rest of her wine, which she'd insisted I order for this _lunch_ consultation, and stomped temperamentally out of the restaurant. If I wasn't so busy seething I may have been impressed that she'd managed to do so in those pointy-toed stilettos. The waiter came by and gave me a sympathetic look as he placed the bill by my elbow. I slipped the company card into the sleeve and handed it back to him. Then, with a shrug, I filled my wineglass to the brim and drank it down in three large gulps.

Even with the restaurant being a few blocks away traffic back to the publishing house was a nightmare. The city had apparently thought it a wise idea to shut a lane down for repairs in the middle of the day during the work-week. Fucking geniuses. It turned what should have been an eight minute drive into twenty-six minutes of teeth grinding frustration and mind-numbing pain as the honks and yelling drilled into my migraine like a dull-edged hammer drill. As a result it was after one thirty by the time I walked back into the office.

Of course Mike was the first person I bumped into. And I mean that literally. I stepped off the elevator on the third floor and walked right into him. He grabbed my shoulders to steady me, effectively knocking my messenger bag off my shoulder and onto the floor. We both bent to retrieve it at the same time, knocking our heads together in the process. I stood up with a grunt and a curse, giving up and allowing Mike to get the damn bag. I should have known better since he then decided to slide it back on my shoulder himself, following it up by trailing his hand down my arm to my elbow. I shrugged off his touch with the excuse of readjusting my bag. He shoved his hands in his pockets and continued to stand in my path.

"Sorry, Bella, I didn't see you coming off the elevator there."

I shrugged, eager to just be rid of him. "Don't sweat it, Mike, it was probably my fault."

"I knocked your head pretty hard; maybe I should get you an ice pack."

"Thanks, but I'd really just like to get back to my desk."

I pushed my way around him and he fell into step beside me. My day was going from bad to worse, how did he seriously not notice the Bitch Vibe I was throwing off? He was waving a red flag at a bull and didn't even seem to realize it.

"So you're going to the retreat next weekend, right? I mean, it's mandatory so I assumed you were going—"

"Yes, Mike, I'm going."

Jessica came out of the copying room just then with a small bundle of papers in her hands, stopping short as she saw us coming down the hallway together. I could tell by the narrowing of her eyes what was going through her mind and I was so not in the mood to hear any of it. My plan to walk blindly past her came to a screeching halt when her snide comment hit just a little too close to home.

"Well, I see some of the privileged few around here are allowed to take hour and a half lunch breaks. I wonder whose Armani-clad ass we have to kiss to get that luxury?"

My temper flaring and no longer in any mood to be diplomatic I tilted my head and looked down my nose at her in a way designed to make her feel small and inferior.

"Not that it's any business of a _Junior Assistant Editor_ but I spent my lunch hour on a consultation with an author." My eyes flicked down to the papers in her hands. "Not all of us have time to copy hair styling tips out of the fashion magazines."

Jessica gasped and clutched the papers to her chest, as if that could hide the evidence I'd already seen. I didn't stick around to hear her response. I could see Mike frowning at her as I walked away before he was once again scurrying after me like a lost puppy, following me into my office. I dropped down into my chair almost hard enough to send me toppling over the other side.

"Was there something you wanted, Mike?"

"Well, I was just gonna say about the retreat, you know, if you want a ride or you're unsure about the directions…"

"I'm heading up with Angela. We're rooming together anyway."

"Oh. Well do you know what wing you're in or what floor you're on? Maybe we can—"

"Mike."

I didn't know how he was going to finish that sentence but I swore if it contained either of the words room or swap I was going to put the smack down on his ass. I decided to just interrupt him instead and save us both the grief.

"Yes?"

"We won't know what room we're in until we check in."

"Oh. Right."

"Mr. Newton, I believe we've already had this discussion about wandering away from your station?"

Mike turned to find a very irritated looking Edward standing behind him.

"Yeah, I'm uh, heading back down right now. I just had a few questions for—"

"Miss Swan is obviously quite busy and her time is very valuable. I would appreciate it if you would not bother her anymore."

I waited for the words _during work hours_ to finish that sentence but they were not forthcoming. I glared at Edward as it became clear that he meant to leave that statement open to interpretation. Mike glanced nervously from Edward to me and back again and I fought the urge to snap off the reply that Miss Swan could speak for herself. It would serve little purpose to appear insubordinate or to allow Mike to witness any of the personal tension between Edward and myself. That would only feed the suspicions that Edward had, deliberately I was sure, just planted in Mike's head.

Mike swallowed and nodded before looking back to me. "I'm sorry, Bella, I didn't mean to keep you from your work. I 'll catch up with you after work or something."

Edward's jaw clenched and he was cutting me off before I could even come up with a valid excuse for avoiding Mike after work.

"Bella will likely be staying over today to make up for the time you have cost her. Whatever it is you have to discuss with her can wait until another time. Now please return to your station before I report you to your manager."

My jaw dropped open. I couldn't believe he'd just said that. Staying over to make up lost time? Mike couldn't even have been in my office a full ten minutes! That line held absolutely no weight and he knew it. The Cullen Glower, however, carried enough weight of its own as Mike was now nodding rapidly and rushing to flee my office. I turned angry eyes on Edward, his high-handedness and controlling attitude pushing me right off the edge of my limit today.

"Why don't you just pee around my desk?" I asked. "It might make a more obvious statement."

"I wasn't trying to claim my territory, Bella."

I snorted. "Could have fooled me."

"I was honestly just trying to get him out of your hair. I could see that he was agitating your headache and was completely oblivious to your discomfort."

My eyes widened. "How did you know…?"

"I saw you rubbing your temples and you've been squinting a bit as if the light was bothering your eyes."

"And you caught all that from all the way across the hall? Either you're very observant or you were paying very close attention."

I tried not be moved by the fact that he watched me enough to recognize the signs of a headache. Or weirded out for that matter. I focused instead on being irritated over the chauvinistic way he had handled the situation with Mike.

"I don't like him hanging around you so much." Edward shrugged bashfully. "Okay, so maybe I was warning him off a little bit. Blame the Y chromosome."

I shook my head. "I'm not a bone you can fight over. I'm your employee. _And nothing more_."

Edward leaned his hands on my desk, bringing his face closer to mine. "You know I don't see you as just an employee. I've made it more than obvious I want more than that with you, and I'd never think of you as a bone or any other type of possession. I was merely attempting to get the message through to him to leave you be. You very clearly told him no and he continues to badger you."

"The same as you do, you mean?"

Edward inhaled, standing up quickly with a stricken look on his face. "Is that how you feel? That I've been badgering you?"

I'd regretted the comment almost as soon as I'd said it. I knew it was only the stress and frustration of my day and my own insecurities, plus I really was kind of pissed that he'd made those implications to Mike, that had caused me to lash out at him like that. Although it couldn't be denied I'd told Edward a relationship between us would be impossible and he persisted nonetheless, I knew it was far different from the way Mike continued to pester me. After all, it was difficult to convince a man you wanted nothing to do with him when you consistently responded to his touch the way I did with Edward, and truth be told I did not really want him to "stop badgering" me. As much as I told myself it was futile and self-destructive I secretly craved his attention. It was just another failing I had to own.

My heart broke a little as I took in the pale, devastated look on Edward's face. It occurred to me that I could probably end his pursuit of me once and for all if I allowed him to believe that I was feeling harassed by him but I could not bring myself to say the words. For some reason I could not look this man in the eye and lie to him. Just as I was opening my mouth to apologize and take back the words my phone rang. I briefly considered ignoring it, but the extension on my caller ID was not one that could wisely be ignored. I tried to shoot an apologetic look to Edward as I picked up the receiver but his eyes had become cool and guarded, obviously taking my actions as a dismissal of him. He inclined his head.

"I'll just leave you to your work then, Miss Swan."

I sighed in defeat as he turned and walked away, wearily putting the receiver to my ear.

"Cullen Publishing, this is Bella Swan."

"Bella," Rosalie's voice clipped out, "would you care to explain to me why I just received a very irate phone call from one of our top clients?"

"I'm assuming that you're speaking of Miss Baines?"

"Well aren't you just a clever kitten? Should I be asking if there are any other authors you've managed to piss off today?"

I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose to keep from snarking back at her. "Miss Baines and I had a slight difference of opinion at lunch today."

"I reckoned as much when she called in to cry about the inept, ignorant simpletons in our editorial department who don't know true vision when it's right in front of their eyes. Care to share with me this 'slight difference of opinion' you had?"

Her sarcasm was beginning to grate on my already stretched nerves. "Yeah, she thought her book was an incisive and rhetorical masterpiece and I thought it was a dull and predictable piece of fluff."

"Lord Almighty, you didn't say that to her, did you?"

"Of course not! I made a few suggestions for revision and advised her to try to develop the plotline a bit more….well, more. I was very careful to keep my criticism delicate and constructive. All the same she took it as a personal attack and flat out refused to make any changes."

"And you couldn't have found a more diplomatic way of making her accept these suggestions?"

"You yourself warned me that she was a difficult personality. You know how she can be. If I'd sucked up to her any harder she'd have hickeys on her ass. The fact remains that her manuscript is completely unpublishable in its current draft and she refuses to accept it. She is not a science-fiction writer."

"Well you're going to have to figure something out because she's threatening to pull her contract with us if we don't publish this book. Do you really want to cost the company a million dollar contract?"

"It's for the best interests of the company—and Lilith Baines—that I'm refusing to put her book through! I'm not exaggerating the suckiness of this manuscript." _Yeah I used the word suckiness. It may not have been the most technical term for it but it got my point across and I was too fired up and on a roll to care about it. _"If we publish that book not only will it not sell but the media will go into a feeding frenzy over it. They'll make a joke of her. Her name will lose all value and it will likely affect the sales of all future works she produces no matter how good they are. We all know all an author needs is one bad book to ruin their career and this one is worse than bad. It's a train wreck."

"I don't care what you have to do, Swan, but you _will_ find a way to salvage this. You wanted Baines and you got her. If we lose this contract it's on your head. Oh, and you should know….one of the companies she mentioned switching to was Brodwick Ink."

There was a sharp click in my ear as Rose cut off the conversation, leaving me with that last bitter piece of knowledge. I somehow successively fought the urge to childishly pound my phone on the desktop. Instead, I very calmly placed the receiver in its cradle then slid open my top left drawer and spent a moment considering the possible ramifications of combining migraine medication with Valium. Sighing, I reached in and pulled out the migraine pills—bypassing the bottle of Valium. I needed a clear head for what I was about to do, even though the mere thought of it was nearly enough to bring on a full out anxiety attack.

With trembling hands I brought up the word processor on my computer then proceeded to sit and stare at the blank screen, taking the deep calming breaths that my therapist had taught me to ward off the panic I could feel rising in my throat. _His_ voice echoed through my head, the only person I'd ever allowed to read any of my work.

_"Izzy, you're not serious about this are you? It's a cute idea and the style is decent—in a rough, amateurish sort of way—but you know it will never make it to the market. You're an editor, not a writer, babe. Stick with what you're good at. Why are you wasting your time with this when you could be climbing the rungs at work? Or, you know, lying in bed with me."_

_ "You really don't think it's any good?"_

_ "Not everyone's meant to be a writer, Iz babes. I wouldn't want you to get your hopes up just to see you get let down. This isn't the type of thing any publishing company worth its salt would accept. You know that."_

_ "I just thought…."_

_ "That because you're a good editor you could be a good writer? Everyone thinks they can write, Izzy. Very few actually can. You either have it or you don't. I'm sorry, babe, but you just don't have it. Your place is in publishing, not sitting behind a typewriter. Now put that junk away and come back to bed…"_

I'd played with writing ever since high school but I'd only ever finished one novel. It had taken all my nerve to show it to James—the only person I'd ever shown any of my work to before or since. I'd asked him to be brutally honest and he had been. It hadn't been publishable material and I couldn't deny his criticisms. He may have turned out to be a two-timing asswad in the relationship department but he'd always been a good editor, both highly intelligent and with a good intuition for what would sell, and he'd given me the unbiased editor's opinion I'd asked for. I hadn't realized until then how much stock I'd placed in that dream or how devastating it would be to watch it crash down in flames. I could only imagine how much more painful rejection would be coming from unsympathetic strangers than from a lover who'd tried to soften the blow.

I'd taken his advice and focused solely on editing from then on. I hadn't written a word of my own since. Was I completely insane for thinking I could rewrite Lilith's story any better than she had? Did I have any other choice? Lilith wasn't going to rewrite it and I refused to lose her to a competitor—to Brodwick Ink of all places. It would be like letting James have one more victory over me.

Rolling up my sleeves I swallowed the panic, pushed all concerns over the bridge I may have just burned with Edward out of my head, focused my mind and began typing.

A week had passed since that disastrous day at the office. Edward had remained quiet and remote, obviously taking my heat of the moment accusation to heart. He no longer left notes or gifts on my desk or found excuses to stop by my office and chat with me. He certainly hadn't tried again to convince me to have lunch or dinner with him. I didn't even catch him looking my way anymore. In fact, I was pretty sure he was going out of his way to avoid contact with me. Just the other day we'd been approaching the elevator at the same time but before I could even offer a friendly smile his eyes had skittered away from mine and he'd walked on toward the staircase. The pain was so shocking and sudden that for a moment it had felt as if a wrecking ball had hit me square in the chest, knocking all the breath from my lungs. I'd recovered quickly and boarded the elevator as if nothing had happened but the ghost of that pain had lingered with me all day. Even now if I thought too much about it my chest ached.

I knew I had come to depend too much on those short moments of interaction but I did not anticipate how severely I would mourn their loss. Every day that passed without a look or a touch or even one of our exchanges of witty repartee pushed that ache deeper into my chest. I missed the flirtatious looks he used to send me and the brief conversations we'd have when he stopped by my office in the mornings. The topics were always trivial, nothing too deep or personal, but I hadn't realized until then how easy it had been to talk to him or how much those insignificant conversations had come to mean to me. I found myself sneaking glances at him more and more often until it seemed I spent more of my time watching Edward than actually working but he never once looked back. I told myself that it was better this way; that this was what I had wanted all along. Edward deserved someone so much better than me—someone whole. I was not worthy of him nor was I equipped to cope with the complications a relationship with him would bring.

For that whole week I repeated that to myself as the pain of his absence and my anxieties grew. I tried to avoid thinking about it by throwing myself into the manuscript I was rewriting for Lilith, filling every spare minute I had with that distraction so I would not think about Edward, but that only brought on its own slew of anxieties. My stomach would twist and lungs labor every time I opened the document and I could hear James in my head. _You're not a writer, babe. You just don't have it. _My hands would grow clammy and my body break out in a sweat and there were times that I actually had to drop my head between my knees and focus on my breathing to keep from passing out. But I continued to work on it every free minute, both at home and at work, because there was no other choice. I would not lose the Baines contract.

As a result I blew through half my bottle of Valium. It was not lost on me that I was back to the same level of usage that I had been at before Edward had come into my life.

The weekend I had been dreading came almost as a relief. I found that I was desperate to escape the confines of the office—where Edward was always so close and yet so distant—and my own private anxieties. I was almost looking forward to a weekend of activities, relaxation and distraction. I was even looking forward to being away from Jake and Alice.

Jake had been moping more than usual, spending all his time with his Camaro and working on it into the late hours of the night. He didn't seem to want to talk about whatever was eating him, although I was pretty sure I knew. I let him be figuring he was just channeling his frustrations as I knew firsthand the backlash of letting them stew and fester, but it left me with much too much time by myself to let my own frustrations stew and fester.

And Alice had been floating around in a nauseating bubble of happiness ever since she'd returned from her "kidnapping". I mean I was happy for her, really I was, but being around all that euphoria only served to throw my own distress into stark contrast and it was growing increasingly more difficult to keep it hidden from my best friend. Alice was like a bloodhound when it came to any kind of unhappiness among her friends and she was relentless at finding both the cause and the cure for it. I wasn't ready yet to try to put all my conflicting feelings for Edward into words.

So yes, it was with some relief that I was now packed away in a car with Angela driving down a scenic mountainside. I knew I could trust her not to probe too deeply or question me over my quietude or distraction. Thus far we'd filled the length of our trip with menial conversation over work, the people worth making fun of there, the cute babies on those ETrade commercials, and celebrity love lives (mostly involving cheating husbands and the dirty hoebags they cheated with—cough, cough, Jesse James).

When I'd heard the word lodge my mind had immediately brought up images of a quaint cabin in the woods or a cozy building at the top of a ski lift with a large stone fireplace and a wide deck. The building I was currently looking down upon as we rounded a curve in the mountain could not in good conscience be classified as a lodge. It was more like a giant palace constructed of pine and glass. And it was situated in the midst of its own little kingdom. Acres of landscaped grounds stretched out in front of The Lodge. Off to the left I could make out the greens of a golf course and a very large lake; to the right there were stables and pastures and yet another golf course. Behind the building there were woods and a creek and what looked like a small village of mini replicas of The Lodge. As we drove up the fine gravel drive we passed all sorts of "antique" wooden signs pointing the way to hiking trails, biking trails, rafting, the ski lift, swimming pools…..holy crow, there was even an observatory. This place was unreal.

As Angela pulled up to the valet parking—because of course there was valet parking—she reached over and pushed my jaw back into place.

"That was pretty much my reaction the first time I came here too."

"This place is unbelievable. Do we actually get to do all this stuff?"

"Well, we're only here for three days and we do have somewhat of an itinerary to follow, but they do give us plenty of free time and a list of activities available to us. It usually covers most of the major activities the resort has to offer but some of the bigger ones—like skiing and white water rafting and kayaking—are generally off limits to us. Probably cuts a bit off the cost not to mention saving the company from injury liability."

"Shucks, and I'd so had my hopes up on breaking my leg on the ski slope. Guess I'll have to make do with playing tennis and lounging by the pool. How pedestrian."

Angela laughed. "I'm so glad you came to the company, Bella. This weekend is going to be so much more fun with you here."

We got out of the car where there was already a young man waiting patiently to unload our luggage for us and another ready to take the keys off Angela's hands. I already felt like I was being catered to like royalty and I'd only been here five minutes. I had to say I'd never had an experience even remotely like this in all my time on Brodwick Ink's payroll. It was no wonder Cullen Publishing had such a low turn-over rate….well, with the exception of Rosalie's secretaries and that was pretty much understandable.

The lobby was just as elaborate and expansive as the exterior. Angela and I made our way across the stonework floor to a wide, curving marble desk and presented out IDs. We were each handed a slick folder containing our room keys, schedule for the weekend, a list of all the hotel amenities that would be at our disposal as well as a list of anything extra we could purchase at our own expense—including a room service menu, a wine list, salon services and personal massages. I was beginning to feel way out of place here in my jeans, sneakers and girl-next-door t-shirt. Maybe I should have let Alice pack my bags like she'd begged me to.

"So it looks like we have three hours to settle in and do a little exploring before we have to meet in Ballroom C for dinner and an announcement from the CEO," Angela stated as she flipped through the itinerary.

I did a little flipping of my own. Angela was right about us having a fair amount of time left to our own devices. The only actual scheduled events on here were tonight's dinner which was followed by an optional reception of drinks and dancing, then 'elected games and activities' from one to five tomorrow, and a brunch conference on Sunday at eleven before having to check out by four. It seemed the rest of the time was our own to do as we pleased.

"What's this elected games and activities?" I asked Angela.

"Oh, there'll be a sign up sheet tonight for different sports and activities that Carlisle's had blocked off for our exclusive use during that time. It's supposed to promote teamwork and all that, but usually there's just a lot of bickering, blame-casting and at least one fight breaking out. But it is fun."

I chuckled. "Sounds exciting. I hope there's something low contact and not demanding much in the coordination department. I've never been very athletic."

"You'll be fine. We can pick something together and make fun of all the people that get overly-competitive about it all."

"Deal."

The elevator let us off on the fourth floor, the young man still behind us wheeling our luggage along for us. I'd almost forgotten he was there and wondered briefly how many odd, personal, or intimate conversations he overheard all day. That had to be one entertaining aspect to his job. As we let ourselves into our room I pulled out a few bills to tip the boy, shaking my head when he asked if there was anything else we needed.

When he was gone I took a good look at the room and squealed in delight. There were two queen size beds, a ginormous en suite bathroom complete with a jet tub, a massive flat screen TV and a glorious view of the lake and the mountain in the distance. I flopped down onto the ridiculously soft bed with my arms spread wide and sighed in pleasure. Angela mimicked my actions on the other bed and for several moments we just lay there grinning at each other. Yes, this was definitely what I needed after the stressful week I'd had. I couldn't wait to put those jets to use.

Angela jumped up. "Come on, let's get unpacked and go find something fun to do."

I plopped my suitcase down onto the bed then frowned at all the extra clothes inside of it that I couldn't remember packing. In addition to the few work outfits and the comfy, casual clothes I'd packed there was a cocktail dress, some slinky blouses and slacks, an itty bitty bikini…and negligees. Oh, Alice, you evil angel. Of course she wouldn't just take no for an answer, but for this once I was glad. The negligees I would not be making use of but I had completely forgotten about a bathing suit and the cocktail dress would certainly come in handy tonight.

I pulled the dress out to examine it. It was a deep purple halter dress with an uneven knee length hemline, virtually no back and a deep deep V-neckline that dropped nearly to the navel and could be pulled together or left wide by the adjustable ties at the bustline. Definitely a no bra type of dress. I knew for a fact this dress had not come from my closet. I would never buy myself something so risqué. I wouldn't even consider wearing it except that now that I'd seen the grandeur of this place I couldn't imagine any of my other outfits being suitable for a formal dinner in The Ballroom.

Angela gasped from behind me. "Oh, is that one of the ones Alice bought when we went shopping? I was so jealous when she bought that one, it's so cute! Oh, you have to wear it tonight, Bella. You'll look stunning."

I shrugged and hung it in the walk-in closet. "I might. I don't really think I have anything else appropriate."

"You have to. If you don't, I will!"

I laughed. "Yes, fine, I'll wear it."

We finished unpacking and I swapped my t-shirt for one of the blouses that Alice had packed, immediately feeling less out of place here. I'd have to remember to thank her when I got back.

Angela and I went on a small tour of the resort during the few hours we had to kill. I was especially grateful for the bathing suit when I saw the indoor pool. It was friggin huge with three Jacuzzis off to the side, plenty of loungers, a poolside bar, and the entire east wall was a glass panel with a view of the mountains. We also checked out the stables, pet the horses and discovered there was a guided horseback trail through the woods. That was so going on my agenda for the next day. We also checked out the arcade room (yeah, that's right, arcade room), the tennis courts and the fitness center. This place was so huge we probably could have spent a few more hours just exploring, but we had to get back to get ready for dinner.

We did not run into Edward in all that time, much as I would not admit to myself that I'd been looking for him. I wondered what time he'd arrived, what part of The Lodge he was staying in. If he would continue to give me the same cold shoulder that had been freezing me out all week. I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold out against that without having a complete breakdown and still I looked for him. I craved his nearness the way Icarus had craved the sun.

As Angela finished getting ready in the bathroom I stared at my reflection in the full-length mirror on the back of our door. My hair fell in its natural soft loose curls and Angela had sprayed something in it to make it all super shiny. The dress clung at my waist and hung about my knees in a way that actually gave me the appearance of hips. I'd tied the two sets of strings in the front as tight as they would go but it still showed a generous amount of my nonexistent cleavage and a thin strip of skin halfway down my abdomen. The strappy sandals Alice had included were bound to give me a broken ankle, but they did make my legs look long and shapely. I hardly looked like myself. I wondered if Edward would notice or if his eyes would still turn away the moment they landed on me.

Angela stepped out of the bathroom and let out a low whistle. "Bella, you look **hot**."

I blushed and tried futilely to pull the top of my dress closer together. "You don't think this dress is too…..suggestive?"

"I think it makes all the right suggestions. Edward won't be able to take his eyes off you."

"Angela! It's not like that between us…"

"I've seen the way he looks at you, Bella. You can't tell me he's not interested."

I turned back to the mirror and bit my lip. But he hadn't looked at me in over a week. I may have ruined it. And as much as I still tried to convince myself it was for the better….I wanted to see him look at me that way again. I was one messed up, selfish bitch.

"Come on, Ang, let's get going."

Angela rolled her eyes. "As you wish, Madam Subject-Changer."

I nearly groaned when we stepped out into the hallway. Coming out of a room only three doors down were Mike and Tyler. Of all the goddamned chances…600 rooms in this place and I get put in the same damn hall as Mike Newton. Fucking Universe….

He spotted us and waved enthusiastically, an ear-splitting grin on his face. His suit looked somewhat creased and rumpled and his tie was hanging a little crookedly. I fought the urge to straighten it, knowing he'd see way more into the gesture than my mild OCD tendencies and weird obsession with symmetry.

"Bella! Ang! Small world, huh? What are the odds?"

"Not high enough, apparently," I muttered to myself. Angela snickered.

"Are you guys on your way to dinner? 'Cause that's where Tyler and I were going. We can all head down together."

Fabulous.

I shrugged and continued on to the elevator, resigned to having them as our escort since we were all going to the same place anyway. Surprisingly the ride down wasn't as bad as I'd thought it would be. Neither of the boys stood too close or tried to flirt (much) and they actually told some pretty amusing stories about some of the employees' more outrageous behavior at this retreat in previous years. By the time we reached the ballroom I was in stitches over their recounting of Laurent's accidental "display" after trying to show off on the high dive in his too-tight leopard print Speedos. I could visualize it all too well.

I barely even noticed that Mike's hand was on my back until we'd stopped at a table and he was pulling out a chair for me. My smile faded a bit as I saw Jessica and Lauren already seated there. Ugh. How could I talk my way out of this situation without seeming like a complete bitch? I glanced over at Angela but she just shrugged slightly in a way that said _We're stuck now, might as well go with it_.

Tyler was already sliding in next to Lauren and slipping his arm around her while she studied her nails in apparent boredom. I noticed that she shrugged off his arm even as she placed a predatory hand on his knee under the table. Jessica smiled up at the three of us still standing and I wondered if anyone else saw the sneer hidden within that smile.

"Well, isn't this cozy? How did you all manage to find each other so quick?"

"Turns out Tyler and I are just down the hall from Ang and Bella here," Mike announced with a grin as he slung his arms around mine and Angela's shoulders. "Funny thing, huh?"

Seriously, how could he be so oblivious to the undercurrents going on here? Jessica literally looked like she wanted to claw our eyes out at the moment, and Mike was acting like we were all the best of friends. Men really could be idiots at times.

Jessica opened her mouth as if she were about to say something, then suddenly her eyes grew wide and she snapped it shut. The next thing I knew I was being wrapped from behind in the most enormous bear hug ever, my feet literally being lifted off the floor.

"Swan!" A voice boomed in my ear.

It could only have belonged to Emmett Cullen. We'd become sort of friends since that day he'd knocked me on my ass in the lobby. The time I usually left my office must have coincided with his rounds schedule since he was always there as I was leaving and we'd take the elevator together, talking and joking the whole way. We'd even started playing some harmless pranks on each other—like the rubber spider he'd left on my keyboard or the Gay Pride bumper sticker I'd had Jasper put on his car—but I hadn't realized our friendship was close enough to be on hugging terms. Let alone ridiculously tight, and public, bear hugs. I felt my face flaming red from embarrassment.

"Emmett, put me down! I'm in a dress!"

"Oh, sorry, Bella. Wasn't thinking."

He winked at me as I turned around and I knew he did it intentionally to embarrass me. I narrowed my eyes in a way to let him know that there would be revenge. Then I realized that Jasper and Edward were both standing there with him and the merriment abandoned me. Jasper was grinning but Edward's face was unreadable as he gazed briefly at me before shifting his eyes to include the entire group. He'd barely even glanced at my dress. The ache in my chest reawakened with a vengeance.

Jessica wasted no time in latching onto Mike's newly freed arm even as she batted her eyes at Edward. "I have to say, you guys have gone totally out with this weekend. I mean, it's always totally bitchin, but this year is like wicked bad. Not bad-bad, but like, awesome-bad, you know? And the gift baskets in the room? I was like 'No way! This is the best year ever. There's like no way they're ever going to top this and we're only in the first night, you know?' I can't wait to—"

"I'm glad you're enjoying the retreat thus far," Edward cut her off. (Thanks God cause who knew how much longer she'd rattle on like that. At least I knew I wasn't the only one with verbal diarrhea around Edward.) "Be sure to fill out the questionnaire at the end to tell us what you enjoyed most or what you think we should change."

"Oh, I totally wouldn't change a thing! And this ballroom? Oh my God, it's so gorgeous. It's like—"

"So, Bella, is this where you're sitting tonight?" Jasper inquired.

Jessica was still going on—something about a scene out of some Disney movie or something—but I don't think anyone was actually listening to her. I glanced nervously over at Edward but he was studiously avoiding my gaze, staring off toward the center of the room with his hands shoved in his pockets. My chest ached that much more to see him looking so stiff and uncomfortable and knowing I was likely the cause. He hadn't forgiven me still for that rash comment. Not that I had any right to ask forgiveness. I'd all but accused him of harassment. I turned back to Jasper who was looking at me with just a little too much understanding.

"Um, yeah, I guess."

"Good pick. They'll be serving this side first. So you'll dance with me later, right?"

He must have noticed my _Huh?_ look since he started chuckling. "Alice told me I could count on you since she couldn't be here this weekend. You wouldn't leave me hanging, would you?"

"Um, no. I mean, yeah. Sure I'll dance with you."

"Guys, we'd better sit down. They're about to start serving and I'm starving!"

We all laughed a little at Emmett's eagerness to eat, dispelling a lot of the tension that had fallen over the group. Jasper shot me a wink, Emmett fist-bumped my shoulder on his way past, and Edward's eyes skimmed right over me as he respectfully inclined his head to the entire table before following Emmett and Jasper to the head table.

I sat down with a sigh and Angela shot me a questioning look, obviously curious about the sudden strain between Edward and me, but I just shook my head at her and she let it drop. That was one of the things I loved about Angela.

"Bella, I didn't know you were so tight with the higher-ups." Jessica's eyes bounced from me to Mike then to the three men who'd just left our table. "You sure do work fast, don't you?"

I grit my teeth. "Jasper's recently begun dating one of my best friends. It's only sensible for he and I to be at ease with each other."

"Convenient," Lauren muttered.

"Yes, it is convenient." I snapped at her. "He makes my friend extremely happy and she deserves every happiness she can get. She's one of the _kindest_, most amazing people I know."

I didn't get the satisfaction of getting a reaction out of Lauren. If anything her expression just turned all the more contemptuous. "Looked like Emmett was awfully _at ease_ with you too. How do you do it? I think Edward was the only one immune to your charms."

"Edward's immune to everyone's charms," Jessica pouted. "I think the gay rumors are true."

"Oh, I don't know," Lauren stated, staring at me with a malicious glee I did not at first understand. "Renata from accounting was telling me all about how she went to this quaint little seafood restaurant just last weekend and who should she see there but Edward Cullen? Apparently he was getting _very_ cozy with some gorgeous strawberry blond. According to Renata the two were just all over each other. Said she could feel the sexual tension from all the way across the room."

The wine I was sipping on suddenly left a very sour taste in my mouth. I felt the blood drain from my face and my eyes snapped over to where Edward was seated. I couldn't see his face as his back was to me, but I could see that he had his head bowed and was listening intently to the brunette at his side. It vaguely sank into me that she must be his mother as Carlisle was standing behind her with his hand on her shoulder, but all of that paled beside the fact that Edward had been out with _Tanya…_.that vile, boob-flashing bitch.

Nessie's words from the car that day came back to haunt me. _He's a major catch. You better snatch him up quick or someone else will_.

I had almost convinced myself that I'd be able to accept it when he moved on from me. That that was what I wanted because he deserved to be happy. He deserved to have someone who was worthy of him. I had just arrogantly believed it would take a little more time for him to move on. Or perhaps I had just hoped it would. And Tanya? She was so **not** worthy of him. There was no way I could sit back and let that venomous, gold-digging bimbo sink her claws into him.

I turned my attention back to the table as Mike cleared his throat nervously. "So what's everyone thinking bout signing up for tomorrow? I had my eye on that golf course. How bout you, Ty?"

From then on the conversation hovered pretty much around safe topics. Every now and then I could see Lauren and Jessica trying to get in subtle barbs but I'd decided not to give them the satisfaction of a response and Angela always managed to steer us back to something neutral. A couple times Mike tried to touch my hand or arm but I always managed to shift away and before long he was directing most of his attention to Jessica again. I couldn't say it was the most comfortable hour of my life, but it could have been worse.

Carlisle did in fact stand and give a brief, motivational speech although I was unable to focus my attention on much of it. Mostly I just watched Edward: the way he held his fork in his right hand and cut with his left, the way the muscles in his throat worked as he swallowed his wine, the way the lights in the room brought out the reddish hues in his hair. We were served a three course meal which I was sure was five star quality but I barely tasted any of it. I couldn't even have said if I'd eaten chicken or steak. I was too busy visualizing Tanya running her red tipped fingers through that wild hair, leaning in to whisper seductively in his ear….and Edward smiling and returning her sultry looks. By the end of the meal I was ready to ralph up every bit of food I'd eaten.

I lingered as the music started only because I had promised Jasper a dance although I really wanted nothing more than to escape to my room—away from Edward's coldness. I pasted a smile on my face as Jasper took my hand and began to lead me in a dance but I knew I would not be able to fool him with it. He always seemed to see past my façades to the real emotions underneath.

"So how did you like the meal?"

"It was delicious."

Jasper chuckled as he twirled me in a circle. "Liar. You didn't taste a bite of it."

"Then why did you bothering asking?"

"To see if you would admit it. What happened with you two? You've both been acting out of sorts all week."

I shrugged. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You need to work on your lying skills, darlin. You can't lie worth spit."

"You must have done an amazing job with the trip you took Alice on. She hasn't been able to talk about anything else since she got back. I'm really glad you guys got all that straightened out."

Jasper grinned. "And your subject-changing skills're about as a subtle as a two-bit whore in church. But I'll let you get away with it since I owe you a major debt of gratitude. Don't know what I would have done if I hadn't been able to get Alice to talk to me again."

"You guys would have worked it out somehow. You don't owe me anything. I can see how happy you make her and that's all the repayment I need."

"Still, you ever need anything you just let me know. Even if it's just a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on."

I nodded, unable to talk past the sudden, unexpected lump in my throat, and leaned my head on his shoulder.

"Stop hogging the newbie, Hale!"

A watery laugh escaped me as Emmett's voice cut into our private little bubble and before I knew it I was being pulled from Jasper's arms and whisked somewhat clumsily across the dance floor in Emmett's jovial but not quite as skilled embrace. We bumped into at least three couples and twice I stumbled and nearly lost my footing from the force with which he spun me out. But it was fun and diverting and I couldn't help laughing at the ridiculous way he shook his hips and danced offbeat. He looked like a complete buffoon but seemed to be having so much fun that I just gave in and mimicked his movements, joining him in the buffoonery.

"Not that I'm not having fun here, but shouldn't you be dancing with your wife?"

"Rose won't dance in public with me." He grinned. "I think she's afraid I'll show her up."

"Yeah, that must be it."

He feigned an offended look. "Are you mocking these moves?"

"Oh, I'd never!"

"No, you're definitely mocking. I'm sensing a challenge here. Now I'm going to have to bring it."

I watched in hysterical disbelief as he suddenly busted into a series of Running Man, Lawnmower, Sprinkler, and I'm not sure what the last one was but I think he might have been trying to moon walk. By the time he'd run through all his "moves" the crowd had formed a circle around us to watch. He looked up and grimaced.

"Uh-oh. Rosie looks pissed. She hates when I make a scene like that. Here."

He grabbed my hands and skip-hopped me in circles across the floor until I thought I might fall over from the dizziness. I thudded against a hard body as Emmett finally released me.

"Eddie can take over from here," he stated. "I gotta go kiss my wife's ass or she might not let me put that Jacuzzi to use tonight."

I froze for a moment as the all too familiar scent washed over my senses. I turned and looked up at an equally dumbfounded Edward. I dropped my gaze immediately.

"I'm, um, sorry. I'll just…I'll go and…"

I trailed off as he took me hesitantly into his arms and began slowly swaying to the beat with me. I snuck at peek up at him but he was gazing above my head, his eyes distant and expression blank. My courage fled and I stared back down at my feet.

"How's your week been?" he asked after what seemed like forever.

I glanced up again, but he still wasn't looking at me.

"Um, busy," I mumbled.

It grew silent and awkward again and I wondered if I shouldn't make my excuses and go but I couldn't bring myself to pull out of his embrace, as stiff as it was. I'd missed his touch too much. I was like a pathetic addict desperately licking out the remnants of someone else's drink. My mind brought up memories of the last time we'd danced like this together. Our bodies had been flush against each other then, moving in sync with one another. Now there was a distance and a rigidity that just felt wrong. In that moment I felt myself weakening, wishing I could take back the space I'd put between us both literally and figuratively. I felt cold and my body moved seemingly of its own accord, creeping closer, seeking his warmth. I thought I felt his head lean in towards mine and then the air was rustling through my hair as his chest suddenly expanded. Was that….did he just sniff me?

"Did you just sniff me?" I blurted out.

Edward froze. "No, of course not."

I snuck another peek and this time he was staring hard at the wall, his jaw clenched and a slight flush across his cheekbones. Edward Cullen was blushing. He'd totally sniffed me! I shouldn't have felt as elated as I did over it but the pleasure swept through me all the same. But my bubble of joy popped as the music ended and he shoved me away from him.

"Song's over," he muttered and stalked away.

I was left standing in the middle of the dance floor, stunned and hurt by his abrupt departure. He hadn't even bothered to come up with a polite excuse. It seemed I'd pushed him too far away. He didn't even want to be friends with me anymore. I blindly made my way over to the open bar, suddenly in desperate need of a drink.

"Bella dear! What a surprise! You never told me you worked for my husband."

I gaped at the woman who had just turned from the bar.

"Esme?"

I suddenly realized this was the woman who'd been sitting next to Edward at the head table. Esme of _Esme's_, the woman who had been the only calm in the storm that was my life these past couple weeks, the woman who had offered me solace and advice and somehow (perhaps with the help of the best hot cocoa and chocolate cake I'd ever had in my life) had me spilling more intimate details of my life than I'd ever shared with either of my parents or my closest friends, the woman who I secretly idolized as the perfect mother figure….was Edward's mom and Carlisle's wife.

"I didn't know…" I stuttered out as I racked my brains for what _exactly_ I had told her. I didn't think I'd mentioned much about my situation with Edward or ever actually used his name, perhaps just the bare essentials of the situation and my own conflicting feelings about it. She did, however, know all about my James and Victoria history, my strained relationship with my father, my diabolical aunt and her evil offspring, and my anxiety over having anxiety. Good Lord, what hadn't I told this woman? She was like some secret master spy, eliciting information over seemingly harmless milk and cookies.

"Oh, I should have guessed. I think at least half of my usual lunch crowd works at Cullen Publishing. I swear he's bribing his employees to come over and keep my diner in business."

"Esme, I can honestly say it's your diner that keeps your diner in business. That place is awesome and the food is to die for."

Esme grinned and hooked her arm through mine. "I think I'm going to keep you near me for a while. You're good for my ego. How are you enjoying the resort so far? This is always one of my favorite weekends. But then I don't have to do any of those silly activities that you do. I always tell Carlisle he should just set you all free and let you enjoy yourselves for the weekend but he insists these things encourage teamwork. I'm more convinced that it only leads to competitiveness and raunchy flirtations but he's the businessman. And he's made such a success of both our businesses so I suppose he knows what he's doing."

I eyed the drink in her hand and wondered how many she'd had by the way she was rambling. Not to mention her cheeks had a nice rosy glow to them.

"Oh! I'm so sorry. You didn't get your drink, did you?" She turned back to the bar, effectively cutting back in front of the rest of the line. "Bartender! We need another one of these, please."

I glanced nervously at the rest of the people in the line but no one said anything about Esme's line jumping or even sent us a dirty look. I guess that's one of the perks of being the boss's wife.

"Try one of these, Bella, they're fantastic. You'll love it."

I took a sip of the drink and agreed with her that it was, in fact, fantastic. I had no idea what was in it but it kind of tasted like Skittles. I sipped the drink and shifted awkwardly on my feet, praying she wouldn't ask me about the guy at work who'd had me in such a state lately.

"So I saw you dancing with my son earlier."

I just barely managed not to spit my drink all over her.

"Emmett can be such a ham," she continued, allowing my heart to kick back into gear. "Rose has her hands full with that one. I don't know how she tolerates him sometimes. I guess it's just a good thing they love each other so much. It was nice you let him let loose and have fun, though. I know how much of a clown he can be."

"Emmett's not so bad. He's kind of a goofball but he's also a pretty good guy."

"Oh, I know. Believe it or not Emmett's not the one I worry about at times. Edward is."

My mouth dropped open in disbelief. "Edward? But he's so…"

Esme smiled grimly. "Smart? Responsible? Successful? Yes, he is all those things. But I worry that he takes life too seriously. He expects so much from himself…"

"But isn't that a good thing?"

"Not when he doesn't allow himself to make mistakes." She chuckled softly and shook her head a little. "I'll never forget the time he was twelve and I found him sitting in his room staring at the wall. I asked him what he was doing and he said he'd grounded himself. Apparently he and Emmett had gotten into a fight and during the tussle they'd broken one of my lamps."

"So he'd grounded himself?"

"He's always been very hard on himself for any negative consequences of his actions. I know not many women would say they wish their son would have rebelled more as a teenager—skipped a few classes, got caught with a cigarette, even brought home just one failed test—but I guess I'm not most women. Sometimes it's our mistakes that teach us the most about ourselves, you know? I just wish he could unbend a little, have fun like Emmett, learn to break a few rules."

My breath caught a little and I turned to look at her but she was sipping slowly from her glass and gazing off into the crowd. I followed her line of vision to where Edward and Carlisle were standing with their heads together, both of them staring down at their smartphones.

"There's more to life than work and ambition," she mumbled into her glass, her eyes sliding over to mine with an odd brightness that I decided was due to the alcohol. Then she offered me a crooked grin that reminded me startlingly of Edward's. "My son acts like a centenarian trapped in a young man's body."

I laughed a little. "I can't tell you the number of times he's reminded me of a man from a previous century."

"You work with him closely then, Bella? What department are you in?"

My mouth opened and shut soundlessly. Wow, she'd neatly trapped me into that one.

"I'm in editing."

"Oh, you do then! Tell me, does my son still drive himself relentlessly? How many nights a week does he stay over?"

"Oh, I wouldn't…that is I don't…I'm sure I haven't paid enough attention to be able to say…"

"Come on, Bella. Surely you've noticed if he's still in his office when you leave. Don't you work on the same floor?"

"Yeah, but…I guess he stays over quite a bit."

Esme shook her head. "Typical. Like father like son. Carlisle doesn't know how to leave the office at work either. But I guess that's what makes them the men they are. I'm just glad there's finally a woman in Edward's life to help remind him that he's young. With any luck he'll be smart enough to hang onto this one."

My eyes snapped to Esme. There was a woman in his life? So it was true then…he was dating Tanya. I'd finally succeeded in pushing him away—straight into Tanya's avaricious arms. The knowledge made me sick inside. Esme caught my look and obviously misinterpreted it.

"I'm a mother, not a fool. I know he hasn't lived like a monk, but I have a feeling about this one. I knew he was never serious about any of those other girls but I can already tell this one's different. It's the first time he's ever asked to use the family beach house in San Diego. That has to mean something, don't you think?"

I hummed a vague response and threw back the rest of my drink in one large swallow. My stomach was pulling into hard, tight knots and I knew I didn't want to hear any more about Edward and Tanya. I nudged Esme as I noticed Carlisle's gaze begin searching through the crowd.

"I think your husband is looking for you."

"Oh! Have you met him yet? Let me introduce you."

Edward was still standing beside him. I shook my head and lifted my empty glass.

"I've met him actually, thank you. And I think I'm going to get another drink. Go dance with your husband. I'll catch up with you later."

"All right, dear. Go ahead and enjoy yourself." She winked at me. "You deserve to have some fun in your life again."

I nodded at her as she began weaving her way through the crowd then turned with a sigh to make my way back over to the bar. The line had disappeared for the moment as most the people were either on the dance floor or already had their drinks by now. I placed my empty glass on the bar and asked for another. As he prepared the drink for me I leaned my back against the bar and stared listlessly around the room, my mind still dwelling on the information Esme had unknowingly supplied me with. I turned around as a shot glass bumped against my elbow.

"You looked like you could use one."

The bartender, a young man who looked to be in his early twenties and was probably working his way through school, leaned against the other side of the bar with another shot glass resting in front of him. He had a slim build, slightly tousled medium-brown hair, soft brown eyes, and a boyish smile. He would probably be considered attractive by anyone who had never met Edward Cullen. I glanced down at the shot.

"What is it?"

"It's one of my own creations. I call it a Pink Lady."

"It's not pink," I stated.

He shrugged. "I name all my shots after my favorite movie characters."

"Olivia Newton John?"

The bartender shook his head. "Michelle Pfeiffer."

I laughed. "I never thought I'd hear anyone else admit to liking _Grease 2._"

"What can I say? I'm a sucker for musicals and there's just something about hot blondes on motorcycles." He paused as his eyes grew comically wide. "Not that there's anything wrong with brunettes! Especially brunettes in purple dresses…"

My smile widened as I shook my head. "Nice try, but your recovery needs some work."

"I'm sorry. I get a little flustered around outrageously beautiful women."

I felt the blush creep in as I dropped my gaze.

"That one was better," I mumbled.

"I hope you don't mind my saying but you don't seem to fit in with the rest of this crowd."

"What? Why not?" Shit, was it that obvious that I wasn't as sophisticated as everyone else? Had I used the wrong fork or something, or did I just lack the general air of confidence that most of these people carried?

"Well, the type of people we usually get here…they're just so stuffy. So centered on themselves and their money. You just seem…more real. More human. It's a good thing, trust me. So, Gorgeous, are you going to do this shot with me or are you going to let this high quality liqueur go to waste?"

I eyed him warily for a moment, knowing he was flirting with me and unsure whether I should encourage it or not. He seemed harmless enough and Esme **had** told me to enjoy myself….that I deserved some fun in my life. Besides, it wasn't like he was a coworker and it had been so long since I had casually flirted with a man. Two years ago I would have just enjoyed the banter and had fun without having to analyze it to death. I doubted a woman like _Tanya_ would even have to think twice about it.

I reach across and offered my hand. "Only if you call me Bella?"

"Bella? What a perfect name."

He grinned as he took my hand and lifted it to his lips. Somehow that gesture had seemed swoony and romantic when Edward had done it and had sent warm tingles all up my arm. With Riley it seemed somewhat cheesy and calculated, but his eyes were warm and his smile was genuine and contagious. I reminded myself that not everyone could pull off Edward's level of effortless charm.

"I'm Riley," he said, releasing my hand.

I picked up my glass and tapped it against his.

"Cheers."

**AN: Ah….it feels so good to post again. Thank you all for your endless patience. This wouldn't be near as much fun without all my awesome readers. Stop by and leave some love—you know I love hearing from you!**


	20. PJ and Cuervo

**AN: So I was trying really hard to get this chapter up before Christmas, but I just couldn't quite make it. Too much holiday madness….and baking. Oh the baking! Hope everyone had a great Christmas, though, and here's one last belated gift—another EPOV. I know how you love them. I didn't expect everyone to react so strongly to the last chapter, so I'm sorry for anyone who was upset by it and hopefully this one cheers you up! **

**EPOV**

I set down the champagne glass I was holding before it could shatter in my grip. Bella was still talking to that smarmy bartender with the Cheshire grin and had been for almost ten minutes now. I watched in misery as she laughed and bestowed on him the smile I had been missing this past week of hell. God, had it been only a week? It seemed like a year had passed since I'd seen that easy smile grace her face. It wasn't until I'd chased it away that I realized how truly imperative that smile had become to me. It was as though I'd been deprived of the sun itself. Seeing it shine now on _that boy_ was no easier than not seeing it at all.

What the fuck could she see in him anyway? He was obviously young, probably not yet out of University if he was even attending. His mouth was too big for his face. Every time he smiled I half expected his body to disappear into a puff of smoke. His hair looked like it had been trimmed with hedge clippers. Then there were the tattoos on his forearms, and I could see another one creeping out of the collar of his shirt and climbing up his neck. Is that what she went for? Guys with tattoos?

Emmett caught my eye from across the room. He glanced over at Bella then back at me, raising his eyebrows questioningly. I shook my head at him. He and Jasper had been running interference for me most of the evening, snatching Bella away every time another man approached her. I had not exactly asked them to do so, but they knew from my behavior this past week that all was not well and they had seen my reaction when Bella, wearing that dress, had come into the ballroom with Mike—not pushing him away as usual but _laughing_ with him. When his hand had landed on her back and she didn't shrug it off I nearly blew my top.

When Emmett had seen this he'd immediately moved in to take her away from Mike's side and I'd followed behind helplessly. We'd got there just in time to hear Mike bragging about how close his room was to Bella's and it was a good thing his arm was no longer around her because I swear I would have punched him in the face then and there. I couldn't even look at Bella for fear she'd see the irrational rage in my eyes. Jasper had quickly joined in the cause, using the lie that Alice had promised Bella would dance with him. Between him and Emmett no other guy had been able to get close to her on the dance floor.

It shamed me to admit that I had not only allowed their behavior but encouraged it. It was selfish of me, I know, this "If I can't have her no one can" mentality but God I didn't think I could bear to watch her with anyone else. Certainly not after the misery of the week I'd had. I never knew it would take every last ounce of my control just to stay away from her. Every time I looked up from my desk she was there, diligently working, heartbreakingly beautiful, filled with a quiet strength and yet still somehow giving off that subtle air of fragility. I literally ached to touch her, to feel her body yielding against mine, but equally as strong was my desire just to hear her voice or see her smile. I even missed her dry sarcasm and sassy remarks. Bella's sharp wit was one of things I enjoyed most about her. There was rarely anything to which she did not have a comeback. Life was suddenly unbearably dull and dreary.

It got to the point that I had to shut my door and close my blinds to prevent myself from finding any feeble excuse available to cross over to her office. It went against every fiber of my being but this time I had no choice but to respect her wish to be left alone. She had expressed her wishes from the very beginning but I had pushed anyway, believing in my arrogance that I could change her mind…that I could be what she needed. Instead all I'd done was hurt and frighten her. I'd known she was vulnerable, that she was still recovering from whatever trauma and not yet ready to trust again but I'd pushed her all the same. Even after I'd promised that I wouldn't pressure her….I'd betrayed my own word and pushed her to the point that she felt harassed.

I closed my eyes, thinking of all the unfair advantages I'd taken with her. I'd plied her with champagne and all but tried to seduce her on the dance floor. I'd basically attacked her while she was still disoriented from her fainting spell—which again I had caused. All the times I cornered her in her office just to see the way she got all flustered when I flirted with her or stood just a little too close…because I'd rationalized that I could be good for her, that she wanted me too, when in truth I was just trying to serve my own selfish needs. Hell, I'd even told her I was going to have her screaming my name. Anyone less gracious than Bella would have already filed a sexual harassment suit against me. It was no more than I deserved.

I sighed and picked up my champagne glass again, tossing back the contents before replacing it with another full glass off the tray of a passing waiter. This evening was becoming one long lesson in agony. I longed to just escape, to go back to my room and shut everyone else out, but I could not bring myself to leave while she remained. I was like the moth to her flame. It was killing me to be so untouchably close to her but even still I was unable to resist her pull. She was my drug of choice and I needed my fix. If this was as close as I could get to her then I'd take what I could for as long as I could.

"Edward, it's time you stopped brooding in this corner and danced with your mother."

I jumped a bit, forcing a smile as I turned to the woman who had always inspired me to be the best that I could be. Sometimes it still surprised me how beautiful she still was. No one looking at Esme would guess that she was in her early fifties and already raised two wild boys…three if you counted Jasper.

"Is that what I was doing? I thought I was enjoying my solitude."

"Pssht. Solitude is for grumpy old men and women with too many cats. Devilishly attractive young men shouldn't even know the meaning of the word. Now show me some of those moves my money paid for."

I grinned as I took her into my arms and began to lead her across the floor with a skill developed from the years of ballroom dance lessons she'd forced on us. They'd been wasted on Emmett but I'd taken to the lessons with an ease that still delighted Esme. My mother loved to dance and it was common knowledge that Emmett had inherited his dancing skills from our father.

"So are you going to tell me why you were brooding in the corner by yourself rather than dancing with any number of these women here who've been eyeing you like candy?"

"Because the only woman here worth dancing with was busy having her toes stepped on by a clumsy old man."

"Your father's not that bad."

"Is that why you've been limping around all night?"

"Oh, I have not!"

"You're right. It was more of a drunken stagger. How many drinks have you had?"

"Not so many that I can't still tan your hide, you insolent child."

I chuckled, giving her a quick little spin just to hear her laugh.

"So Dad tells me you still haven't hired a replacement for Marla."

"And I'll tell you just as I told your father that Marla's only on maternity leave and I can cover for her just fine until she comes back. And don't think I don't know you're changing the subject."

"That's a fulltime shift, Ma. You've been working the Monday through Friday lunch shift for a few weeks now, not to mention still doing all the weekly paperwork yourself. And I know for a fact you pulled a double last Tuesday when one of the evening girls called in sick. You shouldn't work so hard. Besides, what if Marla decides to only come back part-time? It would be good for you to have another person in there."

"You sound just like your father."

"Well, he's a smart guy. And he'd probably like to have his wife home occasionally to spend time with."

"Oh, posh. He's spends far more time at work than I do. And I like putting time in at the diner. It gives me first-hand knowledge of which areas are working well and which ones need adjustment and it keeps me sympathetic to my employees. Plus I enjoy the interaction with the customers. The house gets so lonely since you boys moved out."

"You'll have grandkids before you know it. I heard Em say he and Rose are already trying."

"I know, isn't it lovely? Rose will make such a good mother."

I raised an eyebrow. "Are we talking about the same person?"

"Oh, be nice. She has a very loving heart once she lets a person into it, and you know how she adores children."

I nodded absently, having just noticed that I'd unconsciously been moving us across the floor until we were just a few feet from the bar. Bella was still there, leaning against the bar and sipping on her drink while the hotshot bartender was busy mixing up someone else's drink. She looked up and for a long moment our eyes caught, neither one of us looking away. Then she dropped her eyes and that lovely blush filled her cheeks. God, I'd missed that blush.

"You should ask her to dance again."

I looked at my mother. "Rose?"

Esme laughed. "I think Rose would snap your head off if you even suggested dancing to her. No, dear, I mean Bella. That girl needs to learn how to let loose again and have a little fun."

"You know Bella?"

"Of course. She comes into the diner all the time. I've gotten to know her quite well. Poor child. She's been through so much lately…"

"She told you? What…what has she been through?"

I didn't realize I'd stopped dancing until my mother cleared her throat and brought the hand I'd dropped back to her waist. I began moving again, going through the steps on automatic as I looked at her expectantly.

"If she hasn't talked to you about it then I really can't betray her confidence. She'll tell you when she's ready."

I shook my head. I very much doubted Bella would be telling me anything. I'd successfully destroyed any chances I may have had at gaining her trust. I'd asked too much of her too soon. It hardly seemed possible I'd only known her two months. How could it seem like I'd always known her and yet been waiting for her all my life? It had only been two months but it felt like years and that was all it took for me to know she was it for me. I'd felt the click since that moment I'd seen her in the diner, as if my world had finally shifted into focus, and it only became more clear the more I'd gotten to know her. I'd been impatient, wanting more from her than she was ready to trust me with. I should have been a friend to her first. If I'd done things right perhaps she would have felt comfortable confiding in me. Instead I just put her guard up now every time I got close to her. It was unlikely now that she would ever tell me what had put that guard there in the first place.

Esme placed a hand on my face, bringing my attention back to her. "Patience, son. You've always had an overabundance of it; put it to good use now."

"Am I that transparent?"

"I know my son, and I saw you with her earlier."

"I'm her boss, Mom…."

"I've never known you to let a few roadblocks stand in your way before."

"There are rules—"

"Screw the rules. Life is more important than a few silly rules and much shorter than most people realize. Now, are you going to keep letting her stand over there by herself? Because I can promise you a girl like her won't be left by herself for long."

I glanced over and saw that Bella was once again conversing with the bartender. I was going to be having words with that boy's manager. He was supposed to serving the fucking drinks, not flirting with the guests. Even as I watched he scribbled something on a napkin and slid it across the bar towards Bella. My jaw clenched and breath caught as I waited for her to accept what I knew had to be his phone number. She looked at it, hesitating as she reached her hand for the napkin, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. Then, to my surprise, she shook her head and slid the napkin back to him, softening the blow with a gentle smile. She hadn't taken it. Thank fuck she hadn't taken it.

"Edward, you're crushing my hand."

"Oh." I let up my grip on my mother's hand, grinning bashfully at the raised eyebrow she was giving me. "Sorry."

"She wouldn't be talking to that young man if someone would have the good sense to take her out on the dance floor."

I couldn't tell my mother that I couldn't ask Bella to dance because I'd harassed her to the point that she'd asked me to leave her alone. I was too ashamed. I'd already broken my original promise not to pressure her. I had to back off now to prove that I was no threat to her. It was important that she felt safe with me, and it was through my own stupidity that I'd left her feeling threatened. The choice had to be hers. If I was ever going to have a chance with her then she had to make the next move. I only prayed to God that she made it soon because only a week had passed and I was already cracking. I didn't know how much longer I could take of this.

I spotted a group of the printing floor guys heading for the bar and my eyes immediately turned to seek out Emmett. Jasper caught my eye, however, already on his way to intercept Bella. He nodded and raised his glass to me and I sighed in relief.

"I didn't know Jasper and Bella were so close."

I looked at my mother, afraid she had seen the exchange between Jasper and myself, but there was no maternal outrage in her eyes, merely curiosity.

"The girl that's had him grinning like a fool the past month or so is Bella's best friend."

"Oh, that's so sweet….Oh, you mean Alice!" My eyes widened as I watched my mother erupt into a fit of laughter. "Jasper is the one! Oh, I can't believe it. He's the reason for the milkshake and the huge-ass plate of cheese fries! Oh, this is too good. I wish I'd known it then."

"I'm….confused?"

"Of course you are, darling. Tell me, did Jasper and Alice work out their little misunderstanding?"

"Um, yeah…about two weeks ago…"

"Did she make him work for it? I never would have thought that Jasper of all people could make a blunder like that…"

"How do you know all this?"

"I run a diner, darling. That practically certifies me as a therapist."

"For the entire world? Is there anyone you don't know?"

"Don't be silly. I'm sure there are plenty of people outside of Portland that I've never met."

"I'm beginning to wonder…."

My eyes trailed back over to Bella. I was secretly hoping that Jasper would take her onto the floor again and deposit her with me much the way Emmett had earlier, although I knew how obvious that would be. I had been both shocked and unprepared when Emmett had done that. It had been heaven and hell to hold her in my arms again. I'd had to lock all my muscles to keep from pulling her right up against me and just keeping her there. I'd thought she'd moved a little closer on her own and in a moment of weakness I'd inhaled the sweet strawberry scent of her hair. Of course she'd caught me. I'd been embarrassed and terrified she would retreat from me again and as a result I'd pushed away from her myself, stalking off to the corner to try to gain control of myself again. Now I wished I'd held onto her just a little bit longer. Who knew when I would get another chance?

To my disappointment Jasper didn't take her onto the dance floor. They merely stood off to the side of it and talked—about Alice most likely, Jasper talked of little else these days. Angela joined them and after a few moments of them all talking together I saw Bella nodding and then walking away with Angela. I wondered what it was women did in the bathrooms that they always had to go together.

"Thank you for indulging an old woman on the dance floor, Edward. I can see you're becoming distracted, though, so I think I'll go risk my toes with your father again."

"I'm sorry, Mom. I should be paying more attention to you."

She laughed, waving me off as she walked away. "No, you shouldn't be."

I sighed and shoved my hands into my pockets. I didn't think I would ever actually understand that woman, but I knew I was lucky to have her—to have both the parents I had. Not many people were so lucky. My thoughts drifted toward Bella, as always, and the few things she had told me about her childhood. It was obvious that her father hadn't been involved in much of her life and it sounded more like she had raised her mother than the other way around. I wondered when she'd ever had the chance to be a child herself. When had anyone ever taken care of her?

I turned and joined Jasper at the bar. The printing floor crew was still huddled there, scoping out the room for their prey. I clipped Jazz on the shoulder and he handed me one of the two whiskeys he was holding.

"Thanks for stepping in a minute ago. The vultures were descending again."

Jasper nodded. "Yeah, I'd noticed. What's going on between you two anyway? The tension rolling off either'n ya is enough to give me a headache."

I shook my head. "I screwed up, Jazz, and the only way I can see to fix it is to step back for a while."

"Well, from the looks of both your sorry faces I'd say ya both screw up and neither one of you knows how to fix it."

I handed him my empty glass. "Just get me another whiskey."

He laughed as he turned to order two more. "You'll be walking on a slant before midnight," he warned me.

I glanced at my watch. "That's only an hour away. And I could drink you under the table any day."

"Says the guy who attended a whopping one keg party during college."

"That's because I took real classes in college that I actually had to study for. None of that art appreciation and zen meditation bullshit."

Jasper smiled. "It was Mysticism, Spirituality, and Alternative Healing. Meditation was only one of the topics we covered. You should try it sometime. It might help with those nerves you've always got stretched so tight."

I shrugged. "Whiskey works faster."

I let my eyes roam the room. I saw that my mother had indeed pulled dad back out onto the dance floor. I winced as Carlisle tried leading with his right foot to make a basic Rock Left Turn but Esme just smiled and did a small shuffle spin that saved her toes and had them both turning in the right direction.

Emmett and Rose were both seated back at the table, Rose smiling serenely and sipping from her champagne while Emmett was leaning in and whispering something, rated X no doubt, into her ear. His hands were nowhere to be seen and I didn't stop to dwell on what he might be doing with them. I gave it no more than twenty minutes before they both headed back to their room.

Mike and Jessica appeared to be having a heated argument near the exit. She was gesturing wildly and doing a lot of finger jabbing while Mike stood with his arms crossed and sulked like a little boy who'd just been sent to bed without dessert. He must have said something to piss her off because she huffed and stormed away, snagging Lauren by the wrist and dragging her out of the ballroom. I smirked. Looked like those four wouldn't be playing Room Swap tonight.

I glanced back at the pretty-boy bartender and saw that he was already working his magic on one of the women from Accounting. What a cad. I felt an illogical outrage on Bella's behalf, wanting to punch him in the face for so easily switching his affections to another woman when less than an hour ago I wanted to punch him the face for bestowing them on Bella at all. What the fuck was wrong with me? This woman was turning me into a nonsensical Neanderthal.

Speaking of whom, I just realized that she and Angela had not returned from the restroom yet. What could they be doing in there?

"She left," Jasper stated.

"What?"

"I saw you looking for her just now. She and Angela went back to their room. Something about PJ and Cuervo."

"PJ and Cuervo?"

He lifted a shoulder. "They didn't explain and I didn't ask. Sounds like something Alice would make up and if that's the case then we're probably better off not knowing."

Disappointment moved through me. It had been a hellacious evening to be so close to her and pretend that her presence did not affect me but at least I had been able to see her. I could watch the smile bloom across her face, the one that never quite seemed to reach her eyes and yet still managed to light up the room anyway. I could watch the blush fill her cheeks and hear her laughter fill the air. I could watch the way that dress hugged her hips and left so much of her porcelain skin exposed. God, it had been a struggle not to reach out and touch that skin, but I found I would embrace that struggle again if it meant I could at least see it.

"You're fixing to leave now, aren't you?"

I smirked at Jasper. "How'd you guess?"

"Call it a hunch. I'll head up with you. I've near about had my fill of these folks tonight."

"You're going up to call Alice, aren't you?"

"Darn tootin'."

"I've never had much cause to envy you before, but I do now."

"I am a lucky son of a bitch. Just give it time, partner. She'll come around. Feelings can only be denied for so long."

"I wish I was as sure as you."

"You're not looking with an objective eye. That girl gravitates toward you whether she admits it to herself or not. The way you two move when you're in the same room…" he shook his head "…it's like watching a choreographed dance."

"What? We hardly ever even come into contact with each other." To my regret.

"You don't have to. It's like one of you is always moving to compensate for the other. I've never known two people who were so consistantly and unwittingly aware of each other. If the sun gets in her eyes you shift to block it. When you need a specific file she hands it to you before you even reach for it. She does it just as much as you do and neither one of you even seems to realize it. And in that class you were making fun of we also studied chakra and spatial energy and I have to say it's kinda creepy the way neither one of you ever moves out of the other's power center."

"You lost me at chakra."

"I'm just saying I think you two have a deep metaphysical connection."

"And I think you have a deep mental deficiency," I laughed. "Lay off the whiskey."

I slid my room key through the lock and let myself into the room. I could hear Jasper whistling his way down to his own room. Not having to share a room was definitely one of the perks of being an executive for the company. I looked with pleasure at the king size bed in the center of the room and the plasma TV mounted on the wall directly across from it. A few feet to the right of the bed the floor was raised up to accommodate the Jacuzzi that was sunk into it. Beyond that was the actual bathroom with a two-headed shower stall that I was at the moment very much looking forward to putting to use.

Forty-five minutes and one short but glorious, near-to-scalding shower later I was sitting in bed with my laptop open and a late-night talk show playing on low on the TV. The proposal I was putting together for the new magazine company Carlisle wanted to sign on wasn't due for another week yet but I wanted to get the key points roughed out so that I'd have plenty of time ironing out the kinks before presenting it to my father. Putting together proposals wasn't actually my department but Carlisle thought it would be a good idea for me to start getting my feet wet with other administrative details. This was the first proposal he'd asked me to write and I was going to make damn sure it was a good one.

I was startled out of my train of thought when my cell phone started ringing. I picked it up ready to tell Jasper that tonight I was going to have to forgo the poker night that he and Emmet and I traditionally held our first night here.

"Hey, Jazz, you and Emmett—"

"Edward, hi!"

I stopped, quickly pushing my laptop away and sitting up the rest of the way. "Bella?"

"Angie said I should call you and I wasn't going to but then later Jose agreed with her so I was outvoted."

"Who the hell's Jose?" Then it clicked. "Jose Cuervo? Bella how much have you had to drink?"

"Not as much as Angela. Edward, you can't date Tanya! I don't care who else you date—well, I do but it doesn't matter cos I can't love you...for reasons...I can't really remember right now...but not Tanya, please! Anybody would be better than Tanya. Except maybe Jessica...or Lauren...but that doesn't matter either cos I'm pretty sure you dislike both of them. You're really good at not letting that show, though, I hardly picked it up even with as much as I watch you..."

I was trying really hard not get distracted by that bit about how much she watched me and that she cared who I dated but I was definitely earmarking it for later consideration.

"Bella, what are you talking about?"

"I can't let you date Tanya, Edward! She's a bitch and she doesn't want you for everything that's wonderful about you, only for what you represent, and she'll just use you for your name and your money and your looks and then she'll leave you heart-broken and disalut...disillusioned...and...and she's just a bitch! You can't be with her!"

"Bella..."

I trailed off as I suddenly realized there were voices in the background. There was a soft high-pitched woman's voice that sounded like it was saying...I frowned. It sounded like it was saying, "...and then I peel the banana and eat it real slow like this." It was followed by a deeper voice: "Well, ma'am, your sink is fixed so now I'm just going to take off my pants." I could not have possibly heard that right.

"Bella, who's there with you?"

"Jus' Angie and the naked people."

"The nak-?"

I remembered very abruptly the argument that Jessica and Mike had had and the fact that Bella's room was a mere three doors away from Newton's. And she was obviously in a state of inebriation. I knew firsthand just how friendly and sociable she became when she was drinking.

"Is Newton there with you?"

"Mike? Oh! Did you know he was just down the hall from me? And we're not talking about Mike, we're talking about Tanya."

I wasn't sure why she was going on and on about Tanya but I'd be damned if I was going to let Mike fucking Newton take advantage of her while she was drunk. I jumped out of bed, threw on a t-shirt and my slacks and shoved my feet into my shoes.

"Bella, stay right there."

I snapped the phone shut, grabbed my room key, and went running for the stairwell. I wasn't going to waste time waiting on the elevator. Twenty seconds later I was pounding on her door. When she opened the door, phone still in hand, all I could do was stare. Her pajama pants, which looked like they might have fit her when she was twelve, were red and blue striped and stopped two inches above her ankles. The red baseball tee stretched tightly across her chest depicted Spiderman crawling across his web, his one outstretched hand landing right overtop of her left breast.

"Edward, what are you doin here?"

"What are you wearing?"

She looked down at her clothes. "PJ's. The ones I packed, not the ones Alice packed. She unpacked most of my clothes an' put in better stuff but she left these cos they're for PJ and Cuervo night and you're a'spose to wear silly PJs. Yours aren't very silly but I guess you can join in anyway, although there's not much Cuervo left." Her eyes got suddenly wide as if a thought had just occurred to her. "OMG is there anyone in the hall cos you totally shouldn't be seen here! Hurry up, get inside!"

Bella grabbed my shirt and pulled me into the room, sticking her head out the door and looking up and down the hallway before pushing it closed and leaning against it.

"Okay, that was close."

"Edward! Hi!"

I turned to see Angela bouncing on her knees on the bed. She was wearing baggy SpongeBob pajama pants that were rolled up at the bottoms and a matching button-down top that hung halfway to her knees. The sleeves of her top fell past her fingertips. A quarter-full bottle of Jose Cuervo sat on the stand between the beds. There was no one else in the room. I turned back to Bella.

"Who else was here? I know I heard voices...something about a banana?" I suddenly felt very stupid, sure that there was no way there were people in here talking about bananas and taking off their clothes.

"Oh, that was me!" Angela shouted. I'd never known our soft-spoken secretary could be so loud. "I was talking for the naked people!"

She waved her hand toward the muted TV and my jaw dropped as I saw what was on the screen. A couple was going at it on a kitchen countertop. There was an overturned bowl on the floor and pieces of fruit lay strewn around an open toolbox. As I watched, dumbfounded (and yes, more than a little turned on), another woman walked into the room, took in the scene before her, and began removing her clothes.

"Are you...watching porn?" I asked Bella.

"Tha's what PJ and Cuervo night is, duh. Wear silly PJs, drink the Cuervo, and make up words for the naked people. Oh! Now it's perfect! We have two girls and a guy! We can each take one person!" Bella grabbed my arms and turned me back toward the screen. "Here, the guy's talking now. You go!"

I looked at the screen and saw that the man's lips were indeed moving, but my brain had completely shut down over the fact that I had Bella's hands on me while I was staring at porn. Even while being extremely aroused by this situation I was also somewhat creeped out to be "acting out" a threesome with Angela and Bella. This was all kinds of wrong. I picked up the remote and turned off the TV.

"Wha'dya do that for?"

"Tha's ok," Angela announced. "I was gettin kind tired of the naked people anyway. Does anyone else want a sodi-pop?"

She dug a handful of change out of her purse and hopped off the bed, almost tripping over one of her pant legs that came unrolled.

"Angela, I don't think—" I started.

"Kay, jus' me then!"

She started for the door and I grabbed her arm and sat her back on the bed.

"Angela, I don't think it's a good idea for you to go anywhere right now. Why don't you just sit there—better yet, lie down?"

"Kay."

She flopped back onto her back and closed her eyes. Within moments she was snoring softly. I shook her shoulder gently, unable to believe she could have just passed out that fast, but her eyes stayed close and the snoring continued. I shook my head, grabbing under her armpits and pulling her up to the head of the bed, tucking the sheets in around her.

"Edward, you're such a good guy. Is not fair."

I felt one side of my mouth quirk up. "Would you rather I was an asshole?" I teased her.

To my surprise she didn't laugh or joke back with me, just stared at the floor and nodded her head. "Cos then I wouldn't feel so bad for what I said that day. I was angry and frustrated and scared and my head hurt and it just came out of my mouth," she hiccupped, "and I didn't mean it but I couldn't take it back cos I was scared."

I stared at her wondering if I should let her go on like this. I knew I should stop her because she would never tell me these things sober and it wasn't fair to take advantage while her guard was down like this, but I also knew it might be my only chance to get an understanding for her real feelings and motivations. And anyway it wasn't like I was the one who had gotten her into this state this time. I was in my own room, leaving her alone as I'd promised. She was the one who'd gotten herself drunk and she was the one who'd called me.

I took her hand and brought her to sit on the edge of her bed, taking a seat beside her so that we were facing each other.

"What were you afraid of?"

"You."

"Me? Why? Because I'm a good guy?"

"Cos you're a great guy, a wonderful guy...Mr. Perfect...and I'm such a mess."

"Bella, you are not a mess!"

Bella stared down at our joined hands and bit her lip.

"I shouldn't want you. I shouldn't have feelings for you cos you're my boss."

I cupped my hand under her chin and lifted her face to mine. "Forget that I'm your boss. Put all of that aside, none of it matters right now, and just tell me. Do you have feelings for me?" She opened her mouth but I cut her off. "Not should you or shouldn't you. _Do you_?"

"Edward..."

I grabbed her other hand and pressed it over my heart. "Bella, I've told you a hundred times how I feel about you. This past week, not having you near me, not being able to talk to you, thinking that I may have frightened you away from me for good...I felt like I was dying inside. Please, _please_, tell me you feel something for me too."

"I'll just disappoint you. You won't want me..."

God, I wanted to kill the fucker who'd done this to her. "Bella, I would never hurt you. And I could never not want you."

"I want you," she whispered. "So much it terrifies me sometimes. I'm afraid that I could love you. Shh, don't tell Bella, she won't admit it."

I leaned in and whispered back, "You are Bella."

She smiled. "Oh yeah."

"Bella...you have nothing to be afraid of."

"I'm sorry I said you were badgering me."

"Forget it. I have."

"I missed the badgering."

"I'll see what I can do to correct that."

"Edward," she hiccupped, "I have the hiccups."

I picked up the mostly empty bottle off the table and raised an eyebrow at her. "Then why did you drink so much?"

She frowned adorably, her bottom lip poking out as she squinted at the bottle. "I wasn't gonna but Angela had so much an' she wanted me drink more too and I was so sad, no I was mad, mad and sad..."

Bella ripped her hands away from me and stood angrily. "You can't date Tanya!"

I grabbed at her flailing hands. "What is all this nonsense about Tanya? What makes you think I'm dating her? Or that I would even want to?"

"Renata from accounting saw you with her. She was at Pier 5 last week and she saw you with Tanya. Said you were all hot and heavy. And she's beautiful."

I leaned back and smiled, suddenly understanding. So that was what this was all about. Bella had heard a rumor and she was jealous. I knew what she was talking about but I hadn't known it had gotten back to work or been blown so out of proportion. I had gone to Pier 5 last weekend. I was feeling particularly down after Bella's rejection of me and I'd gone for the music and the atmosphere that I'd found so relaxing in the past. It hadn't helped much. Tanya had seen me moping in my corner and taken it upon herself to "comfort" me although I didn't see how her purring in my ear and trying to stick her hand in my lap could be considered comforting. To some men that might be but I wasn't interested in her theatrics or her shallow needs. I'd wasted no time shrugging her off and then left, having found none of solace I'd sought there.

"Bella, I did go to Pier 5 last week. It's one of my favorite haunts, as you know, and I was feeling pretty down on myself at the time." I looked at her pointedly and she blushed. "But I went there to be alone, not to see Tanya. Unfortunately she was there and she did come on to me. I turned her down. Again. And she's not beautiful. She's flashy and artificial and cheap. She's nothing compared to you."

"So...you're not dating her?"

"Not even close. There's only one woman I want to date right now, but it's okay if she just wants to be friends for a while. I can wait."

Bella stared at me consideringly for a long moment, her lips purse and her eyes seeming quite a bit more clear than they had when I'd first knocked on the door. Before I knew what she had planned she was climbing back onto the bed, planting a knee on each side of my hips and hooking her arms around my neck. My hands came up automatically to grip her hips but whether it was to try to hold her still or to prevent her from moving back away I wasn't sure. All I knew was that my dick was suddenly paying very close attention to the going ons.

"Bella, what are you-?"

"I don't want to make you wait anymore. I don't want Nessie to be right. I want to break a few rules."

"Bella—"

Whatever immaterial protest I was about to make was completely lost the moment Bella's lips touched mine. Her taste held the same sweet punch I remembered—hot and heady and just a little bit spicy. God, it was addicting. My grip tightened on her hips and I groaned as her tongue slid against mine. She pushed on my shoulders and I let myself fall back on the bed so that she was the aggressor, hovering over me as her lips moved hungrily against mine and her hands moved up to grip my hair. My own hands began roaming, sliding down over the curve of her ass and back up her back and I found myself both cursing and thanking God for the thin, snug cotton that was the only barrier between my hands and her skin.

Bella's lips moved down my jawline in quick, biting kisses until she had sucked my earlobe into her hot mouth and I growled, my cock instantly hardening. I flipped her over on the bed and began sucking along her throat and rubbing my cock against her hot center, my body taking over and mindlessly seeking the friction it needed to find relief. Bella moaned and I pressed harder against, wanting to hear the sound again. I drew back to watch her face as I slowly moved my hand up her abdomen toward her breasts. Her eyes clouded and her lips parted and seeing her look like that in these ridiculous pajamas was probably the sexiest thing I had ever seen. My fingers traced the outline of the Spiderman on her shirt, following up his outstretched arm until I felt her nipple peaking against the palm of my hand. I traced light circles around it, moving in to the point and then I took it between my thumb and forefinger and gently rolled. Bella gasped and arched her back, wrapping her legs around my waist and grinding herself against my cock.

The zipper of my pants was biting against my sensitive flesh and I quickly reached down to free it so that it was just the cotton of my boxers against the cotton of her pants. The back of my hand brushed against her in the process and the wetness I felt there indicated that she wasn't wearing any panties beneath those thin pajamas. I groaned and dropped my head into the curve of her shoulder as I pressed my hips back against her. I reached up to cup her other breast in my hand, using my thumb to trace and flick at the hardened nipple. Her hands fisted in the back of my shirt and she writhed against me, little whimpering sounds escaping from her throat.

Bella grabbed my face and pulled me back up to her lips, sucking my tongue into her mouth. My hips slid back just a little too far and my dick thumped down against the mattress. We both groaned when I pushed up again, driving the head of my cock against her wet center. I was very quickly losing control.

"Bella, we have to stop."

Even as I said it my lips were attacking her neck. Her hips bucked against me as if trying to guide my dick into her even through the two layers of clothes.

"Why?"

"Angela…"

"She's passed out."

She traced the shell of my ear with her tongue and nibbled softly on my earlobe.

"Still….you're drunk, you might regret this tomorrow."

"I won't. I want you. I did drink quite a bit but not as much as you think. Angie had most of it. It's you, Edward. You intoxicate me."

Her words and her movements were driving me over edge, and while it was true she hadn't hiccupped in a while I still couldn't ignore the fact that no matter what the quantity she had been drinking. I couldn't take the risk that it was the alcohol speaking rather than her. I'd been berating myself all week for ruining our tentative friendship by trying to rush her into a relationship, I wasn't going fuck up by rushing into it again unless we were both sure. I pulled her legs from around me, using my knees to hold them on the mattress and pinning her wrists with my hands.

"It doesn't matter. No matter how much you had to drink, you still aren't thinking clearly. Our first time together I have to be sure that you're sure. And I don't want it to be some drunken roll in the sack while your friend is passed out in the other bed. I don't want to be something you regret in the morning."

Bella sighed and finally nodded. "I understand, and you're probably right." She looked down and bit her lip before looking back up at me again. "Could you just stay a little while, though?"

I smiled. "Of course."

I dropped down beside her and turned her so that she was spooned against me, my arms wrapped around her waist. It felt incredibly right to hold her that way.

"Edward?"

I smiled, relishing the sound of her saying my name. "Yes?"

"I didn't want to miss you but I did. I was miserable too."

"You don't have to be. You can always come to me, Bella. I'll be here for you."

She let out a long sigh and mumbled something before taking one of my hands in hers and tucking them both under her cheek. I wasn't sure but it sounded like _can't fall for that one again_.

"Bella?"

She didn't respond so I leaned over her a bit to look at her face. She was sound asleep. I chuckled softly. Hiccups or not she was definitely still feeling the effects of that alcohol and I was glad we had stopped. She'd be feeling it worse in the morning. I slipped out of the bed and went in the bathroom to fill two cups with water and set them on the little table between the beds. Both these girls were going to have a horrible hangover in the morning. I wondered if Bella had brought any aspirin and briefly considered checking her bag but I didn't want to rifle through her things and invade her privacy again. After a momentary debate I slipped quietly out of the room and ran back up to my own for the small bottle of aspirin I had up there. I didn't like leaving Bella's room unlocked but I'd only be gone for a minute or two.

The room was still quiet when I let myself back in. I was in the process of setting out two aspirin by each cup when I heard the first whimper. I glanced over at Bella but she was still sleeping. Then she did it again and I realized she was crying in her sleep. I quickly climbed back into the bed and pulled her into my arms.

"Shh, Bella. It's okay, I'm here."

"Stay," she whispered.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Why won't you stay?"

"Bella, I'm not-."

I shook my head. She wasn't talking to me, of course. She was lost somewhere in her dream so I just stroked my hand down her cheek and held her tighter trying to calm her. She shuddered and shook her head, whimpering again. I wondered if she was dreaming about the fucker who'd left her so messed up.

"Don't make me go again. Wanna stay with you."

I ran my hand over her hair and pressed my lips against her cheek.

"Shh, Bella. You're safe with me."

"Wanna stay. Daddy, I wanna stay."

I stopped and stared at her. She wasn't dreaming about her ex at all. It seemed she'd been let down by more than one man in her life. No wonder she didn't trust very easily. Her own father hadn't been there for her. It only made me more determined to be the one who was. I kissed her forehead and laid my head on the pillow beside hers, falling asleep with Bella wrapped securely in my arms.

**AN: I know, why'd they stop, right? Sorry, Edward's just not the type who can let Bella make that decision in an altered state of mind. She'll be sober I the morning though! Leave some love and I'll be back with you just as fast as my little fingers can type!**


	21. Rise and Shine

**AN: First of all the reviews for the last chapter were AMAZING. I wasn't expecting such a huge reaction but I'm glad you all seemed to enjoy it so much. You know how much I love reading all your reviews—and I do read every one! These ones especially made me smile, way down deep in my happy place :) I'm glad I have such awesome readers. Thank you all!**

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**BPOV**

I woke up with a raging headache and surrounded by a man who smelled like sin. He was still asleep, his long lashes fanned across his cheeks and those sex-fantasy lips of his slightly parted. The touch of drool crusted at the corner of those lips took a little bit away from the sex-fantasy part but it added a boyish vulnerability and a realism that only made him that much more appealing. His forehead was pressed against mine as if even in his sleep he'd sought to be as close to me as possible. His arms were locked around me and my legs were twisted up in his. For a long time I laid there and simply watched him, basking in the warmth and safety of his arms and wondering how this magnificent man had come to want _me_ in his life.

When the vice around my heart became too painfully tight I rolled carefully out of his embrace and sat up on the edge of the bed, gingerly taking my head in my hands as the throbbing flared from a Shirley Temple tap number to a full-out twenty man Irish Riverdance. Angie was still snoring softly on the bed across from me, looking even smaller than usual in the oversized SpongeBob pajamas she'd borrowed from Ben. Poor thing was going to be in far worse condition than even I was considering how much tequila she'd downed in her enthusiasm over her first PJ and Cuervo night. My eyes fell on the cups of water and aspirin laid out on the table and my heart melted just a little bit more even as I greedily downed my share. Could anyone that thoughtful and generous even be real?

I shifted slowly to look at Edward again, helpless not to note how cute he looked in his rumpled clothing and sleep-mussed hair. He was bound to wake up soon. It was almost eight already and we had a full day scheduled ahead of us, and with his position I knew Edward's schedule was likely to be even fuller than ours. Considering how seriously he took his responsibilities I was surprised he'd even stayed the whole night. He was going to be tired today.

I knew there were several ways I could play this morning. It would be very easy to blame last night on the alcohol and claim ignorance. It wouldn't take much to convince him that I didn't remember any of it. The fact was, though, that I remembered everything. I'd certainly been more drunk than I'd thought at the time, telling Edward all the things that I'd refused to admit even to myself, but not so drunk that there were any blank spots in my memory. I remembered everything I had said and done (some things with a cringe—fuck, had he really caught us watching porn?) as well as the respect and gentleness with which Edward had treated me. I should regret the outburst, knowing I had just taken a large bite out of the fruit of the forbidden tree, but somehow all I felt was….relieved. I felt purged.

So, no, I would not be claiming ignorance. It was time to stop running from my feelings.

I sat there, staring at the object of my desire and knowing that I could no longer live in denial. I hadn't wanted to feel this way again and there were so many reasons why it couldn't work but the feelings were there and if Edward was ready to overlook all the obstacles then maybe so should I. Because this wasn't just a crush or an attraction. Had I said last night that I could love him? I was well past the could be stage and quickly hurtling toward the crash landing at the bottom of that particular hill. I'd come to that realization last night when Edward had stopped the physical attack I'd launched on him because he didn't want to risk me regretting it in the morning.

The simple fact was I would not have regretted it.

I'd known that when he stopped our lovemaking just as I knew it now. Even if last night had turned out to be a onetime affair, if Edward had walked away from it and not looked back, I would not have regretted it. I'd have been devastated certainly, but I would not have regretted giving myself to him. That was how I knew I was long past the point of no return and when I had finally admitted it to myself. I had no idea what might happen next or how this could possibly work but I wasn't going to resist it any longer. That was the one thing I knew now I _would_ end up regretting. One day I would look back on my life and wonder what I might have had had I not let fear stand in the way. I didn't want to be that girl anymore—the coward, the weakling who let her fears control her life.

Old Bella would not have cowered. She'd have hesitated, weighed the pros and cons, thought out the ramifications of her decision, but she would not have cowered and bowed to her fear. Once upon a time I'd been stronger than that—wary but still willing o take chances. I wanted that feeling back. I missed the me I used to be. Until this point I hadn't realized how very far I'd drifted from that person. Edward made me want to be strong again.

I reached out to brush a lock of hair from his forehead. My hand froze as Edward's eyes snapped open and he regarded me warily for a moment. I smiled tentatively and then his face broke out into a grin and he took my wrist, bringing my hand to his mouth to press his lips against my palm.

"Good morning, Beautiful."

I laughed self-consciously. His voice was even sexier in the morning—deeper and more gravelly. I on the other hand probably had bloodshot eyes and hair sticking out all over the place.

"I must look like a wreck."

His eyes scanned down my body, still clad in the worn and childish pajamas I'd had since I was ten, before settling again on my face.

"You look unbelievably desirable. How do you feel?"

"That depends. Is the room throbbing or is that just me?"

"That bad?"

I shrugged. "I've had worse. Nothing a long shower and a hot breakfast won't fix."

"They serve breakfast buffet style in the main dining room from seven to ten, or if you'd rather order room service you're welcome to put in on my—"

"The dining room will be just fine."

It was one thing to give up my struggle against the irresistible pull between us but quite another to allow myself to become too reliant on him or indebted to him in any way. I wasn't about to let him start picking up all my tabs or paying my expenses. He shifted into a sitting position, his eyes dropping as he nodded his head before once again lifting them uncertainly to my face.

"So how much…I mean what do you…"

"Remember from last night?"

He simply stared at me wide-eyed and seemed to wait. I steeled my resolve and held his gaze.

"I remember all of it."

His breath blew out and I realized he must have been holding it. The fact that he was also nervous somehow seemed to calm my own nerves a little. Neither one of us appeared too sure of how to handle the situation but I was glad to know I wasn't the only one who cared enough to be anxious over it.

"Bella, I want you to know I meant what I said last night—despite how my actions may have implied otherwise. I want you, obviously, but if friendship is all you're ready for…"

I shook my head as he trailed off.

"I meant what I said, too," I admitted, staring at the fingers I was twisting in my lap. "I have very strong feelings for you and it was so hard to try to push you away but then I did and you were gone and I was miserable. I don't want to push you away anymore."

"So…you want more than friendship?"

"I want to try."

He scooted closer and cupped my face in his palm, bringing my eyes up to meet his. There was a brightness, a sort of banked excitement in his eyes that I found simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying. The very intensity of our emotions at this moment was threatening to overwhelm me and a part of me still wanted to run from it and hide in the safety of denial. There was another part of me though, the idealistic part that had always wanted to believe in fairy tales and happy endings which I thought had died a painful death at James's hands, who was just beginning to reawaken and make her presence known. And she wanted to strip down and roll around naked in that intensity.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to feel rushed just because—"

"Edward. I want to try."

He closed his eyes and pressed his head against mine. "Say it again."

"I want to try."

"No, not that part."

"Edward?"

He smiled softly, like one does when hearing a particularly beautiful piece of music. "I can't believe how wonderful that sounds. Just hearing you say my name…"

My smile widened. "Edward."

His eyes opened and he grinned boyishly back at me. "I'll never get tired of hearing it."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Even when I'm 'screaming it'?"

His eyes darkened and that cocky smirk I loved played over his lips again. "Especially when you're screaming it."

"You should know…"

"Yes?"

"If we hadn't stopped last night…"

"Yes?"

"I wouldn't have regretted it. At all."

He leaned in and lightly touched his lips to mine. "That's good to know, but our first time together is going to be a lot more special than that."

"I don't need candles and roses, you know."

"Maybe I do."

I laughed. "Edward—"

Edward leaned farther in, caging me in with his arms and hovering over me so that I was forced to lean my weight back on my hands. I shivered at the feel of his breath whispering over my ear.

"It's going to be memorable, Bella. I need you to see how amazing I think you are." He began nibbling kisses along my jaw and down my throat. "When I make love to you" _kiss_ "it's going to be so much more than just a meeting of bodies." _Kiss kiss._ "I'm going to" _kiss_ "worship" _kiss_ "every last" _kiss_ "inch" _kiss_ "of you."

My head fell back in surrender and my hands nearly gave out from under me. Suddenly I was feeling the need to be worshiped.

"God, Edward."

I could feel him smiling against my throat, and then there were bells chiming. Literally. I frowned at the soft music suddenly filling the room. Edward drew back and dug his phone out of his pocket.

"You slept with that in your pocket all night?"

He shrugged.

"And you set Claire de Lune as your alarm?"

He glanced up. "You know classical music?"

"I liked to have it playing when I was studying, which was all the time so….yeah. Debussy always worked best for me."

"See? I knew we were meant to be. He's my favorite composer."

"I'm sure we're not the only two people in the area who like Debussy."

"Perhaps not but you have to admit it's not a common phenomenon in our generation. It's just one more connection we share."

I bit my lip, both excited to have something else in common with him but worried that he was building me up in his mind when the reality of me would most certainly fall short of the fantasy. How would he react when he discovered I wasn't as perfect as he seemed to believe me to be? Edward's thumb pressed against my lip, freeing it from my teeth so that he could bend down and nip on it himself.

"You know what that does to me," he whispered. "What were you thinking about?"

"I just…I don't want you to think I'm this perfect woman cause I'm not, I'm so far from it—"

"Bella, stop. I don't think you're perfect, no one is. But I do think you're incredible. You need to have more faith in yourself. You _are_ amazing. Give me time and I'll prove it to you."

I nodded. Not that I really believed he would prove to me how amazing I was. Given time it was more likely that he would see how truly unremarkable I was, but at this point I'd already surrendered to my feelings and I would take all the time I could with him.

He glanced at the clock on his phone.

"I need to get going. I'm supposed to meet Carlisle at nine. We'll talk more later, okay?"

He leaned in to kiss me, his tongue invading my mouth and short-circuiting the connections in my brain so that I forgot my anxieties, my insecurities and even my concern over my morning breath until I just became a mindless puddle of hormones. He'd released my lips and was halfway to the door before I regained my wits.

"Wait, stop! Don't open that door!"

He paused, his hand on the doorknob. "What's the matter?"

"I have to check the hallway, make sure no one's out there first. It could be really bad if anyone sees you leaving here at this time of the morning."

I jumped up and rushed past him, standing on my toes to look out the peephole. I couldn't see much of the hallway but the part around the door at least was clear. When I turned back to Edward he was regarding me with an unreadable expression.

"Are you that embarrassed to be seen with me?" he asked quietly.

"What? No! Of course not. But it's—I mean you're you and I'm just, we're not—it's a company retreat and the policies—people will talk and then—"

He shook his head to cut off my incoherent babbling.

"Don't ask me how but somewhere in that disjointed response I understood what you were getting at. It's something else we'll have to talk about and figure out." His hands rubbed up and down my arms and settled on my shoulders. "I'm just glad we're finally being open and honest with each other."

I cringed a little, thinking of all the things I still hadn't told him, still wasn't ready to tell him. I'd only just allowed myself to let him close. I didn't want to scare him away already. I wanted to enjoy at least a little time with him first, then….maybe then I could talk about it.

And somehow find a way to carry on if he decided I was too irreparably damaged for him to fix.

Edward took my hand and squeezed it. "Just promise me one thing before I go."

I looked up at him. "What's that?"

"Don't overthink this while I'm gone. It's not a mistake, I promise you. We'll take things one step at a time and figure it out together."

I nodded, wondering how he knew I would have spent the whole day analyzing the situation to pieces and trying to ride out my anxiety over it without the assistance of the Valium I'd intentionally left in my drawer at work.

"I'll try."

"Okay." He cupped my face and pressed his lips hard against mine in another kiss—this one fervent and primal and just a little bit desperate and left me feeling out of breath and just as disoriented as the soft, tender one he'd bestowed on me minutes before.

"Don't change your mind about this. Please, God, don't change your mind."

I shook my head and stammered out some kind of negative response, then turned and walked straight into the door. Edward's musical chuckle rang out behind me before he took me gently by the shoulders, nudged me away from the door, and pulled it open for me. I shook myself out of my daze and poked my head out into the hallway, looking up and down the hall to make sure it was clear.

"Okay, it's empty, go quick! Take the stairs, they're faster and you shouldn't run into anyone."

Edward laughed. "Are you trying to make me feel like a seventeen year old sneaking out of a girl's bedroom window, or is that just a bonus?"

"No jokes right now! Go, quick, before someone comes out and sees!"

I pushed him a bit for emphasis and he laughed harder, swooping down to plant a noisy kiss on my cheek before turning and jogging down the hallway. I didn't let out a breath of relief until he'd made it to the stairwell and was safely out of sight. Then I closed my door and sagged weakly against it. What the hell was I doing? Was I insane? This could only lead to heartbreak. Did I really think I could handle another devastation of that magnitude….another failure?

I shook the thoughts away. Not even five minutes and I was already breaking my promise to Edward. I'd told him I wouldn't second guess it, so I wouldn't. I was going to move forward through the day and just take this one day at a time. I was going to give it a chance. Edward deserved that much. _I_deserved that much, James be damned. Just because _he_ had found me wanting didn't mean Edward would.

I jumped into the shower and spent a long time in there just let letting the hot water cascade over my face and clear my head. I focused on the feel of the water slapping against my face and the familiar scents of my strawberry shampoo and lavender soap, refusing for once to allow my mind to drift. I wasn't going to think today. Thinking usually led to worrying and doubting, both of which I was banning from today's activities. It would be a non-thinking day. I smiled beneath the stinging spray of the water. I'd forgotten how relaxing a long, hot shower could be when you simply allowed yourself to enjoy it.

When I finally emerged from the bathroom Angela was still lying in bed but had pulled one of the pillows over her face and was holding it in place with both arms. Feeling refreshed and lighter than I had in a long time I pried one of the corners up and laughed at the glare she gave me.

"Welcome back to Earth, sweetie. Ain't it a bitch?"

She groaned. "Why's it so bright?"

"Cause it's nine o'clock in the morning and we have an eastern facing room."

"Stupid East," she mumbled. "Doesn't it ever sleep in?"

"Not last time I checked. Your eyes won't adjust to the light unless you actually remove the pillow from your face, you know."

"Light is overrated. I like the darkness. I'm thinking about moving there."

"Okay, well, while you're lying there bemoaning your fate there's aspirin and water on the table here and there's bound to be fresh coffee in the dining hall. If you can get your butt up in time to make it to breakfast, that is.

"Coffee…." She sighed. "The Essence of Life. Must. Have."

"The first step is relinquishing the pillow."

"Do you think they'd protest too much if I just took it with me?"

"Well it'd be interesting seeing you try to eat around it. I think I have a pair of sunglasses in my purse, though, if you want them."

She dragged the pillow from her face, squinting her eyes into narrow slits. "Ugh. Too obvious. I'll just have to suffer through it. It can't last all day, right?"

I smirked and waved my hand at the mostly depleted bottle of Cuervo. "I don't know, I think you consumed your own body weight in tequila last night. You may be down for the weekend."

"Just have them bring the stretcher and roll me out. I think I'm done for."

"In that case can I have your collection of PEZ dispensers?"

"You're evil. PJ and Cuervo night was evil. This was all just an evil master plan to get your hands on my PEZ dispensers."

"You've caught us. Alice and I invented PJ and Cuervo night for the sole purpose of obtaining the PEZ dispensers."

"I knew you were jealous of those. Last night was fun, though, wasn't it?"

"It really was. You can always count on Alice's crazy ideas."

Angela sat up slowly and popped the aspirin into her mouth, washing it down with small sips of water. She frowned down at her glass for a moment then looked up at me.

"Was Edward here last night?"

"Um…yeah he, uh, he was."

"Really? That was real? I can't believe you actually called him! So what does this mean? Are you guys…?"

I bit my lip, unsure how much to tell her and whether or not saying anything to her would be a betrayal to Edward. We hadn't discussed how we were going to play this at work or who we were going to let in on the secret, but this was Angela. I knew I could count on her confidence, and I really needed someone to talk to.

"We haven't really talked about the details yet but I think so. I mean, when he left this morning—"

"This morning? He stayed the night?"

I blushed. "Not like that….really. I passed out, I think, and he was just still there when I woke up…."

"Awww! That's so sweet! I'm so glad you guys are finally working this out. Edward's such a good guy and he's clearly crazy about you and you guys are going to be so cute together!"

"You can't say anything to anyone. I mean, it has to be kept kind of quiet what with work and all…"

"Oh, goodness, of course I won't. I can only imagine how those witches like Jess or Lauren would react to news like that. They'd be out for blood."

"You don't think it's wrong? I'm basically getting involved with my boss. It's completely against policy."

"Bella, I'm not going to judge you for that. There are more important things than what position you each hold in the company, and I know you better than to think you would ever use that to your advantage. Besides, technically he's no more your boss than Rose or Jasper is. Carlisle is the boss."

"That's what Edward keeps saying."

"He's a smart guy."

I smiled, finally beginning to get excited about this as the reality of it set in. "He is, isn't he? And kind and thoughtful and full of integrity—"

"And extremely hot."

"Yeah, um…yeah. God, what does he see in me?"

"Bella, stop. He sees a beautiful, intelligent, kind and thoughtful woman who's full of integrity. Stop fighting this, you guys are perfect for each other. Now, if you don't mind I'm going to go get my shower so we can get on with the coffee and the greasy food."

"Right, of course, go."

I spent the time while Angela was in the bathroom considering what she had said and everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours. I was still unsettled about the professional side of mine and Edward's relationship—I would have been even if I didn't have the history I had—but it seemed I was the only person to whom it was a big deal. If everyone else I knew was prepared to make light of it then perhaps I should take a page from their book and do the same. Even if my stomach still quivered at the thought of the damage that could be done to my career if things ended badly. For the moment I would simply stick to my resolve not to think or worry about it.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still terrified of Edward's eventual rejection. It was a constant shadow in the back of my mind, but it was only a week since I had determined to no longer be James's victim and I knew that was what he wanted for me—to be terrified and alone. There wasn't much I could do about being terrified but I didn't have to be alone. Right now Edward wanted me and perhaps that wouldn't last forever but I was done letting my fear keep us apart. I'd thought myself in love with James but already my feelings for Edward were so much more intense than anything I'd ever felt for James, both physically and emotionally, and if nothing else this past week had taught me that losing Edward in the future could not be any more painful than intentionally driving him away now. If I was bound to feel the pain either way then I may as well make the most of what time I had with him.

So fear or no fear I was going to give us a chance.

Angela spent a short fifteen minutes in the bathroom, coming out fully dressed with her damp hair pulled back into a ponytail, and we made our way down to breakfast. I noticed there were a lot of bleary-eyed people in the dining hall medicating themselves with coffee and food. Edward was not there, but then I hadn't expected him to be. I didn't think he and Carlisle would have their breakfast meeting among all the other employees.

I made myself a very large coffee, piled a bagel and some fruit onto a small plate, and found an empty table to sit at. Angela joined me a few minutes later, her plate heaping with eggs, sausage, fried potatoes, biscuits and jam and several strips of bacon. The sight of it alone had my stomach roiling.

"Are you really going to eat all that?" I asked in disbelief.

Angie shrugged, already halfway through a piece of bacon.

"You weigh like ten pounds. How the hell can you eat like that?"

"103 pounds and it's all metabolism. Believe me, if I could put on more weight I would. It'd be nice to actually be able to fill out a dress."

"How do you even have an appetite after drinking as much as you did last night? Maybe you should take it easy. You don't want to throw up in front of everyone..."

Angela started to shake her head, then flinched and pressed a hand to her temple.

"Drinking always makes me hungry and greasy food is the best cure for a hangover. Besides, I never miss an opportunity to do this..."

I watched her slather a generous amount of jelly onto a biscuit and bite into it with relish as she stared somewhere over my shoulder. I turned and saw Lauren with a single cup of yogurt and Jessica nibbling on a granola bar, both of them glaring at Angela with jealous animosity. I smirked and turned back to Angela.

"Angela, I'd never have expected such spite from you. Alice and I must be corrupting you. I think I like it."

I stole some bacon off her plate and made a show of shoving it into my mouth and then licking the grease off my fingers. I'd only made it to my second piece before Jessica and Lauren finished their "breakfast" and left the room, snubbing their noses at us on their way out. Angela and I both burst into laughter with Angela groaning and clutching her head in the process. We finished our own meal with three hours to burn before the group activities began. We were discussing what to do with the time when my phone alerted me to a text message.

**What do you have planned for the morning, Gorgeous? ~ E**

I blushed and glanced furtively around before reflexively hiding my phone under the table to text him back. Angela smiled and rolled her eyes at me.

**I don't know yet. We were just trying to figure that out. ~ B**

**Meet me at the stables? Angela's welcome too of course. ~ E**

I chewed my lip, wanting to agree but remembering how Angela had been too terrified of the horses to even enter the stables with me yesterday.

"Just go with him," Angela said when I showed her the texts. "I kind of wanted to lie down again anyway."

"You don't have to do that just for me, Ang. Maybe I can talk him into doing something else with us, like checking out one of the hiking trails. Or the observatory."

"No, really," she insisted, "it's perfect. I really do still have a major headache but I didn't want to leave you on your own at your first retreat. This works out for everyone. I can rest for a while and you can get in the horseback ride I know you were wanting."

"Are you sure? It doesn't seem fair to leave you behind…"

"It's only a couple of hours, Bella, and I really could use the rest before our volleyball match at one."

I groaned. "Don't remind me. I still can't believe you talked me into that. I'm a safety hazard on the volleyball court."

"Oh, you'll be fine, it's not like we're competing for anything. It's just a 'bonding experience'." She threw up the air quotes as she said that. "Now go enjoy your Edward time while I try to sleep off the rest of last night's tequila. I'll see you around one."

Angela took her tray up and headed back toward the elevators. I fired off a quick text to Edward agreeing to meet him and made my way to the stables. I was nervous about meeting him, still not entirely sure how to conduct myself around him. After months of forcing myself to view him as only my boss treating him as a boyfriend was going to take a little getting used to. I didn't have much boyfriend experience to begin with and what little I had...well it wasn't really anything to go by, was it?

When I walked into the stables I was surprised to see most of the stalls empty already and none of the tour guides in sight. At first I didn't see Edward either and my apprehension jumped to near panic level as all those old feelings of abandonment began rising to the surface again. I forced myself to breathe again when I heard his voice coming from several stalls down to the right. I was going to have to deal with these feelings on a regular basis now that I was once again exposing myself to the vulnerabilities of the heart, but I'd known that when I made my decision this morning to unlock that door. I was just hoping that I would be strong enough to handle it.

I followed Edward's voice and found him inside a stall talking to an older man who was grooming the horse. Edward caught sight of me, his eyes lighting up as he smiled at me, and I no longer hoped. I knew. I would be strong enough to handle all the private demons I'd locked away because the feelings that Edward evoked in me far outweighed the hurts and fears that lingered inside my heart. I couldn't take the good without the bad and I definitely wanted the good.

I smiled back and took the hand he held out to me, allowing him to draw me in close to his side. It felt right, so very right, to stand there like that with him and I wondered how I had fought against this for so long.

"Bella, this is Miles Kemp. He's been in charge of the stables for the past thirty-eight years. He's agreed to let us take a couple of the horses out on our own on one of the private trails if that's okay with you."

"Mind you, I said if the lady can ride you're welcome to two of my mounts but I can't be having no newbies out without supervision. Ain't no one breaking their necks under my watch."

I grinned at the endearingly crotchety old man. "I can ride. I won't break my neck, I promise."

Miles grunted and tenderly patted the horse he'd been brushing. "This here's Delilah. She's a gentle one. You can take her. Edward, I got either Sandy or Harvey available for you."

"I'll take Harvey."

"Thought you might. I'll get 'em saddled for ya, meet me in the paddock."

Edward led me out into the enclosure and continued to hold my hand until Miles brought the horses out. I glanced around, nervous that other employees might see us, but there was no one else around so I left my hand where it certainly enjoyed being. Edward offered me a hand with getting up on Delilah which I smirked at before slipping my foot into the stirrup and swinging myself onto her back. It had been some time since I'd been on a horse but it was one of those things that just came right back to you. Edward chuckled and gracefully mounted his own horse. I noticed that we were both on palominos but his was probably a good two hands taller than mine.

I followed Edward's lead out of the gate and onto a trail with no signs or markings. After a minute or two the trail widened enough that I could bring Delilah up so that we were ambling side by side. I looked over at Edward and found the sight of him seated on that horse more erotic than I probably should have.

"Is Angela okay? I thought she'd come with you."

"She was feeling pretty rough this morning, said she wanted to sleep it off some more. Plus she's terrified of horses."

"Is she? I never knew that. Well, in any case I'm glad to have you to myself. I wasn't sure you'd know how to ride." He smiled at me. "I'm a little disappointed I don't get to teach you. Where'd you learn?"

"Renee worked at Ponderosa Stables down in Phoenix for a year and I got free lessons out of the deal. I liked it so she let me keep taking them after she'd moved on to her next job."

"Did your mother change jobs like that often?"

"Oh, she was forever trying to find 'her calling'." I laughed with fondness at one such memory that popped into my head. "At one point she went through this pottery phase where she made the ugliest vases you've ever seen and sold them out of our garage. I think the crazy cat lady down the street was the only person who ever bought one. It didn't take me long to convince her to find something a little more lucrative but she still has the pottery wheel. Last Christmas she gave me the most horrendous ashtray."

"I didn't know you smoked."

"I don't but it's just like Renee to give you something totally useless and impractical."

"Sounds like she'd get along well with Rose. I bet you keep that ashtray out somewhere in a place of honor."

I blushed and looked away, still unnerved sometimes by how well he seemed to understand me. Everyone else would have assumed that practical Bella would have done something equally practical with the ridiculous gift.

"It's on my bedside table. I keep loose change in it."

"Sentimentality's not a bad thing."

I nodded, biting my lip in mild embarassment.

"I met your mother last night," I blurted out.

Edward raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, I saw you talking to her."

"I mean, I didn't meet her last night, I've known her, but I just found out last night that she was your mom."

Fuck on a rock, why did I always seem to be babbling around this man? Elocution was usually my strong point.

"She told me. She had a lot of good things to say about you, and my mom's not that easy of a woman to impress."

"What do you mean? You're mother's wonderful! I wish—"

I stopped myself. I'd almost said I wished mine was more like her, which wasn't really true. I loved Renee and I loved the way she was and I wouldn't ever really want her to be any other way. She'd always been like a best friend to me...but I'd be to lying to say there hadn't been times when I needed a mother more than I needed a friend.

"What do you wish?" Edward enquired.

"Um, I mean what all did she say about me?"

This had the possibility o be very bad. Esme knew a lot of things about me that I wasn't ready to share with Edward...

Edward chuckled. "Nothing bad, I promise. No deep, dark secrets either. She just said how much she likes and admires you. And she all but called me an idiot for letting you mark time with that slimy bartender."

I gaped at him. Esme said she admired me? How could she after all I'd told her and with she herself being so, well, awesome?

"Bella, you are admirable. And she was right to say I was a fool for leaving you alone in that room full of predators. I am curious, though, why didn't you take the bartender's number when he gave it to you?"

"You saw that?"

"I was watching you all evening."

My face flushed again and my stomach fluttered. I hadn't known he'd been watching me. If I had I very much doubted I would have even talked to Riley. The fact was I was lonely and depressed after having been away from Edward all that time and it was nice to receive the attention. I hadn't actually flirted with a man in so long...it felt kind of good to do so with no stress or worries or hidden agendas. Harmless fun. It made me feel normal again, but then it had gotten a bit more serious when he started writing those seven digits on the napkin and I'd actually considered taking it just to see if maybe I could be normal again. But I couldn't make myself take it. He wasn't Edward.

Edward reached over to place his hand on my shoulder, bringing my attention back to him. My own nerves fled as I saw the anxiety in his eyes and I smiled softly at him.

"Because he wasn't you."

His hand tightened on my shoulder for a minute before dropping down to take mine and lift it to his lips, his eyes intense and burning into mine.

"You're an incredible woman, Bella. I'm going to see to it that you don't regret this decision—that you don't regret choosing me."

I laughed a little, reclaiming my hand so that I could take up the reigns again. "I don't seem to have much a choice where you're concerned. I just can't resist you."

The Smirk returned. "And I'm going to make sure it stays that way."

We rode on for a while after that in a companionable silence. Every now and then Edward's horse would bump into mine and we would both smile at each other. It happened so frequently that I suspected he was doing it on purpose but I didn't say anything. Playful Edward was something I didn't get to see very often. I nudged Delilah closer until her shoulder was brushing Harvey's then out of nowhere Edward was reaching over and grabbing my reigns, bringing both our horses to a halt. I looked at him questioningly and he tossed me a wicked grin. His fingers threaded through my hair as he brought my head closer.

"It's just so liberating to finally be able to do this," he murmured before his lips descended onto mine.

I leaned into the kiss, moaning a little when his tongue slid across the seam of my lips and then slipped inside my mouth. I gripped his shirt and let the sensations carry away all sense of thought and reason. He was right, there was something exciting and cathartic about finally just letting go and enjoying our connection. I didn't have to worry about apologies or excuses or self-reprisal. I could just enjoy the kiss knowing that after it ended there would be more to come, and enjoy it I did. Edward had a way of kissing all his own and it damn near turned my bones to jelly every time.

When he leaned back his eyes were glowing with heat and happiness and I was sure mine were shining back at his much the same. I still couldn't believe that I was the one to put that look on his face. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and his thumb swept across my cheekbone, a soft smile on his lips and his eyes still staring into mine. I stared back, transfixed. The horses shifted restlessly beneath us and the wind blew gently through the leaves. Somewhere up above a songbird chirped, a herald to the arrival of spring. In the distance were the muted sounds of other horses and the chatter of their riders, but those things didn't touch us here in this moment. Not when Edward was staring at me that way and my heart was beating erratically in my chest. It occurred to me that these were the moments that fairytales were written on, and no matter what happened in the future I would carry this moment with me always.

I was so in love with Edward Cullen.

"I'll race you to the creek," he said suddenly and then both he and horse were off.

I laughed and nudged my knees into Delilah's sides, sending her chasing after them. I wasn't going to catch them. His horse had the advantage of both size and strength over mine plus the unfair lead Edward had taken, but damn if it wasn't going to be fun trying. I rode low over Delilah's back, urging her faster, my face breaking out into the first carefree grin since...I couldn't even say. Ahead of me Edward's laughter beckoned. My hands held tight to the reigns and I basked in the certainty that I would not be dropping them.

**AN: So Bella's finally making progress...but she still has a ways to go so be patient with her please. These things don't happen overnight! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was my first mostly angst free one. I might try to throw you some more of those but I can't always seem to help myself from throwing in a little more conflict...dun dun dun. Until next time my lovelies and thanks for reading! **


	22. Best Laid Plans

**AN: Hello, my lovelies, and welcome back to my little world! So many people seemed to enjoy my little break from the angst in the last chapter, so I've got another special little treat for you! Also, I know I don't usually switch up the POV's in the middle of chapters but I had to make an exception for this one. I couldn't seem to decide which POV I wanted to do for this one and actually had this chapter half written both ways so I finally just figure: Hell, why not combine it? So, here it is! Enjoy!**

**BPOV**

I jerked my leg back and hopped on one foot for a moment as yet another tennis ball was lobbed straight into my shin.

"Son of a monkey-flunking-ass-pirate!"

"Bella, you're supposed hit the balls with your racket not bounce them off random parts of your body."

"Tell that to the tennis balls with the homing beacons for my legs."

Angie grunted as she hit a ball over the net. I observed her skill with bitter jealousy.

"Just keep your eye on the ball, aim and swing."

"Easy for you to say," I muttered.

I steeled myself as another ball sailed over the net in my direction. Taking Angie's advice I glued my eyes to the ball and waited for it to get close enough before taking a swing at it….several seconds too late. The ball connected with my jaw at the same time the rim of my racket smacked into my opposing elbow. Tingly little pains shot all the way down my arm and into my fingertips. I rubbed it out as Angie retrieved the ball and tossed it up for a smooth serve.

We were losing—badly—to Kate and Irina from HR. I consoled myself that they were gracious winners and that we hadn't been paired with the likes of Jessica and Lauren. I was pretty sure those two were off painting their nails or some equally foo-foo shit like that. Okay, so maybe nail painting wasn't an actual activity on the roster but I had seen watersports listed and I'd bet my life that's where they were. Any excuse to flaunt their plastic bodies in itty bitty bikinis. Fortunately wherever the Little Bo Skanks went Mike and Tyler were sure to follow. The last thing I needed was those two voyeurs watching me make a fool of myself on this tennis court.

My mind drifted off to the east side golf course where I knew Edward was spending his afternoon. I probably shouldn't be as turned on as I was by the thought of him in golf pants and a tweed cap but I couldn't help picturing myself beside him in one of those little white mini-dresses slowly stroking a golf club and asking him if he needed help with his backswing. I wasn't sure when my brain had turned into such a cesspool of perversion but I was fairly certain it was a recent development…or perhaps it had always been that way and it took meeting Edward to bring all the lusty thoughts and fantasies to the foreground. Seriously, I think the man could bring Helen Degeneris back to the home-team.

My lusty thoughts and fantasies were suddenly scattered to the winds as I took a tennis ball to the gut and the wind was literally knocked out of me. I bent over at the waist and let out a very unladylike _oomph!_ I didn't even have the breath for shouting out profanities that time. Holy Hitler's Balls, I really hated this game! Tennis could go lick Walton Wingfield's sweaty nutsack for all I cared.

"Bella, come on, keep your mind on the game! If you're not even going to attempt to swing at least have the sense to duck when a ball's coming straight at you."

"Sorry, Ang," I wheezed. "I was a little distracted."

She tossed me a knowing smirk. "Gee, whatever could have had you so preoccupied, Bella?"

I rolled my eyes and flipped her the bird. She merely laughed and executed a perfect serve. I wondered if it would be redundant to flip her off again.

The games finally ended with Angela and I having lost all five rounds. We'd actually been pretty close to winning that last one, but that was only because Angela had kept crossing over to my side of the court to volley the ball back over the net every time it came toward me. She'd probably have done better on her own—I'd actually run into her a couple of times and knocked us both on our asses. Why I was even running toward the ball when it only ever resulted in pain for me? I don't know. Apparently I have masochistic tendencies.

"Wow, you weren't kidding about the tennis thing, were you?" Angie stated as she mopped her face and neck with one of the towels we'd been provided with.

She handed me one as well at which I merely raised my eyebrow before slinging it uselessly over my shoulder. One doesn't get too sweaty when standing stationary and taking tennis balls to the shins—merely bruised.

"I tried to warn you I was a complete disaster on the court, but you were adamant about the whole tennis thing. Actually I'm a complete disaster at pretty much any sport but those requiring hand-eye coordination are typically the worst."

"And, of course, it didn't help that your mind was out on the golf course."

I hummed a little and feigned ignorance. "Don't be silly. I'm even worse at golf than I am at tennis."

"All right, Bella, spill already. You spent most of the morning with you-know-who and you've barely said two words about it!"

"Shh!" I hissed. "I'll tell, just not where anyone can overhear."

Angie rolled her eyes. "It's not like either of you are in witness protection, Bella. It was just a date."

"I know. I just don't want to take any unnecessary risks. I'll tell you all about it later, I promise."

Angela huffed. "Okay, but it better be good."

I smiled softly. It had been more than good, and it wasn't that I didn't want to talk about it really. I kind of just wanted to selfishly horde it to myself a little while longer. The few hours I had spent with Edward had been beyond ideal, they'd been surreal—like some secret fantasy brought to life and I wasn't quite ready yet to burst that dreamlike ambience by trying to put it into words. It just seemed like the longer I kept it to myself the longer it was….well, mine.

I would never have expected it would be so easy to be with Edward. I'd always had a sort of awkward shyness around men, never really sure of what to do or say, but somehow with Edward everything had just felt right and natural. He seemed to know how to put me at ease and keep me from overthinking every word and gesture. Neither one of us had talked of anything serious, both of us instinctively avoiding heavy topics. I think we'd both felt the need to just be together for once—simple and carefree. Or maybe I'd just felt that need and Edward had somehow sensed it. He had an uncanny way of anticipating all my needs. It was unsettling and comforting all at the same time.

So in typical Edward fashion he'd given me what I needed without my having even asked, a simple and carefree morning. We'd just talked and laughed and goofed around by the creek. He'd held my hand and I had finally run my hands through his tousled hair the way I'd always wanted to. We'd kissed until I thought my brain cells had all but melted from my head. It was a moment out of time, a single ray of sunshine that would hopefully help carry me through any dark times that may be waiting around the corner. I still had no idea where this thing with Edward could possibly lead but I figured I was already on board I may as well enjoy the ride. For once in my life I was just going to let tomorrow take care of itself.

"Well, let's go upstairs, get showered off and changed. And once we're in our room you won't have any more excuse not to share the deets."

I laughed. "Okay, okay. When did you become so impatient?"

"Oh, I don't know, perhaps when one of my closest friends went on a date with one of the sexiest men alive and has yet to tell me anything about it."

"An afternoon on a horse trail with lots of people, including coworkers, just yards away is not exactly a date."

"Was it a prearranged social engagement between a single male and a single female both of which professing romantic interest in the other?"

"Well—"

"Then it was a date. And I want to know everything. So hurry up, let's head back to the room."

"All right, let me just return the rackets. Keep your panties on."

"Of the two of us I'd say I'm not the one this weekend who's likely to—"

"Angela! That better not have been heading where I think it was."

Angela just grinned. I shook my head and headed over to the equipment check out counter to return our rackets. The woman behind the desk was just getting off the phone and I waited for her to hang it up before giving her our names to check off the list.

"Bella Sawn?" she repeated.

"That's right," I responded. What, was she hard of hearing? "And Angela Weber."

"Miss Swan, I've just been asked to inform you there's a package for you at the front desk which requires your signature."

"For me?"

"Yes. It was marked as urgent."

"Oh...thank you."

I returned to Angela distracted and confused. What could possibly have been delivered to me here that was so urgent, and by whom? Jake and Alice certainly wouldn't have anything that was so urgent it couldn't wait until I got home, and if so they would have called me. Charlie never sent me packages except for on my birthday and even then it was something small and impersonal. Renee was off somewhere on a third honeymoon even though it had only been seven years since their first and three years since their second. They'd be too busy breaking in every aspect of their hotel room to bother with sending me anything. On a side note I really had to remember to convince Renee not to share so many of those details with me. I shuddered at the mental image it brought on.

"Are you okay?"

"Huh?" I glanced up at Angela. "Oh, yeah, apparently there's something I have to sign for at the front desk. I'll meet you upstairs, okay?"

"Yeah sure. I wanted dibs on the shower anyway."

"Take your time, I think you earned one more than I did."

"Okay! See ya back in the room."

The tennis courts were those indoor kind located on the first floor of The Lodge. I stepped out into the hallway and followed the signs to the lobby (yes, the place was so large that I'd have been lost for hours without the assistance of those signs). My mind was distracted by thoughts of what this package could be and I had that tunnel vision I sometimes get when I'm too focused on a destination to pay much attention to my surroundings. I vaguely heard the sounds of the arcade as I passed it but I was completely unprepared for the hand that reached out and grabbed my wrist. Before I could even draw breath to scream my back was pressed against a hard chest and a hand was clamped over my mouth.

**EPOV**

I teed off rather mindlessly and watched the ball sail through the air to land soundlessly on the green, a mere foot or two from the hole. Jasper sighed beside me. I nearly sighed with him. Golf held little interest for me. Today was even worse than usual knowing that Bella was on the tennis courts, wielding a racket and possibly wearing those tiny shorts that women often wore for such activities. I consoled myself with the fact that there were only two holes left until this damn "group activity" was over and I could search her out again.

"If that don't beat all," Jasper was muttering as he lined up his own shot. "Ain't even got his mind on the game and the fucker's still beating me."

I smirked as I watched his ball land in the fairway just shy of the green. The only satisfaction I got out of this game was knowing how much it irritated Jasper that despite my disinterest I was still a better golfer than he was. If I'd had my way we'd be on the tennis courts ourselves, or possibly even the basketball court, but it was Jasper's year to pick the activity. He picked golf every fucking time because after God knew how many years of sucking balls at this sport he still had aspirations of being the next Tiger Woods—minus all the cheating and Sexaholic Anonymous classes.

"Well, at least you managed to miss the rough this time," I mocked.

Jasper's response to that was short and rude.

I leaned impatiently on my club while the two stiff-necks from Legal we'd been paired up with ran through their little ritual. I swear Jasper and I could have played this whole back nine three times over by now if it weren't for these two. They each insisted on practicing their swing at least three times before even making contact with the damn ball...for every fucking hole. I knew I wasn't doing a great job at hiding my irritation seeing as they'd stopped trying to make conversation with us about forty minutes ago but for God's sake this was getting ridiculous. I could have been with Bella by now.

The morning had been so perfect. I'd been so afraid that she would awake and reject my presence in her room, rescind all that had been laid bare the night before. I should have known better. Bella never reacted the way I expected her to. I smiled at the memory of how she'd dashed to the door, poking her head out to check the hallway like some adorable but not very stealthy spy. It had been so difficult to leave her.

My meeting with Carlisle had not gone very well. I'd been distracted and he'd noticed. Much like now I couldn't keep my mind off of Bella and my eagerness to get back to her. After several failed attempts to keep me focused on the issues at hand he'd merely closed his laptop and told me we'd discuss it more on Monday. I should have been more irritated with myself for the lack of focus, for not being able to give Carlisle and the business my undivided attention, but how could I feel guilty over being absorbed with thoughts of Bella? We'd finally taken that first step toward the future I hoped to have with her and the next few would be the crucial ones to guiding us there. She still didn't quite trust me, I could sense that, and we had a lot of ground to cover before we could establish a foundation sturdy enough to build upon. I knew we needed this time and I didn't want to risk screwing it up.

"Earth to Eddie! You gonna stand there wool-gatherin' all day or you gonna come join us down the fairway?"

I realized rather abruptly that Peter and Randy had located their balls on the fairway and were already in the process of taking their stupid practice swings. Jasper, whose ball was the second closest to the hole, was waiting impatiently for me.

"Yeah, sorry," I mumbled, picking up my bag and heading toward the green.

Jasper chuckled lightly. "Woman's got you twisted up every which way but Sunday. I take it ya'll mended your fences?"

I couldn't control the grin that spread across my face. "We've made a good start. I finally got her to admit to her feelings for me, at least."

"I reckon that's the biggest step with a girl like Bella. You're going to have to go slow and cautious with her, though. She's got the look of a girl once burnt and terrified of the fire."

I nodded. "I surmised that one for myself. She's definitely been let down in the past by someone, perhaps several someones. She won't tell me about it, though. Hasn't ever even brought it up."

"She needs time. She doesn't give her trust easily and once she does...well, all I can say is you better not do anything to break it. It might break her." His smile quirked. "And then Alice would break you."

"I know. She tries not to show how fragile she is, but I can see the vulnerability behind that bravado she puts up. And Alice or no Alice I would never do anything to hurt Bella."

"Yeah, I believe you mean that and sooner or later Bella will too. Just gotta wait for it."

I only prayed he was right and that I had the patience to give her the necessary time without pushing her again, because until she put her trust in me there was little hope of our relationship working out. I really wanted it to work.

Jasper perused his golf clubs, carefully considering each one before finally settling on the 3-iron and lining up his shot. His ball landed on the far side of the pin, still farther than mine by several feet.

"Speaking of Alice, everything still going smoothly there since your colossal screw-up of a lifetime?"

His scowl quickly transformed into an earsplitting grin. "Darn tootin' it is. That Bella of yours was pure genius. I swept Alice off her feet that day and I'm proud to say they still haven't touched ground."

I nodded and lined up my own shot, watching apathetically as it dropped into the hole. As happy as I was for Jasper I couldn't help envying the state of bliss he and Alice were obviously in. I had confidence that Bella and I had a chance for that, but it would still be a long uphill battle until we reached that state. Not that I was ever going to give up but...I would be lying to say that I didn't want it now.

"Goddam, Edward, another fucking birdie. I'd be right pissed at you right now if it weren't for the fact that you got me use of the beach house for a weekend."

I shrugged. "The folks hardly even use it anymore, it just sits there most of the time. You could have asked them yourself, you know. You're part of the family, they don't mind you using it."

"My momma raised me with manners. It wouldn't be right to ask another man's parents to use their property."

"I don't know how you can still be so southern when you only spent the first nine years of your life there. Anyway, what was so important that you just had to have it? You've never asked for it before."

Jasper smiled a smug, secret smile. "I've a promise to keep."

I shook my head, knowing better than to ask for any details. The game dragged on for another mind-numbing half an hour. By the time it wrapped up, and consequently I had somehow won, I would have sworn it was after six but as much as time had dragged by a glance at my watch proved it to only be ten after four. There was chance that Bella was still on the courts. One phone call confirmed that the tennis matches were still in session. I smiled as a plan began to form in my head. I was striding away to put it into action, not even bothering to say goodbye or congratulate the other guys on a game well played.

"Bye, Edward, no need to worry about your equipment," Jasper called out sarcastically. "I'll return everything for you, yeah, no problem. You do what you gotta do, I got it covered."

I turned around and continued walking backward as I grinned and shouted out "Losers always get equipment duty!" before turning around to jog back to the building. I made a quick stop at the gift shop before dropping off a small box and some instructions at the front desk. Then I headed off to the arcade to wait.

It occurred to me that I could have just called or texted Bella to meet me there, but I didn't want to give her the chance to say no. Her terror at anyone catching me in her room this morning had been niggling at my mind all day and I knew she was still nervous about being seen in public with me. It was one of many issues I wanted to discuss with her but I'd been reluctant to bring it up this morning and risk spoiling the first time she'd been relaxed and lighthearted in my company. Even now I knew I wasn't going to broach any of those topics. I just wanted some more time that we could simply enjoy and grow comfortable with each other, but I was afraid her fear of anyone from the company seeing us would dissuade her. I figured if I caught her off guard she'd have a harder time turning me down.

Minutes ticked endlessly by as I waited for her. I knew from the layout of the building that she would have to walk down this hallway to get to the lobby, but I began to worry that she'd decided to stop by her room first. If that were the case then she'd just take the elevator back down and I'd miss her entirely. I was getting ready to give in and send her a text when I finally heard footsteps heading down the hall. The arcade was dimly lit and I stepped back into the shadows of the doorway as I waited for her to pass. Fuck me, she _was _wearing those tiny little shorts I'd imagined along with a snug-fitting tee that stretched tight across her breasts. All the fantasies I'd had about those legs...I shook my head and tried to quell the beginnings of an erection that those thoughts had provoked.

She was walking fast and staring straight ahead, making it that much easier for me. I waited for her to get almost past before reaching out and grabbing onto her wrist, pulling her into me lest she lose her balance and fall—which would be highly likely for her. I placed my hand over her mouth when she sucked in a breath as if to scream.

"Shhh, Bella, it's me," I whispered in her ear.

Her incredibly tense and trembling body sagged against me in relief and I suddenly felt extremely guilty for startling her. I stroked her hair as I turned her to face me, surprised by the paleness of her complexion and the panic still lingering in her eyes. Had I frightened her that badly?

"Hey, it's ok," I crooned. "It's just me. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that."

Bella stared wide-eyed up at me for a moment before throwing herself against me, wrapping her arms tight around me and burying her face against my chest. I rubbed soothing circles on her back as I wondered what could have caused her to react so strongly.

"Bella, are you okay?"

Her head nodded rapidly as she mumbled into my shirt. "I just—for a minute I thought...I'm fine."

I sighed. She hadn't been fine and there was obviously more to it than she was telling me but I reminded myself I had to be patient. She'd been hurt and I couldn't expect her to just trust me right away. Suddenly she was pulling away from me and smacking me angrily in the arm.

"How could you scare me like that? That was just mean! What do you think you're doing lurking around in the shadows anyway? Were you trying to give me a heart attack?"

I grinned and rubbed at the imaginary pain in my arm, relieved to see the spunk back in her flashing eyes.

"I had to lure you here," I explained. "It was all part of my master plan. I wasn't sure you'd come voluntarily."

"What are you talking about?"

"We have the rest of the evening free. Spend it with me."

Just as I suspected her eyes flashed wildly to the left and the right, seeking out any familiar onlookers that might be observing us.

"Edward, I don't know. What if someone sees...?"

"No one's going to see us, Bella. They never come to the arcade. They want everyone else to believe they're too mature and sophisticated to enjoy playing children's games."

Bella looked warily into the darkened room with its flashing neon lights, chiming bells and various other obnoxious sounds.

"You want to hang out in the arcade?"

I tossed her my lopsided grin and delighted in the way her lips parted and her eyes unfocused slightly. Oh yeah, The Swooner still had it.

"Don't tell me you've never wiled away a few hours in an arcade?"

"Well, Renee preferred ballgames and other male-dominated activities and Charlie never..." she trailed off, still a little dazed.

I grabbed her wrist and pulled her further into the room.

"Come on, let me introduce you to the world of interactive entertainment."

"I've played video games before..."

I scoffed. "The console games you may have experienced before do not in any way compare to the adventure on which we are about to embark."

She grinned at my exaggerated buffoonery and I swear the whole room lit up. Okay, so maybe the flashing lights from the row of pinball machines had a little something to do with it, but I still think it was mostly her smile. I led her over to the token machine.

"This, my lady," I explained, "is where we turn money into gold."

She raised her eyebrow at me as I fed cash into the machine and produced the golden tokens with a flourish. She took them from me with a musical laugh and I happily fed more money into the machine. I didn't think I'd had this much fun in an arcade since before Emmett and I hit puberty, and we hadn't even played any games yet. I couldn't wait to introduce her to my favorite ones.

I led her to a racing game, showing her how to clutch, brake and shift gears before sliding into my own seat and dropping the coins in the slot. The first two races I left her in the dust but by the third she'd already gotten the hang of it and finished only seconds behind me. She turned to me, laughing, with her eyes bright and her face flushed and I didn't think she had ever looked more beautiful. Before she could say anything I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers. Her hand lifted to my face, stroking my cheek and then sliding into my hair, her grip tightening as I coaxed her mouth open and deepened the kiss. I pulled back reluctantly, reminding myself there were children present and this wasn't the place for that. She was smiling at me somewhat dreamily, causing both my heart and my ego to swell, along with certain other parts of my anatomy.

"What was that for?"

"For being so beautiful." I grabbed her hand. "Come on. Let's go hit some moles in the head."

We played Whack-a-Mole, giggling like children when Bella's clumsiness led to us hitting each other with the foam mallets more than the mechanical moles. From there we moved on to motorcycle racing, after which I determined she would never be permitted on a real one, and then I won her an ugly little—honestly I didn't even know what it was—out of the claw machine...on my fifth try. I nearly turned in my man card and gave up after the fourth failed attempt but Bella cheered me on and hugged me so excitedly when I finally reeled in that...thing. I offered to try to exchange it for her but she hugged it tightly to her chest and declared that it was the first thing anyone had ever won for her and she was keeping it. It was difficult not to get caught up in her candid enthusiasm. A free spirited Bella was certainly a sight to see and I wondered if even as a child she'd ever had the opportunity to act this unrestrained. If it was possible I fell even more in love with her.

Time passed quickly and before long it was Bella dragging me from one machine to another. We played some sort of war game where she delighted in reminding me that her father was a cop and he'd taught her how to handle a gun. Apparently it applied to toy guns as well because she kicked my ass on that game. I earned some of my man points back on Skeeball and air-hockey but then she stunned me by how soundly she defeated me on DDR, despite her usual lack of coordination and my own skill developed from all the years that Emmett had forced that game upon us.

Nearly three hours had passed by the time we found ourselves by the pinball machines. I was secretly thrilled to learn that she had never played before as this gave me a prime excuse to press my body against hers as I "taught her how to play." I had my arms wrapped around her, my hands guiding hers on the flippers, and the entire length of my front pressed to her back. I taught her how to tilt, pushing my hip against hers to nudge the table, and tried not to be too distracted by the strawberry scent of her hair. Every now and then she would smile over her shoulder at me and I wondered if she knew how provocative she was being.

My question was answered a little while later when she very deliberately pushed her round little bottom into my groin and glanced seductively over her shoulder. Oh yes, she knew, and it was intentional. My dick hardened immediately and I grabbed her hip to hold her tightly against me, burying my face in her hair alongside her neck.

"Bella. You're driving me insane."

She offered me a saucy grin, wiggling her ass against my suddenly painful arousal.

"Edward. That was the point."

I growled. "I don't want to rush this, Bella. I want to court you—"

I was cut off by the tinkling sounding of her laughter. She turned around in my arms, linking her wrists behind my neck, and smiled happily up at me.

"Only you would actually use a word like 'court'. Edward..."

"What?" I inquired when she trailed off.

Bella shook her head. "Nothing. Just shut up and kiss me."

I was just starting to lean in when my peripheral vision caught a kid coming around the corner. He eyed us both in mild disgust before dropping his token in the next pinball machine and going to war with it. Bella and I shared a quiet chuckle and I relaxed my grip on her.

"What do you say we cash in all these tickets for a prize and go find something to eat?"

Her stomach growled at the mention of food and she blushed adorably and nodded her head. We passed the change machines on the way to the counter and I noticed a young boy there, probably no older than seven, staring morosely at the token machine with his hands shoved in his pockets. I dropped the remainder of our tokens into his hand and ruffled his hair slightly. He grinned hugely at me before running off in the direction of the games. I turned to share my amusement with Bella but she had stopped completely and was looking at me strangely. My smile slipped.

"What? What's the matter?"

A slow smile spread across her face. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Come on, I want to see what prizes they have."

Shaking my head in bewilderment I followed her up to the counter where we perused the cheap toys and stuffed animals that were on display there. Bella laughed when I suggestively pointed out the trick handcuffs.

"Somehow I don't think those would fit either of us."

I looped my fingers around her wrist, watching my thumb and index finger overlap. "I think we could make it work."

"I very much doubt they were intended for the kind of use you have in mind."

"You're probably right," I admitted with a salacious grin before turning back to the glass display. "How about that?"

Bella frowned at the elaborate mood ring I was pointing to. The colorful liquid crystals stretched across the entire length of the band and engraved in the center was a Celtic eternity knot.

"I think people might question your sexuality if you wore that."

I laughed softly, knowing she'd deliberately misunderstood me. "For you."

"You can't spend _all_ the tickets on me, Edward. You won over half of them."

"And I want to spend them on you, so put away your indignation and let me do this."

Before Bella could protest again I turned to the bored looking attendant behind the counter and handed him the little stack of tickets. Bella huffed beside me and I rolled my eyes, wondering how difficult it was going to be in the future to give her the kind of actual gifts I wanted to give her when I had this much trouble just getting her to accept a cheap little toy ring.

The boy handed me the trinket and I beckoned for Bella to give me her hand. She placed her right hand hesitantly into my left and I slid the ring slowly onto her finger, marveling at how perfectly right it felt to perform that symbolic act. My thumb slid across her finger in a small caress and I tenderly brought her hand to my lips. When I lifted my gaze to her face she was staring up at me with her eyes large and eloquent and slightly frightened.

"Dark blue," I announced, sensing her need to lighten the mood. "I think that's supposed to mean you're happy."

She smiled, dropping her eyes to the ring. "I guess it works then."

We both laughed as her stomach growled again.

"I suppose I should find Angela and see about getting some dinner. She's probably wondering what happened to me."

"Or...you could come upstairs with me and order room service. No ulterior motives, I promise, just dinner."

"Well, I already promised Angela we could eat at that restaurant on the second floor tonight and then hang out at the pool a while."

I couldn't help smiling. I didn't think she realized she was pouting slightly as she said that. It was difficult to feel disappointed when it was so obvious she didn't really want to part with me. I traced the fullness of her lower lip with my finger.

"Okay, I'll let you go on one condition. Promise you'll come up to room 507 later on tonight. We'll order up some champagne and dessert and find some cheesy 80's movie to watch."

She stared up at me, biting her lip in indecision and I groaned, trying to resist the temptation to bend down and take that lip between my own teeth. Ah, fuck it. I dipped my head and took her mouth, sucking that plump lip between my own. I traced it with my tongue and then slid it inside her mouth, swallowing the little whimper that bubbled out of her throat. I gripped her hips, quickly coming undone by the sounds she made and the way her hands fisted in my hair and tugged in that way she did that was just shy of painful and brutally arousing. I tilted my head, completely forgetting our surroundings until that juvenile piss-ant behind the counter coughed loudly and obnoxiously into his hand. I pulled slowly away from Bella and threw a look over my shoulder that quickly shut him the fuck up.

"Think about it," I husked. "Just a movie, nothing more. I'll have my phone on me, just let me know whatever you decide."

I guided her out of the arcade and reluctantly parted ways with her in the hallway, planting one last chaste kiss on her soft and swollen lips before forcing myself to walk away.

**BPOV**

I was lounging next to Angela in the humid heat that accompanies most indoor pools, wearing the only bathing suit Alice had left me—a tiny white two piece that should have made me look pale and washed out but somehow just managed to be both sexy and innocent and emphasized all the best parts of me. I really had to learn to stop doubting Alice. It was blissfully quiet with just a few random lodgers sharing the space with us. The hour was too late for families and children and most of the Cullen Publishing crowd was enjoying the twinkling fairy lights and well-stocked bar of the outdoor pool. It was the only one of the three pools with an age minimum and alcoholic beverages and most of our crew had flocked to it with enthusiasm. Angela and I preferred the luxury of having this area mostly to ourselves and not having to worry about those printing floor man whores gawking over our scantily clad bodies.

Angela had been a little pissed with me for abandoning her earlier and not telling her what I was up to, leaving her to wonder (in her words) whether I'd been injured, abducted, murdered or worse. What was worse than murder I didn't know and didn't care to ask, but she'd quickly forgiven me when I'd finally filled her in on the events of my day with Edward during which she'd clapped her hands and squealed like a schoolgirl. I hadn't even told her many of the "good parts." I knew most girls didn't have a problem sharing juicy details like that, and the details I had weren't even all that juicy, but there was just something special about the way Edward and I were together and it seemed like trying to put it into words would just take away from the beauty of it. Make it less sacred somehow. It was silly, I knew—surely there was nothing different about him and I than any other couple with chemistry but that was just the way I felt.

Couple.

I grinned.

Wow. Edward and I were a couple. That was still going to take some getting used to. I still couldn't quite believe it. It was wonderful and frightening and altogether unreal. A part of me kept waiting for me to wake up and find it all to have been a dream and Edward nothing more than a figment of my overactive imagination. Somehow I think that would be worse than anything else, even the prospect of losing him after having had him this short time. Waking up to a world without Edward at all. It would be like Dorothy waking up from a wonderful world of color and magic to a dull reality done up in drab shades of gray. It didn't even bear thinking about.

"It's so romantic," Angela sighed out of nowhere.

I glanced around at the spattering of middle aged people lazing around in the water, soaking in the Jacuzzi, or just snoozing on the loungers and raised my eyebrow at her.

"Um, what's romantic? That guy over there reading _Diary of a Shopaholic_? Cause I'm pretty sure he's just gay."

Angela laughed. "No, not him. And yeah, you don't even need gaydar for that one. Straight men do not wear purple speedos. I'm talking about Edward coming up with that elaborate scheme to lure you to the arcade. It was just so sweet."

"Leaving a message at the front desk is hardly an 'elaborate scheme' and I didn't realize an arcade was a romantic place."

"Stop trying to trivialize it, Bella! Going to all that trouble just to spend a little more time with you? Major swoon points. The last sweet thing Ben did for me was remember to clean his hair out of the drain. And let me tell you, men think women clog up the drain? Their grizzly bear bodies shed more than a dog's."

"First of all, ew! Way TMI. And second of all..." I smiled dreamily and stared at the ring on my right hand. "Yeah, it was. He really is thoughtful, isn't he?"

Angela sighed again. "So jealous right now. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm completely in love with Ben and I wouldn't trade him for the world but...I do sometimes miss all that fresh excitement we had in the beginning and the sweet, romantic gestures. Ah, well. I'll live vicariously through you for the moment, then go home and tell Ben all about the wonderful things Edward does for you and guilt him into doing something special for me."

"Angela, I'm beginning to believe you're more diabolical even than Alice. It's just that you're so sweet and quiet no one believes it of you."

She grinned wickedly. "You've always gotta watch the quiet ones. And you never did say what he left for you at the front desk."

I smiled. "It was a keychain with a horse charm on it."

"Aww!"

"I know. And I kept one of the arcade tokens from this afternoon too. Now I'm thinking I might have it put on a keychain for him. Do you think that's silly or overly sentimental? I mean, would a guy like something like that? I'm so horrible with this whole relationship thing."

"No, that's perfect! Oh my gosh, he'll love that so much! How can you say you're horrible? That's probably one of the most thoughtful gifts ever, and so Edward. I should take you with me next time I go shopping for Ben. I would never have thought of that. I usually just buy him shirts or movies."

"Trust me, Ang, I'm the last person you should turn to on the preferences of men—especially boyfriends. You really think it's not too tacky for Edward? I mean, he could buy himself anything he wanted."

"Seriously, Bella it's perfect. He'll—"

Angela's eyes widened as she looked past me and she abruptly cut off whatever she was about to say. I turned to see what she was looking at and all the saliva dried up in my mouth….and then immediately started pouring out again in overdrive. Edward had entered the pool area and was walking toward us wearing nothing but a pair of swim trunks slung low on his hips a towel tossed over his shoulder. His chest and abs were every bit as chiseled as I'd ever imagined they would be, lightly sprinkled with dark copper hair and trailing down to that sexy V which pointed the way to the Promised Land. I shocked myself with the sudden urge to lick those planes and ridges and follow the arrow down. I'd never entertained such wanton thoughts in my life. But then I'd never in my life been so turned on by just watching a man walk.

Some small part of my brain registered Jasper walking beside him, but the rest of me was too focused on Edward to notice much about him. Seriously it should be illegal for him to walk around in any state of undress like that—reckless disregard for the well-being of women's panties.

I jumped when Angela poked me in my ribs, closing my mouth which had fallen open. I glanced at her ruefully before turning my gaze back to Edward. My cheeks flamed, of course, but really who could blame me for staring? There was a god walking toward me and by some odd turn of fortune he was mine. I imagine this was how Danae felt when Zeus came down from Olympus for her. Only in this case my god wasn't a horny, man-whoring philanderer with a zealous, vengeful shrew of a wife. So, yeah, no this was way better than that.

I was still staring shamelessly when he took the seat next to mine. Even the cocky smirk that it brought to his lips couldn't make me cease my goggling. Jasper made some sort of greeting, I didn't actually hear any of it, before strolling over to one of the hot tubs. Angela picked up her magazine and pretended to ignore us both but was more likely paying very close attention in order to take a detailed account back to Alice. I couldn't really bring myself to care. Not when Edward was smirking at me.

My breath quickened at the heat in his eyes as his gaze slid slowly down my body. He frowned slightly as he lifted a lazy finger to trace the yellowish bruise forming on my thigh.

"What happened here?"

"Tennis ball," I answered.

His hand trailed down to another mark on my shin. "And here?"

"Tennis ball."

His lips brushed lightly over my jaw. "This one?"

"Tennis ball."

He brought his hand to touch another bruise on my upper arm. "And this one? Another tennis ball?"

I shook my head. "Tennis racket."

His eyebrows drew together as he looked up at me in consternation. "How am I supposed to take care of you? I can't even leave your side for a few hours."

"You don't have to take care of me. I can take care of myself."

"Debatable."

I shot Angela a withering glare when she erupted into a "coughing fit" beside me, then turned back to Edward. "You should worry about yourself more. Really, anyone could just walk in and see us right now."

Edward shrugged. "So what?"

"So what? I read the policy handbook, Edward. Not only would I have to transfer departments but you could face suspension or worse. You're heir to the throne, why risk a stupid, avoidable black mark like that when you don't have to?"

"Technically Emmett's heir to the throne. I just get it by default because he didn't want it. And it's my risk to take. Do I look worried?"

"Well, I won't let you take it. I won't be responsible for you losing your reputation with Cullen Publishing or putting any kind of strain between you and your father."

"Bella…"

I sat up straight. "That's the deal, Edward. I'll only stay with you if I know it won't hurt you in any way."

"Incoming, Mike and Tyler," Jasper announced from the other side of the room.

"Edward, go."

He heaved a sigh. "Then come up to my room in ten minutes so we can talk about this some more."

I could hear the echo of Mike and Tyler's voices as they were coming in through the outer locker room of the pool area. I started to get up, planning to jump in the water or at least put some space between myself and Edward before they rounded the corner and spotted us sitting together. Edward grabbed my wrist to hold me in my place.

"Edward!" I hissed. "They're going to see—"

"I'll go if you give me your word you'll come up."

"Fine! I promise."

He released my wrist and stood, slowly walking over to where Jasper was chatting amicably with the old guy sharing the Jacuzzi with him. Mike and Tyler came into view just as Edward was reaching Jasper's side.

"Dude, I told you this pool had a hot tub!"

"Yeah but there's no bar."

"Chill out. We'll just kick it here for a bit and then head back. It's not like the party's going anywhere. Hale! Hey, dud, how's it hanging? Didn't expect to see you here."

"Newton, Crawly," Jasper greeted coolly. "Likewise."

"How's the water?" Mike asked even as he was already climbing into the Jacuzzi.

"Crowded." Jasper pulled himself up and hopped over the edge, picking up his towel and walking with Edward toward the exit.

"Bella! Ang!" Tyler shouted. "You gotta come try out this hot tub, it's awesome!"

"There's plenty of room in here for ya," Mike added.

I noticed out the corner of my eye Edward start to turn back, but Jasper caught him by the arm and shoved him through the doorway. I bit my cheek to hold back the grin that wanted to escape.

"Thanks, Mike, but we'll pass!" Angela hollered back. "We'd rather not catch any of your STD's!"

We both lost it as Mike's mouth dropped open and the older gentleman who was still in the tub promptly stood and climbed out.

"My tests all came back clear…."

I shook my head and face-palmed. I could not believe he actually announced that to the entire room. Angela was dying beside me, clutching her stomach and doing that soundless-wheezing gaspy laugh I'd only ever heard her do that one time after Jake's Alice impression. Listening to her laugh like that and seeing the pouty little boy look on Mike's face sent me into my own short fit of hysteria. I think I'd laughed more this weekend than I had in the past year put together, and I'd only had one brief episode in which I'd longed for my Valium. Maybe I was finally on my way to being whole again…

When the laughter finally died down I rubbed the ache out of my sore stomach muscles and began gathering my things and shoving them into the small tote I'd brought down. I pulled out my shorts and tank top and slipped them on overtop my swimsuit, sliding my feet back into my flipflops. Alice really had thought of everything. Angela, still gasping for breath, glanced up at me.

"Are you leaving?"

"Yeah, I've, uh, got somewhere to be."

She smirked. "Oh yeah. I overheard that part."

"I'm sure you overhead every part, you nosy little sneak."

"It was more entertaining than _Celebrity Gossip_."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't see how."

"Well, cause I actually know you guys. These people are just names and faces. I think I'll head up soon too. I promised Ben I would call him later. Enjoy yourself. I won't wait up," she added with a wink.

"We're just going to talk—finish the conversation that got interrupted."

"Mm-hmm. You keep telling yourself that."

"Good night, Angela."

She waved me off and went back to flipping the pages of her magazine. I turned and strode out, ignoring the comments and invitations of Mike and Tyler as I walked past them. At least they kept the comments PG-13, if a little suggestive.

My nerves grew and sprouted wings in my stomach as I stepped into the elevator and pressed the number 5, wondering if I shouldn't just call Edward and ask him to meet me somewhere a little less….bedroomy. Despite what I'd told Angela about just talking I wasn't really sure whether I could trust myself to be alone in a room with him without trying to rip off his clothes.

What I'd told him this morning was true. There was no way I could regret being with Edward that way. As long as it had taken me to stop denying it to myself, and as much as I was still afraid to admit it to Edward, I was already hopelessly in love with him. Allowing that final, most intimate connection with him could not make me love him any more than I already did nor make me any more vulnerable to him than I already was, and it was more likely that I would regret _not_ being with him. It was just that now that I was sober I wondered if it wasn't too soon to add that complication to our relationship. We'd only actually been a couple (I still couldn't help smiling every time I thought of us that way) for barely a day and we still had so much to talk about and so many things to learn about each other….I still had so much I hadn't told him. Was it fair to let him become that involved with me without letting him know that part of my history? It was entirely possible he would change his mind about me once he knew.

And yeah, maybe that scarred and insecure part of me was still terrified that it was all a lie—just a ruse to get what he wanted from me. In my head I knew that Edward didn't need to resort to lies or trickery to get a woman to warm his bed—he could have just about anyone any time he wanted—and in my heart I knew Edward wasn't the type to do that anyway. He had far too much honor and integrity, far too much goodness inside of him. But still that shadow remained inside me, like an echo from my past, and I knew it still influenced much of the way I thought and felt.

So as I lifted my hand to knock on the door I determined that we were just going to talk tonight. Just talk and build that foundation for our relationship. I really didn't want to screw this up, therefore no matter how much I wanted to….really, really wanted to…I wasn't going to jump his bones tonight.

Edward opened the door for me wearing just a thin pair of linen pajama pants and his trademark smirk.

I was **so** going to jump his bones tonight.

"You're just in time. Come on in."

I walked into the room, somehow managing to take my focus off Edward long enough to realize that not only was his suite freaking huge but he'd also taken the time to set up candles all over the room and it was cast in the dim, soft glow of all those flickering lights. Water bubbled in a small Jacuzzi to the right and steam rose off its surface. Debussy played from his IPod dock on the bed stand.

"What's all this?"

"It's not a seduction plan, I promise. I just thought, with all those bruises, it would be good for you to relax in the Jacuzzi for a while—increase blood flow, get your muscles loose and warm. The rest is to help you relax…" he shrugged a little "….and yeah, I thought it might be kind of romantic."

He was blushing! How cute was that? My own nerves faded into the background as the need to assuage his rose to the surface. I rose up onto my toes to brush my lips against his jaw.

"It's sweet and thoughtful. Thank you."

He smiled beautifully and took my tote from me, setting it down in a nearby chair.

"Do you still have your bathing suit on? Of course it's okay if you don't." He grinned wickedly. "I've heard these things are more effective au naturale."

I laughed. Playful Edward was back. I love Playful Edward. I kicked off my sandals and slid my shorts down my legs, watching his eyes follow the movement.

"Really? I've never heard that."

"It's from a new study."

I stripped off my tank and teasingly toyed with the ties of my halter-top. Edward's eyes were intense as he watched my fingers, but his smirk was calling my bluff. He didn't think I would actually take the suit off. I hadn't originally planned to but something about that smirk was daring me, tempting me to throw him that curve ball. I sauntered over to the Jacuzzi and experimented with tossing a sultry look over my shoulder, silently praying it didn't come out just looking constipated. He watched me, his hands shoved in his pockets and that confident smirk still playing on his lips.

I stepped into the hot water and sank slowly down into the bucket seat. The water frothed over my shoulders and around my neck, dampening the strands of hair that had slipped from the knot on my head. With my breasts safely hidden by the suds I reached up to untie my bikini top, sliding it off and dropping it over the edge of the Jacuzzi.

The smirk slid off Edward's face.

I leaned back and stretched my arms along the sides, a cocky grin of my own spreading across my face. I'd never been this uninhibited in my life, never been this confident and at ease with myself nor felt this temptation to tease and flirt. I never knew I could. With Edward it came so easily.

And I was enjoying it. Another surprise.

"You're right. It is more effective this way. I feel much better already."

"Bella…"

"Yes, Edward?"

He shook his head, smiling slightly. "You're incorrigible. Where has this side of you been hiding?"

I cocked my head, pretending to think about it. "I don't know. It must have been locked behind my Waiting for Edward door."

His eyes darkened and nostrils flared as he sucked a breath in, reacting much more strongly to my response than I had anticipated. He advanced on me slowly and my stomach fluttered with both nerves and excitement as I wondered what consequences I was about to reap. He came around the side of the Jacuzzi so that he was kneeling on the steps just behind me. His fingertips trailed lightly up my arm from my wrist to my shoulder and then he leaned down and pressed his lips to the curve of my throat. My head automatically fell back and to the side, granting him more access. He dragged his lips up the side of my neck, tortuously slow, and pressed his cheek into my hair, his warm breath fanning against my ear as he focused on tracing his fingers along my collarbone, across my throat to my other collarbone, and then dipping dangerously lower to submerge just below the surface of the water and brush the upper slope of my breast.

"And what else do you have locked behind that door?" he whispered into my ear, his voice low and gravelly and outrageously sexy.

By this point my heart was racing and my breathing was erratic and I couldn't even summon the will to lift my head from where it had come to rest against his shoulder. I wanted his hand to venture lower. I wanted his mouth back on my skin. Had I thought it was too soon to make love to this man? I was starting to wonder how the fuck I'd managed to wait this long. He could reduce me to a puddle of hormones with a look and a whisper. He'd barely touched me and I was so turned on that I was sure one more caress like that might send me straight into orgasm.

"Why don't you come in and find out?" I heard myself saying.

Edward's hand froze and his breath hitched.

"Bella—"

Frustrated, aroused and impatient, I grabbed a fistful of his hair and arched backward, finding his lips with mine in an upside down, Peter Parker style kiss. I pushed my tongue inside his mouth and his hesitancy abruptly disappeared as his tongue dueled with mine and his other hand came up to cup just under my jaw and hold my head secure. Another first for me. I'd never been the aggressor before. James had always had to coax away my shyness and ease me into sex.

And fuck if I was going to think about James when Edward's lips and hands were on me.

I hadn't even realized my sudden movement had lifted my breasts out of the water until his hand moved down to cover the now exposed flesh. My back arched further when he squeezed it gently and rolled the already rock hard nipple between his fingers. I moaned, embarrassingly loud and deep. Edward responded by biting my lip and then soothing it with his tongue. He moved his lips to my jaw, nibbling his way down my neck and to my shoulder, allowing me to slide back into a slightly less awkward position. The hand which had been cupping my jaw trailed down my neck, flattened against my sternum and continued a slow journey down my stomach beneath the water. My own arms had both somehow ended up reaching up and behind me with my fingers clenched tightly in his hair.

Finally I understood what women meant about their bodies being out of control. My mind was no longer controlling my movements—my limbs were being dictated to by much hotter and more insistent part of my body. I was writhing shamelessly now, tugging Edward closer, practically trying to pull him head first into the water with me. I knew we were splashing water over the edge and couldn't even find it in me to care. Edward's teeth were scraping against my collarbone while his left hand continued to tease my nipple and the fingertips of his right hand were toying with the elastic edge of my bikini briefs.

"Edward…ungh."

Yeah, I was well past the point of articulation.

"What, Bella?" he whispered gruffly. "What do you want?"

"Please…"

His fingertips slipped slightly beneath the edge of my bikini, brushing back and forth across the sensitive flesh there. I moaned and reflexively tilted my pelvis to get his touch closer to where I wanted it. Edward bit my shoulder.

"You have to tell me, Bella. I need to be sure."

Too self-conscious to say the words I reached down and roughly grabbed his hand, pushing it further under my briefs. He stilled for a moment, probably surprised to find me bare, and then his left hand began alternating between tugging on the nipple and rolling it between his fingers and the fingers of his right hand…oh, his right hand…brushed lightly over my clit. I cried out and pushed against his hand. He explored me softly at first, gently tracing up and down the lips before pushing two fingers into my very wet center. I jerked and arched against him, overwhelmed by the pleasure of just that one touch. God, I was already ready to explode. He continued stroking inside me, slowly at first, sliding his fingers against each other and then curling them experimentally forward. Those long, magical fingers…I swear they were made for playing a woman, not for playing a piano.

That oh, so wonderful pressure was building inside me and my moans had turned to whimpers. My hands were racing everywhere I could touch him—his arms, his shoulders, his hair. Driven out of control I brought one hand to my other breast and I began pulling on that nipple myself, something I'd never done even in the privacy of my own shower. This seemed to drive Edward over the edge as he growled against my throat and sped up the motions of his hand. His fingers moved more forcefully and he pressed the heel of his palm against my clit, rocking it in rhythm with his strokes. I gasped and pushed against his palm, feeling my release coming upon me. He read my body as easily as he read everything else about me, for he suddenly pinched my nipple hard at the same time as he curled his fingers and pushed hard against my clit. Everything inside me clenched down for one long glorious moment. Then I cried out and it let go, erupting into pulsating waves of pleasure.

I sank limply back down into my seat, suddenly feeling wonderfully weak and relaxed. I'd just had the best orgasm of my life, and we hadn't even had sex. Holy fucking shit. Edward was breathing harshly in my ear.

"Fuck. That was beautiful."

My already flushed faced burned a deeper red. I found it hard to believe that my twisted up O-face could have been all that attractive, but when I turned my head to look at Edward he was gazing at me with wonder and his eyes were so dilated they were nearly black. I licked my lips, already feeling the desire begin to stir in me just from the way he was looking at me. My lips curved.

"So I thought I was just coming up here to talk…?" I teased.

Edward dropped his face into his hands. "Fuck, Bella, I'm so sorry. I swear to God this wasn't what I intended. I was upset and I really did just want to talk but then I thought about it and decided you were right and then you were here…and naked…and…"

"Edward, stop!" I grabbed his hand and pulled it away from his face so he'd look at me. "I was joking. I'm not at all upset by what just happened. I enjoyed it. I mean **REALLY** enjoyed it." I couldn't seem to help blushing again. It was ridiculous. I was 25 and I'd just let this man do wicked, wonderful things to me and I was still awkward with talking about sex. "But let's back up a minute. You were upset by our conversation earlier? And then you changed your mind about it?"

He sighed and pushed a hand through his hair. "Yes, I was upset, and maybe a little hurt that you're so afraid of people seeing us together. I'm not ashamed of being with you, Bella, and I don't want to keep it a secret. Hell, I want to shout it to the whole world that you're mine, and I was hurt that you don't feel the same."

"Edward, it's not—"

He placed a finger over my lips, shushing me. "But then I thought about it from your point of view, and while I don't really give a damn what repercussions this has on my career I can see that you do. Not to mention what kind of pressure it would put on you in the office."

"Edward, no, it's your career that I'm worried about. I won't stand by and see you lose everything you've worked so hard for, especially if I were the cause of it."

"I know. I feel the same way about your career, and that's why I decided you're right. That doesn't mean I don't still want to go public with this, and I still think we could easily find ways around the company policies, but I get that you're not ready yet for that and I already promised I wouldn't push you again for anything more than you were ready to give."

I frowned. "When did you promise that?"

"Two weeks ago when you looked at me with such righteous anger and accused me of harassing you."

My heart clenched. I jumped up onto my knees and took his face between my hands.

"Edward, I didn't even mean it! I was having such a bad day and I've been fighting my feelings for you so hard and—"

He grabbed my hands and lowered them prayer-like between us. "No, you were right. I was pushing you too hard when you obviously weren't ready. I pushed so hard that you felt threatened and lashed out. I don't ever want to do that again. So I promised myself that I would always wait until you came to me.

"That's why I didn't want tonight to be about sex. I don't want this relationship to be about sex. I want it to just be about us."

I blinked as my eyes grew suspiciously moist.

"Edward, I—"

I wanted to tell him I loved him, but I was too afraid and the words clogged in my throat. So instead I grabbed him and kissed him, fiercely but not passionately, trying to tell him with my lips what my tongue couldn't say. I think on some level he understood because he cupped my skull and kissed me back, just and fierce and just as sweet, before pulling back and leaning his forward against mine.

"Bella….you have got to put some clothes on, you are driving me crazy here."

I smiled. "I thought you were going to join me in here?"

He shook his head. "You know where that would lead."

"I do know." I bit my lip. "And I want it to."

Edward closed his eyes and groaned. "You're killing me."

He stood and paced around the room, blowing out candles and grabbing the towel off the chair. When he returned I rose obediently and stepped out of the hot water, smiling at the way his eyes roamed hungrily over my body. The old me would have blushed and tried to hide myself, but there was just something about the way he looked at me that made me feel sexy and confident. Somehow he made me feel beautiful, and it was a heady feeling. When he wrapped the huge, fluffy towel around me and began drying me briskly I stepped deliberately closer. I placed my hand on his chest just over his heart with my fingers splayed wide.

"Edward, you're not pushing me and you're not taking advantage of me. I want you. I'm coming to you."

"But you're not ready."

"I just said—"

"I know what you said, but you don't trust me yet, Bella."

I opened my mouth, wanting to refute that but not entirely sure what I was going to say. Edward cut me off anyway.

"It's okay. I can see that you've been hurt in some way and it may take some time before you can really trust me. I'm willing to wait, to prove myself worthy of your trust, but I can't let you give me your body until you give me your trust. Without that it's just sex, and I want our first time to be so much more than just sex. Am I making sense?"

I ducked my head and nodded slowly because he was making sense. It was exactly what I'd been telling myself before I'd walked in here and become overwhelmed with his sexiness.

Edward slipped my arms through the sleeves of one of his shirts, letting the towel slide gradually away as he did up the buttons. I glanced up at him questioningly and he led me over to sit on the edge of the bed with him.

. "You don't have to tell me anything tonight, Bella. I said I can wait. I know you're not ready. I was kind of hoping you would stay with me tonight, though. Just to sleep. I really liked holding you last night."

I looked up at the gentle smile on his face and the tenderness in his eyes and my heavy heart broke a little more. He was so right about the trust thing. I hadn't told him about my past because I was too afraid of how he might react. I was too afraid it might ruin what was between us. I hadn't told him about my past because I was too afraid of how he might react. I was too afraid it might ruin what was between us. His kindness and understanding and unending reserve of patience shamed me. I needed to give him the kind of faith and respect he deserved. I needed to give him the truth. Hadn't I already decided I wasn't going to live in fear anymore?

I smiled back at him and scooted back on the bed, patting the spot beside me. Edward climbed up next to me, tucking me into his side and pulling the sheets and comforter up to cover us. He wrapped his arms tight around me and I snuggled into that perfect spot on his shoulder than seemed to have been made just for me. We both sighed at the same time. Yes, he deserved the truth but tonight I was going to enjoy just being with him this one last night without the stain of my past between us. Tomorrow….

Tomorrow I would tell him.

_

**AN: Dun dun dun! Hey, you know me, I can't leave the angst for long! I thrive on it. So we'll leave it here for now and we'll see what these two crazy kids get up to next chapter. Can't wait to hear your thoughts so far! And as always….thanks for being my fabulous readers. It's all of you that make this so much fun!**


	23. Story of My Life

**AN: Sorry peeps. I've been trying to post this since Saturday with no success. Big thanks to GuardingKatMom for posting a quick fix to this problem on Twilight Fic Zone's Twitter page. Hopefully fanficiton will soon have the problem sorted out. In the meantime…..finally, here's the next update to EML! :)**

**EPOV**

I stared blindly at my computer screen, my fists clenching tightly yet again. I wasn't getting any work done today, just as I'd gotten very little done the past couple days. I kept seeing Bella as she had been a few mornings ago, her face the picture of trepidation and despair as she'd finally recounted to me the ordeal she had been put though in Phoenix. My blood boiled every time I thought of it and lately I could think of little else. The memory was on constant replay in my head.

_I woke up Sunday morning to the sound of birdsong and holding a miracle in my arms. Bella had stayed snuggled into my side the entire length of the night and although that little bit of drool she'd left on my shoulder was kind of gross I really couldn't find it in me to care enough to risk moving and disturbing her. I don't even know how long I laid there just holding her and watching her sleep. I knew it was cliché but she really did look adorably sexy in my shirt and the knowledge that she had absolutely nothing on under it was sweet torment. When she mumbled my name and snuggled closer it was all I could do not to wake her and devote the rest of the morning making love to her._

_ By the time she finally stirred and opened those beautiful brown eyes I was painfully hard, and hiding the evidence of it was a little tricky when one of her legs was thrown across my lap. She yawned and started to stretch. When her leg moved against my erection she froze, grinned and blushed, then hid her face against my chest. God, she was cute. I could spend the rest of my mornings waking up like this. I pushed her hair away from her face and smiled down at her. _

_ "What are you so embarrassed by?"_

_ "Nothing. Not really. I'm just surprised you can be so turned on right now when I probably have hair sticking all over the place and morning breath."_

_ "Bella, believe me, bed-hair is a good look on you." I lifted a lock of her hair to my nose and inhaled. "And you smell divine, as always."_

_ She peeked up at me. "Not as good as you do. Can I just stay right here for the rest of my life?"_

_ I laughed and wrapped her up in my arms with one short, tight squeeze. "If only. But sadly, as much I'd like to just spend all day in bed with you, we're going to have to get up soon."_

_ Bella groaned. "Shhh. Just let me dream a moment longer."_

_ I ran my hand down her hair and wondered absently how it always felt so soft. "Dream away. This shoulder won't be going anywhere."_

_ She nuzzled into me for a moment longer, then heaved a great sigh and pulled out of my arms, sitting Indian style on the mattress and facing me with an abruptly serious expression. I pulled myself up so I could lean back against the headboard and face her levelly, sensing she had something of importance she wanted to say. Bella bit her lip and stared down at the hands she was twisting in her lap and I began to get a little nervous._

_ "Um, so I have something I have to tell you and it's not going to be easy for me..."_

_ This was not helping to relieve the sudden tightening in my chest. Her face was white as ash and her hands were trembling now and I became worried that she might pull another fainting spell on me. I knew with certainty she was going to tell me about her life in Phoenix, but now, as much as I really wanted her to confide in me, I wasn't entirely sure I wanted her to go through with it if just bringing it up was making her this ill._

_ "Bella—"_

_ She held up a hand. "It'll probably be better if you just let me get it out and over with and try not to interrupt too much. I know I've been putting off telling you about this and I can't keep letting you think I'm something that I'm not..."_

_ I did interrupt her then, because I'd be damned if I let her believe there was anything she could say to change my mind about her. I reached out to take her hand and brought it up to press against my heart._

_ "Bella, I'm going to stop you right there. Before you go any further you have to know that there's nothing you can tell me, nothing in your past that you've done or that's happened to you that can change the way I feel about you now. You still have no idea how I see you, do you? _

_ "Whatever's in the past it holds no significance over the here and now except in helping me to understand you a little better. It can't change who you are or how I feel. It helped to make you who you are now and I l—I'm crazy about who you are now. I just want to be here for you but, Bella, if you're really not ready to talk about any of this you don't have to tell me now."_

_ "No, I have to tell you. You deserve the truth and I need you to know that I trust you. Honestly I don't think it ever even was an issue of not trusting you so much as it was me just...being ashamed. I didn't want to admit to you how incredibly stupid I'd been or how much of a coward I am."_

_ I desperately wanted to dispute that because someone who insisted on dredging up all that painful history when just the mere thought of it had her shaking like a leaf was obviously no coward, but I knew it would result in an argument and probably only agitate her further. So, as difficult as it was for me to hear her put herself down like that, I held my tongue. _

_But really, how could she think she was a coward? Whatever had happened to her in Phoenix she could have just collapsed under the pressure and simply given up like any _coward_ would do, but instead she'd uprooted her entire life, left her home and job and moved to a new city to start again from scratch. At the office I'd seen her put both Lauren and Jessica in their places on several occasions and she somehow managed to handle Mike with a firmness tempered by compassion that I found incredibly admirable. (Especially when even I had a hard time talking to him without wanting to knock him on his ass.) I knew she'd been behind several of the practical jokes pulled on Emmett lately which in itself was a feat very few would dare. I'd even seen her hold her own against Rose, the woman who could reduce a grown man to blubbering and tears. Bella was probably one of the bravest, most gracious souls I'd ever known. How did she not recognize the absolute goodness inside of her?_

_Bella launched into her story, beginning with her early graduation and job offer at Brodwick Ink. I could almost see her as she would have been then: fresh, excited, proud and ambitious. She wouldn't have had that slump to her shoulders then or that subtle air of fragility that she carried now. If nothing else I would one day see to it that she no longer carried either. _

_I smiled at the note of pride in her voice when she mentioned her first early promotion, but it quickly faded into anxiety as she explained how it was the promotion that led her to James. I hissed. So now The One Formerly Known as The Fucker had a name. James…The Fucker._

_Bella talked of how he had charmed and flattered her and cajoled her into dating him despite her reservations about dating at work (which explained __**a lot **__about her reticence with me.) She didn't share many details about her relationship with James but she did mention the daily notes on her desk and the many gifts he'd given her, making me regret some of my earlier decisions in my pursuit of her as well as despise James for his douchery. Flowers, candy, jewelry, clichéd lines and sweet talk. How much more impersonal can you get? And Bella would not have had the experience to see through his façade. I could see how easily she'd been duped._

_James had been her first and only boyfriend. She confessed it with such meek embarrassment, explaining how her devotion to her studies and heavier workload had prevented her from dating throughout school. It was as if she thought her dedication and virtue were something to be ashamed of rather than applauded. I had a feeling I knew who had helped her along into that belief….the fucker. _

_She also admitted with the same timid reserve that he had been the first and only man with whom she'd been intimate. Again Bella remained sparse on the details of that intimacy, of which I was equal parts grateful and concerned. On the one hand I definitely did not want to hear any details of what she had done with him or let him do to her, but on the other I wanted the reassurance that he had not abused or traumatized her in any way. I tried to ask her but her response was dismissive, blushing fiercely and insisting that in that regard at least he had always been patient and indulgent with her. _

_To me those two adjectives said it all. A woman who was treated right by her first lover did not describe him as _patient_ and _indulgent_. Gentle, tender, loving, kind and impassioned even but not patient and indulgent. It sounded more as if he had treated her as a novice to be trained rather than a woman to be cherished. Bella probably would have been left feeling that any inadequacies in their physical relationship would have been her own failings. I was going to make damn sure to prove to her otherwise._

"_Bella, were you in love with him?" I asked her quietly. I wasn't really sure I wanted to know the answer. Bella wasn't the type of woman to give herself to a man unless there were really strong feelings on her side, and he couldn't have hurt her as badly as he had if she hadn't cared deeply for him. _

_Could I live with the knowledge that she had truly been in love with him? And if she had loved him….could she still some day come to love me? _

_Bella was quiet for far too long. Finally, she bit her lip and looked up from her still twisting hands. _

"_I thought I was in love with the person he pretended to be. But I came to see it was all for my benefit. He never really was that person, and I was too blind and stupid to see it. I overlooked the signs when I should have just walked away. But now that I …well, now I know I was never truly in love with him."_

_I nearly sighed with relief. It was screwed up and selfish, I knew, but I didn't want her to have loved him. I wanted to be the one to capture her heart and I selfishly didn't want anyone to have held it before me, especially that douchebag she was describing to me. He was the lowest form of life, and he didn't deserve to know the love of a woman like Bella. What he deserved was to have the flesh ripped off his body and his carcass left rotting in the sun._

_Bella continued on with her story and the more she told me the more my fury rose. Holding my tongue became a difficult feat until my fear of how she would react to it was all that kept me silent. I didn't want to add to her anxiety. I think the worst of it was how he'd been so obviously emotionally abusive to her and she didn't even seem aware. He was a smooth fucker, that was for sure. From everything she'd told me, and from everything I was sure she was leaving out, he'd never put her down directly—merely insinuated it enough that she came to those conclusions herself, making it that much more believable to her. He'd left her feeling like everything that had happened was her own fault: she'd failed at the relationship, failed to be enough for him, failed to see him for the asswipe he was until it was too late. _

_Even now, knowing how he'd used her, she seemed to hold more bitterness and disgust for herself than she did for James. She didn't seem to understand what an easy mark she'd been, ripe for the picking. Beautiful, young and guileless, and left vulnerable by the shortcomings of her parents. She'd been green as grass and this James character was a predator of the worst kind, a master manipulator who knew just how to hunt out and prey on a woman's weaknesses. He'd conned her into falling for him, then gradually broken down her self-esteem to make her complaisant to his whim and too insecure to leave him. Men like James liked to make their women into possessions. I hoped it burned his balls that she'd been able to cut him out of her life so completely._

_By the time she'd gotten through all the cheating and lying, the confrontation with Victoria, the lawsuit and suspension, I was boiling with rage. The bastard had left her high and dry while Bella had been assaulted, arrested, facing charges, and nearly unemployed. She'd gone through all of it alone: spent a night in jail, gone through a vicious trial, drained her accounts on a lawyer and legal fees. Then to return to an atmosphere of suspicion and mockery and James' unavoidable presence and be forced to resign from the career she had worked so hard to build. To top it all off The Fucker had had the nerve to proceed to stalk her and actually expect her to go back to him. _

_When Bella finally finished her story I was shaking with the effort to control my anger, but I pushed it all easily aside once I saw how pale and trembling she was. Her eyes were dilated and her breathing was rapid and shallow. Reliving the memories was pushing her into another anxiety attack and all I could think about was distracting her before it could flare up into a full blown episode. My anger could wait until another time._

_I pulled Bella into my arms and stroked her hair, crooning to her softly. She relaxed against me almost immediately, her arms coming around to hold tightly onto me. I'll admit it made my chest swell to know I had this calming effect on her._

"_So now you know," she whispered._

_I leaned my cheek against her hair. "I'm glad you told me. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that alone, love. I wish I could have been there for you. Hell, I wish I could go back in time and take it all away. You deserve so much better."_

"_But, Edward—"_

_I pulled her head back, placing my hands on either side of her temples so I could look her in the eyes. _

"_Don't ever doubt it, Bella. You are worth so much more than what they gave you, and one day I'm going to make you believe that. Until then I'll just have to believe it enough for the both of us."_

_A single tear escaped her eye and ran down her cheek. I wiped it away with my thumb, frowning, but when I opened my mouth to question her Bella just shook her head and kissed me. It was a sweet kiss, not one made to stir the loins, but it made my heart beat harder all the same. No woman had ever affected me the way this one did, ever made me feel the things Bella made me feel, and I prayed I would never have to let her go._

_Bella sighed again as she rested her head back against my shoulder. "You make me feel safe. How do you do that?"_

"_Must be all my bulging muscles and kick-ass ninja skills."_

_Bella giggled. "You're ridiculous. And wonderful. I swear sometimes when I'm with you it feels like I must be dreaming and I'm terrified of waking up."_

"_You have nothing to worry about," I assured her. "I'll always still be here when you wake up."_

Bella had been somewhat subdued for the rest of the conference, but I figured it was just the physical and emotional toll that telling her story had taken on her. I kept my distance from her after we left my room, as per my promise to her, but my eyes constantly searched her out across the room. She would smile softly and reassuringly at me but I could still see the stress in the tension of her body.

Things had remained quiet with us in the three days since then. I'd wanted her to have dinner with me after we got back from the conference on Sunday but she said she'd already promised her evening to Alice. We'd both been too swamped with work to make any kind of plans yesterday or the day before, and with the inability to be open with each other at work I worried that we were losing some of that precious progress we'd made. I spent more time gazing across my desk at her than actually working, which was most of the reason I had to keep taking work home with me. More often than not she would look up from whatever she was typing so furiously, give me another one of those small half smiles, and then go back to her typing.

She was having much more luck staying occupied at work than I was. My mind continued to dwell on all that Bella had told me. So instead of doing anything productive I spent most of my morning on the internet trying to find out all I could about this James asshole. Bella had refused to tell me his last name, insisting that he was out of her life and it was no longer important. I begged to differ. I needed to know all there was to know about him so I could be sure there was no chance of him ever having any kind of influence over her life again. Because if I ever met the fucker face to face…..I would tear him limb from limb and burn the pieces to ash.

I may have let that slip out loud one time and that may be the reason she still refused to tell me his last name. Go figure.

But Bella forgot to account for Google. It had taken me under fifteen minutes to find him. James Wolfe. This was the reason I was staring at my computer screen with my fists clenched in fury. I'd found The Fucker and everything I learned about him made me want to destroy him that much more. I don't think Bella was aware that he had taken over her position as Creative Director after she'd left. I wasn't going to tell her. It would just be rubbing salt in the wound. I hated the fact that after all he'd put her through, everything he had cost her, not only had he come out without a scratch but he'd risen higher up the pole. The injustice of it made me sick inside.

Then there was the fact that he was a divorcee—a divorce which hadn't been finalized until three months ago. He'd been a married a man when he'd been with Bella and then proceeded to fuck around on her. Another thing I was certain Bella had not known. She would have mentioned it. The divorce was filed by his wife. Big surprise there. James didn't seem the type to let any of his "possessions" go easily. She filed it under grounds of mental cruelty.

I frowned when I followed up on the wife. Bree Wolfe had had a very promising career as a lawyer, which she'd quit very suddenly not long after her marriage to James. Guess he didn't like his women working. There was not much to be found on her between then and filing for the divorce. It was as if she had completely withdrawn from society, not participating in any groups or clubs, no financial accounts under her own name, the cell phone plan under her maiden name canceled and no sign of a new one ever taken out. She didn't even have a Facebook page. Fuck, I wanted to punch something. This very easily could have been Bella. I doubted he even would have let her keep in touch with Alice, let alone Jake or either of her parents. He was a real piece of work: possessive, controlling, self-centered...

My heart seized as Bree's name triggered a hit on a recent newspaper article. It was an obituary. Her death was recorded as a tragic accident, not one full month after the finalization of her divorce. Her car had gone off a bridge and crashed into the ravine, killing her instantly. There were no other cars involved and no witnesses, but it had been raining that night and the evidence at the accident site lead officials to believe that she had been going too fast, hydroplaned and lost control of the car before going over the edge. Perhaps it was just a coincidence that it had happened so soon after the divorce, perhaps James had had nothing to do with it….but the sick feeling in my gut was telling me otherwise.

I wondered if it would be too presumptuous of me to ask Chief Swan to check into the investigation. He was Bella's father, he would be concerned by this too. But their relationship was strained and Bella would likely be angry if she found out I'd conspired with her father behind her back. Still….I had to know. If James Wolfe posed a threat to my Bella then—

My murderous thoughts were interrupted by a quick rap on my office door as my father strolled into my office.

"Afternoon, son, you got a minute?"

I glanced ironically at the work that had been sitting untouched on my desk all morning.

"Now's a good time as any. What did you need?"

"I've got those reports we never finished going over on Saturday. Got to get those signed and sent off by tomorrow. What's that you're looking at?"

I quickly closed the windows on my screen. Carlisle laughed and sat down in the chair on the other side of my desk. He leaned casually back, hands linked behind his head and one ankle crossed over his knee. Sometimes I envied my father his ability to be so laid back and at ease at work. Taking off my suit jacket was as close to casual as I could manage around here. Anything more than that made me feel too self-conscious and unprofessional.

"That have anything to do with your girl Bella?"

My mouth dropped open. How did he….?

Carlisle chuckled again. "Your mother and I have no secrets between us. And in any case you've been as distracted as a dog with two tails lately, which is highly unlike you. Only a woman can have that effect on a man. Your mother approves by the way. She says Bella's as sweet and good-natured as they come. Not bad on the eyes either. She thinks you two'll be good for each other."

"I wasn't trying to keep this a secret from you, I swear. I know the policies and I was going to bring it up to you, it's just that it's still fairly new—as of Saturday, actually—and I haven't—"

"I know you weren't, Edward. You've always been extremely conscientious of the rules here and maintained irreproachable ethical standards. I trust you not to do anything to compromise those morals."

"It won't interfere with my work."

Carlisle lifted an eyebrow at the stack of work on my desk. "I'd have to disagree."

My head bowed and my cheeks burned. He was right. Only three days in and I was already taking work home and still falling behind. He had every right to reprimand me for breaking policy. I was taking advantage of my name and my position and allowing myself to become distracted, once again not living up to Carlisle's expectations of me. Still, I knew I would not give up Bella. I'd hand in my resignation first.

Carlisle sighed. "Stop castigating yourself, son, I was only giving you a hard time. Of course you're distracted, that's what women do. You'll find the balance before long."

I glanced up. "You're not angry? I completely disregarded company policy."

"I'm pretty sure there's also a policy stating that security personnel are not to use their clearance levels for personal vendettas or amusement, but that doesn't stop your brother does it? Everyone breaks a few rules here and there, Edward; it was way past your due."

"Dad, this isn't exactly on the same level as having a car towed or messing with someone's password. I don't want people to think I'm receiving special treatment just because I'm a Cullen, we'd both end up losing respect." I grimaced and took a deep breath in. "If you have to demote or transfer me I'm prepared to make that concession."

"Edward, the fact is that you are my son. Your happiness is more important to me than this company ever could be. That you're willing to put Bella ahead of your career says it all: this is no casual fling and I'd like to think I could be fair and open-minded with anyone in your position. Esme and I have been praying for a long time for you find someone that special. I'm not going to let some silly policy get in the way of that.

"And anyway I should have a solution for the whole situation before too much longer. We'll discuss that when the time comes. In the meantime I'd just appreciate it if you guys tried to keep things somewhat discreet."

I smiled wryly. "Bella won't have it any other way."

"I got the impression she was a smart girl. Now that's all settled what do you say we get back to work and finish up these reports?"

"You could have sent them in already, you know. You don't really need me for this."

"No, I don't, but you're going to have to learn it at some point aren't you? May as well start now."

I nodded and forced myself to give my father my undivided attention until we'd finished the work at hand. It didn't take long and I understood everything he explained to me well enough. The legalities and paperwork of running the business had never worried me; I'd excelled in those subjects at school. It was all the tough decision-making and problem-solving that intimidated me, the diplomacy and corporate instincts I feared I lacked. One day I would have to step into Carlisle's shoes, and while I wanted it more than anything else I wasn't sure I could live up to his legacy. I didn't think I'd ever really be ready.

By the time we were wrapping everything up my eyes were already drifting across the hall. Bella was staring at her computer screen, one hand at her temple and the other pressed to her stomach. I couldn't tell for sure but I thought she looked paler than usual. Then she turned and reached into her desk drawer, shaking something into her palm before popping it into her mouth and lifting her water bottle to chase it down. My jaw clenched. I knew what she kept in that drawer, just as I knew the reason she needed it. It wasn't fucking right.

"Edward? You okay there, son?"

"What do you think of a corporate buy-out?" I asked impulsively, my anger ruling over my judgment. "We've branched out east, why not go south? Brodwick Ink has a lot of good contracts and some A-list clients but they've made some bad investments the past few years. We could make them a good offer."

Carlisle sat back down and eyed me thoughtfully. "I didn't know you were developing into such a business shark, Edward. A buy-out's a rather aggressive move and you haven't shown any interest in making major executive decisions before. That's a pretty big step."

He was right. I hadn't wanted that kind of responsibility, that kind of liability before, but I couldn't get past the injustice of it all. My sudden desire to launch a takeover had nothing to do with shrewd business strategies and everything to do with wanting to destroy the company through which James had climbed at Bella's cost. I wanted to crush him like a bug. I wanted him to know the power I held over him while I ejected him painfully and humiliatingly from the business and saw that he never worked in publishing again. I wanted him ruined.

"Takeovers weren't something I ever really planned for this company, Edward. Regardless of that we only just opened the New York branch and it would be a highly risky move to attempt a buy-out while we're still establishing ourselves there."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking right there for a minute."

Carlisle paused. "You know you can come to me with anything, right?"

"Yeah, Dad, I know. You and Mom have always been there for both Emmett and me. You're really terrific parents. I probably haven't said thank you enough."

Carlisle stood and placed a hand on my shoulder. "I've been blessed with two wonderful sons. That's all the thanks I need. And remember, my door's always open." He stopped at the door, turning around as an afterthought. "Oh, and Esme would like you to invite Bella over for dinner sometime. No excuses—her words, not mine."

I nodded as he strolled out. Then I sighed down at the work on my desk before just giving up and deciding to take it all home with me again. Jasper was going to rag hard on me for it but to hell with it. I wasn't the one walking around humming _How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria _under my breath. I didn't even want to ask what the fuck that was all about.

Resigned to not getting anything done, I rose and crossed the hall. Bella and I had barely spoken all week and it didn't look like I'd be spending any time with her tonight either. I'd be damned if I let us slip back to the way we used to be. Besides, the Executive Editor was allowed to occasionally (perhaps slightly more than occasionally) visit the office of his best editor on staff, wasn't he? I wasn't being prejudiced either. Bella was the best, there was no doubt about that. I could see why she'd been promoted so quickly at Brodick….before everything had spiraled into hell.

I leaned against her doorjamb for a moment just to observe her. She hadn't noticed my approach. She was slouched in her chair, staring intently at her computer screen and chewing on her nails. I stepped in and closed the door behind me. Bella glanced up, quickly minimizing the screen she was working on. I'll admit the action made me curious, but she was already on edge and I didn't want to press her over something trivial that was undoubtedly just another manuscript she was reading. I could see the likeliness of Bella getting embarrassed by being caught up in one of those women's smut novels.

Bella folded her hands on her desk and looked up at me. "Can I help you with something, Mr. Cullen?"

She sounded nothing but professional, and to the average eye probably looked the same, but I could see the teasing light in her eyes as well as the tension she was trying to hide. For her benefit I decided to overlook the tension for now and play along with her banter.

"Why yes, Miss Swan, I was actually wondering if you could help me out with a personal problem I'm having. You see, I have this beautiful girlfriend with whom I've hardly exchanged two words this week and I miss her terribly. What do you think I should do about it?"

I loved the way she blushed when I used the word "girlfriend".

"Well, sir, it sounds like you're two very busy people but perhaps…" she bit her lip in that way that she knew drove me crazy, "...you can take her to dinner on Friday?"

I pushed my lip out into a pout. "But Friday is so very far away. What if I don't want to wait that long?"

Bella smirked and flipped through the organizer on her desk. As she did so most of the strain seemed to ease from her shoulders. I wondered if it was more due to our playful exchange or to the Valium she'd recently taken. I wanted to believe it was my presence that relaxed her, but of course I realized how egotistical that thought process was. Either way it pleased me to see the impish glint in her eyes. I wondered if she knew how much progress she'd made since her first week here. The shadows had never left her eyes back then, and I was pretty sure she had put on a few pounds too. I'd studied her figure enough to know...

Bella looked up with a mockingly stern expression. "I'm sorry, sir. It appears she has a dinner meeting scheduled tomorrow night with a Mr. Banner to discuss the changes made to his book. You wouldn't want her to skip out on her work, would you?"

I strolled closer to her desk, wishing I could kiss the smart right off that mouth, and leaned my hands down on the mahogany surface.

"What do you think she would say to catching a movie afterwards?"

"I think she could be persuaded."

I leaned down a little closer, just wanting to smell the strawberry sweetness of her scent. Bella continued to stare up at me, the left side of her mouth tilted higher than the right. I shot a rueful glance toward the window and straightened up before the temptation of those lips became too much for me. I'd promised both Bella and my father I'd be discreet, I wasn't going to break that promise already.

The telltale little line formed between Bella's eyes and, as always, I found myself wondering what she was thinking.

There was a brief knock on the door a second before it was opened and Rose popped her head in. Her eyes flicked from me to Bella before she rolled them and shot us both a look of disgust. Bella became suddenly preoccupied with a scratch on her desk while I merely shoved my hands into my pockets and smirked. For me any day I managed to irritate Rose was a good day. There was really no way she could lecture me, what with her and Emmett's frequent rendezvous in the surveillance room.

"Bella, I need your presence in Conference Room B. I have an author that refuses to sign until she meets the editor who'll be assigned to her work."

Bella frowned. "I didn't think a specific editor was typically assigned to one author..."

"We've been known to make exceptions for certain clients. This author's a finicky one and she insists on having our top editor in her genre as an addendum to her contract. So hightail it, I need you five minutes ago."

It took a few seconds to register with Bella that Rose had just paid her a compliment, but when it did she beamed brilliantly, her eyes automatically seeking mine to share her pleasure. I smiled and winked back at her. Bella quickly stood and gathered up her portfolio, pens and a notebook. She started to breeze past me then hesitated a moment.

"Go on," I said. "We can finish our conversation when you get back."

"Okay."

I thought for a moment she was about to lean up and brush a kiss across my cheek, but then she turned away and hurried from the room.

Rose lifted a sardonic eyebrow at me. "Really, Edward? You have the control of a teenager in the backseat of a car."

"You would know, Rose."

Her eyes narrowed dangerously, but then her lips curved into a wicked smile. "Emmett's old Caddy did have a nice, spacious backseat."

I put my hands over my ears and made humming noises. Rose's laughter carried down the hallway behind her.

I glanced idly around Bella's office, making note of the subtle decor she'd added to make the space her own. There were no picture frames on her desk, but she'd hung a few landscapes on the walls. They were mostly dreamy types—meadows or sun dappled woods or sunsets over lakes. There were a couple of ferns in the corners. Her desk was meticulously neat and her screensaver was the scene from _Alice in Wonderland_ with the March Hare and that mouse throwing tea cups at each other. I smiled to myself. Last week it had been Dory from _Finding Nemo_ swimming across the screen chanting, "Just keep swimming." She had the quirkiest sense of humor.

My eyes fell on that top left drawer and my smile slipped away. I felt a twinge of guilt as I reached for it, intending to count out her Valium pills, the same as I had secretly done every day for the past two weeks. I knew it exceeded the boundaries of morality, but I just had to know that she was all right. That she was not crumbling under the weight of her anxieties, nor being driven to abuse the pills and becoming dependent on them. I knew of cases where people became so dependent on the pills that they could not function without them. I didn't want that for Bella.

If she wasn't going to confide in anyone that she was taking the pills then I would just have to take it upon myself to monitor her use of them. With only the slightest touch of regret I dumped the bottle across her desk and began to count. Thankfully, she seemed to have it under control. Most days the number of pills did not even change. Monday there had been two missing just as there were two more missing today, but it was understandable considering all the history she had dredged up on Sunday. I was proud of her for not using them as a daily crutch as some would find it so easy to do. She had them at hand every day but only resorted to taking them whenever the stress became too much. I wondered what had pushed her to use them today.

"Dude."

I jumped and jerked my head up. Emmett was standing in the doorway of Bella's office shaking his head at me.

"Not cool."

I guiltily shoved the rest of the pills back in the bottle and dropped it into her drawer.

"Damn it, Emmett! What are you doing here?"

"Well, I'm not counting Bella's crazy pills like some psycho stalker."

"They're not crazy pills and I wasn't—I'm not—fuck."

I shoved my hands roughly through my hair.

"Relax, dude, I won't tell Bella that you've gone all Annie Wilkes on her."

I shot him a dirty look. "That's a bit of an exaggeration I'd say."

"I know, no severing of body parts and all that...yet. Seriously, though, you should chill out a bit. Unless she tells you about it that shit's Bella's business."

I sighed. "I know. I just needed to be sure she was using them safely, and fuck, I just feel so goddamn impotent."

Emmett snorted and I glared at him again. "Grow up, you know what I mean. I want to help her but I don't know what to do."

I flinched and nearly lost my balance as Emmett clapped me hard on the shoulder.

"Just be there for her, bro. It's all you can do and probably all she needs anyway."

I nodded at the sage advice once again offered by my older brother. I wondered why I always found it so surprising when he said something so wise and mature.

"So what _are_ you doing here?" I inquired.

"Oh, I heard Rose hijacked Bella for a few and I wanted to leave this spider on her keyboard while she was gone."

And there it was.

I lifted my eyebrow at the large, ugly specimen that was nestled in his palm. "Aren't you worried it'll just crawl away?"

"Nah, it's dead. Should give her a good fright, though. She thinks I don't know who put the caterpillars in my lunchbox."

I grinned. Caterpillars had given Emmett the major heebie-jeebies ever since we were kids. He claimed that it wasn't natural that anything could cocoon itself for a few weeks and come out an entirely different insect, and then decided that caterpillars were really the source of power behind all voodoo hexes.

Emmett dropped the furry arachnid on her keyboard and bounded out of the room, instructing me to let him know how loud the scream was. I debated for a moment whether or not to remove the spider before she came back but decided against it. This was a game that she and Emmett played, and I didn't want to get caught in the middle. If she had the guts to attack him with caterpillars then she had to be expecting him to retaliate in kind. It was too late, anyway, as Bella was already coming back into the room, literally bouncing with excitement.

"Edward, you won't believe it!"

"That was quick. What won't I believe?"

"It was Mary Clement! I mean, I know you said you were trying to sign her, but I didn't expect it to be this soon and she wants me for her editor, Edward! Me! I'm going to be Mary Clement's editor!"

I grinned, wishing I could hug her right now. "I don't find that so hard to believe. Why wouldn't she want the best?"

Bella thumped me with her portfolio. "You're biased. I'm just so excited. I've always loved her work and now I'll get to read it before anyone else. How awesome is that?"

"Hey, Rose was the one who called you in as the best. Or do you think she's biased too?"

Bella opened her mouth then paused and narrowed her eyes at me. "Did you have anything to do with this? You know how much I admire Mary Clement..."

I held my hands up. "I had nothing to do with it, I swear. It was all you. I didn't even know Rose was that close to closing the deal the Mrs. Clement. She's been balking for a while, wanting to stay independent rather than commit to any one particular publisher."

Bella's beautiful smile returned. "So I was the linchpin?"

"Looks like."

I shoved my hands in my pockets to keep from touching her. Bella had no idea how absolutely stunning she looked when she was glowing with excitement like this. Bella tossed her things down as she rounded her desk. I belatedly opened my mouth to warn her, but she'd already slid her keyboard out and stood staring at the creature that rested there. I waited in tense silence, afraid that this was going to burst her bubble of happiness, but then her lips quirked and she shook her head, grabbing a piece of paper to scoop the limp spider into the trashcan. Fuck, I couldn't wait to tell Emmett that he hadn't gotten so much as a squeak out of her.

"You should tell your brother he's going to have to step up his game. I grew up around Jake and Alice; I've seen all those worn-out tricks already."

"I'll pass it on. He probably just still wasn't thinking clearly after finding those caterpillars in his lunch."

Bella snickered. "Rose let me in on that one."

Somehow it didn't surprise me that Rose would team up with Bella to help torment Emmett. I was just glad to see they were somewhat getting along better, even if Rose still seemed disapproving of mine and Bella's relationship.

I shuffled my feet a bit, trying to think of something work related we could talk about so I could hang around her office a little longer. I remembered how strained she had looked earlier with whatever she'd been working on.

"So, is everything going okay for you here at work? Other than the Clement surprise, that is. Any issues you need help with?"

Bella's eyes flicked momentarily to the computer, but then she squared her shoulders and shook her head.

"No, everything's fine. I've just been working on a piece for Lilith Baines which is taking up a lot of my time, if you were wondering why I haven't turned in as much work."

"No, I wasn't worried about that. I know you've been working hard. I just wanted to make sure haven't been overwhelmed."

Bella grinned. "You're supposed to be acting like my boss at work, you know. That sounds more like something a boyfriend would say."

The beauty of her smile made my own lips curve. "No, a boyfriend would comment on how lovely you look in that blouse and how that skirt you're wearing makes me want to throw you down on this desk and have my way with you. Besides, a boss is allowed to be concerned for his employees. Especially the ones he doesn't want to lose."

Bella flushed. I loved the way I was beginning to tell the difference between her blushes, and what each one meant. When she was embarrassed her cheeks would fill with a rosy shade of pink and the tips of her ears would redden. When she was angry her nostrils would flare and two red spots would appear just over the apples of her cheeks. And when she was aroused the blush would start in her chest and climb up her neck to fill her face, as it was doing now. Simply seeing it and knowing what it meant made my pants uncomfortably tight. My hands slipped back into my pockets to discreetly adjust myself. Bella noticed the movement and licked her lips. I needed to get the hell out of there before I said "Fuck discreet" and took her up on that offer in her eyes she probably didn't even realize was there.

"Well, I guess I should go," I said reluctantly.

The slight drop in Bella's shoulders was barely discernable but it was enough to let me know that she didn't want me to go either. I glanced out into the hallway to make sure no one was in hearing distance.

"I'll call you tonight. We can discuss what movie we want to see tomorrow. And Friday I'll take you someplace nice to celebrate your new client."

"Oh, you don't have to—"

"No arguments. I want to."

Bella conceded, biting her lip to hold back her smile. "All right."

I turned to go out of her office, then stopped to throw a smirk over my shoulder. "Oh and my parents want to have us over for dinner sometime soon. Let me know what works for you."

Bella's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. I walked back to my office with a chuckle, feeling much lighter than I had when I'd left it.

**AN: To all those who thought that Bella was still going to chicken out of telling Edward...ha! She totally manned up.**

**Thank you all for all the GREAT reviews on Best Laid Plans. That chapter seemed to go over really well...hmm...wonder why that is, lol. This one wasn't quite as lemony, I know, but we'll get back to that soon and I hope you enjoyed it anyway. Until next time my lovelies!**


	24. WTF Just Happened?

**BPOV**

Edward's hand was warm in mine as he walked me up the back stairs to the apartment door. The night air had cooled off quite a bit, bringing a slight chill with the breeze, but I could hear the crickets chirping and the sound made me smile. Lately a lot of things made me smile. Ever since I had given in to my feelings for Edward and let him into my life the world just seemed...better. Bigger, brighter, more exciting. Just being with him was like seeing in colors I'd never known existed before. It was all happening too fast, I was sure. It was much too soon to be feeling this way but now that I knew these feelings it terrified me to think how gray and drab my life would be without him.

When we reached the door I turned my back against it and looked up at him with what I hoped was an inviting expression. I was too nervous to ask him inside so I was really hoping he would take the initiative on this one. Because I definitely wanted him to come inside. That small sample he'd given me on Saturday had left me hungry for more and this whole week had been a lesson in frustration, never having had any time alone together.

Edward's eyes roamed over my face before he gently cradled his palm against my cheek and pressed his lips softly against mine. The kiss was sweet and heart-melting but not nearly enough for me. I gripped his jacket lapels and opened my mouth to him, silently pleading with him to take the kiss deeper. Edward leaned back and stroked a tender finger down my cheek.

"I should let you get inside," he stated. "It's a little chilly tonight to keep you on your doorstep all night."

I bit my lip nervously. "You could always come in...I, um, could make some coffee?"

Edward's thumb swept over my lip, releasing it from my teeth before swooping down and taking it between his own in a kiss that was brief but considerably rougher than the last. His hands tightened but disappointingly remained on my hips. His own teeth nipped my lip before releasing it and I whimpered at the loss of contact. Edward leaned his forehead against mine and pressed another light kiss to my nose.

"It's late already and we both have an early morning tomorrow. You need your rest."

_I need you more._ I didn't say it though, afraid of sounding like a hussy if I admitted to my pent up sexual frustrations. So instead I just smiled and nodded.

"Okay. We're still on for dinner tomorrow night?"

Edward grinned. "Of course we are. I already made the reservations. We're going to celebrate your new contract with style."

"I told you you didn't have to do anything elaborate—"

Edward placed a finger over my lips. "Only the best for my girl."

I blushed the way I always did when Edward referred to me as his girl, or his girlfriend, or anything other type of possessive noun. It just still seemed so surreal to hear him call me his. It meant that he was also mine, and I had trouble believing that anything so exceptional could be mine. I just wish that he _would_ make me his. Ever since the weekend he hadn't made any of the kind of sexual advances he used to. I couldn't quite figure out why, now that I would actually be receptive, he wasn't making them any longer.

Edward kissed me one last time and nudged me toward the door.

"Go on, get inside. I don't want to be responsible for making you look tired tomorrow."

"Okay. Good night."

"Good night. Sweet dreams, love."

He waited while I let myself in and closed the door, his footsteps not descending the stairs until after I'd clicked the lock closed. I leaned back against the door with a sigh. It wasn't that I was disappointed with the evening really. I was quickly learning there was no such thing as a bad time spent in Edward's company. He was too fun and quick-witted to ever be dull, too generous and thoughtful to ever not enjoy being with him. Honestly he was still a little too everything—far too perfect for someone as ordinary as me, but I'd given up trying to convince him of that. It only upset him when I tried. Even time spent in silence with Edward was enthralling. His presence filled me with a sense of peace I'd never known before. A sense of coming home. I was beginning to crave his company like a junkie craved the needle. The intensity of it was a little frightening, really.

And yeah, maybe it was a little self-destructive to allow myself to become so reliant on him, but I couldn't seem to stop myself and struggling against it had only resulted in misery for both of us. I could accept causing myself misery but not Edward. Never Edward. I'd just have to pray that I never had to suffer the pains of withdrawal.

So, no, the evening had definitely not been a letdown. It wasn't possible. I'd just kind of been hoping for a little more...well, action. I'd never had the opportunity to make out with a boy in a movie theater and I'd kind of hoped that Edward would at least try _some_ kind of mild groping or necking in the darkened theater, but he'd done little more than hold my hand or caress my knee. As entertaining as the movie had been I so would not have minded missing parts of it.

It had been the same story all week. Edward had been incredibly sweet and attentive to me since the big reveal on Sunday morning, but he also had barely laid a finger on me since Saturday night. He hadn't recoiled from me as I'd feared he would after knowing the truth, but I couldn't help but wonder if he was somewhat turned off by my history with James, disgusted by the way I'd allowed myself to be used. I couldn't blame him if he was and it was seeming more likely by the day. I mean, I understood that we had to restrain ourselves at the office but I hadn't even gotten the smoldering looks or outrageous comments that I used to. No casual brush of fingers against my hand or tucking hair behind my ear. No shameless flirting or sexual innuendo. I'd never known how much I could miss something so trivial.

I thought I'd sent out all the right signals tonight, all but outright begging him to touch me, but he'd still kept his hands to himself. His hands on my hips was the most forward he'd been with me all week. Come to think of it he hadn't even kissed me anywhere other than my lips or face. It was extremely frustrating. And a little worrisome.

Before I'd told him my history he'd barely been able to keep his hands off me. Even in his room that night, when he'd been determined to be a gentleman, it had taken very little effort to push him over the edge and have him doing things to my body that I couldn't even have imagined. He'd brought me to heights I hadn't known my body was capable, and all he'd done was touch me. Perhaps that was what made it so much more frustrating now that he seemed so unwilling to touch me that way again. I wanted to experience those feelings again. I had years worth of repressed sexuality to explore and he wasn't letting me, dammit. Had my story really so repelled him? Had my confession made me less appealing to him?

The doubts I'd been trying to push away all week were suddenly eating away at me. I mean, tonight would have been the perfect opportunity to get at least a little frisky. Why hadn't he? I was literally **aching** for his touch. I'd even invited him in with the most clichéd line in the book. It was almost pathetic what a needy whore I was turning into. I never knew I had it in me…..even James had called me frigid. Until Edward I'd believed it.

"There you are. How was the date?"

I jumped in surprise as Alice came out of my kitchen carrying two large glasses.

"Alice? What are you doing here?"

"My Bella sense was tingling. Here, have a milkshake. It's your favorite—strawberry."

I took the drink and sipped at it gratefully. "Where's Jake?"

"Off doing manly things with his pack of iron-pumping, steroid buddies. Probably comparing biceps and crushing beer cans on their heads, who knows? So tell me about the date! You're back a little early, aren't you?"

"Only if you think half past ten is early. And it was good. I had a good time."

"I'm sensing a but here."

I sighed again. I never had been able to fool Alice. "Edward's wonderful. Like really wonderful. Like way better than I deserve wonderful—"

"Bella—"

"But something's been a little off since I told him everything."

"You told him? Everything? Oh, Bella, I'm so proud of you!"

Alice jerked me into one of her surprisingly tight hugs for someone her size and I just barely managed to keep from spilling my milkshake all over her.

"This is a good thing, I promise you. Oh, I have such a good feeling about you two! Now tell Alice what's bugging you."

She pulled me over to the couch and I blushed and stammered my way through a somewhat censored version of the physical activities between Edward and myself before Sunday and my concerns over his sudden G-rated handling of me since then. It was a little embarrassing to be talking about these things with Alice. I'd always been uncomfortable discussing such topics with anyone in the past, even before James had screwed me up. Sex had just never been something that had been easy for me to talk about. It had only been one more of my failings with James. He'd enjoyed the dirty talk and I'd never been able to see the appeal in it. I'd certainly never been able to participate in it.

You'd think with a mother like Renee I'd have no problem talking about sex. She'd been extremely liberal about the whole issue ever since I could remember. Hell, by the time I hit 5th grade I could have taught that Sex Ed class. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't like she paraded it in front of me, but she'd definitely never tried to hide it from me either. I'd never been one of those kids who'd been led to believe that mommy was just "wrestling" with "Uncle John" or "Uncle Mark" or whoever else the man of the minute was. Renee was of that hippie mindset that children should be told the truth about all things. On my sixteenth birthday she'd handed me a box of condoms and had me put on the pill. I think perhaps my own reticence over the subject was merely a reflexive reaction to Renee's exaggerated openness about it. Having your mother talking to you about sex while you still think boys have cooties tends to make you a little uncomfortable with the entire subject.

Or maybe I just took too much after Charlie who seemed to find discussing anything personal or private to be the worst form of torture and whose idea of the sex talk had been an awkward grunt and strict orders not to engage in it. Then he'd handed me a bible and dropped me off at Pastor Dave's Teen Abstinence class. A little ironic coming from a man who spent most of his Sunday mornings in a fishing boat rather than a church pew.

Alice didn't seem to have any qualms talking about it, though. Holy hell I couldn't believe some of the things she was saying, and it was way more than I'd ever wanted to know about her and Jasper. Can I just say, eww? However, despite how embarrassed I was by this conversation, I couldn't deny also being a little fascinated.

And okay, maybe excited by the idea of myself and Edward in some of these scenarios.

I wasn't sure I had the courage to try all of the things she'd suggested, but I was shocked to learn that I was actually tempted to. James was right in one regard: I hadn't been very adventurous with him—preferring missionary style in the darkness to some of his more kinky fantasies. I'd been too shy and timid, embarrassed by some of the things he'd tried to persuade me to do. Things I now wanted to try with Edward.

I was beginning to wonder if I was naive to think that the sex had been so wonderful with James. I'd been seduced by the new pleasures he introduced my body to and the excitement of his bedroom, an eager participant who'd have scoffed to think that there were levels above those that James had taken me, but he'd certainly never made me soar the way Edward had with his hand alone. I wanted more of it, more of those feelings as well as the deeper connection it would bring between Edward and myself. I wanted to share everything I was with him.

Except he didn't seem to want it anymore.

"Bella, he probably just doesn't know how to handle you now."

"What do you mean?"

"Before you told him everything you were just a gun-shy girl who was probably getting over a bad break-up. Now that he knows you were the victim of an abusive relationship—"

I opened my mouth but Alice rolled right over me.

"—I don't care if you say he never hit you. It doesn't matter. James was emotionally abusive to you in every way possible. You just can't see that kind of evil in other people. You're the type of person that'll take all the blame on yourself rather than placing it where it belongs—right on the shoulders of that pock-faced, cunt-stuffing spunktard."

"I know James was an ass. I can admit that now."

"He's not an ass, Bella, he's completely evil and he fucked you over something fierce. Edward sees that too, and I think that's what has him handling you with kid gloves. He can't be sure just how badly James traumatized you and he's afraid of rushing you or damaging you further. You're going to have to find a way to show him that you're ready."

_damaged goods_

I shook the voice away while Alice spent another mortifying hour telling me of all the ways I could "show him I was ready". I think I was in a permanent state of redness by the time that she finished, but she'd left me with a lot of food for thought as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling. Was it possible that Edward had retreated from me out of concern for me and not because I'd repulsed him with my pathetic tale? The more I thought about it the more it made sense. Edward definitely had a bit of the White Knight complex to him, which in no way was a bad thing, but it did leave me with a slight conundrum. I REALLY wanted to finish what we had we had begun in that hotel room, but Edward did not seem inclined to cooperate—not if he believed it to be at the expense of my well-being. Which left me with one option.

I was going to seduce Edward Cullen.

Twelve hours later I was shoving my chair away from my desk and getting up to pace. I had to get away from the computer for a minute. My hands were trembling and my breathing was growing shallow. The words had dried up in my head again and _his_ voice echoed in the resounding emptiness.

_Not everyone's meant to be a writer, Iz babes. You either have it or you don't. I'm sorry, babe, but you just don't have it. Why are you wasting your time?_

This wasn't the first time those words, that voice, had haunted me. Ever since I had begun this revision of the Baines manuscript it had taken up permanent residence in the back of my mind, like a malicious squatter whispering insidious words of discouragement. Usually it was echoed by Rose's scathing snarl.

_I don't care what you have to do, Swan, but you _will_ find a way to salvage this. If we lose this contract it's on your head..._

Both voices were equally terrifying for very different reasons, and both of them made me long to reach for the bottle of artificial tranquility in my drawer. Doing so would be counterproductive though. I was already stuck in a dry spell, and I knew from experience how well Valium hindered my productivity. This stupid book had had me resorting to those pills several times already this week and every time I'd had to temporarily shelve the project due to the sudden numbness of my thought process. I was working on a deadline and I could not afford to keep delaying this project.

The manuscript had to be completely rewritten from start to finish, and it had to be _good_ before I presented it to Lilith at our scheduled meeting next month. Since Lilith still refused to rewrite it and Rose refused to allow me to reject it, it left me with only one option. _I_ had to rewrite it, and it had to be good enough that even Lilith Baines would approve the changes. Otherwise...I couldn't even fathom the alternative. I would not be responsible for costing this company that contract, and I certainly couldn't stomach losing Baines to Brodwick. To _James_.

_You just don't have it. Why are you wasting your time?_

What if he was right? Even if I _had_ had a small kernel of talent back then...it had been well over a year since I'd even written a single sentence of my own. I was out of practice and now here I was, practically gambling my entire career on my ability to rewrite this stupid story. If it turned out to be garbage Lilith would not only be offended but also insulted and irate. She could very well use it to turn all my other clients against me as well. Including Mary Clement. I really didn't want to lose Mary Clement. I was just going to have to prove James wrong and pray that I had it in me to do so.

This day was not going at all the way I had planned for it to go. For starters Edward had been out of the office all morning for some kind of meeting he was being extremely vague about. He'd sent me a text this morning letting me know that he wouldn't be in most of the morning but he'd miss me and text me whenever he could manage and hopefully be back in the afternoon. Which was sweet of him but it didn't help with the plans I'd had for the beginning of my seduction.

I'd dressed especially for him today, wearing a low buttoning shirt with the skirt from my Power Suit again, remembering his comments from Wednesday. Something about this skirt seemed to have a profound effect on him, and I needed that feeling of power it granted me. I was new to the whole seduction game and extremely nervous about it. I needed every little bit of edge I could get. I'd even bit the bullet and worn heels today. Much good that it did me. Edward couldn't see.

I consoled myself with the fact that I'd (hopefully!) have ample opportunity in the afternoon to try my vamping skills and that this would give me the whole morning to plan my moves and gather my courage. In the meantime I'd have the time to work on the Baines book without the distraction that Edward's presence typically caused. However, that didn't seem to be working for me either. The words had stopped coming and I was hovering on the verge of an anxiety attack. The wheezing was beginning. I pressed my fingers to my temples and tried to concentrate solely on my breathing, reminding myself that there was plenty of oxygen in the room and nothing was blocking my airway. Nothing besides fear and fear was immaterial. It couldn't stop my lungs working.

_This will pass,_ I chanted to myself.

_In a few moments this will be over, just breathe through it. I'm not suffocating; the walls are not closing in. The fear is all in my head._

I continued the chant, talking to myself in my head (at least I hope it was in my head) until the tremors began to subside. When my breathing finally returned to normal I actually felt a small sense of triumph, as if making it through a near panic attack without the use of chemical assistance was some kind of accomplishment. I suppose it was in a way. For me at least.

I turned to my computer, and then turned immediately back away when just the sight of the blank screen caused my chest to tighten again. I wasn't ready yet to go back and try again. I needed a distraction. As if on cue my phone began vibrating. I nearly twisted my ankle on these damn heels spinning so fast to grab for it.

**Hey there, Gorgeous. What are you up to?~E**

**Cursing at my shoes actually. Shouldn't you be busy doing whatever it is you had to do this morning?~B**

**It didn't take as long as expected. I didn't realize your job description entailed reprimanding footwear. In any case you should be little kinder to them. They make your legs look fantastic.~E**

Wait, what? He could see me?

My head snapped up to see Edward lounging in his office chair flashing that signature smirk at me. How long had he been there? When the hell did he sneak past me? I must have been really absorbed in my almost anxiety attack not to have noticed. Normally I felt the charge in the air whenever he came within a ten foot radius of me—like every hair on my body stood up in exaltation. God, I hope he hadn't noticed me wrestling with that panic attack. His expression didn't seem concerned so I didn't think he had.

I tossed several different responses around in my head before sucking in a breath and deciding not to be a chicken shit. Now was as good a time as any put Alice's advice into effect. If nothing else it would at least provide me with the diversion I needed to rebury all the fears that were nagging at my psyche.

With a slow wink I sent off my next text and then very deliberately bent down to adjust one of the straps on my shoes.

**True, but I've nearly broken my ankle twice already and the buckles are loose. I have to keep fixing them.~B**

I felt a successful little thrill when Edward's eyes roved over my body, from my gaping blouse to my too tall heels, before rolling comically back in his head. I straightened up again with a pleased smirk as I felt my phone vibrate in my hand.

**Woman, what are you trying to do to me?~E**

**Why don't you tell me what I AM doing to you and I'll tell you if that was my intention?~B**

**Well for starters you're thoroughly distracting me from the work I should be doing.~E**

**Hmm. What a shame.~B**

**I get the feeling you don't feel the slightest bit guilty about that, you evil little mynx.~E**

He was staring hard at me, his eyes speculative as if examining my expression carefully, weighing my mood and reaction. I sent him what I hoped was a sultry look from under my eyelashes, sitting down on the window ledge and crossing my legs in that slow, sexy way that women did in the movies. I felt the warmth spread in my stomach as his eyes followed the movement.

**And if I don't? What are you going to do about it?~B**

I held my breath, praying I was doing this seduction thing right and hoping he would play along. I didn't have to wait long.

**I could think of several things I'd like to do to you in that skirt. Did you wear that for me?~E**

**You may have been a factor in my wardrobe selection today.~B**

**You have no idea what that skirt does to me. Will you wear it to dinner for me tonight?~E**

**I could probably be persuaded.~B**

I toyed with my necklace and bit my lip intentionally. Edward's eyes were wickedly hot on mine. I was beginning to think he was enjoying this game. I was enjoying it myself, much more than I'd thought I would. I'd thought I would feel foolish and awkward but mostly it just felt….fun.

**And what shall I do to persuade you?~E**

Several images flashed through my mind, and I blushed at the graphic imagery that my mind was capable of. Stupid PJ and Cuervo nights. Before I could respond my phone was vibrating again.

**What dirty thoughts are flitting through that mind of yours? I can see the blush rising up from your breasts. The sight of it alone is making me hard.~E**

My eyes widened and I nearly dropped the phone in embarrassment. I glanced up to see Edward chuckling. I realized how pathetically lacking in experience I was when at the age of twenty-five I was embarrassed to be having these exchanges that could barely even be termed sexting—especially when I was the one who'd begun the damn exchange in the first place. Edward was obviously getting a kick out of my awkwardness. I narrowed my eyes. Well, two could play this game. Did he think that remark would shock me into quitting? Little did he know this was actually the direction I'd wanted our conversation to go.

**Sounds like I've put you in a difficult situation. Would you like me to COME give you a hand with that?~B**

Edward's laughter immediately ceased and his eyes darkened and flashed up to me. I bit my lip, unintentionally causing his look to intensify.

**I should warn you, if you keep this up I'm going to be over this desk and across the hallway in two seconds flat.~E**

**I wouldn't mind being flat on this desk...although I hope it would take more than two seconds.~B**

Edward shifted awkwardly in his chair and I snickered at the discomfort I was causing him. It was a double edged sword, though, as the conversation was beginning to have effects on me as well.

**Did you know the first time you were in my office I imagined having you on my desk with your legs wrapped around my waist? All you were wearing was that skirt and your heels.~E**

I stared at my phone screen, then back up at him. He had that cocky grin on his face. Yeah, he was totally trying to shock me. He probably thought the more explicit he got the more likely I was to get embarrassed and back down from this little game we'd begun, but in actuality all it was doing was getting me really fucking turned on. I could see myself in the situation he described, sitting on the edge of his desk with his hips between my thighs and his cock buried inside of me, and it was **hot**. Suddenly I _wanted_ to talk dirty with him, if only electronically. It wasn't weird or uncomfortable as it had been in the past, but actually exciting. I wanted to know what else I could get him to say, how worked up I was capable of getting him. I'd been wondering all week if I'd lost my appeal to him.

I'd been mortified by some of the things Alice had suggested I say to him, certain I'd never be able to say those things out loud, but I was discovering it was a lot easier through text. I was still nervous about my ability to pull all this off, but I was also finally beginning to see the appeal of sexting. My panties were already growing damp and it had to be affecting Edward too. I don't think he'd be saying the things he was otherwise. This was the first I'd gotten him to be even mildly suggestive with me and despite my nerves I was going to take full advantage of this moment. I was going to try my damnedest to push that iron control of his again, even if it meant stepping outside my comfort zone. I grinned wickedly as I typed out my next message to him—one I was sure he wouldn't expect to come from me.

**YOU keep THAT up and I'm going to have to throw away these panties. Then I'll be stuck walking around panty-less all day.~B**

Edward's mouth dropped open and he shoved a hand roughly through his hair.

**Shit. Bella, are you getting wet for me?~E**

Holy hell. Why was it so hot that he'd asked that?

**Honestly, Edward? I've been wet for you for months now. Why don't you come over here and find out for yourself just how wet I am?~B**

Edward's hand dropped into his lap and I imagined him palming himself beneath his desk. I rubbed my thighs together, growing excited by the thought of what I was doing to him. By the way he was staring at me he knew what this conversation was doing to me. I sent him a saucy wink, emboldened by the desire I could see in his eyes.

**Fuck, Bella, how do you expect me to get any work done like this?~E**

I grinned. He was making this way too easy for me. I wasn't entirely sure where this new side of me was coming from, but I was sure as hell enjoying it.

**Fuck Bella. Now there's a thought.~B**

Edward's mouth fell open, his hand reaching up to fist in his hair. I was beginning to see why it was always in such a state of disarray. I tilted to the side a little, uncrossing and recrossing my legs and making sure that the slit along the side of my skirt fell open wide enough to reveal a hint of the lace band holding up the thigh high stockings that Alice had bought for me on her last shopping trip. His eyes raked over my legs, catching on that little flash of lace and stopping there. I'd never in my life felt as sexy as I did in this moment….never known that I could. The feeling was slightly intoxicating.

**Jesus, Bella, what are you wearing under that damn skirt? What are you trying to do to me?~E**

**Very little really, and I'm not doing nearly as much to you as I'd like to be doing. I'd rather it were MY hand in your lap right now….~B**

I couldn't believe I'd just sent that. I was going to feel like a complete fool if this didn't go the way I hoped, and Alice would end up one dead pixie.

**Well I'd rather be running my tongue over the tender flesh above that stocking, right up to your hot sweet center. I bet you taste like honey and sin.~E**

Oh. My. God. My eyes snapped up to his to find him staring at me with at dark intensity that nearly took my breath away. Everything inside of me clenched hard and I nearly whimpered out loud. I may not have responded much to dirty talk in the past, but I was definitely responding now. Holy fuck on a rock, was I responding. A few words and piercing stares from him and I was ready to strip off all my clothes right here in the office.

I pressed a hand to my heated chest in an effort to cool it down. I could feel my heart beating hard beneath the skin. It was not a strategic move on my part when the movement caused the top button of my blouse to slip open, but when his eyes fixated on it and his jaw clenched I figured what the hell. I'd go with it. I lightly trailed a finger up and down the newly exposed cleavage, his hooded eyes following the motion. My nipples tightened under his dark scrutiny and rubbed deliciously against the lace of my bra. I closed my eyes and very nearly moaned.

I was practically feeling myself up. At work. In the middle of a crowded office building. I should have felt dirty and ashamed. Instead I just felt liberated and wonton. I knew only Edward could see me right now, and there was something extraordinarily exciting about watching him watch me. I felt like I was suddenly discovering a part of myself that had lain dormant all my life.

My phone vibrated again. My eyes snapped open and this time I did moan a little. My hand had fallen limply to my lap and I didn't realize how close my phone had been resting to the apex of my thighs. Edward was leaning forward, his gaze hot and intense and focused solely on me. I had to rip my eyes away to glance down at the words on my phone.

**Do you know how much it's turning me on to see how aroused you are right now? Your chest is all flushed and I can see how hard your nipples are beneath that shirt. It makes me think of the way you writhed and moaned when I had them in my mouth.~E**

**I wish your mouth was on me right now. Remember that movie you caught me watching last Friday? I was picturing it was you and me.~B**

**Shit, Bella. We have to stop. I'm so fucking hard right now it hurts.~E**

The next text came half a second later, contradicting his own words.

**How wet are your panties for me?~E**

**Completely ruined.~B**

**Will you do something for me?~E**

My hands were actually shaking I was so aroused.

**Name it.~B**

**In the executive lounge there's a private bathroom. Will you go in there and take your panties off for me? I want to mount them on my fucking wall.~E**

**Wouldn't you rather mount me on your wall?~B**

The sound of his head hitting the desk had me stifling a laugh.

** You really want me to take them off?~B**

** Fuck, yes. You can't imagine how exciting would be to have those with me all day. To know that I did that to you...and to spend the rest of the day knowing that I'm the only one who knows you're completely bare under that skirt.~E**

I took a deep breath in and sucked up my courage.

**Okay….but if you really want them you're going to take them off me yourself.~B**

His eyes widened and his cheeks flushed before he snapped off his next text.

** I'll be a couple minutes behind you.~E**

Holy hell. He actually wanted to do this. I was excited and nervous all at the same time.

**What if someone see us both go in there?~B**

** Everyone's at lunch.~E**

My head jerked toward the clock, startled to find that it was already a quarter past noon. Edward and I had been at this for almost a half hour. No wonder I was so worked up. Half an hour of foreplay and we hadn't even touched each other.

Rallying all the nerve I could muster I straightened and walked slowly to my door, looking furtively up and down the hall. It was empty. Edward's brow lifted and his eyes burned into me as I sailed past him. Ha. He hadn't thought I'd actually go through with it. Truthfully I was a little surprised myself and the butterflies were huge in my stomach, but I was determined to do this. This was the first sexual response I'd gotten out of Edward all week and if handing over my panties was what it took for him to stop treating me like a porcelain doll I'd survive the mortification of doing so.

Oddly, though, I didn't feel all that mortified.

I imagined this was what a kid skipping school felt like as I pushed my way into the executive lounge. I'd never skipped school so I couldn't say for sure, but there was a tiny little thrill in being someplace I wasn't supposed to be, doing something I wasn't supposed to do. I made a beeline for the bathroom, barely taking in the décor of the room. I didn't want to give myself time to chicken out. Vaguely I noticed some comfy looking sofas, a small refrigerator and microwave, and a large flat screen TV on the wall. Nice, but all I cared about was getting into the bathroom. I was terrified and exhilarated and aroused and I hadn't felt this alive since...probably all of my life. I hoped Edward didn't change his mind because I really didn't want to lose this feeling.

The bathroom was nice as well, I thought as I shut the door behind me. It was nearly as large as the women's restroom down the hall, but rather than three stainless steel stalls it had only the one toilet, a shower stall, and a large-ass marble sink and mirror. There was plush carpeting on the floor, prints on the walls, and the lighting was fantastic. This was better even than the bathroom I'd had in my apartment in Phoenix. The bathroom in the apartment over the garage would probably hide in shame of this one. The only thing it lacked was a Jacuzzi.

I wondered if Edward's place had a Jacuzzi.

I fidgeted nervously with the charm on my necklace while the seconds ticked slowly by as I waited for Edward to join me and simultaneously fretted over what I'd do if someone else happened to come through the unlocked door. What excuse could I give for being in here when I wasn't supposed to be? What possible reason could I have for sneaking into the executive lounge when I was supposed to be out to lunch with everyone else? And why the fuck did I have to be so anal retentive and fret over every stinking little thing? Loosen up, Bella! Still, I couldn't help jumping a little when Edward slipped through the door.

He was on me the second he flipped the lock, his hands diving into my hair and his lips latching onto mine. The kiss was fast and furious, his lips hard on mine and his tongue driving deep into my mouth. I could do little more than hold on and enjoy the ride. My own hands gripped tight in his soft as fuck hair and I moaned shamelessly, pressing as close to him as I could get. Edward's lips moved wildly down my neck while his hands molded over my back and sides, slid across my hips, and finally around to roughly grab my ass cheeks and pull me up against him. When his teeth sank into the tender flesh at the curve of my shoulder my head fell back and my hands fisted in the back of his suit jacket. I'd never been made love to so urgently, so aggressively before and it was unleashing a wildness inside of me I hadn't known existed. I hadn't intended for our bathroom interlude to get quite so out of hand but now the only thought I had left in my head was _more_.

Edward moved lower, dropping kisses across my collarbone and against my sternum. His hands smoothed down the outsides of my thighs, fingers splayed wide, until they reached the hem of my skirt. He pushed my shirt aside with his nose and opened his mouth against the swell of my breast while those fingers slipped beneath the hem and slid around to the backs of my legs on the journey back up. A small shudder ran through him when he reached the lace elastic of my stockings, pausing there a moment before moving on to smooth soft flesh. I whimpered when he just barely grazed the insides of my thighs just at the top. Then his fingers hooked into the waistband of my panties and he was crouched in front of me pulling them down my legs. The expression on his face when he looked up at me caused my heart to stop beating, then slam hard and start again double time. I had to place my hands on his shoulders as I stepped unsteadily out of them one foot at a time.

Edward leaned in to press his lips to the inside of my knee before stuffing my underpants into his back pocket. He stood swiftly and pulled me back into him, his mouth once again locked onto mine. I could feel his erection like a scorching steel rod against my abdomen. I hooked my right leg around his left, wanting to be closer, but the movement was hampered by the length of my skirt. Frustrated, I bunched the material in my hand and yanked it up so that I could wrap my leg higher around his hips. He was tall, though, and our pelvises still did not line up where I most needed them to. Edward solved that problem by grabbing both sides of my ass and lifting me against him, stumbling forward until my back hit the wall. I wrapped my other leg around him, belatedly realizing that my skirt had ridden all the way up my hips and it was now my naked flesh pressed against the fabric of his pants. Edward must have realized it too for we both groaned at the same time.

Edward began unbuttoning my shirt while I impatiently shoved his jacket off his shoulders. His lips latched onto my neck while his hand reached into the cup of my bra, fingers working the pebbled flesh. I cried out and bucked my hips against his, almost coming just from the way the button of his pants pressed into _my_ button. I'd been working on pulling his tie loose but my hands fell to his shoulders then and just held on. He quickly unfastened his pants and shoved them down so that the only barrier between us was the thin cotton of his boxers. Then he pushed his hips back against me and began guiding me up and down the length of his shaft. I prayed that no one wandered within hearing range of our sex noises because there was no way I could keep quiet right now. A week's worth of anxiety and sexual tension was suddenly bursting out of me. I slid my hands down his broad back, my hands finding purchase on the slope of his firm backside while Edward nuzzled the other cup of my bra out of the way and sucked my nipple into his mouth.

My hands had worked their way beneath his shirt with my nails clawing into his back by the time his hand found its way to my heated core. He slipped two fingers inside me and pressed his thumb against my clit in circular motions. I came embarrassingly fast.

"Edward!" I gasped.

"Again," he growled, working his hand to send me flying higher so that all I could do was hold on while the sensations began building inside of me again. Before I knew it I was tumbling off a cliff higher than the last. My breath was coming in a wheezing gasp and my legs were literally quivering and useless. I was pretty sure I'd busted my head on the back of this wall a couple times too but if there was pain I was way too blown out of my mind to feel it.

"Holy shit."

Edward was still nuzzling my breast and trying with one hand to shove his pants the rest of the way down. I used my toes to help him, then, curious, snaked my hand down his abdomen and under the elastic of his boxers. He froze and I reveled in the groan that tore from his lips when I wrapped my fingers around his length and squeezed gently. He felt like satin over marble and was much larger than I'd anticipated, my fingers unable to wrap around his girth. I stroked him a couple times, delighting in the deep sounds emanating from his throat and the shudder that racked his body when I swept my thumb across the liquid leaking from his tip.

Edward suddenly crushed his lips to mine, his tongue sweeping into my mouth and his hand wrapping around mine to guide himself to me. I could feel him pressing against me there and parts of me that should have been way too exhausted for another go-round obviously had other ideas as they were already throbbing in anticipation. I wasn't sure I could survive another rise and fall like the last two but I was definitely willing to find out.

But then Edward was pulling back and looking at me with wide, stricken eyes.

"Bella, I—I don't have anything."

It took a moment for me to understand that he meant a condom. When I did I relaxed and smiled reassuringly.

"It's okay. I'm on the pill. I'm—I'm safe."

I'd never had sex with James without using a condom but of course I didn't say that out loud, not wanting to ruin this moment by mentioning that name. It was the one stand I'd taken with him from which James had never been able to sway me. With Edward I found myself not even caring. I _wanted_ the intimacy of not having a barrier between us. Hell, I just plain wanted him.

Edward's eyes raked down my body from the shirt hanging open to the bra that was no longer cupping my breasts but rather pushing them together, to the skirt bunched around my hips, and finally to where our bodies were almost—_almost_—joined. Then he squeezed his eyes shut as if in pain and leaned his forehead against mine.

"Bella…"

"Edward?"

"Bella, I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I shouldn't have—I didn't mean to…"

"What?"

_Was he having regrets? Did he really not want to be with me?_

Before I could even come up with a more intelligent response Edward was gently lowering my feet to the floor and trying, with some difficulty, to stuff himself back in his pants. I was still reeling too much from the overload of sensation and Edward's abrupt halt to even attempt to set myself to straights.

"Edward, I don't understand."

He glanced up at me, groaned, and turned way to pace, shoving his hands roughly through his hair.

"Bella, could you please…?"

He gestured to my clothing and I numbly began buttoning my shirt back up. He waited until I was finished before turning back to me with tormented eyes. He grabbed my hands and stared down at them, refusing to even make eye contact with me. My gut clenched as wild thoughts ran rampant through my head. Had I gone too far? Come on too strong? Was he appalled by my behavior? He couldn't even bear to look me in the eye. Had I ruined everything with my impatience? I blinked my eyes against the tears that started forming there.

Edward finally met my moist gaze and closed his own eyes tightly before dropping his head again.

"God, Bella. I can't expect you to forgive me for this. What I just did to you...there's no excuse. You, uh, you can take the rest of the day off. I'll make up an excuse for you. If...if you want to cancel tonight I'll understand."  
He turned to go, head still hung in shame. I waited for him to stop and say something, anything, else. He didn't so much as pause at the door, just trudged right through it and kept on going. I stared after him in shock.

Wait, _he _was sorry? This was about his behavior? What the fuck just happened? Edward had just made the most passionate love to me I'd ever experienced, taken my body to new heights of pleasure, then abruptly stopped and fucking apologized? And hadn't even waited for my response?

Oh, _hell_ no.

No way was this ending there.


End file.
